Tag: cats suck

Howwie

Is me again. I’m sneaking onto the square box thing while daddy is sleeping. I still don’t understand it but my translator used to seem reawwie busy when I yipped at the bright square flippy thing . . . I think he called it a “scween”.  My translator left the other day. Daddy said he was “raptued” or something like dat. You’ll have to pawdon my spelling, I’m not a vewwie good speller. Daddy has been reawwie proud of me lately. He says I’ve  been extra special good. Even when we walk to the stoe w/o my leash on. [1]Oh ssshh, I’m not supposed to tell that. My other daddy doesn’t like it when I walk w/o my leash on.  Ewyway, my daddy has been wowwied about me. I’m approaching my ninth birfday and my age is starting to catch up with me. Don’t wowwie, nothing is wrong yet, Daddy just likes to wowwie. He notices I can’t run as much as I used to and I get a little tired sometimes real early. Daddy tries to give me a good walk every few days to keep me stwong and limber. When I get tired from my wawks I just take a break for a few days until I’ve regained my stwength. I like long naps. I curl up in my bed, I snore a lot and bury my face in my pillow to block out the sun. On really bwight days I put my paws up over my face to help keep the light out. I sometimes remember how to actually bark when I sweep. I can yip but barking is reawwie hard. When I’m sleeping, I have dreams of chasing birds and cats and I bark in my sleep. Its twue! Just ask my Daddy.  Ewyway, I told Daddy not to wowwie about me. I get lots of love and attention and I’m not going anywhere anytime soon.

I think I like this box thing. It glows pretty colors and seems not to gunk up when I slobber on it. I’m not allowed to chew on it though. I would get in awot of trouble if I did that. Daddy found a new treat for me the other day at some place called Waw-gweens. Its got something called healthy gwanola on the outside and a hard chewy bone on the inside. Its my new fwavorite treat! I slobber and lick all the crunchy stuff off then I bite, chomp, and chew on the boney part till its nice and soft and I swallow it. I’m not supposed to hurry but I get es’ited and I sometimes choke. I try not to choke cause Daddies gets reawwie mad when I barf on my bedding.

I’m tired now so I’m gawna say goow night now. Ya’ll don’t tell that I was on the shiny box thing again ok? High paw!

Dawgs rule!

Spike

References

References
↑1 Oh ssshh, I’m not supposed to tell that. My other daddy doesn’t like it when I walk w/o my leash on.

Hewwo Worrrrld

*I’m intro’ing a guest blogger on my blog to help fill in the void at times. Treat him kindly or he just might bite you!*

 

Hewwo, my name is Spike. I’m an 8 (and half) year old English bulldog. My co-daddy, Moby, has asked me to write to you today and introduce myself. Daddy has decided that I need to start writing for his blog to fill in the empty spots. He is forcing me to do it under protest. My paws are too fat for the keyboard so I’m using a translation service. I have no idea what a blog is or even what this funny looking square thing he makes me sit in front of is used for. I’ve had to stop several times already to clean off my slobber and look at my daddy with confused eyes asking him, “what the hell are you making me do?!”

Anywwway, I like walks where I can sniff/mark every plant, bush, planter, and/or shrub that comes my way. I love to chase pigeons, or any bird for that matter. I never catch them cause my stubby legs are too short and I can’t run that fast. That, and those rascally birds tend to fly away before I can get even get close. Mark my words, one day I’ll catch one. I’m not sure I’ll know what to do with it when I do but who cares.

I have a variety of other interests too. Eating, drinking, sleeping, slobbering, farting, snoring, begging for treats, and being very loveable. Though, not necessarily at the same time or in any particular order. Don’t get the wrong idea, I’m very well house trained. I sleep about 8-10 hours a day so I’m usually pretty easy to care for. I do have my moments but who has time to run around like crazy? I can do a few tricks when I want something delicious. I like most doggy treats but I love Love LOVE cheese, peanut butter, and grapes. I love attention and will always wag my butt [1]not sure where I got that from when someone shows me some attention. I’ll try to jump on when I get excited. I’m not supposed to but I can’t help it.

I can be stubborn at times but I know that when I am bad, I get a whoopin’ with the rubber shoe. I try not to be bad. Sometimes if my daddies forget to close the bathroom door, I’ll sneak in and try to drink out of the toilet. I know I’m not supposed to but I loves me some water. The shoe doesn’t really hurt but Daddy makes me sit in my kennel by myself when I’m bad and I just hate when Daddy is mad at me. I give him pleading, begging looks to try and get in his good graces again. [2]Don’t tell him but it usually works. Truth be told, my daddy spoils me rotten. I have a heating blanket under my rug so when it gets chilly in SF, I’m nice and toasty during my many naps. I get treats every day and sometimes when I’m really good, I get an extra one. I also get a gooey chewey food on my birthday every year. I can’t eat it everyday cause I’ll get fat and my daddies don’t like that. Sometimes, when I’ve been really good at giving daddy  my ‘poor lonely pathetic’ look, he’ll put a blankie on the sofa and let me sleep on the sofa next to him while he plays video games.   …Oh, I wasn’t supposed to tell you that part. My other daddy doesn’t like it when I’m on the furniture. Shhh! Don’t tell!

Anyway, daddy says I can stop now. I think we are going for a walk in the park so I can try to play with the other dogs. I’ll probably just end up getting tired and laying down and watching them run around like crazy idiots. Nice to meet ya’ll!

Dogs rule,

Spike

References

References
↑1 not sure where I got that from
↑2 Don’t tell him but it usually works.