January 6, 2021

Well, I think we can all agree yesterday was a total shit show! Armed conspiracy nuts descended en-masse on the capitol, after days & weeks of being fed propaganda & lies by our out-going president, congressional leaders, and propaganda media. This day will go down as a dark stain on American history.

We all witnessed it unfold for the world to see. These patriots traitors committed seditious acts and deserve to be prosecuted once the new administration takes office. Even worse, the active president refused to act allowing the situation to go on for hours before enough forces would be mobilized to quell the insurrection. [1]Several news outlets reported it was Pence who authorized the National Guard, even though that power rests squarely with the president. It is important to remember D.C. is not a state yet  And let us not forget the inept mismanagement of the capitol building grounds that allowed for this. The entire episode carried on long enough many people just wandered away vs being expelled. To say it was an embarrassing day for our country would be an understatement. If anything, it was the perfect example of our current president’s failures.

We did finally see order restored and the ceremonial act to certify votes was completed. It still had it’s own drama, as over 100 house republicans pushed their fake narratives during the process. At least the senate had enough common sense to drop all but one of their remaining fake grievances with the electoral college results. They all knew nothing could change the outcome of the election.

History will remember trump as the corrupt selfish childish man he is. It will not be kind to this traitorous fool. And now that he is about to lose his immunity from prosecution, history will also remember what comes next. We witnessed a man-child act out of fear and desperation to try to hold onto power. His scorched-Earth approach has failed spectacularly.

History will also remember these fools who fell for this dangerous propaganda. It will remember the seditious acts of a deluded group of fools. It will painstakingly paint their racism, ignorance, and bias into the history books. I take great comfort in knowing they will not be remembered as “patriots”. No, they will be remembered as a bunch of ignorant social media warriors who made it as far as they did only because of inept mismanagement of the capitol grounds.

I eagerly await President-elect Biden’s inauguration. [2]On my birthday no less!  He was not my candidate of choice; however, he is proving to be just what America needs right now. Hopefully, he will be able to restore many of the democratic safeguards dangerously eroded by trump and his cronies.

Hope springs eternal… [3]This post has been updated to correct my reference to the white house instead of the capitol building

References

References
↑1 Several news outlets reported it was Pence who authorized the National Guard, even though that power rests squarely with the president. It is important to remember D.C. is not a state yet
↑2 On my birthday no less!
↑3 This post has been updated to correct my reference to the white house instead of the capitol building

Playing It Straight

I was chatting with a FB friend the other day who came out late in his life. He asked me if I had ever thought of going thru life pretending to be straight. He was shocked when I shared the idea had never even occurred to me.

If you’ve been here long enough [1]oh you single digits few, you’ll remember I “left’ home at a very early age. I was also sexually active very early. That said, at the time I still wasn’t actually sure I was gay. When I told my dad on that fateful day, I remember just telling him I liked having sex with guys, not that I was gay. It might seem like I was dense but I had no idea what it was to be gay. All I knew were the stereotypes thrown around every day.  My understanding of “being gay” meant I had to be super effeminate , wear dresses, or want to have sex with animals or kids. And while I turned myself into a stereotype many years later, at that time none of those things applied to me. It wasn’t like I could talk or ask anyone about it. There were no cell-phones, internet, or social media back then. My small town didn’t have ‘dirty magazines’, much less gay ones. We lived so remote we didn’t even have a landline phone.  For a few years I thought I was a straight guy that just liked sucking cock on the side. I kid you not, I thought that way.

Fast forward to my early 20’s, I survived my stepmother’s torment, being thrown out on the street, M’s death, and a near suicide. These things changed me so deeply I can understand why it never occurred to me. The evolution of my understanding and acceptance of myself negated the very idea of pretending. It just wasn’t an option. I could theorize over it but that seems pointless.

My friend was flabbergasted by my story. He just assumed we all hid it when we were kids. Funny how we go thru the world projecting our assumptions. I was a bit shocked he thought all the guys in our age group hid it until we were older.  He was married to a woman. No kids, but not from the lack of ‘trying’ as he put it. He also shared with me he felt ashamed to bottom until he was almost 50. I can’t say that surprised me. Too many fellow homos carry this nonsense around in varying degrees to this day. He also shared with me the torment he lived with knowing he was living a lie. He both loved and resented his wife because of his secret. He was careful to avoid anything “too gay”, lest he be discovered.

It was a very interesting perspective to me because it was so foreign to my own story. It was a really good conversation. Anyone having to hide who they are doesn’t have it easy, regardless of the circumstances. My struggle was and is but one of many.

At this moment in my life, most of my coming out is a dull memory vs the sharp stabbing pain it used to be. And while I have wondered at times what my life would have been like had I not come out when I did, it is not from a sense of wishing it so.

References

References
↑1 oh you single digits few

TikTok

Lawd help me, I’ve joined “the tiktok“. [1]Don’t you love when adults refer to something with a “the” in front of it? lolol  I’ve actually been signed up for quite some time but I just never used it. I blame my co-worker. She kept sending me funny videos and I finally relented. I can see why the kids like it. It’s very free-form and easy to just pick up and use. And like many social media outlets, it is whatever you make it about: yourself, your life, your kids, LGBTI, politics, science, etc. It is all on there.

You can search for content; however, the more vids and people you like and follow, the more customized your feed becomes. You have basically two feeds. A wider open feed which filters from who all over and your “following” feed, which just shows vids from people you follow.

You watch a video, scroll to the next one. That’s about it for basic function. You can skip ahead or go back by swiping up and down. You can add friends, do “duets”, which is like a live reply feature, use filters, stickers, and add music tracks. It requires very little talent and it’s free. Once you start liking vids, you start getting a more ‘personalized’ feed, which is referred to as “for you”. This is the true magic of the app.

In simplest terms it is a huge time-suck!  You start scrolling and before you know it an hour has gone by. When you get really deep you look up it’s 6pm and you started at noon. That is it’s single best and worst features rolled into one. lol It is utterly pointless on one hand and groundbreaking on the other. I can see why it is so addictive. And word is getting out because I routinely see older folks posting about how the kids are sending them hate-messages for being on ‘their app’.

In a weird way, it reminded me of an old movie called Brainstorm. Yes, I know unless you are close to my general age, you have no idea what it’s about…Wikipedia kiddies.

Anyway, I’m @mobiusSF. I don’t have much content. I’m still very much a ‘lurker’. (Honestly, I’m still deciding if I want to use it.)

References

References
↑1 Don’t you love when adults refer to something with a “the” in front of it? lolol

Taught

It is about this time of year you start seeing people lamenting how terrible the year has been and how “they are ready for the new year.” Somehow the new year will be better. I’m usually not in this camp, but clearly that has changed this year.

I think we can all safely say 2020 has been absolute dumpster fire! It started out ok but just ran right down the shitter as things progressed. It certainly has been educational for me. I only wish I could say in a good way. My enduring faith in humanity has definitely been challenged this year.

We’ve got these insidious behind the scenes machinations trying to destroy our way of life. The greedy and power hungry are pulling the strings of our ‘leaders’ while the general populace languishes in poverty. Said population is often so focused on survival they can’t see they are being used as pawns. And seeing some of the most needy in our society support the very same people hurting them is painful to witness. More so, it is a disturbing example of history repeating itself. Rome is definitely burning, folks. To polish off the trifecta, we have the indifferent. These are the people who are well off enough to be completely immersed in the their own little bubble of existence. Occasionally, tidbits of information pierces said bubble but there is no filter to determine it’s accuracy or relevance. At some point a “working knowledge” arises from which all their decisions are based for good or bad. These are usually where you find the Karens of the world. Pity the soul that incurs their wrath by causing them any level of inconvenience.

I am not even sure what my frame of mind would be right now had I not been able to get back in the gym. I had gotten to a point about 5 months in where I wasn’t doing well. I’m sure I looked fine on the outside, but I wasn’t. But, as Elle Woods would say, “exercise gives you endorphins, endorphins make you happy, happy people don’t shoot their husbands.”  And I’m referring to the endorphins, not my husband. lol  Being back in the gym has really helped lift my spirits and pulled me out of being depressed.

Even as I sit here writing this I am struck by my own privilege. I am fortunate to have the opportunity and comfort to sit here whining about this shitty year. I know that and for so many it has been that much harder. I wish I could say that doesn’t necessarily make the impact of this year any less painful. So yeah, I can’t wait for it to be over. I’m hoping the new year is better. I mean, hell. It can’t get much worse, right? [1]Don’t answer that

Hope does springs eternal…

References

References
↑1 Don’t answer that

Recovery

Building on my last post, I wanted to share more about the small but welcome improvements in the SF area. California adopted the 4-tier system of restrictions relating to the pandemic. If your state doesn’t have it, it’s pretty simple. Each tier has it’s own level of restrictions, what can/can’t open, etc. We have purple, red, orange, & yellow; purple being the most severe and yellow being the least. It makes it easier for counties and cities to better manage local health orders and restrictions.

Of course, SF being a very dense environment, even when we move into a higher tier we tend to have some lingering tougher restrictions. While unfortunate, it is necessary to avoid a resurgence of cases. And seeing surges in pretty much the entire middle of the US, we are grateful for the slow but steady improvements. SF has officially moved into the orange tier and our ‘rt’ ratio is hovering just below 1. [1]rt is the likelihood of retransmission from an infected person. Anything above 1 is considered not good.  Hopefully, we can stay in the orange and yellow tiers.  *crossed fingers*

Indoor bars, theaters, and larger social establishments are still closed. (I don’t understand why theaters can’t open if gyms can, but I don’t make the rules.) Restaurants have been able to serve outdoor seating for awhile now. Some bars have paired up with restaurants to gain an allowance to open outdoors as well. Now that SF is in the orange tier, restaurants and retail shops can open indoor facilities in a limited capacity. For myself, I still avoid eating indoors. I am just not that confident in others. We tend to order for home more than going out to eat, but I try to adhere to my weekend rituals as much as I can.

Shawn and I have slowly been allowing ourselves to do more outside the apt. Meanwhile, I see people planning trips and going to far off places and I just shake my damn head. If this pandemic has taught me anything, it is that a lot of people don’t really give two-shits about others as long as they aren’t inconvenienced. But, I digress… I have restrictions that also affect my ability to work so even if I was more comfortable, I would still not be traveling.

I’ve been seeing and helping an elderly retired coworker since the beginning of the pandemic and every time I see him, I make sure to test negative for covid-19 beforehand. Before we could get tests, I would leave disinfected items outside his doorway or stairs. He is in a high risk category due to his age and I would never forgive myself if I inadvertently passed it on to him. [2]or anyone for that matter. Anyway, I’m getting upset thinking about it, let me move on.

Beyond the assistance to my dear friend above, we are just now reaching a point where we feel comfortable meeting people outdoors for meals or conversation. I say we, but it is more me. lol Shawn is still content to avoid people for the most part. He will probably be reticent until there is a viable vaccine. Even when to go to the gym, we usually go to a sparsely populated location with sign-ups well below the allowable limit. [3]You can see online how many slots are available and taken by the hour. It has been good for him to get out of the apt more though. He was getting really depressed as well. I think the gym and the sporadic trips outside of the apt has helped him as much as it has me.

Of course, we miss traveling. We miss weekend jaunts to bars, beer busts, movies, etc. We miss visiting distant friends and places. We miss a lot of things. It sucks monkey balls, but we know by isolating we are helping to prevent the spread of covid-19. We are both hopeful a safe vaccine will be available sometime early next year. For myself, I doubt I’ll ever take for granted again the openness of our life. The simple freedom to hug friends, to kiss or touch others, to be close to people. I think the intimacy of strangers (if such a thing exists) is what I miss the most. The relaxed restrictions gives me hope we are on the right path. Until then, I hope you are safe and well.

References

References
↑1 rt is the likelihood of retransmission from an infected person. Anything above 1 is considered not good.
↑2 or anyone for that matter.
↑3 You can see online how many slots are available and taken by the hour.

Herd

So today, the official response from the Whitehouse (WH) is they now endorse herd immunity as a regimen to combat the spread of covid-19.

First, here is the definition of “herd immunity”:

the resistance to the spread of a contagious disease within a population that results if a sufficiently high proportion of individuals are immune to the disease, especially through vaccination.

“the level of vaccination needed to achieve herd immunity varies by disease but ranges from 83 to 94 percent”

Webster’s dictionary

Based on that, herd immunity is currently impossible. We cannot use herd immunity as a treatment regimen because we don’t have a vaccine!

The WH’s deliberate misinterpretation of the idea is to do nothing. Just let everyone be exposed and see who lives and dies. That is NOT herd immunity. This approach pushes the death toll into the millions, not the low hundreds of thousands like we have now. Just one percent of the US population, just one (1) percent, is over three (3) million people!  If we jump that up to five (5) percent, the death toll is just under 17 million people.

For perspective, one percent is more than the entire population of Phoenix, AZ. Five percent is more than the entire population of the New York City metro area. And this does not take into account the millions more who will struggle with lingering illness for weeks or months.

Even if you’re dumb and deaf, you can understand how insanely stupid and dangerous this is.

Voting has never been more important. It is heartening to see many cities are reporting record numbers of registered voters as well as early voting. Vote like your life depends on it because it just might this time.

Mood

Look! Another post NOT about politics! Yay!

It’s been just over a month now and surprisingly the gyms are still open. There was only a minor bump in covid-19 cases here in SF from the Labor day weekend. [1]Meanwhile, over half of the country is spiking again.  I think many people here learned their lesson from Memorial day, which saw a huge spike.

Anyway, it is good to be back in the gym. Due to restrictions, we are still at a 1-hour limit. You book online and then show up to workout. Once the hour is done, they kick everyone out for the next group. I’m at the point where the hour limit has become a little restraining. This tells me I’m steadily moving back to a solid routine. My regular workouts are around an hour and 15-20 minutes. I’ve been easing back into my workouts to avoid injury. I will need to tweak my sets now to get the same burn. Prior to the pandemic, I had just gotten to a point where both the shoulder and arm were all healed up. I’m have no interest in repeating my past mistakes. The first couple weeks back were the worst with soreness, but now it is the ‘normal sore‘.

My general mood has improved drastically. This is sort of the reason for my rant today. It might seem trivial but I just feel better most days. I am not as depressed over the state of our country. The negative shit I read on social media doesn’t seem to hit me as hard. For lack of a better description, I just feel better and I like it! hehehe People often denigrate gym goers as narcissistic and shallow, and while that may be true for some, it is most definitely not true for all. I find my general optimism has returned as well. It has been a most welcome change. The daily onslaught of worsening news was wearing me down. And while I certainly haven’t dismissed the very real problems in our society, I feel better able to face the day now. Now, if I can just shed this thick gut I’ve developed.

Shawn and I have been hitting the gym pretty much every weekend. I work 4-10’s so I get a 3-day weekend. [2]Oh, I forgot to mention he has gone back to work, albeit temporarily for a contract job.  I squeeze in an extra gym day on my Friday, since I don’t have to get up early the next day, which makes for a solid 4 day gym schedule. I will often try to squeeze in at least one day for cardio during the week, but it’s a bit erratic so far. ‘Cause we all know how much I looooove cardio!

I certainly recommend getting in exercise if you can. It doesn’t have to be a gym. You can go for walks, runs, bike rides, etc. Whatever gets you moving and your heart rate up. It might be tough at first, but you will find it definitely helps your moods.

 

References

References
↑1 Meanwhile, over half of the country is spiking again.
↑2 Oh, I forgot to mention he has gone back to work, albeit temporarily for a contract job.

Election

I try to keep politics out of my blog but it has never been harder than these past 4 years. I know if I were still at it prolifically, I’d have lost the battle long ago. Thankfully, life keeps me distracted enough on social media ranting about politics.

As we approach the election, I’m concerned for our way of life. I remember being worried way back when Romney ran for POTUS. Remember that? Yeah, good times. lol Fast forward to the bar being lowered so low as to be underground, we get to see what a real threat to our democracy looks like. The man has shown nothing but disregard for the rule of law, a basic understanding of how government works, and any sense of decency. We now how multiple instances of his own words telling us what he thinks of the country. Everything from calling our troops suckers and losers and to how truly deadly covid-19 really is…IN HIS OWN WORDS! And yet, he is still polling in a region that could get him re-elected. If enough good people do nothing he will too. Make no mistake, it is not a guarantee that he will lose in November. Granted, polls tend to be skewed toward older generations, but do not take the possibility lightly. We all laughed when he was a nominee and look what that got us.

That said, I truly believe we have a good chance of voting him out of office. Not only has he alienated many of his previous followers, but even many staunch republicans have turned against him. He is dismantling our democracy and leading to the destruction of our way of life. People are motivated to get him out of office. He and his crooked cronies know this too and are plotting to steal the election. It came out this week the Whitehouse has hired an army of attorneys to contest election results in most of the ‘swing states’.  The military won’t support him so they are now pushing to get a uber conservative (and freakishly religious) judge pushed thru onto the SCOTUS. Without any significant voting fraud cases in the last two decades, they are pushing full steam ahead with lies about voter fraud and vote theft. Forgetting for a moment, he encouraged people in several states to commit a felony by voting more than once, he is desperate to sell a narrative our votes can’t be trusted.

Never in my lifetime did I think I’d witness such a blatant act of criminal fraud from a sitting president. Nor did I ever think the American people would stand idly by and let it happen. It is frightening how disconnected so many people are from what is happening. And when they realize it, it will be too late. Our democracy is in tatters right now. If we don’t get out and vote, it could all be gone sooner than we think.

I certainly hope you are registered to vote and will do so. It is vital that we all vote and let our voices be heard. We must make the number so overwhelming from every possible angle, he can’t overturn the will of the people.

Year 1

Miss Daisy Mae has been with us just over a year now. She is settled into her life at the Moby-shack. She is healthy and doing well. She loves her Daddy & Pappa and spends a big chunk of her free time trying to get cuddles or snacks from us. Her cute little smile will just melt your heart. I mean look at that face. lol

She is still a chewer with a slightly decreased inclination to swallow everything she chews on. She has determined toy stuffing is not to be eaten. We broke her habit of chewing on furniture and shoes. We can safely leave shoes out without fear of her destroying them. It is funny watching her work thru it in her head though. When she plays tug of war or ‘chase the toy‘, she gets so excited. She works up into an almost fit. At this point, anything that falls in front of her face is a potential chew toy. Occasionally, a toy will land close to one of our shoes and she’ll inadvertently grab the shoe. Right about the time we are about to scold her, you can see in her face/eyes she realizes the item is a no-no and drops it in favor of the toy. She is such a little stinker!

She will still try to hoover up any random berries or tree droppings she finds while on her walks. Acorns, bush berries, random squashed lemons, [1]Several neighbors have lemon trees. it is all fair game to her. I’m quite sure they’ve given her an upset tummy on more than one occasion. We still have to keep a close eye on here during walks. Speaking of walks, she tolerates walks to do her business, but in very typical bulldog fashion, as soon as the business is done she is ready to return home.

Home life is good otherwise. Her and Toby have gotten better at rough-housing without Daisy getting frustrated. Toby is forever trying to get her to play tug of war and chase. She likes to play but only until she actually gets the toy. Then she just wants to settle and chew on it. Meanwhile, Toby will continue trying to swap chew toys or bait her to play. At some point, she gets frustrated and snaps at him. He in turn will run up to the closest adult with this look on his face like, “Daisy won’t share the toy!” Daisy has realized the routine and gets less annoyed with him. Toby adores her and will actively seek her out for play. She is content with her humans, but happily engages with him.

Shawn kept pushing me to let her sleep with us, so she is now a bed dog as well. I’m not against it too much since she doesn’t shed anywhere near as much as Cooper. Even on allergy meds, Cooper was constantly shedding. If she isn’t already passed out snoring, Daisy will routinely hop up in the bed and face the bedroom door when she realizes I’m getting ready for bed. Of course, Shawn is still learning to deal with her snuggles that turn into hogging the bed. I don’t have the problem because she has figured out when I push my legs up under her, she needs to move. lolol  I’ll routinely wake up for work and find Shawn half off the bed as he contorts himself around her.

Speaking of Cooper, I still think of him almost daily. I miss ‘the precious‘ as I liked to call him. I’ll randomly slip up and call Daisy by his name. The dull pain of his passing is still with me. I’m not sure it will ever go away.

So there ya have it. The princess is doing well. You can see from the pic, she clearly isn’t missing any meals.

References

References
↑1 Several neighbors have lemon trees.

Deaths

I’ve had not 1, but two significant deaths lately. My good friend Rick passed away. He lived in Hawaii with his husband Jeremy. It was unexpected and a total shock. I don’t need to go into the details, but I’m sad to have lost my friend. It was not covid-19 related, btw. Rick and I met years ago when he was still living here in SF. We met at the gym and he was kind and friendly, even if he looked intimidating as a big ole bodybuilder. I was at what I refer to as the “end-stages” of some of my emotional growth. I had overcome a lot of my demons and was finding my confidence. Out of the blue, Rick came into my life and was just a good genuine friend. We briefly flirted with dating, but it just wasn’t meant to be. Our friendship survived his move back to Hawaii, and Shawn and I have visited him there more than once. He was one of our destinations as soon as we felt comfortable traveling again.

Rick was a war vet and suffered from PTSD. With the current state of political affairs, he was often upset and unhappy with where our country is heading. Not only that, he was denied his rightful military benefits for years due to the old DADT law. He did finally get them, but I know it bothered him he had to fight for so long to get them. I hope he is in peace now, free of the torments of this life and worries for the future. He will certainly be missed! Rick, we love and miss you.

*

Trailing right behind that, I found out the very next day, my old blog buddy ‘ThisboyElroy’ passed away as well. [1]They actually died on the same day It was the day before his 40th birthday. This one also really shook me as I just never thought of someone so full of life could go so soon. I met Adam back after he started his blog, when he and his ex were still together. We actually met at one of the blogger shindigs that were so popular back when blogging was still new. He, Brad, and I hit it off right away! We randomly hung out together over the span of years. And after Adam and Brad split, we sort of became distant but not from any tension. We were just on different paths and didn’t often interact as much. I never got to meet Adam’s new husband. I didn’t want to bother or intrude on his grieving, so I’ll try to reach out to him after some time has passed. Adam was a positive force in this world. He was smart, not afraid of confrontation, and singularly focused on the goals he wanted for himself. His infectious smile and sharp wit will be sorely missed.

*

When I was younger, I often commented I didn’t expect to live into old age. For a variety of messed-up reasons, I never thought I’d live to see 40. Here I am pushing 50 and I am grateful for my life. It was wrong of me to be so callous about it. Life is too fragile and finite to be so careless about it. I should be so fortunate to be remembered as fondly as I remember Adam and Rick.

Be at peace my dear friends.

 

References

References
↑1 They actually died on the same day