Observe

Just some random observations I’ve made as of late.  .  .

Old ladies don’t look when crossing the street but seem to suddenly look up when they are smack dab in the middle of the intersection.

Children under the age of 5 on flights should be sedated. .

A dog can fart and lick your face at the same time.

‘Chubby’ now means very large apparently.

Neon gas has a horrible smell

Cats can apparently defy gravity when a strange dog is near.

If you’re at the gym and discover you HAVE to do number 2, remember to lock the door.

Hot

Just home from an awesome weekend in Phoenix. More on that in another post this week.

I’ve fully adapted to life in SF because I did not do well in the heat. lol Literally, as I’m getting off the plane the heat was like being in a dry sauna. It didn’t help that they were having one of their hottest weeks on record either.

Growing up in the South, I am no stranger to hot weather.  I even lived on the beach for a number of years. But having been here over 12 years, I have definitely lost that former resilience. Just walking from the car to buildings while in Phoenix was a struggle for me over the weekend.

Ironically, getting back into SF via BART, it was in the low 70’s/high 60’s and it felt chilly after being in the heat for 4 days. hehehe

One

Well, I guess it was inevitable. I’ve gotten several questions on whether The Pup and I were planning to be in a monogamous LTR. I’m not sure why exactly it was a reoccurring question but whatevs. lol  One person’s implication was that if I really wanted it to work then I should be willing to give up being open. I guess all my gushing here and elsewhere has led some to think I’ve abandoned my previous rants in favor of this new relationship. If you read with any regularity you should know the answer to that question is no. If anything, my breaking my own rules has been the bane of my previous LTRs. lol  A huge part of why The Pup and I are getting along so well is because I haven’t abandoned what I want. To be perfectly frank, this was just as easy for us to assimilate as everything else has been between us. [1]ok, I’m bragging a little here. I just can’t get over how much he and I seem to agree on things so easily.

I support anyone’s right to be in a MLTR (Monogamous LTR)) but it is not for me and it is not something I want. I’d rather stay single than lock myself into something I don’t want. Yes, it is flexible and not an all or nothing agreement. Yes, it is important enough to me that I wouldn’t enter into an LTR with a restriction I didn’t want. If we weren’t on the same page then we wouldn’t be truly compatible.

Lawd knows, I’ve ranted here a plethora of times regarding my thoughts on the issue. We as gay men and women have the unique opportunity to set our own rules and standards. We are not bound by institutionalized traditions based on gender-discordant [2]my new term for straight couples relationships. While we can follow in their footsteps, we aren’t bound to. A subtle but important distinction. And the point of my rant today is The Pup and I are of one mind on the subject. It works for us. But because it works for us doesn’t mean that I insist that it works for everyone.That would be as equally foolish as those who insist monogamy is for everyone.

Many seem to think I’m against monogamy when I’m not. Just don’t expect me not to point out flaws in the rather common yet failed logic often used to justify the monogamous-only approach. I support it when it is based on a fundamental desire vs insecurities and a form of control.

Hopefully that should clear up any confusion on the subject. Smile

References

References
↑1 ok, I’m bragging a little here. I just can’t get over how much he and I seem to agree on things so easily.
↑2 my new term for straight couples

Werd

Everyone has been chomping at the bit for some updates on The Pup and I. Things are going exceedingly well. Actually, they are going better than I ever could have expected! In fact, we’ve even shared the L-word. hehehe

Truthfully, I couldn’t be more in love if I tried. It’s been just over 5 months now and if you’d told me I would feel this way back then I would have shrugged it off. We both started out ‘knowing‘ it wasn’t going anywhere at the time because we lived apart. My roomie teases me a bit about it because I was emphatic that it ‘wasn’t going anywhere.‘  Well, I guess I was wrong, to my delight. (You should log in btw)

I can’t even begin to explain how our connection feels to me. And while I said previously I wasn’t gonna spit out a bunch of platitudes this time around, I can say there have been many firsts in our growing relationship. At 42 years old one might say I’m a little jaded and I’ve definitely been around the block, so to be able to say their have been ‘firsts’ should tell you what a big deal it is for me.

As eluded to previously, we just fit together so incredibly well. We mesh so easily and w/o any effort. Never in my life have I had that with anyone. Of course, I’ve had compatibilities before but this goes deeper than I’ve ever experienced. It just flows between us. I’m not doing it justice in words. It feels so different that it feels like my first time in many ways. I know that probably sounds a bit cheesy but it does. I feel like a kid discovering a love connection for the first time.

The biggest and most compelling thing for me is when I look into his eyes. In his eyes I see the love that I feel shining back out at me. Yes, I said shining because that’s how it feels. I’ve had partners that I believed loved me but deep in my soul I never felt they were truly IN love with me. Big difference. And to be fair, maybe they were and it was my own doubts that kept me from knowing/seeing it. I fully admit it could have been just as much my hangups. Anyway, even when The Pup and I are apart now, I feel it. I feel that he loves me as much as I love him and it is an incredible feeling. To see what I feel reflected back at me is such an incredible thing. Sometimes it is overwhelming and I get all emotional. I know surprise right? I’m not gonna say ‘he’s the one‘ because I’ve said that before. Honestly, having said it before I feel like it would diminish how I really feel. But this one is different. That’s all I can say.

He describes it to me as being best friends as well as partners. Ironically, I’ve never really felt like any of my previous exes were my best friend. lol Of course, I’ve been friends with my exes while we were together yet, I never felt like any of them were my best friends. Actually, I tend to be closer to several of them now that we apart. TFA and I are very close now, closer than we ever were when we were together. [1]Speaking of, you better call me Mr! :p   Apple guy and I are also closer in many ways now. I still care for him and want him happy. I am often his sounding board. Primarily I think because he knows I’m under no obligation to tell him what he wants to hear vs what I think the truth really is. But I digress, I tend to agree with The Pup in that we are besties as well as partners.

So, I’m totally 100% unequivocally in love. After Apple guy I’d kind of given up on the idea honestly. I enjoy being single so it wasn’t a bad thing. But, to have this thing with The Pup sneak in on me in the most unobtrusive way and be so incredibly new and different from anything before has been amazeballs! And yes, to answer the question on many lips, he is moving here. He was already leaning this way before we met but now it’s for sure. [2]I always seem to import my boyfriends. I think that might be a post for another day.

The funnies part of this is we’ve known each other online for years. I think we originally discovered each other twitter. Anyway, we interacted a bit but it was never anything really persistent. He totally shot me down on more than one occasion when I tried to flirt with him too! *sounds of plane diving and crashing* Ok, to be fair, we did discuss it and from his perspective, we lived apart and had zero chance of doing anything so why bother. But yeah, he totally just scraped me off a few times.

Hope springs eternal…

References

References
↑1 Speaking of, you better call me Mr! :p
↑2 I always seem to import my boyfriends. I think that might be a post for another day.

101

DMV 101 that is. After a few random yet repeated issues with people not knowing basic traffic laws I’d thought I’d offer up a PSA. hehehe

No, you do not get to block an intersection because you couldn’t bear the idea of waiting on a light. You can’t legally pull into an intersection unless you can pull all the way thru it, including the crosswalks. The reasons why you got ‘trapped’ are irrelevant. If you get tagged by a red-light camera, it is a non-moving violation. If you get tagged by a cop, it is a moving violation and goes on your license. [1]or it can

No, you can’t pull into the opposite lane of traffic to go around a double parked vehicle while other cars are coming. You do not have the ‘right-of-way’ simply because you pulled into the opposite lane before the other car got close enough. If anything were to happen you are at fault.

No, you can’t text and drive no matter how slowly your car is moving.

No, you shouldn’t bicycle and text either. When you fly over your handlebars after hitting the MUNI tracks, you have no one to blame but yourself.

And lastly, No you can’t legally park in the MUNI bus stop and then be surprised you got a $250 ticket.

Now you know.

🙂

References

References
↑1 or it can

Safe

I got into a 418 [1]verbal altercation with a friend of a friend the other day on FB. It got rather disagreeable and he ended up blocking me. Not the point of my rant though.

He is a motorcycle rider like myself. He posted a pic of him and another friend of his riding their bikes on a sunny day wearing absolutely no protective gear. No helmets, not padding, nadda. I posted a half-joking comment asking where his gear was. My comment was, “Hmmm, this pic must be staged cause I don’t see your gear.” I added an lol and smiley face to emphasize I was teasing. He then proceeds to blow up my messages with all the reasons I’m an a**hole for even hinting he should be wearing gear.

Granted none of his excuses were remotely valid but he was right in that it is his choice. But I don’t think my polite nudge was rude or offensive. If he is stupid enough to ride w/o any gear, so be it. The part the struck me is how vociferous he was in his attack on me for suggesting he was being irresponsible. As if I somehow impugned his integrity. Whatevs. I was politely trying to encourage you to be more responsible. Shame on me right?

As for my interjection, I look at this way. If you ‘friend’ me on any social medium, you are inviting my feedback and comments. While I am respectful, I will often give you an honest opinion, even if it isn’t the one you want to hear.

References

References
↑1 verbal altercation

Replaced

I was talking to a friend of a friend a while back who lost his dog recently. He was amazed when I shared how quickly I got Cooper after Spike passed. [1]It was just over 3 months  He said he just couldn’t bear the idea of another dog yet.

Like me, he was afraid of getting another dog for fear of betraying or trivializing the love he had for his previous one. After Spike passed, I too could not bear the idea of another dog. If it weren’t for Apple guy I probably still wouldn’t have another dog. Honestly, I think I would have closed my heart to the experience and moved on.

I explained my situation was slightly more complicated than his. His life is currently very stable with a minimum of drama. Not so much for me back then. I was extremely depressed over the recent break-up and my financial crisis. Also still living with my ex kept the wounds fresh and open. Getting Cooper was extremely therapeutic for me and saved me from more downward spirals. Out of all the memories (good and bad) I have of Apple guy’s and my time together, picking up Cooper will always be one of the brightest. It often outshines the pain and bad memories. I’ll always be grateful for him for it. He recognized it w/o me seeing it and it was the most unselfish caring thing he ever did for me.

He literally had to goad me into it. I was against the idea and resisted pretty much up until he filled out the app online. By the time the application completed and we were waiting for an answer, I was beside myself with anticipation. The idea had taken root and I couldn’t let it go. It was all I could think of and I’m sure Apple guy was more than a little annoyed that I kept asking if he’d heard anything. Finally, I couldn’t wait any longer and started emailing them directly. lol

Fast forward to the big day, it was truly love at first site when little Norm (his name back then) came bounding into the room. He was so energetic, alive, and just happy to be the center of attention. [2]The latter still being his favorite! lol  There wasn’t a seconds hesitation on my part. He came home with us that very day. That little monster saved me in ways he’ll never know or even understand. And my new love for Cooper has never once diminished my feelings for Spike. I see now how silly it was of me to think I could ever replace him. The care, love, and support Spike was shown at the SPCA vet center is also the primary reason I’m a volunteer there now. So even his passing inspired me in ways I didn’t expect. And now I can help other animals even if I can’t bring them home.

After sharing my story, we were both in tears and hugged over it. He said afterwards he still wasn’t ready but he had now decided to rescue another dog later on. I guess at that time he was even unsure if he could ever own another dog. It made me smile knowing my story helped him.

I found out yesterday he has started the process of rescuing a new dog. It’s been 5 months for him and he said he’s ready. I was very touched that he reached out to me just to let me know. He lives local and has started his search at the local SPCA as well as other shelters. He has 3 dogs that he is deciding from.

On a total side note, Maya, the bully I mentioned a while back, got rescued pretty quickly. I knew she wouldn’t stay long at the shelter. She was barely there two weeks and someone took her home!

On a second side note, my neighbor three doors down is dealing with end of life care for his doggie. He is 16 and his physical health is declining. He has some spine issues and lost a lot of mobility in his back legs. My neighbor got him a doggie assist wheelchair (think of training wheels for a dog) and it’s been helping. He is also on a very strong drug which is helping but it’s only a matter or time now.

I hope I can be there as a friend for my neighbor when the sad day comes.

References

References
↑1 It was just over 3 months
↑2 The latter still being his favorite! lol

Impact

I’m always flattered when someone references my blog. Apparently, my blog has become more popular on a local level. [1]I guess Facebook does have some use after all  You’d think after 9 years it wouldn’t phase me but it still does. I still get very flattered anytime anyone mentions it. I value what I say and share but hearing others refer back to it is very rewarding. October will be the 9 year marker btw.

After my last ‘Role’ rant, I got a lot of kickback about me downplaying the effect of my blog. It was never my intent to belittle my own blog or its impact. I only meant to clarify a point. So my apologies if I trivialized it to anyone. I’ve always shared my madness because of the possibility others could learn from my mistakes, so yes I do think my writing is impactful [2]my made up word for the day at times.

I’ve had so many folks reach out to me over the years to thank me for sharing so much of myself with the world. I’ve mentioned in various times/places I had an instance where a young gay mean reached out to me after reading my own brush with suicide to tell me reading my blog changed his mind about ending it all. That memory will be with me forever. And it is one of several stories from people who’ve stated my blog has helped them. I’m incredibly humbled and honored by such revelations.

And luckily I’m still at it. Every time I think I’ve reached the end of the ‘need’ for my blog, something or someone comes along to teach me otherwise. And I have come close a few times to ending it. For whatever reason I just can’t seem to walk away.

Anyway, apologies again. As I said, it wasn’t my intent to downplay the blog’s affect. And always, I’m incredibly flattered and grateful so many of you continue to read.

References

References
↑1 I guess Facebook does have some use after all
↑2 my made up word for the day

Best

Well it looks like another GHHD #2 [1]Gay High Holy Day has come and gone. I can honestly say it was one of the best weekends of my life. And the fact it was Up Your Alley (Dore) fair had absolutely zero to do with it.

The Pup was in town to visit me and needless to say we had an unbelievably awesome weekend together. If you follow me on any of the social networking sites you know I’ve been gushing a bit about my handsome man. Well get ready because I’m about to gush some more.

Things between us are working out in ways I could never have imagined. This weekend, it seems, any doubts for both of us have been removed. I am not sure I can properly put into words how I felt and the bonding we experienced. The exceptional part is none of it is based on me trying to fit him into any predefined ideas of what he should be. I let him just be himself and he does the same for me. We seem to just exist together and mesh in ways I never thought possible. I don’t have a better way to explain it beyond it just feels different. The ease and depth of our connection seems to only feed on itself every time we are together.

I’m trying to capture the best way to explain why I see things as being different with The Pup. The biggest difference is I don’t feel like I’m compromising to make things work. Every time I meet someone new I always seem to make allowances for behaviors or attitudes that don’t necessarily align with mine. After all compromising is a big part of a successful relationship. Unfortunately, I seem to get my compromises mixed up at times and compromise in ways that puts me at a disadvantage. I often will recognize where a behavior stems from and while I don’t accept the behavior, I accept the act because of it’s trigger. This creates a situation where I enable said behavior by not putting my foot down. And this has led to more than one failed LTR for me. It has always been one of my big mistakes in relationships.

This time around I haven’t done that once. Not even a little. The meshing as I describe it happens on a very fundamental level and is bizarrely addictive. The more I get of it, the more I want. lol I digress though.  I’ve always considered myself an odd bird because I’m wired a bit differently from other people. I view things in ways that most seem to miss. So to find someone who sees many things the way I do is extremely endearing and very much a surprise. It creates a comfort zone that I don’t think I’ve ever actually felt with anyone before.

And the fact that I referenced Apple guy as ‘the one’ in a previous post is not lost on me. I actually went back and read many of the posts I wrote about him. And at the time they were true. But this thing with The Pup has blown that out of the water. And while not to trivialize what I had felt for Apple guy, my connection to The Pup is different on a level so basic I can’t seem to put into words. Anyway, I’m not singing platitudes this time around. I’m gonna keep letting it grow and evolve and see where it goes.

I won’t be going into the gory details of the weekend. That is for he and I to share together. I will tell you we had an unbelievably awesome time and I couldn’t be happier right now. And if the now permanent grin on my face is any indication things are looking very good!

References

References
↑1 Gay High Holy Day

Role

I think I’ve commented on the confidence I’ve found in myself in recent years. I bring it up now in a different but related perspective. I’ve had more than one rant about the lack of role-models in our culture/community. The last being one about my disillusion with a role model I’d found here in SF. I’ve also mentioned in various posts about my frustration with being able to find guys that have reached a level of personal growth that I feel I need to have a functional and successful relationship. All of these things tie into a rather recent epiphany I’ve had.

I’ve realized that I can be a role model to others. And that is not from the perspective of me trying to elevate myself above others, but one of me sharing what I’ve learned and hopefully influencing other gay men into getting onto their own path of growth and contentment. Looking back over my life, I have survived a shit-storm of drama and managed to find the person I want to be within myself. It was no easy task and I can understand why so many fail at it. And lord knows, I am not thinking I am perfect or above reproach. None of that applies to being a role model IMO. Humans are imperfect and flawed. To be a role model doesn’t require perfection.

My new pup (the two legged one) along with a couple of other guys I’ve interacted with lately has taught me that I can be a role model and I can share a wealth of knowledge and wisdom. To see someone embrace an ideal or philosophy and literally blossom under it is something I never expected to witness, especially one of my own doing. And having seen something like that has really made me see that I have gone from being that lost wayward gay boy who needed a mentor or role-model to being one. And maybe mentor is a better term. Role-model seems a bit confining and limiting so maybe I’m becoming a mentor to others.

Sitting in a friends car having a heart-felt conversation about his struggles and absolute eagerness for direction was very touching. To see said person start tearing up when offering him that mentorship almost broke my heart. I’ve become so wrapped up in my own growth over the years, I’ve completely missed the idea of being able to help others grow and evolve. It was like an electric shock to my brain to realize I’ve been inadvertently denying that to others thru my own selfish focus. And I don’t mean selfish as mean but simply being self-focused.

The confidence I’ve found as man is truthfully something I thought I’d never have. If you’d ask me 10 years ago I would have laughed at you. Not because of the intent but because I was so crippled emotionally back then it was a completely foreign idea. And that is not to say I no longer have insecurities. Of course I still have them. But they drive me less and less and that is the key. And the confidence I thought I’d never find has found me. And just as I am drawn to it in others, I think others are drawn to it in me. Honestly, I think this is where a lot of my new found attention comes from. Oh, yeah the new muscles help but they aren’t that big of a draw. lol

My last post with the pic was significant as it lead me to this post. The physical changes you see in the pic are the tiniest fraction of the changes I’ve undergone since then. I’m a completely different man now. Actually, what used to be a lost boy has turned into a found man. I’ve let go of this idea that I have to act in any way to be accepted. I am just me and most importantly, I accept myself. This was the key to my confidence I believe. It jump started the whole process by simply learning to love myself.

It brought me no small amount of joy to realize I am in a position to offer others what I so desperately needed as a young man. There was no one for me to turn at the time so I can’t be too angry. But I am present and accounted for. And it is time that I start helping out. And it can be argued I’ve been doing it a lot thru my blog and it’s probably true to a degree. But the in-person interaction and mentorship cannot be replaced by print. Be it as a sir, a daddy, a big bro, or just a friend, it is time for me to teach while I continue my own path of learning. I don’t have any preset rules. I just plan to share what I’ve learned and how it has helped me.

Wish me luck.