Recover

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​I had the first of the two procedures to correct my vision/eye problems this week. The first one dealt with going into the sinus to clean out the fluid filled cyst like thingy. The procedure went off without any problems. I did have to be sedated but beyond that it went fine. As you can see from the pic, they had me in a lovely outfit prior to the procedure.

The doc wants the area to heal up completely before they do the second procedure to put in the little metal plate. I’m hoping to have it done before the new year but it could go into January. Basically, the doc will slide the plate into the bottom of the orbital sheath around my eye to lift it back into its proper spot. This should fix my diplopia completely. [1]Fingers crossed

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On a side tangent, I’ve been through several surgeries in my life with 2 in just the last 10 years. None of them really worried me in the sense that I wouldn’t wake up from it. Even though I’m pretty much healthy as an ox, I’ll admit to having been a bit worried something bad would happen this time around. I guess there is still a small part of me that is just having a hard time believing my life can be this happy and content. I’m beating my poor little id and telling it to stop worrying but I just don’t think it knows any other way. lol

References

References
↑1 Fingers crossed

Domain

I recently recovered the .com version of my domain. I originally registered it, forgot about it and when it expired someone tried to squat on it for a paycheck. I guess they finally gave up. lol Bitches thought they could get blood out of a turnip! heehee

Anyway, I originally purchased it to use it as a photoblog. Now that I have it back I am doing just that. Let’s face it, I’m all over the web and it gets confusing at times to keep track of things. lol Not to mention, there are often a ton of pics I never post to social media. I either get distracted or am on the go and I just forget. How dare I deprive you of such things, right?

Of course, I also want to get cross posts of pics from the various social media sites in one location. Doing it manually of course isn’t an option. The goal is to automate the process as the tediousness quickly kills the desire. Most of my FB and twitter posts come from Google+. Getting them to WordPress from there isn’t overly difficult except most plugins support all or nothing methods. Well, I just want the pics to go.

The easiest method so far is to push from Google+, even it is rather convoluted at times. And as you can see, I still have some holes.

Pic > Google+ > FB, twitter, Tumblr (via friendsplus.me)

Pic > Tumblr > Photoblog (so indirectly I can push from Google+)

Pic > Instagram > Tumblr > Photobog

Pic > Foursquare (swarm) > ? > Photoblog

Pic > twitter only > ? > Photoblog

Pic > FB only ? > ? > Photoblog

The only drawback so far is posts that get created from social media show up with no-name. It’s not the end of the world for a photo blog but I’d like to change that at some point. I’m sure there are work arounds for twitter and FB only posts but I then I have to avoid infinity loops.

All that madness aside, and if you care, pop over to www.sfmoby.com and check it out. It is still on a basic template for now but it is up and running. I plan to merge more stuff in from my archives (if I can) as well as load a snazzier template. Some of the older pics might be a tad on the R-rated side but most are work safe. If you are a coworker reading this, you have been warned.

Stat

Sooooo, in all the domestic bliss, I forgot to mention I’m moving into year 11 of this here blog thingy. Eleven years. Other than masturbation, I don’t think I’ve kept up with anything in my life that long before. (You laugh, but I am not joking.) All these years later and I’m still at it. Granted, not as fast and steady as I used to be, but that is ok.

I was pleasantly suprised to see I still get a decent chuck of blog traffic, even with my lower postings as of late. Ironically, posts about Cooper often get the most hits. [1]Being upstaged by my own dog! The nerve. Google has updated their analytics engine and it is truly amazing the scope of data they capture now. Most of my traffic is still direct, meaning people load my feed or come directly to my site. This one stat was the most surprising and humbling. Thanks for reading my madness. Really, I’m tickled people still enjoy my rants. Sadly, brettcajun is STILL the best referral source within the blogosphere. How that dirty cajun manages it is beyond me. A big surprise was Joe.my.god’s blog. Apparently, I’ve been getting a ton of new referrals from his blog. I read him daily (and so should you). Towleroad made the top 10 for what I think is the first time ever. I attribute the later two gains to my increase in comments on their sites. My lack of interest on FB has to be captured somewhere.

Out of social media referrals I got another surprise. I get almost as many clicks from Google+ as I do FB. twitter is a very distant third. FB used to dominate this area. I’m glad to see a more even shift as I continue to use FB less and less. When I factor in the referrals between blogger and plus, Google dominates.

My keywords are always a hodge podge as my blog tends to jump all over. Let me just list the top 10 for the past 30 days …

Eye problems behind a computer
vision problems optometrist
SF Moby
Moby zipper
Sex with Moby
Grindr Rules
Gubbmint
adult archives
Ok porn
bloggers in SF

Yes, that is the top 10 ways new vistors have found me in the last 30 days. lol To be fair, the ratio drops significantly after Sex with Moby. The latter I assume relates to the other Moby btw.

Yeah, I continue to blog and yeah I know it’s probably considered passe now but I never did respond well to peer pressure. Le blog continues to enrich my life and is my chronicle in attempting a life well lived.

References

References
↑1 Being upstaged by my own dog! The nerve.

GHHD #3 2014

Well, it is that time again. Gay High Holy Day #3 of 2014 aka Folsom St Fair.

For most of you, time to dust off your leather and don your favorite pair of come-f**k me pumps. The weekend promises to be muggy and warm so be prepared for stickiness. [1]Both kinds If you’re visiting, be safe and don’t trash our lovely city. If you’re local, traffic is going to be a mess. 🙂 Either way, be smart and don’t drink and drive. PD will be on the look out. MUNI, BART, Uber, Lyft, etc to wherever you need to be.

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I’m having trouble getting into the spirit this year. I’m just not overly motivated. Nothing is wrong, I just can’t seem to find any excitement. Actually, besides my slightly wonky eye, things are awesome. You’d think being The Pup and I’s first year together with him living here, I’d be super excited. I feel a tad guilty as I’m probably dragging a little of his excitement down. I’m sure once we get out into the festivities I’ll perk up.

We got tickets to Real Bad this year. I haven’t been in a couple years so I’m sure it will be fun. The guys always do such a bang up job putting it together. The fact it is a charity certianly helps soften the blow that the tickets are $100 (after tax) a piece now. ​

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Feel free to ingore my "meh"-ness and enjoy the weekend! Be safe, have fun!

References

References
↑1 Both kinds

Clean

Well, I finally got news on the eye/sinus problem. I’m scheduled to go under the knife early October to clean out the fluid/infection/cyst thingy. I hope they take pictures. I had a dream the other night that it was an alien like Sigourney Weavers’. heehee Naturally, it was a queen!

Anyway, it has taken a while to get the info. First, the ENT doc was out of town for two weeks. Then he had a family emergency which pushed him out for another week. And apparently, he only does his surgeries once a month. Bizarre for me but I guess it makes sense from a cost factor. The insurance foots the bill so who am I to complain?

The CT scan did show the bone for my right socket was intact. However, even with the infection/cyst, my right sinus is smaller than it should be and apparently is the culprit for my eye problem. In the most ironic twist, the infection has possibly prevented the problem from being discovered sooner. It could have also just shrunk from an original larger size that dislodged the eye from its normal position. Either way, I’ve noticed the effect is progressing in small increments but still a ways off from impacting my daily vision.

As expected, I’m in line for two procedures. The first, while considered invasive, is the cleaning which I really wouldn’t call a surgery. The second is slightly more complicated and involves adding more metal to my body. I wonder if I can call myself a cyborg now that I’ll soon have 4 different metal plates in my body?

(Arnold voice) I’ll be back!

Schedule

I recently switched to a slightly later schedule at work. It is amazing what a two hour difference makes. hehehe For you long time readers (if there are any left), you’ll remember how much I just loooooove day shifts.

Having worked swing shift for roughly 12 years, I made the jump to an earlier shift for the previous project I was on. It wasn’t as early as our normal day-shift so it was bearable. It was also very flexible. [1]It gave me a huge advantage for travel when The Pup and were still courting. After finishing the project I opted to go to our normal day-shift, which is 0700-1500. That means getting up roughly 0530 to 0550 to get the Cooper fed/walked and then off to work. Since The Pup has almost identical hours, it made sense. And as much as I grumbled, it was an easy sacrifice to make.

Sadly, I just couldn’t keep up with the hours. I’d come home tired pretty much every day. Motivating myself to do the gym or anything beyond sofa lounging was always a challenge. I am just not a early morning person by nature. It’s not so much the getting up as getting to bed that is the problem. And unlike a lot of folks, I simply do not function well on a lack of sleep.

The later shift is also 10 hours instead of 8, which is another reason I was reticent to switch. The 2 hours later/2 hours longer makes for a 4-hour chunk out of our ‘home time’ during the week. It doesn’t seem like much but trying to sync gym schedules or even dinner is a bit of a chore. The upside is I get an extra day off every week. The Pup has already commented on how much more energized I am when I come home. lol

Ironically, his schedule has become more fluid so between both our schedule changes, we still see each other plenty enough during the week. Call me silly but I still rush home every day to see him. We end up lounging or playing video games but the desire to be with him is still very very strong.

 

References

References
↑1 It gave me a huge advantage for travel when The Pup and were still courting.

Duty

​I’ve gotten more than a few inquiries on my thoughts regarding the Missouri incident.  In a word, it’s a mess. You have a citizenry that is under-educated and have all but abandoned their civic duties. Granted, they can’t be blamed so much for that but looting your own community demonstrates a level of ignorance that is becoming more and mor prevelant in this country.

I come from very poor means. It is hard to care about community involvement when your sole existence is about survival. But, if we hope to stop problems like this we have to encourage said communities to be and do better. We need to shift our priorities away from the accumulation of wealth and to the betterment of people. Education is a huge component. An educated community is often more involved. Of course, the powers that be want you to be dumb because you are easier to control.

Then you have a police force in a small town that has all the authority and very little oversight. This is not unusual per se. Visit any small rural area and you’ll see similar stories. Does that mean all rural depts are bad? No, of course not. But as the facts unfold, it is glaringly obvious the agency is lacking in any sort of oversight or accountability from its citizens. The abundance of hard-core military grade gadgets is simply crazy.

At the end of the day a young man lost his life. His implied guilt or innocence is not a valid reason on its own for his death. And as the facts are told and clarified, there is a larger cloud over the agency vs the officer involved. The often inflammatory (and even sometimes inaccurate) reporting from many media outlets hasn’t helped the situation. And of course, the emergent mob-mentality of our social media commentary is just icing on the cake. If social media is your only source of news, you are part of the problem. If you don’t know the details of a story or incident, keep your mouth shut until you do. Don’t share links you haven’t read because of a link-baiting headline. And you f**kers who share every story with the idea “it can’t hurt“, need a serious ass-whooping. /rant

Are there bad officers? Of course there are. But for every bad cop, there are easily 100 more you never hear about. Why? Because cops doing their duty don’t generate sensational headlines or ad-clicks. [1]Poor comparison but I see the same mis-characterization in my volunteer work with animals regarding pitbulls.  A few bad cops do not make them all bad and isolated stories of abuse do not paint an accurate picture.  Yes, our law-enforcement should be held to a higher standard, but humans are fallible no matter their position in life. To avoid the corruption we as the citizenry must be involved.

And speaking of, our citizenry is becoming ill-educated every day it seems. Subjective validation is often more important than facts or reason. Religious fanatacism and personal greed have trumped our morals. We’ve gone from ‘what can I do for my society‘ to ‘what can society do for me?‘ The idea of civic duty or responsibility is a foreign idea to most folks these days. A citizenry that abandons it’s overseers is quickly overrun by their own indifference. Absolute power corrupts absolute as the old adage goes. You cannot give away your power thru inaction and then wonder why the abuses keep happening. Proclaming your outrage on social media and demanding change does nothing to help and only serves to feed the problem.

Perform your civic duties. Vote, serve on jury duty and most of all, be involved in your community. Go to community meetings. Know your local policy makers and pay attention to their actions. Only then will your actions carry weight and effect change. Otherwise, you end up just being another sheep being guided by those in power, often to your detriment.

References

References
↑1 Poor comparison but I see the same mis-characterization in my volunteer work with animals regarding pitbulls.

801

‘Eight Oh One‘ is our local PD code for suicide. Today is the unfortunate anniversary of a coworker/friend’s death by suicide 9 years ago. She shot herself in a moment of sadness and her light was forever extinquished. Her death was especially painful for me. We weren’t besties but we were friends and I always considered her a kindred spirit. And in moments alone, she would often open up a little more to me and share in that connection. Our connection stemmed in part due to similar struggles in life. We both experienced a harsh and abusive childhood because we had the audacity to be born gay. Having already survived my own brush with suicide, it was a big blow to hear of her death. I knew what she must have been going thru internally and lamented that she didn’t reach out to me. Of course, no one knew how bad she felt. She was very stoic and kept it all hidden.

People often think of suicides as cowardly or selfish. That is simply not true. That is just a projection of our own pain over the loss. When you reach that awful stage there is no thought of self. [1]And I hope you haven’t and/or never do  There is no reason. There is no right or wrong. There is no thought of those who will miss you after you are gone. All of it is stripped away, layer by layer, until nothing is left but an all-encompassing blinding pain. A singular thought remains….escape!  Sadly, suicide is often the only mechanism that seems to offer a solution at that moment. But, I am here to tell you you can escape it without resorting to death. I am living proof.

Anyway, I decided to take her badge to work and remind everyone of her anniversary. On a side note, LGBT folks are 4-6 times more likely to commit suicide before the age of 25. [2]The statistics vary from org to org but this is the rough average.  In my line of work, suicides are also higher due to the stress and constant raw emotions that we process day after day. After decades of exposure, it can really wear you down. So, I wanted to reach out to my coworkers in the hopes that if they should ever be in such a dark place, they should also feel comfortable reaching out to me or anyone in their life for help. We all talked about fond memories of her and how she impacted us.

As for my coworker, where ever you are my dear, I hope you are in a better place. I hope you escaped the misery and pain. I hope that those around you can experience your light and love and be better for it.

References

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↑1 And I hope you haven’t and/or never do
↑2 The statistics vary from org to org but this is the rough average.

Still

I guess my delay in blogging as of late has led some to think I have quit all together. No, still at it just distracted by life. It happens.

The CT scan went fine. I won’t know any results until I meet with the doc again, probably next week.  Hopefully, I’ll have a better answer and treatment for my lovely eyeball. I’ve been noticing ever so slight changes to my vision and not for the better. What I used to only randomly notice is now causing slight changes in the way I see things. I’m still far from my every day vision being affected but still concerning. The doc’s office is supposed to call this next week for the follow up appointment. I can clearly see the difference in the alignment in my eyes now as well.

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Continuing in random updates, things are still awesome at home. The Pup (Shawn) and I are doing wonderful. Contentment is a very good thing. I never thought I’d be this content in life. I simply cannot imagine life without him.

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Cooper is still sassy as ever. He has successfully worked his magic on Shawn and won him over. I don’t think Shawn was 100% sold at first but he is now. heehee He routinely points out one of Cooper‘s many adorable faces. Anyway, other than his ongoing skin issues, Cooper Pooper is doing exceedingly well.

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I am STILL trying to get my fat ass back into a consistent gym schedule. Afore mentioned contendedness has affected my motivation to go to the gym in a big way. lol There are worser things I guess. So I’m adding the dreaded cardio into my routine and trying to get back down to where I like to be weight wise. The motivation has been coming back, albeit slowly.

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I still have things go blog about. Almost daily I’m like, “I should blog about that” but I get distracted and move on to other things. lol I guess it is good that life is busy and keeps me focused.

Sinus

In my continuing eye saga, turns out I don’t have any eye muscle problems either. Actually, my right eye is now 4 cm lower than my left eye. This is what is causing my double vision. [1]It’s only when I look at sharp angles but he did say it would not go away on it’s own.

The MRI revealed good and bad news. Good news, my brain is clean of tumors, cysts, or legions. Oh and it looked really pretty too! haha  Seriously, this was a big worry for me. Being adopted, I do not know any of my medical history. It was very comforting to know I don’t have ‘da tuma’s.’ as my Maw-maw use to call’em.

The bad news is they did discover a large fluid filled object under my right eye. It looked to be about half the size of a golf ball. The doc thinks it is left over from some previous sinus infection. It tends to look more fluid than mass so probably not a benign tumor. [2]Tumors rarely look perfectly shaped. They often have tendrils and branches

In a dramatic turn of events, leave it to me to go one step further and have something even more bizarre wrong with me. There was no apparent bone under my right eye socket. The doc said in 30 years he had never seen a case like mine. Go figure. Anyway, this could be part of why the eye is suddently dropping. I’m off to get a CAT scan later today to see if the bone was somehow blocked by the fluid or if it is truly missing. The latter will determine if I need two surgeries or one to fix the problem. The first procedure isn’t really a surgery as much as going in to clean out the mess. After they slurp it all out and test it, I’ll mostly likely have to go back for a surgery to replace  the missing bone with a metal plate or a mesh. (If it is indeed missing)

On a tangent, I’ve had two motorcycle accidents in the last 10 years and neither resulted in face or head trauma. He said had I actually broken the bone in either accident, I would have had significant swelling. Going back further the only eye trauma I can think of was being sucker-punched in Jr high school by a bully. It was last day of 7th grade and when we all jumped up to leave, he popped out and punched me right in the face. I had a very large bruise for quite some time afterwards. (Oh and that little stunt got him expelled permanently.) Beyond that, I can’t think of much face or eye trauma that could have broken the bones. Of course, I’m wondering if I never had it for some odd reason and the sinus issue only brought it forward? Who knows.

The doc thinks I’ll see a 100% improvement in my vision after the surgery. He also indicated both procedures wouldn’t debilitate me for more than a couple days at most. And I can still wear contacts for the slight eye problems I did discover at my original visit to the Optometrist.

For now, the saga continues.

References

References
↑1 It’s only when I look at sharp angles but he did say it would not go away on it’s own.
↑2 Tumors rarely look perfectly shaped. They often have tendrils and branches