Category: social networking

Ban v.20

So looks like the nudity ban held up in court. I would have been surprised if it hadn’t. It was carefully worded. It is a shame we ended up with this law on the books but now maybe we can all move past it. [1]I’m sure some won’t and will lament even louder about how fascist SF has become. Seriously, just think about that for a moment.  I never supported the ban on it’s surface but I also never supported the so called nudists. Legislating personal behavior is a tricky and dangerous slope. However, I can tolerate it because it strives to strike what I believe to be a fair balance. 

It is truly unfortunate a selfish few had to ruin it for all. And yes, I say selfish because that is exactly what it was. Regardless of my theories on nudity, it is selfish anytime you decide your wants are more important than everyone else’s. The cognitive dissonance regarding the whole ordeal has sparked a post of it’s very own. (forthcoming)  But I do truly hope we can all move past it now. For something so silly, it sparked a lot of debate within the community. I wish we put half the energies invested in all this towards dealing with the homeless, skyrocketing rents, MUNI, etc. The Castro, as a gay neighborhood, is dying a slow death. It’s being strangled by greed, selfishness, and gentrification. The latter being totally unavoidable but as a whole I think the “Castro” as a gay hood will be gone in 10 years. Local businesses cannot afford rents and the neighborhood seems dead set on preventing anyone who might be a chain from opening. So spaces sit empty collecting yet more homeless encampments.

Anyway, if you really think about it, the ban pretty much maintains the status quo before all this started. You can still expose your buttocks pretty much anywhere. You can still go nude at beaches, fairs, events, parks (to a degree), etc. You just can’t park your butt in the hub of the neighborhood naked anymore. This is where we were before these guys decided to push the boundaries. I do not believe, as some have stated, that SF is becoming conservative or fascist. That is all lip service for “I didn’t get my way so I’m gonna call you names.”  SF is still a wonderfully progressive city in so many ways.

On a side rant, unfortunately, SF is facing an identity crisis. It has moved beyond a “small town” to a thriving city and the attitudes and approach to managing it are still stuck in the days of old. If SF is going to truly thrive and remain diverse, it needs to move away from viewing itself a small city and start managing itself as the city that it is.

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↑1 I’m sure some won’t and will lament even louder about how fascist SF has become. Seriously, just think about that for a moment.

Attention

I had such a good time at the annual Boys with Balls charity. It’s a bowling adventure filled with around 300+ shirtless gay men. How could it not be fun?! Anyway, I got a lot of attention this year. I guess the new muscle mass is working. Seriously, I was a bit surprised how many random guys flirted with me this year. I mean you can’t go to an event like this and not flirt w/someone but it was still very nice and a pleasant surprise.

I’m a huge flirt, no surprise there. One guy I had flirted with (but had never seen before in my life) came up behind me in the bathroom and basically sniffed me all over. He did other stuff too but that is a bit off topic. lol I bring it up because while he was grabbing me, I caught a glance of myself in the mirror. With him standing behind me, I had more objective view of my body size and shape. I was pleased. I’m really developing an appreciation for my new size and look. As I shift further and further away in my mind from the old me to the current me, I’m getting happier with how I look. I’m proud of how much work I’ve put into it and glad I can objectively learn to appreciate the results.

I kept running into this shorter hot scruffy guy that I’ve always had the hots for. I literally ran into him. Recognizing it was him, I took advantage of the happenstance and kept “bumping” into him all night. We both laughed and had fun with it. I was totally flattered that he flirted back and it definitely lifted my spirits. (Remind me to tell you about the big burly Texan who latched onto me and then his follower kept giving me daggers for looks the rest of the night) I am a total sucker for a big smile and his was infectious and lit up his whole face. Naturally, my heart (and other parts) fluttered around him.

Imagine my total surprise when hottie looks me up on FB afterwards!  We continued to flirt and he expressed a desire to go a little further in our “bumping.” I was all too eager to agree. But here is the funny part. As the conversation unfolded, it became apparent he’d always thought I wasn’t into him. The irony is I thought the same thing of him! We’d seen each other around from time to time. I’d always made a point to acknowledge or say hi to him. I never got an indication that he was really interested. He’d always say hi back but it just seemed rather cordial. I was seriously befuddled that he could have possibly thought I wasn’t into him.

And, of course, I’ve been mulling it over constantly since then. lol I pride myself on being friendly and ‘approachable’ so naturally I’m kicking myself as to how I could have given the impression I wasn’t interested. Am I becoming to focused at the gym? Have I started presenting myself as unapproachable w/o knowing it. I enlisted the help of friends, who were perfectly useless. lol I say that w/love because they can’t see me objectively so asking them was pointless. It’s eating at me now of course. And I’ll keep picking at it till I resolve it in my head at some point.

Anyway, as luck would have it, he is usually a top as well. I say usually because, well you know…

We had a great time and he was just as much fun as I expected. (Even more actually)  Of course, in a city full of bottoms I keep running into all the tops. *sigh*

Pics

Someone on FB asked me the other day why I don’t post many pics anymore. Well, I said some time ago I was pulling further away from FB. And while I haven’t made the break completely, I just don’t feel the need to give them my data to harvest. And with the recent Instagram purchase scandal, that decision was reaffirmed. I do still post random pics but mostly of Cooper and/or pics shared by others of me already on FB. Ninety percent of my activities there are commenting on friends stuff, my blog updates, news stories I comment on, and Foursquare updates. As FB pushes more and more to share all our data, I am sharing less and less. I’ve already begun going thru and unliking pretty much every page or commercial site I ever “liked.” The bombardment of ads increases more and more every month it seems.

So if you really wanna see more pics of me you’re gonna have to jump over to Google+ from time to time. I moved all my pic storage to picasa before Goolge+ came out but now that it is all nicely integrated, I like it even more. I get tons and tons of free storage and the extra storage is a fraction of the cost that sites like flickr charge. There is no way I can post all the pics I take to my blog w/o overloading my subscribers email boxes. lol I am working on a photo album link to pop up on the blog sidebar though. (If you want to add me on Google+, click the sidebar link to my profile there.) [1]Keep in mind, I do not add profiles w/porn or nudity. I have no problem with either but it is not the purpose of my social profile.

On a slight tangent, I’ve noticed several friends and blog buddies pulling away from FB as well. Some have deactivated their accounts all together while most have just logged out for extended periods of time. I discovered this week even my roomie has ditched FB for awhile. I guess I’m not the only one tired of the data harvest that is FB these days. That is pretty much all it is now. They’re saving grace is user volume. But like myspace, they might wake up one day and find themselves irrelevant. More and more of my friend list is making the jump to Google+.  Maybe one day I’ll be able to ditch FB completely.

References

References
↑1 Keep in mind, I do not add profiles w/porn or nudity. I have no problem with either but it is not the purpose of my social profile.

Profile

I was cleaning some really old files off my webserver the other day and I stumbled upon an edit file of old profile info I used to post on AOL. [1]That’s America Online for all you youngin’s out there.   I had a habit of saving my profile descriptions. I’d often just copy/paste the same profile info as necessary across different sites. Anyway, I was a little disappointed after perusing some of the content. I had forgotten some of the disrespectful things I used to put in my profiles. Granted, I wasn’t trying to be disrespectful but that really isn’t the point. Intentional or not, referring to a whole race of people as being off-limits is offensive. The same goes for “not fats, no fems, etc.”

While I did eventually see the error of my ways, I’m sad to say many have not. You only need peruse pretty much any online social site to see guys posting the same type of comments. And don’t even get me started on the over-use of ‘masculine-only.‘ That is a rant all to itself. We’ll save it for a rainy day.

Anyway, whether you intend it or not, it is offensive to put such things in a profile. I’ve probably ranted on this subject before but it bears repeating. Instead of telling the world what you’re not into, focus on what you are into and keep it positive. Leave out the negative comments as it only serves to make you look like an ass. And it often makes you less appealing to prospective suitors. After all, the old saying goes ‘you catch more flies with honey...’

*

After I wrote this I found the original post on the subject. How funny I gave it the same title. I guess my mind still thinks the same way.

References

References
↑1 That’s America Online for all you youngin’s out there.

1000 Words

So this guys sends me a message the other day on Scruff wanting to hook-up. Forgetting for a moment, he didn’t even bother checking to see if there was any interest in that from me, he launches into how he used to do porn. [1]or may still do for all I know His profile picture and the 5 others he sends before I can even reply once are all from his production portfolio. Not really a problem as there are a good many porny boy here and they all tend to use their glamour shots. The problem is I’ve seen him recently in real life and he looks nothing like his old porn shots. One, he has gained a good 30lbs or so. Not bad in itself but why try to hide it? SF is a very bear-friendly city. Two, he then proceeds to lie about his age by like 10 or more years. Sad, considering he didn’t really look all that bad. Not my type but still not that bad if you can get beyond the obvious dishonesty and apparent lack of self-respect.

I guess he didn’t realize I have seen him in real life. Anyway, I called him on his pics. Now I was very polite about it. All I said was, “Hey guy, thanks for the interest. Unfortunately, not a match for me. I would recommend updating your pics though as having seen you lately you look nothing like the pics you sent.” OMFG! You’d have thought I’d just burned down his house he was so indignant. He proceeds to tell me, “How dare you say that? Do you know who I am? I could snap my fingers and have 10 different guys over here ***** ***** ****.” (I deleted the graphic sexual detail he referred to here lol) Forgetting the obvious why the eff are you messaging me then comment, I again politely reply back, “I’m not trying to be ugly, I just meant there is a clear difference between your pics and you now. If you really want a solid connection being honest about what/who you are is a big part of that.” Meanwhile, I’m giggling to myself cause I know this is also not going to be received well. Sure enough, I get a very long-winded email about how fabulous he is and what he does for the porn industry, blah blah blah. At this point, I realize my politely direct advice is falling on deaf ears so I just ignore his 3 additional messages.

Don’t misunderstand me, I am no bad-mouthing porn. I know several hard-working, good guys who do porn for a living. It’s an honest living and I have no judgements. While I usually avoid porny boys in my bedroom, it is more from a drama-management perspective. And I said “usually” because there have been exceptions. But the fact that you used to do porn is not license to lie. And to be clear, there are plenty of non-industry “fibbers” online as well. I use this story as its recent.

I used to just ignore these guys but when you make such a direct, hard-line approach to me then you should be able to back it up. The fact he was direct was the one good thing about the whole episode. I hate wishy-washy flakes. And this whole BS idea that your anonymous online and you can be anyone you wanna be is nonsense. The simple and obvious reason is once you meet someone in person your grand story is blown. Duh!

The moral boys and girls is be honest. Or at the very least, don’t blow a gasket when you get busted for being a big fat liar. (Pun intended. LOL) Sure the responses might be less, but they’ll be legitimate.

References

References
↑1 or may still do for all I know

Feedback

Ever want a say so in the design of a social app before it gets made? Well now’s your chance. Apple guy is working on a venture with a friend of his involving a new social app. They are soliciting feedback from potential users before the app goes into production.

If you’re feeling daring, hop over to the link below and check it out. It’s one page and you don’t have to fill out any personal info. And it’s only nine questions.

Survey

Big Load

You were so thinking something dirty weren’t you? lol
Am I the only one that has become desensitized to FB and twitter? It just seems to be so much random info that I have begun tuning it all out. FB drives me absolutely nuts. The new layout is horrific and not at all user friendly. Not to mention, they sprung new ‘groups’ on my friend lists which annoyed the holy hell out of me. And on top of that, I got a lovely message from FB last week telling me they are phasing out RSS feed support. That means no more posts from my blog showing up on FB. I can still manually cross post them of course but that defeats the purpose. I’m not sure who is in charge at FB but from my perspective they are putting nail after nail in their own coffin. I’ve completely stopped adding new people on FB unless it’s someone I actually know. And it’s fine that they are phasing out support. I can share once from Google+ and bounce it out to twitter and FB at the same time so take that bitches.
I think I spend more of my time on Google+ these days primarily because the streams are more about data vs crap. People share funny, cutesy stuff galore but I’m also finding tons of news links as well. And the sharing just seems more intuitive to me. I’m also being careful on how many folks I follow or circle. I’m trying really hard to avoid info overload again. Its actually been quite nice logging on and only having to sift thru 10-20 updates compared to 100’s.

As an early-adopter I’m not at all dismayed by the current small amount of updates. This will change once Google starts releasing more API’s for developers to integrate with Google. Its a double-edged sword but it really does seem as if Google is moving into Plus being centric to the entire Google experience. The changes across their many services already indicate a gradual shift to total integration, which I love! Even better, managing, using, and updating is so much easier and nicer than FB. twitter still gets props for being the easiest site to update but its a one-trick pony and Google has a whole stable.

Heavy Roller

Well, my listing today on Amazon and I have ten, yes count them, 10 whole subscribers! lolol I didn’t really expect anything major mind you. 🙂
I also discovered changing the RSS feed being pushed to Amazon is very VERY easy. I was a tad worried how I could mantain control over certain types of content that isn’t necessarily for public consumption. *snicker* You very long time readers know what I mean.
I also have a lot of random drivel that I don’t share. One of the ways I keep myself blogging is I try to log on at least once a day (or so) to post my meanderings, basically “dear diary” sort of stuff. While completely boring and mundane, it keeps me talking not only to myself but to you. I didn’t want all that cluttering up everyone’s stream.
Annnnyway…. I just tweak the feed link on my dashboard for Amazon and hit publish. I can custom string basically any category [1]or not that I want. *whew* So far it has handled pretty much everything I’ve thrown at it. I added categories, hid categories, etc and it worked. Most excellent.
I’m also trying to expand my list of blogs I read again. It’s been so long since I’ve followed anyone new, I really need to start blog hopping [2]jumping from blogroll to blogroll exploring friends of friends of friends, so to speak again. I really miss having personal blogs to follow and keep up with. I’m down to about 10 and that’s fewere than my first month all those years ago.
On a side note, I’ve been checking my site analytics and after filtering out FB, Google, and twitter, Large Tony is still the number one referal to my blog. And ironically enough, brettcajun was a distant second. I guess I should pop over and thank them for having such loyal blog jumpers. hehehe And speaking of Brett, he is ever the attention whore of the blog world. 🙂 It seems he and Jimbo are having a war to see who can flame the other the most.

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↑1 or not
↑2 jumping from blogroll to blogroll exploring friends of friends of friends, so to speak

Know Thyself

People really crack me up sometimes. They say perception is 9/10’s reality but there are also times when you need to use your head for something besides a hat rack. I just had a rather odd email conversation with a distant Facebook friend who was pissed at me for not knowing what was going on with him. Apparently, he’s been going thru some drama and updating FB with it. It was somehow my fault for not knowing. I saw him online, sent a polite message, and proceeded to get attitude because I was being jovial. Excuse the hell out of me!

On a similar rant, a while back I had another FB friend (who found me thru twitter) get pissy with me because I didn’t want to have cyber sex with him over cam. I first politely explained it wasn’t my thing even if I thought he was attractive. Sex over cam is so 90’s and boring to me. I realize it may be fun for some but that doesn’t mean everyone is into it. Finally after like the 4th or 5th push to show my junk, I got rather direct and let him know it was never going to happen. He has since unfriended me, to my delight.

So yes, all these sites can be wonderful mechanisms for communication. But lets face it, none of us only friend people we actually know in real life. Hell some folks have thousands, even hundreds of thousands, of friends on these sites. It is unrealistic to think every one of your “friends” keeps up with your every update. Frankly, it borders on impossible for anyone who has a life offline. For myself, I’m not so foolish to think everyone on my list knows everything I post. Most of what I post on FB and such is absolute drivel anyway. lol That’s when I’m even on. Most of my updates on FB come from my Google+ account (or twitter).

Yes, I have some nice friends online whom I’ve never met. I have some I’d love to meet someday as well. That still doesn’t mean I’m all up in their grill 24/7. If I’m a real friend to you or vice versa, then I’ll take the time to talk, text, email, or see you. in person. In person isn’t always possible but a friendship is only as good as the effort you put into it, not what you get out of it. And posting online is not what I would call effort.

The sex thing is funny. But again, don’t get all twisted because not everyone is into the same thing. I clearly have no problem with sex and/or hookups. That doesn’t mean every profile I have online is filled with a insatiable desire to get laid. Even still, if I politely decline 2 even 3 times, take the hint.

At the end of the day, just use your brain people. Don’t get pissy because some random stranger doesn’t know you’re having a bad day/week. Be happy someone actually took the time to reach out to you in the first place.

/ rant