Category: society

WWMD

This month’s WWMD is a bit heart-wrenching. One of my readers who has never commented confided in me recently. I have his permission to share his question anonymously.

Q: I just found out I am HIV-positive. I’m so scared and I feel like my life is over. I feel lost and confused. What should I do?

A: First, let go of the guilt, blame, and shame over your conversion. Beating yourself up over a mistake isn’t the answer. I often hear from so many gay men who can’t let go of the shame and guilt of sero-converting. Well, guess what? It just means you are human. We all make mistakes. Sometimes, those mistakes cost more than we ever expected or thought. There are a variety of support groups online and off that you can join to help in this arena, especially if you find yourself struggling to adjust. You will probably find them very inviting and supportive.

Second, your life is not over. HIV isn’t the death sentence it used to be. While people are still dying across the globe, in Western culture HIV is much more of a chronic illness now. With proper medication/management, you can easily live 20, 30, 40+ years. See your doc, get a genome test done. If your doc doesn’t want to do one, find another doc. This will determine which meds are best for you. More importantly, this will also prevent you from going on a poorly constructed cocktail [1]common term for a group of medications taken together to combat/treat HIV and burning thru whole classes of medications.

Educate yourself about HIV in general. Knowledge is power and you want to be well-armed, so to speak, when making decisions about your long-term health. You’d be surprised how many people know very little or are completely ignorant of how HIV is transmitted, etc. There are two main types of HIV [2]often referred to as HIV-1 and HIV-2 along with a variety of ‘sub-types’. Chances are high you probably have a subtype of HIV-1. I could go on and on but that would quickly bore you to sleep.

Along the same line of thought, take care of yourself physically. Drugs, drinking, smoking, etc are all things you should cut out or keep to a minimum in your life. Your diet is equally important. You don’t have to give up all the foods you love however, some consideration must be givin to trying to balance out your diet. Medication or not, your body is fighting a constant war. Taking care of yourself ensures it has the ammo it needs to carry on the fight. Abusing/neglecting yourself suppresses your immune systems ability to fight. If you don’t workout, I suggest you start. You don’t have to live in the gym but working out helps to strengthen your immune system. Sports or other fun outdoor activities can be just as beneficial.

Navigating the social, emotional, and psychological impact is much more complicated. You are going to encounter ignorance, fear, distrust, and even outright hostility at times. Human beings can be callas and even cruel when faced with the idea of their own mortality. I’m not sure I’m really qualified to give you advice here. Everyone is different and their path is often based as much on their personal beliefs and feelings as much as facts. Reach out to other poz guys and listen to their stories. Not only is it empowering, it also firmly moves you out of the “I’m a victim” mentality.

The psychological impact will probably be more of a constant. Some guys struggle with their internal shame and never truly get over it. Others embrace their status and see it as liberating since they no longer have to worry. Others still see it as just a nuisance that has to be managed and sometimes rears its ugly head. Who am I to say which answer or approach is best. You will have to discover for yourself what works for you.

Know this my friend(s). No matter what, you are loved and this does not make you any less worthy or deserving of love, respect, etc. Your right to be and exist is unchallenged. While navigating the hardships ahead may not always be easy, accept yourself (and your faults) and do not let anyone try to make you feel any different.

All my best to you.

References

References
↑1 common term for a group of medications taken together to combat/treat HIV
↑2 often referred to as HIV-1 and HIV-2

Morality Reloaded

I’m feeling long winded today, you’ve been warned! I’m also touching on a subject I’ve beat a couple times here before. For the best sense of what I’m getting it, you should probably read the previous rant on the old blog. I’m specifically calling attention to an important distinction of the general use of the word vs the reality of how most people apply it.

…morality does not refer to just any guide to behavior accepted by an individual, it is that guide to behavior that the individual adopts as his overriding guide, and wants everyone else to adopt as their overriding guide as well

To start off, I realized a long time ago, I have my own set of morals. I’ve also mentioned on numerous occasions I used to never view myself as an overly “moral” person in the strictest sense of the word. And while I’ve come to realize I am a moral person, my morals are subject to my own sense of overriding right from wrong, hence the quote above. An important distinction here is my personal moral code isn’t an excuse to allow me to behave inappropriately. More importantly, I can look beyond my own sense of morality to the greater sense of right and wrong. There are behaviors I accept as ok to me that would probably not be ok if everyone adopted it. Does that sound like a contradiction? Of course it does. Morality is completely subjective and derisive in nature simply because there is no one moral code that everyone subscribes to. Even worse, the use of morality as a hammer has become common practice in our society.

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The first half of my rant deals with the out of control religious fanaticism in Western culture today. I honestly don’t know how folks can still cling to the term ‘christian’ and look me in the eye anymore. I don’t mind telling you should you have the cojones to actually admit it to my face, my respect for you drops several points. [1]That is not to say, I discourage you from belief in God or a higher power in general.  Claiming ‘its your faith” is not an excuse anymore. Your “side” has made it clear the line has been drawn in the sand. You should be asking yourself, which side you are on?

Besides being responsible for more deaths than any other cause on the planet in our entire history, it seems that belief has become more important than right or wrong. The ‘religious right’ in this country have become extremists and a cult IMHO. They’ve taken up the banner of being in the “moral right” while using every dirty deceitful trick in the book to spread fear and hate. Well, I hate to burst your bubble but you are no longer the majority. You are fast relegating yourselves to the sidelines and will eventually become extinct. Not because of us but your own selfish narrow-minded behavior. When your convictions were tested, you failed miserably. You hide behind ‘your faith’ while resorting to the very tactics you claim to abhor in others. And to your draconian belief system I say good riddance. Offended? Lucky for you there is that lovely little X in the very right top corner of this window. Feel free to click it and never come back. My sympathy for you has been all used up. [2]As a side note, anyone claiming to be ‘christian in defense of their comments here will have their comments deleted.

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The other half of my little rant today is about a disturbing trend I’ve noticed in general in our society lately. Specifically, people no longer seem to care about the truth when arguing an objective based on ‘morality’. You hear the word moral thrown around a lot in circles discussing everything from Obama to gay rights. The sad twist is many of these same folks stoop to deceit, half-truths, and outright lies to prove said moral point. I’m speaking mostly in relation to the gay rights struggle, but it is much broader than that. Seeing the lengths that people go thru to defame and trash our current president is astounding and shameful. He isn’t responsible for this current state of crisis and expecting him to fix it overnight is beyond foolish, it is stupid.

The ‘fundie” extremists and I do agree on one thing. Our society is facing a moral decay. It isn’t ‘the gays’ that are causing it though. It is our personal greed blinding us to the simple truth that we are no longer a righteous people. Western society has become nothing more than a bunch of controlling corrupt power mongering whiners focused on their own personal gain. We can’t say the word ‘fuck’ on prime time TV but it is perfectly acceptable behavior for hospitals to turn patients out into the street because they are too poor to pay for health care. Gays can’t get married but it is perfectly ok to defraud hundreds of thousands of people out of jobs so you can run a get-rich-quick scheme. No, we are too focused on me, me, me, me to care about our neighbors, fellow man, the planet, or the common decency that used to bind us all together.

So, is this where I complain about moving to another country or planet? No. Instead, I continue to live openly and honestly about who and what I am. I continue to see the good in all of us. I continue to behave in a way that I can be proud of and look back on without shame. I strive to better myself and move forward w/o the need to trample over my fellow man to do it. My own moral compass may be fractured and flawed in comparison but it still points me due North. I will follow it until the end of my days. Can you say the same?

References

References
↑1 That is not to say, I discourage you from belief in God or a higher power in general.
↑2 As a side note, anyone claiming to be ‘christian in defense of their comments here will have their comments deleted.

Color Me Crazy

As if the drama last night wasn’t enough, I got called a ‘crazy racist’ online today because I wasn’t attracted to a guy sexually. Not the first time and probably not the last. Here is our conversation.

Him: Nice profile and pics, wanna come f*ck me?

Me: Hey bud, I appreciate the offer but not really a match for me. Happy Hunting.

Him: Why don’t you just admit your crazy racist ass-hole. You make me sick. [1]I got a little annoyed here and my reply could have been worded better, I’m sure.

Me: Wait. Because, I’m not attracted to you, I’m a racist asshole? And first you want me to fuck you but then I make you sick? Which is it? I could have just hit the delete button like a lot of guys on here. I took the time to politely say, “no thanks” and I’m the asshole? So, in that vein of thought, what I should have said is, “no thanks, your fugly”. Would that have been better? Do me a favor, don’t project your inability to handle rejection onto me.

Him: *I got a follow up reply but I deleted it without opening it.*

Like I said, I could have handled it better by just ignoring his pissy email. That’s my shit and I own it, moving on. Keeping in mind here, there are no racial references for or against anywhere in any of my profile(s). This leap of logic on his part was unfounded and completely out of line.

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So, to beat this horse properly we first need to identify several important but often lost distinctions. First, there is the very real existence of racism. Right behind that comes ignorance/indifference. And bringing up the rear (pun intended) is physical attraction (or not) to certain physical traits common to one race or another.

I am not so foolish to think racism is gone in America. Quite the contrary, some of the nasty fallout over our new president shows it is still very much alive. This makes absolutely no sense to me. Forgetting for a moment the races are blending more and more with every generation, dismissing a whole section of society based solely on their race is offensive and can be classified as racism.

In relation to the gay community, I don’t think it is out and out racism as much as ignorance. [2]I am not excusing it, just stating an observation. I can’t tell you how often I see profiles with “not into Blacks or Asians.” You may not intend to be offensive but that is exactly what you are doing by making such statements. Imagine how you’d feel reading a profile of someone you found attractive and they dismissed your entire existence based on your race. I particularly love how some guys try to apologize at the same time for saying such things. If you have to apologize perhaps you shouldn’t say it. How about you just leave it out. Nothing compels you to reply, meet, or hookup with anyone you don’t wish to. Why add such inflammatory language to your profile? [3]Out of fairness, there was a time when I made this awful mistake. I am happy to say that was well over 10 years ago.

Of course, when it comes to sex you can’t force physical attraction or the lack thereof. Attraction, like our sexuality, is not always a quantifiable behavior. For the purpose of this rant, I am referring specifically to attraction and race. And herein lies the most important distinction I feel is often lost on so many. Not being attracted to a physical trait(s) common to one race or another is not racism. From my own observations, I think this is often the real root of the matter but given the ignorance mentioned above, the line quickly becomes blurred. Want a sure fire way to know? Its quite simple. If you really have no racial hang-ups, you will find that there are always exceptions to your attraction (or lack) to a particular race.

For myself, I rarely think in term of absolutes so saying I’m not into a whole race would be a lie. I have my range and it commonly crosses the races. I’ll also admit there are some physical traits common to some races I am not attracted to. And while this is a racial issue it is only in the sense of physical attraction. However, that is never an absolute either. I don’t give a rats ass what color your skin is, if I like what you have to offer and you flop it in front of me, I’m gonna taste it. Or, if I don’t, I won’t.

References

References
↑1 I got a little annoyed here and my reply could have been worded better, I’m sure.
↑2 I am not excusing it, just stating an observation.
↑3 Out of fairness, there was a time when I made this awful mistake. I am happy to say that was well over 10 years ago.

Too Through

My happiness with our new President-elect is overshadowed today.  With Prop 8 expected to pass here in CA, Prop 102 in AZ and Prop 2 in Florida passing, I have lost all respect for so called “Christian” hate-mongers.  If you’ve been living under a rock, these 3 amendments write discrimination into their respective state constitutions. 

I’ve always tried to respect peoples religious beliefs however, there comes a point where your hate, fear, and ignorance cloaked in faith is no longer acceptable.  That time has come.  After this election, you’ve made it very clear you hate me and hope to forever label me as a 2nd class citizen.  Well I’m here to tell you, I am not going away no matter how hard you try.  Nor will I blithely stand by when I hear you condemning me and mine in the name of scripture and then claiming faith as an excuse. 

Of course, there are those who still claim to be “christians” who also believe in reason and human rights.  It is you folks who are now faced with a difficult choice.  You can continue to stand by and allow your religion (aka cult) to be corrupted by greed and hate or you can take a stand.  You can stand for common decency, respect, and equal treatment of all people.  You can put your fellow “christians” on notice their behavior is not acceptable and take back your faith.  But, if you choose to stand idly by and do nothing while still identifying with those who hate me, you are no longer exempt from my scorn either. [1]I feel it is worth noting, some of the most horrific atrocities ever committed in human history were done in the name of faith.

No matter how hard you try to justify your actions using archaic scripts, you know deep down it is wrong.  And it is you who is accountable for that. 

And to be clear, I don’t hate you.  But don’t expect me to ‘turn the other cheek’ any longer. 

References

References
↑1 I feel it is worth noting, some of the most horrific atrocities ever committed in human history were done in the name of faith.

Donate, Please

I rarely ask anything of my readers other than respect.  This time I am asking a little more.  Let me be clear, I am not above begging.  The extremist wingnuts couldn’t win with the truth so they’ve taken to lying in their festering evil attempt to write discrimination into the California State constitution. 

It is a sad day indeed when the “moral majority” has to resort to lying and deceit to win their case in the hearts & minds of everyday folk.  This is one of the most important votes of the century.  Whether you live in California or not, if you believe as I do, that two people regardless of their sex should be allowed to form stable, long-term LEGAL relationships under the law, then I urge you to help out.

Please, even if you can only donate $10, take a moment and hop over to

Say NO to Prop 8.

If 1 million people gave just $1.00 that would be one million in extra funds to fight the hate and lies being brought against us in the upcoming election.

I gave $400 of my own money today.  I decided to forgo the shiny new riding jacket I wanted.  Instead, I donated the money to the No to Prop. 8 campaign.  I make this pledge.  If enough people donate from this post to raise $1000.00, I will donate $400.00 more of my own money. 

Please, I urge you, take a moment to donate whatever you can.  Even if it is only a few dollars, every little bit helps when we act together. 

All of these fine folks have also helped out. I’ll add every link I discover to this post.

roblog
Romach
Joe my God
Towleroad
Bear Schmear
Queeristan
Gooster
Mathias n Oz
SwimfinsSF
thisboyelroy

Hysterical

Does anyone else find it oddly amusing that the religious F&F’s [1]fundamentalists and fanatics selectively pick and choose disasters to blame on gays?  Several of the crazy sites (of which I will never link to here) are blaming the current financial crisis and resulting company failures on gays.  Wha-wha-what?  Gays caused the financial meltdown in our country? 

I particularly like how they liken our influence to total control yet we still don’t have basic rights in most of the Union.  I mean if our control was that iron clad wouldn’t we already have equal protections?  Oh right, God is keeping us in check.  I get it, blame the deity of choice as to avoid rational thought and common sense. 

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I just finished watching the VP debate.  So basically Palin is considered a success because she didn’t stick her foot in her mouth?  Or at least that is what the political pundits on CNN think.  The VP is second in line for the presidency and we rate her a success on making it thru a debate w/o a major blunder?   My my, what high standards we have. 

I came away feeling that Palin has good memorization skills and looks good on camera.  As a VP she would pretty much be a figurehead that does what she is told.  Not necessarily a bad thing for a VP however, the though of her stepping into the presidency makes me shudder.  And while Biden didn’t particularly wow me, I felt he had a firmer grasp on reality and is much more qualified to be the VP.  I particularly liked his phrasing on gay rights.  While he said he didn’t support gay marriage, his phrasing clearly indicates he was referring to it in a religious sense not a civil rights sense.  Very well said in my opinion.  

References

References
↑1 fundamentalists and fanatics

Blog On Betches

And now for something not completely about me…

I’ve weighed in lately on several sights about the future/fate of blogging.  Some still think blogging is the next best thing since sliced bread.  Others think blogging has reached its peak and is slowly dying a painful agonizing death.

For my .02, I don’t really agree 100% with either camp.  I do think like any medium, blogging is evolving and will continue to do so.  The new blogs popping up every day have declined dramatically.  No argument there.  But, I don’t necessarily contribute that to a  slow death.  I think it has more to do with market saturation and the natural evolution of the medium.  Blogging is not the “new thing” anymore. [1]One might argue micro-blogging is the new/old “thing”  That said, it has managed to cross social, political, cultural, informative, and even entertainment boundaries to become an almost universal form of interaction.  Even the traditional news/media outlets woke up and realized blogging was changing the very way we disseminate and gather news in general.  And like any medium, I think in time blogging will settle into it’s niche market and continue to thrive and prosper.  Whether it be for purely personal or profit, I absolutely think blogging is here to stay.

I don’t really care to delve into the political or profitable side of blogging.  I think living in a capitalistic culture that speaks for itself.  From the social side, we’ve seen blogs come and go.  I’ll be the first to admit it is sad to see a favorite blog end.  But if you think about it, how is that any different from life?  People come and go in our lives every day.  From the mundane and random to the profound and life-changing, we get a birds-eye view of the true characteristics of humanity, good and bad.  We’ve also seen our share of fakes, flakes, and flashes.  To me, the latter group (and the fallout surrounding) shows us how much we still need to grow as a species in general. 

I firmly believe, like anything in life, you get out of blogging what you put into it.  If you just randomly post or interact then you should probably expect the same in return.  I often hear from many of my own commenters they are afraid to start blogging because they don’t feel their own lives are engaging or exciting enough.  To that I say, who cares?  If you find comfort or solace in being able to share your life and experiences however mundane, then I say go for it.  You don’t need permission.  You don’t need a rabid following.  You don’t have to be a prolific writer or linguist. [2]Good lord, look at the mosh pit of grammatical errors my own blog represents. heehee  From a purely social aspect, all you really need is an opinion, conviction to follow thru, and the ability to type.  It really is that simple.

My own venture into blogging was originally a mechanism to deal with a painful breakup.  Afterwards, it became an avenue of therapy and self-exploration.  Having chronicled such a significant part of my life has been richly rewarding.  I’ve always said I blog first and foremost for me.  That is still true today.  Yes, I know people read and comment and I appreciate that. [3]Being from the South and always having an opinion on practically everything has helped.  lol  Looking back over my own blog entries has shown me how much I have and am growing as a man.  The very act of blogging has given me a sense of belonging that I never had before. 

Will I always blog?  I can’t really say.  The future is a devious and every changing beast.  I will say I have no immediate plans to stop, that is for sure.  Do I think blogging in general will be around for years to come?  Absolutely.

References

References
↑1 One might argue micro-blogging is the new/old “thing”
↑2 Good lord, look at the mosh pit of grammatical errors my own blog represents. heehee
↑3 Being from the South and always having an opinion on practically everything has helped.  lol

Random Pic



Da Omna Santis

Originally uploaded by ibod8x5


I’m fast becoming addicted to flickr. I swore off of it for quite some time however, the site is just so damn convenient it is too hard to say no. I regretted actually paying for a premium account but, being a control freak, the yearly $25.00 won’t kill me.

I decided I would randomly post pics from flickr just for shits and grins. I took this one a while back at the old Sutro baths here. I have no idea what the latin inscription means or even if it is real.