Category: society

Assume The Position

On a recent ride, I found it somewhat amusing when a riding buddy shocked an employee of a local and very busy biker hangout. Basically, the employee replied to a buddy’s comment about it being a nice day. The employee said something to the effect, “and the pretty girls.”  Well my (male) friend w/o even really thinking anything of it said, “and the pretty guys“. You could tell it was totally not the answer the employee was expecting! Now don’t get me wrong, he wasn’t ignorant or stupid, he was just surprised. He didn’t break stride or even turn around. It was a very subtle but obvious change in his movements that gave him away. It also cracked me the hell up! This leads me into my post today.

My assumption is that because we were motorcycle riders, he naturaly assumed we were straight. Of course, I get that it ties into Western society’s over-emphasis on male/fem characteristics, hobbies, etc. But that’s a way deeper well to dive into on some other day…

Anyway, it struck me as noteworthy because I’ve become so accustomed to my openness about being gay.  I just so rarely think about it in a public forum anymore. I always just assume anyone who meets me knows I’m gay. I make no pretense about it how could they not know? [Insert joke here]   It still surprises me when someone doesn’t pick up on it. ( On an unrelated side note, this begs the question about gays learning to pick up on said subtle clues more astutely than our straight counter-parts.)

Of course, I’d forgotten that perception can be a powerful thing. I’m sure you’ve heard the old adage, ‘perception is 9/10’s of reality.‘   Well, case and point. lol  The human brain becomes hard-wired to expect certain actions, in this case behaviors. It will often (given time and/or more cues) pick up on subtle, out-of-the-norm differences, sometimes consciously, sometimes not. I’m sure given more time to observe us, the employee would have figured it out. 😉  Ironically, now that I think back on it, I can remember several rides where the same thing has occurred.

My buddy and I got a nice chuckle out it nonetheless. And we continued to cruise guys.

Free Hate

The world was a buzz yesterday with the news that the SCOTUS ruled in favor of WBC [1]I won’t list their full name here being able to picket soldier’s funerals, among other things.

As horrible, shameful, and disgustingly vile I find the whole clan, I’m in agreement with the court. You can’t support a principle only when it benefits you. Living by a code of conduct (and/or laws) should apply to everyone. We can legislate what a person does when motivated by hate but the act of hate is and should not be illegal, nor should it be. Trying to legislate someone’s thoughts is a very slippery and dangerous road to go down. Such a path inevitably leads to ruin.

Most people think the WBC are about being anti-gay. I actually disagree. If you’ve ever been around anyone who is a fundamentalist in their religious beliefs, you discover really quickly one of their big, and I mean big, goals is trying to convert others to their cause. Its called proselytizing or testifying . If you step back from the raw emotion for a moment, you’ll notice the WBC clan don’t just focus on gay rights. They focus  on anything that will get them lots and lots of attention. They’ve used extreme shock value to gain nationwide, possibly even global, recognition. Their hope is to convert as many people as possible to their beliefs. Its an ingenious approach but I’d argue its not having the intended affect. lol Growing up in the South, we always believed in shining a light on a cockroach. It does one of two things. It either scurries away to hide or it shows you how truly hideous it really is. In this case I think it’s the latter. 

Think about what it must be like to have grown up in such a clan. A world shaped by their father to be absolute black and white. No room for grey or error. No compassion, no love, no forgiveness, only condemnation and pain. For you few yet faithful long time readers, see any correlation here? lol Yeah, I can understand it. Doesn’t mean I can accept it but understanding is the first step in conquering something you fear.

For my .02, we should continue to shine a light on the WBC’s petty hate and fear. Let the world see what comes from fundamentalist religious beliefs. For every 1 person they convert, they push 10 more away.

References

References
↑1 I won’t list their full name here

Hate Springs Eternal

I’m fond of saying “hope springs eternal”. It is something I picked up as a kid and it stuck with me. Well, I’m sad to say it seems the same is true of hate. I got my first hate mail in ages today. I think primarily as I’ve been bouncing around news blogs more than usual leaving comments on current events.

Today’s douchebag in ass-hattery was smart enough to use a hotmail account. An account I have since reported to MS as the content violates their fair-use clause. I have no idea what MS will do but whateva.

Said pathetic soul started out with the usual vitriol, you’ll burn in hell, filthy disgusting queer, blah blah blah. To his credit, the punctuation and spelling were pretty good. [1]Of course, anyone w/spell and grammar check can do that with a minimal of effort.  Most of the hate mails of past were always riddled with typos, poor punctuation/spelling, etc. Not to say that haters are stupid, maybe they are just lazy?

Anyway, I enjoy getting hate mail as it signals that I hit a nerve somewhere. To date, I’ve yet to encounter anyone who can back up their hatred with cold hard facts. Oh yeah, the fall back on religion, biology, and tradition. But those are so pathetically frail as to be laughable. Anyone with half a brain can overturn the reasoning on all three counts with just minimal education. So called “christians” really get pissy when you quote their own book at them refudiating [2]I couldn’t help poking phone at Sara Palin’s stupidity. their nonsense.

I find the best way to approach said nut-jobs is to reply to them in calm, matter-of-fact tones, no matter how excited they get. This drives them absolutely fucking nuts! Being unable to rile you sends them into frenzies of anger. heehee It really is quite fun and I highly recommend it.

References

References
↑1 Of course, anyone w/spell and grammar check can do that with a minimal of effort.
↑2 I couldn’t help poking phone at Sara Palin’s stupidity.

just sayin’…

Ok, so not to be a douche or a heartless bastard but standing in line at a fast food restaurant and bitching about why your very large ass can’t loose weight is probably not the best solution. In fact, it shows that you are just unwilling to make an effort. Don’t get me wrong, loosing weight is hard work. But you didn’t gain 75+ lbs overnight and expecting to loose it so quickly is unrealistic. It takes a methodical  consistent approach with room for failed attempts.

I get so tired of folks who are overweight complaining and yet doing nothing about it. And before you go off on the medical conditions, only a very tiny tiny percentage of the actual population suffers from said conditions. It may not be all your fault but it is your problem.

Let’s be real. We live in a society where convenience and speed is valued more than health. We’ve become obsessed with the “instant gratification” mentality in almost every aspect of our lives. Even our schools no longer focus on promoting and teaching good nutrition. Hell, the very people who supply us our food go out of their way to trick us with misleading labels. It shouldn’t come as a surprise that our culture is mostly overweight.

That said, at the end of the day it is ultimately up to each and everyone of us to keep ourselves healthy. Sitting back and whining while shoveling a weeks worth of dietary fat content down your gullet in on sitting is not the answer. And while not always the most convenient, there are plenty of ways to eat healthier. At the end of the day, if more people walked away from the convenience of fast food and focused on healthy eating, companies would sit up, take notice, and provide a healthier product.

/rant

Surprise

Everyone seems ‘surprised’ by the recent events revolving around the teenage girl Constance, who was duped into going to a fake prom while everyone else went to a different one. Or that Derrick was kicked out by his parents for wanting something so simple and easy as taking his boyfriend to the prom. Really? You are surprised? What world have you been living in? Have we insulated ourselves behind our little bubbles (neighborhoods) that we have forgotten the harsh realities?

Just because I now live in the (make believe) mecca, I haven’t forgotten where I came from and what I went thru growing up. I have all the respect in the world for Constance and Derrick. They took the high road knowing it would create hardship. Granted they probably never realized how big it would become but still. They chose to stand-up and demand equality. They will go into adulthood with a sense of strength lacking in many of their classmates and be better for it.

The really surprising thing about this whole ordeal is that it took this long for it to come out (pun intended). How many of us over the years have gone thru the same or similar situation? I certainly knew I couldn’t bring my boyfriend to the prom way back when. [1]I didn’t go. I figured if I couldn’t bring who I really wanted, the hell with it.  Hell, they might have actually stoned me had I tried. These horrible ideals aren’t new or even surprising. As we become more visible in society more of our struggles will see the light of day. And while I can’t fault those who take the safe route in their lives, I can acknowledge and support those who do.

As the need for news and information has gone global, courtesy of the internet, people everywhere begin to see the harsh reality of what its sometimes like to grow up gay in America. We need to continue to focus on stories like this. We need to shine the light of day on those who would hide behind fear, ignorance, and religion to justify treating human beings less than human. The great thing about the ‘sensationalist’ approach a lot of media outlets have taken too these days is more of the crazies come forward and are exposed for exactly what they are.

References

References
↑1 I didn’t go. I figured if I couldn’t bring who I really wanted, the hell with it.

6Dollar Patience

Sometimes patience is NOT a virtue. Since I can’t sleep at the moment I thought I’d go on a little corporate bitch-fest.

Knowing I love t-shirts, one of my twitter buddies referred me to a site that specializes in cheap but unique shirts. Sounds good right? I hopped over to 6dollarshirts.com and true enough they offered a great selection of not so common t-shirts at a great price. [1]Actually, the shirts were so cheap, the shipping was more than the shirt.

I found a shirt I liked and placed my order. Got a confirmation the very next day that my ‘order had been processed’. I’m like, ‘damn skippy, that was fast’.  I then proceed to wait, wait, and then wait some more. After 2 weeks I sent a short request for an update and got this vague reply.

Hello,

6DollarShirts customer service is extremely backed up right now due to staffing issues. We are working our hardest to answer emails as quickly as possible. In the meantime, we ask for your patience until we get this resolved. We are printing shirts overtime right now and orders are shipping a few days behind schedule . If the matter is extremely urgent, please call us at 352.371.6536.

Thank You,

6DollarShirts.com

My first annoyance, this was clearly a canned response which had no real connection to my order/request. Then I remembered my order was supposed to have already been processed. Now, not only am I feeling annoyed but lied to as well. Needless to say, I was not pleased. Needing to vent, I made a quick bitchy-blurb on twitter. To my surprise, I got a follow up comment thru twitter from the company. I’m thinking, ‘ok, maybe they really are trying’. Lo and behold I find an email in my inbox the very next morning with confirmation of shipment (again).

At this point, I’m somewhat mollified thinking my order is on the way. Sadly, I go on to wait, wait, and wait some more, yet again. I send a 2nd follow up email, to which I got no reply at all. Finally today, a full month to the day, I got my order in the mail. To be fair, the shirt (left) was designed as promised and was overall the product I ordered.

Any excitement I had over getting the item was completely overshadowed by the underhanded business practice used to get a quick sale on a product. Not only that, they made no real attempt to help me as a customer, no apology, no expedited shipping, nothing. No surprise, I doubt I’ll ever spend money on said company again, regardless of how cheap their shirts are.

On a related note, it seems this practice is becoming more and more common every day. There is virtually no concern for real customer service anymore at all. Basically, greed has taken over and everything else is secondary to most companies.

Here’s a clue to all you up and coming ‘entrepreneurs’ out there. People actually don’t mind paying a reasonable price for quality AND service. I’d even argue most people would be willing to pay a little more for exceptional levels of both.

Lesson learned. I guess you really do get what you pay for.

/rant

References

References
↑1 Actually, the shirts were so cheap, the shipping was more than the shirt.

Uptick

In news of the probably not-so-exciting category, I’ve noticed a huge jump in scam related spammy email lately. My email filter does a pretty darn good job of filtering out the crap but I do often quickly scan thru it to catch any false-positives. So anyway, you probably remember the old Nigerian money scam and its many 100’s of variants. Usually written in poor English about someone somewhere in the world trying to access or “free up” millions of dollars from a deceased/deposed person of some sort and “if only you would help” you could have a small percentage (in the millions) for your time and effort.

What this tells me is that people are once again falling for crap like this. It could also just be unscrupulous souls trying to take advantage of the poor economy and people who are desperate for cash. While I’m sure the latter is part of it, these folks focus on scams that work. I get about 10-20 a day now which is a huge spike. Used to, I’d see one every week or so. To see this many all at once is scary to think about.

If you’ve been living under a rock somewhere just try to remember “if it sounds too good to be true, it usually is”. In other words, don’t be an idiot.  Of course, I prefer my granny’s version, “believe none of what you hear and half of what you see.”

Hold Please

I’ve gotten quite a few inquiries on the non-profit I was trying to start a while back. Actually, I got quite a bit of stuff in the mail too. A big thanks to everyone who contributed, I appreciate it and your items have been ferried off accordingly. You should have received your receipts by now.

The bad news is I’ve had the job on hold for several reasons, the primary one being cost. Good lord, its pricey to form a non-profit! Not to mention incredibly confusing and tedious. The IRS code alone was 125 fraking pages! And that’s just for forming and operating one. Not having money to throw away on attorney’s to do the work for me, I read most of’em too. On a side note, I see now why churches get to act as political engines w/o fear of penalty.

I could see my out-of-pocket cost(s) quickly skyrocketing and I’m not willing to fork over that much dough in this economy. Plus, I’m still leaning toward trying to buy a condo around year end. I gotta prioritize a bit. I learned a lot and hope that I can pick it up again later on. While reading thru the tax code was a total pain, it was also very informative. It is amazing what you can legally classify as a “charity”. If the rest of our tax code is as poorly written, no wonder the greedy keep finding loopholes. If our current Prez was smart, he’d work w/Congress to have the tax code completely re-written and updated. I’m quite sure we could solve a massive amount of our national debt this way.

Anyway, I’m still doing my part. And if you are local, I can give you recommendations on where to send stuff for recycling, donating, etc. If not, I highly recommend you google it before throwing your tech junk away. Not only is it tax deductible but you are doing a good deed for the planet. And frankly, our planet needs all the help it can get right now. Its frightening to realize we could see a natural disaster on a global scale caused by pollution in my life time! Every little bit helps, so do your part.

WWMD – Coming Out

This is a hard question for me to answer. Having some significant mental (and physical) scars from my own coming-out, it is not something I often look back on fondly. That said, I’ve come a long way over the years and I wish I would have had the options most gay people have today.

Q: How do you recommend coming out to your family/friends?

A: As I sat down to write this, I realized I’ve touched on it in a variety of ways over the years. I guess it took someone asking before I could tie it all together in one cohesive post.

First off, I hate to break it to ya but there is no one-size-fits-all answer here.  Everyone has a different situation. While I am a big believer in openness and honesty, you have to weigh that honesty with self-preservation. If you are dependent on another, financially or otherwise, it is not always easy to take the high road. However, once you’ve reached a financial stability in your life, fear of survival is no longer an excuse.

From my own experiences growing up in a very rural secluded area, my view of gay people was the limp-wristed, feminine stereotype. While not representing said stereotype, I clearly recognized some traits in myself. It scared the shit out of me at the time. [1]Ironically, I later turned myself into the very same stereotype in an attempt to fit in. I spent many years trying to convince myself I wasn’t really gay. I had no desire to wear women’s clothing/makeup so I couldn’t possibly be gay. I just had this odd sexual attraction to men I couldn’t control no matter how much I wished it away or beat myself up over it. I continuously tried to control my thoughts, feelings, and impulses to no avail. My burgeoning sexuality would not be denied and no matter how hard I tried, I could not “convince” or “change” myself into being 100% straight. [2]Not to mention, the very thought of sex with a woman totally grossed me out. lol The mental anguish I put myself thru was intense and severe. On top of that, I felt guilty for not being able to control myself and this only made me feel worse. It wasn’t until years later I began to realize my failed attempts to ‘fix’ myself were total irrational bullshit

So, the first thing you need to accept and resolve in yourself is that you are not a bad person. You do not need to punish or chastise yourself for expressing a perfectly natural impulse (to you). Whether society has yet to realize that simple truth or not, you have an inalienable right to exist and be, just like everyone else. And for cracker’s sake, do not fall for the foolish notion you have to conform to a higher standard just to obtain the basic rights given to everyone else. We do not need to hold ourselves to a higher standard to obtain equal treatment.

Once you come to terms with accepting yourself, you need to realize you are not alone. While being gay still carries stigma in society, we are more vocal and visual than ever before. Yes, we still have a hard road ahead of us, but we have more rights than anytime in modern history. Not only that, the age of technology and the internet has made it easier than ever to reach out to others. On a side note, your sexuality on the Kinsey Scale may vary based on genetics. [3]Not everyone ranks as polar opposites, totally straight or gay. It may take you some time to figure this part out.

Please understand your refusal to act on natural impulses does not make you a ‘convert’ no matter how hard the religious fundies try to say otherwise. Teaching yourself to hate or deny your id is wrong and unhealthy at best. The real damage often comes from trying to force yourself to be something you aren’t, straight. Not only do we end up hurting ourselves, we also hurt people around us.

I won’t tackle the religion angle here other than to make one point. The fundamental failure in religious interpretation is the failed assumption sexuality is a choice vs genetic. Science (and nature) has consistently shown sexuality is tied as much to our genetics as anything else. And frankly, how much gall does it take for someone who is straight to try and tell someone who is gay its a choice?  So because you (as a straight person) can’t identify with being gay, it must be a choice? Oh yeah Watson, brilliant deduction skills there. /sarcasm.

Back to the topic. Ultimately, you have to do what you think is right for you. I would argue you will spend more amounts of time more trying to hide it than you ever would dealing with the issues that come up over being honest. Hiding behind fear is not the answer. To borrow a phrase, “fear is the mind-killer”. It will cripple you and potentially do irreparable harm to your mental/physical well-being. IMHO, you cannot deny such a fundamental tenant of your existence. To do so only works for so long. Eventually the id finds a way to express itself, be it emotional or physical. Oh and don’t think for a moment living a ‘straight’ life with discreet encounters on the side makes you any more straight. You are only deluding yourself. Chances are high, your family, friends, coworkers, etc probably already know or suspect.  Humans have innate senses and often put things together whether it be on a conscious level or not.

I have a firm belief the driving force in society changing peoples minds is each of us living openly and honest.  People quickly realize we aren’t that much different when you get right down to it. Yeah, we enjoy same sex relationships, but otherwise we are pretty much the same. Our only ‘agenda’ is to have the same basic rights afforded everyone else under the law, free of persecution; the pursuit of life, love, and happiness. We have the same goals, ideals, hopes and dreams.

So that is my answer. Take it as you will.

References

References
↑1 Ironically, I later turned myself into the very same stereotype in an attempt to fit in.
↑2 Not to mention, the very thought of sex with a woman totally grossed me out. lol
↑3 Not everyone ranks as polar opposites, totally straight or gay. It may take you some time to figure this part out.

Right or Wrong

As you know, I rarely weigh in on politics (for a reason). However, I’ve been mulling this one over for awhile now. I’m quite sure my opinion is in the minority. Well, that is why its called an opinion. Just like assholes, ever body has one. I’ve been reading a lot of the fall out over Obama’s lackluster support for LGBT rights, gay marriage, and opposing DOMA, DODT, etc. [1]Maybe because we’ve become selfish and only notice instant gratification? Specifically, all the indignation about how our current Prez has ‘failed us’.

For the record, I am disappointed in our current President. He could be doing more to promote equality for the LGBT community. That said, I’m not ready to throw the book or even give up on him just yet. I’d like to think I have a more pragmatic view but that’s just me. When I voted for Obama, I did so knowing he would not wave a magic wand and fix everything overnight. I voted for him thinking he was the best choice of the candidates available to choose from. I still support that decision. Was he perfect for gays? No. We knew that ahead of time. Will he deliver on everything he promised? Probably not. What President ever has? The last President who rushed into trying to overcome centuries of prejudice left us with DADT. Oh what a great compromise that turned out to be.

While I am disappointed by Obama’s lackluster support, I am also trying to see the bigger picture here. Our country is facing some of the largest crises in our history. Our financial markets are practically in ruins from rampant deregulation. Our country is virtually broke and we are “robbing Peter to pay Paul”. [2]If China called in our debt, this would be the US of China. Our healthcare system is on the verge of collapsing under its on mismanaged weight. More and more companies are going under daily and adding to the already record numbers of unemployed. Not to mention, we are facing two wars overseas, a pending disaster with North Korea, and now Iran’s turmoil threatens to embroil us even further.

And here is the part that irritates me the most. We are quick to jump on the “he let us down” bandwagon, but in California during the Prop 8 campaign, the number of identified LGBT voters was way lower than our actual numbers. Had more of us stood up and exercised our constitutional right to vote, I firmly believe Prop 8 would have failed. Many foolishly assumed it was ‘shoe-in’ so they did nothing while our enemies mobilized their own numbers. And look where our complacency and indifference got us. Oh yes, we were quick to point fingers and blame. And I ask you, what has that gotten us? Nothing, zero, zip, nadda, zilch. Personally, I see it as a cop-out. We blame others in an effort to absolve ourselves of any personal responsibility. In the process, we give up our power and relegate ourselves to the “helpless victim” mentality. How many of you reading this right now has contacted a single government representative at any level? Even simpler, have you done anything at all, besides complain?

I have a radical idea. How about we get off our collective asses and get involved. Whether it be thru voting, marching, volunteering, educating, donating, whatever. Everyone of us can contribute, one way or another. Contact your local, State, and Federal representatives and let them know you expect results. In an age of electronic communication, its as simple as type and click. We can forward stupid memes, pics, porn, and funny emails till we are blue in the face, but we can’t contact our elected leaders? How sad is that?

Instead of whining like petulant children about how “Obama has failed us”, we should be focused on continually keeping our struggles in the public eye. No matter how hard the haters try, we are not going away. Stop sitting on the sidelines waiting for someone else to protect us. No one is asking you to go broke for the cause but every single person can find small luxury items that could be converted to donations for LGBT organizations. [3]Booze, bars, cigarettes, starbucks, porn, etc. Blasphemy, I know. Volunteer to man phone banks, mailing lists, voter registrations, street walking campaigns, etc. There are a ton of ways each and every one of us can be part of the solution.

The point here is pinning all our hopes on one man and then getting angry when he doesn’t deliver is foolish and naive. Yes, he could be doing better. Yes, we should hold him accountable for his promises. And yes, we should continue to demand more. But, the same is true of ourselves.

/rant

References

References
↑1 Maybe because we’ve become selfish and only notice instant gratification?
↑2 If China called in our debt, this would be the US of China.
↑3 Booze, bars, cigarettes, starbucks, porn, etc. Blasphemy, I know.