Category: society

Nude

The latest drama to roll SF is an upcoming proposal by one of the Board of Sups, Scott Weiner, [1]Yes, his real name and yes I know. to ban nudity in public places. While he did include a caveat that excludes fairs and events, it still would ban all forms of nudity in public. Not even your buttocks could be exposed under the new proposal. This is a tad more extreme than even some conservative cities. I’m sure some reading this would be very surprised that nudity, in any form, is allowed in public. While there are several ordinances on the books about lewd behavior, SF currently has no specific ordinance against nudity in general. And many of us here realize nudity is not something to be ashamed of…within reason. And therein lies my rant today.  

Anyone that knows me knows I am no stranger to nudity, sex, or even a little voyeurism. [2]Some of you reading can probably speak first-hand. *ahem* anyway… But from my perspective, it’s not so much about the nudity but respect. It is plain disrespectful and rude to parade around in a busy residential & business district butt-naked. And your desire to be naked does not trump everyone else’s desire not to see it. It is not shameful to want to avoid it while you are going about your daily routine and/or business. And we aren’t talking about the beaches or even the parks. We are talking right out in the public plazas. I don’t find it disgusting or offensive but I do find it rude and disrespectful. I am rarely a fan of legislating behavior,  but what’s left to do? They have pushed the envelope to the point where no one wants it anymore.  

In my opinion, no one seems to understand what balance means anymore. It’s “my way or the highway.” We have plenty of spaces, places, and events here that allow, condone, and even support nudity. We clearly have room and place to express ourselves. We do not have to grind it into everyone’s face to get our jollies. Even worse, the so-called nudists have taken to wearing cockrings now and trying to claim it’s ‘jewelry.’  Bullshit. 

Of course, you should hear some of the hang-wringing and stuff being said on both sides of the argument. Everything from the completely logical to the utterly made-up and insane. Some of the comments were so ludicrous as to be hilarious. And I’m sure there are many who do argue against it out of a misguided sense of shame, religion, or not being comfortable with their own bodies. Even in SF, you have the fundies but that isn’t the point.

Then there was the  ‘the republicans are taking over’ and of course, ‘what about the children’ argument. Whatever that means. Children have no idea anything is wrong until you act like it so spare me on that front. If we are going to argue against it rationally, then the reasons should be based on reason, not stupid shams used over and over again. Then on the other side you have ludicrous statements claiming it’s a hate crime or discrimination. This is where they lost my support completely. It is not hate, shame, or discrimination to expect a minimum level of decency in busy public spaces. Asking you to cover your bare genitals is not a hate crime and to claim it is demeans and marginalizes the victims of such very real crimes.

Anyway, I hate to say it but it’s their own fault. Most of the so-called nudists are the same ones you see at the fairs beating their meat for a thrill. Sadly, they have probably given the few traditional nudists involved a bad name now. Having the privilege to be naked wasn’t enough they had to keep pushing it as far as they could. Well guess what? A lot of the locals have had enough and have started complaining in record numbers. And of course, the board of sups, tired of having their inboxes and voicemail blown up over it, has proposed new legislation to ban nudity.

I personally hope that the ordinance gets watered down a bit. I love SF and the freedoms that come with living in such a progressive city. But, being cited for walking from bar to bar in ass-less chaps is probably a bit overkill. And while the police have better things to do, [3]and they do! if someone called and insisted on signing a complaint, they would be bound to enforce the law. Either way, it is a sad state of affairs when we are fighting over something so stupid and childish when we have so many bigger issues at hand.

Even as gregarious and open about things as I am, I still don’t want to see it when I’m going about my day. As I said, from my point of view it is about respect for others in public spaces and balance. There is a time and place for everything and there has to be a defining line somewhere. Unfortunately, now because of abuse, that line might end up being further to the right than we would have wanted.

* 

On a slight tangent, many have argued for the old days and lamented the loss of the “freedoms” we had in the past. I’m sorry but we can’t have it both ways. We can’t argue for equality under the law and then get mad when we are held to the standards of society at large. We have emerged into the mainstream and can’t turn around. And given the choice, I’d go for equality. Being treated equal under the law and all that comes with that is far far better to me than the loss of a few freedoms. Freedoms ironically developed as a coping mechanism to a society that shunned and hated us.  

References

References
↑1 Yes, his real name and yes I know.
↑2 Some of you reading can probably speak first-hand. *ahem* anyway…
↑3 and they do!

Comment

Interesting factoid. Ever since I commented on the other site a while back about the reparative therapy guy preaching how he wasn’t really cured of ‘the gay‘ but was turning his life over to [insert deity of choice] my junk mail has taken on a very ‘christian’ theme. lol Co-weenky-dink or God’s gentle people being a bit bitter? You decide.

Either way, all new comments get held till I can log in to review them. This catches about 99% of the wackos. Sometimes, I read thru them just to get a good laugh.

On a side rant, some of the s p @ m m e r s are getting creative. Some of the comments are relevant to the post but the outgoing links are to junk sites. lol Don’t they know I check ‘sheet‘ before it’s approved? lol

Boycott

I thought for sure I’d rambled on here about boycotts but a quick search of my stream showed nothing, so here goes…

I’ll keep this short and sweet. There is a lot of brouhaha over the boycott of Chick-fil-a in the news lately. First, I’ve been avoiding them for almost two decades. My first experience with said company was back in my early 20’s and once was enough. I smelled their crazy right away and haven’t eaten their since.

As I was writing this, I stumbled across this post on Towleroad. Couldn’t have said it better myself.

They may have the right to donate to causes meant to make me a 2nd-class citizen (or worse), but I also have the right not to give them my money. I don’t care one whit if my lack of support puts them out of business. Sometimes, the message is more important than the outcome IMHO. Conversely, I try to support those who stand up for equality, not just for myself but for all.

What else needs to be said?

Dear Kid v2.0

I swear I didn’t plan my last post and this one together. lol I do find it extremely ironic though. Anyway…

I stumbled over this post by chance via a friend on Google+ a few days ago. I highly encourage you to go read it and come back. Seriously, go read it. You can scroll down to about the 60 comment mark and then again around 150 comments for my rather long replies. [1]PS I’d ask that if you do comment over there, please refrain from being ugly or rude. You can also see how my comment is quickly dismissed as I’m hating on him.

I wasn’t bothered that his “letter” shined a light on our shortcomings and failures. He touches on some very real problems within the gay community. What bothered me was the glaring over-generalizations and implications behind his speech. He marginalized all of us because of his own failures. In essence, because he couldn’t cope with being gay, he decided being gay can’t be healthy. Because his coming out wasn’t everything he expected, he fell into bad habits, and his sex wasn’t as exciting as porn he equates being gay as a failure. [2]Yes, he actually compared his sex life to porn. He goes on to insult all of the couples out there who have been together for decades by implying they don’t exist. Normally, I would just ignore it and move on but his attempts to use half-truths and misrepresentations to prey on folks who might stumble upon his site got to me.

I make no secret about my struggle with compulsive behavior over the years. Nor do I hold myself out to be some holier-than-thou who is above all the petty failings that plague our community. But the difference between the author and myself is I chose to embrace what I am, the good and the bad. I work to strengthen the good while continuing to work on the bad. I accept the community I live in is not perfect. I recognize that while we are all responsible for our choices many of us have developed unhealthy coping mechanisms. I no longer search for role models to emulate. Instead, I try to be the type of man I’d like to date. I do not give myself over to his God to solve my problems. I choose to change and better myself.

At the end of the letter you get the sense the author has exchanged one coping mechanism for another. His attempt to make life all better by coming out failed so he has absolved himself of any responsibility by putting it in god’s hands. And now because it’s magically a god issue he can avoid accepting responsibility. Convenient wouldn’t you say? As I said in my comment, I feel sorry for him. I hope that he finds peace within himself.

I also decided to write my own version of his letter.

Dear Gay Kid v2.0:

Congratulations for finally being able to admit to yourself and others that you are gay. I applaud your tremendous courage and welcome you with open arms. You are not alone. You join a community as broad and diverse as humanity itself. We come from all walks of life: male, female, black, white, asian, christian, muslim, agnostic, etc. Know that you are worthy of love and respect. Your inalienable right to be is not up for debate and never ever let anyone tell your differently.

Unfortunately, we do not yet live in a world of total acceptance. You may find life harder and more challenging for your honesty. Coming out is not a fix-all for your life or problems. It is but one step of many you will take. Along the way you will encounter those who deny and fear you. You may even encounter some who wish to do you harm out of their own ignorance. You see, they do not understand, and anything not understood is often feared. Some will hate you because they recognize a tiny part of you in themselves. In that recognition you will represent a target for their pain.

Others will be blinded by religious dogma. They are locked in a pattern of denial based on a lifetime of rhetoric. To admit you were born gay would be to admit their religion, written by man, is flawed. And that is something they cannot fathom. Even worse, some will attempt to use lies, half-truths, misrepresentations, and your own doubts against you. If you are a person of faith, it can be a source of great support, but do not be misled. Seek truth and answers on your own. The answers will speak for themselves.

In times of doubt you’ll wonder, ‘Why me? Why can’t I be like every one else?’ What I can tell you is it will always come back to a fundamental choice. You can deny who you are and spend your life reinforcing that denial, or you can accept it. It is here I am reminded of the words of Benjamin Franklin, “On the whole, though I never arrived at the perfection I had been so ambitious of obtaining, but fell far short of it, yet as I was, by the endeavor, a better and a happier man than I otherwise should have been had I not attempted it.” In simpler terms, even though perfection is a goal we will never reach, we are better for our attempts to reach it.

Because we are born different, part of our struggle must be to rise above the fears and ignorance of those who do not understand us. We must strive not to fall prey to the mistakes of those who came before us. By living openly & honestly we show the world how small our differences really are. And finally, through our struggles we make the world better not only for ourselves but those who come after us.

I wish you the very best!

Moby

References

References
↑1 PS I’d ask that if you do comment over there, please refrain from being ugly or rude.
↑2 Yes, he actually compared his sex life to porn.

eBooks

Ok Somehow, this damn thing posted before I finished….

I bitched a while back about some of my frustrations with printed media making the jump to digital, albeit slowly and sporadically. Since then, I’ve been watching a slow but gradual convergence. It seems unlike the music/movie industry, the book publishers haven’t been as stand offish over the whole digital jump. Don’t get me wrong, they are still being greedy by charging the same price as a paperback for digital content, but at least they are allowing it to be available.

Sadly, some authors aren’t as gung-ho and have fought to keep their works out of the digital forum. They will find themselves relegated to the dusty shelves their books are sitting on if they don’t wake up. From a simple supply/demand point-of-view, the digital convergence is not a matter of if but when.

I’m happy that many more works are making the jump almost every day though. This time last year when I was ranting about some of the draconian bills going thru congress, only 1 of my fave authors had all of their works available in e-format and now all 3 have chunks of their works online. Many of my favorite mags have also made the jump with only one not having an e-format.

I can honestly say I’ve started reading a lot more. Having an ipad with a Kindle app, I can access virtually any book in my e-library at a moment’s notice. The only down side is any of my favorite books that I already have in print still have to be repurchased in the new format. *grumble grumble*

Hell, even porn has gone digital. lol You can get a plethora of books, short stories, etc of the adult variety, gay or straight, on amazon, apple, google, or even direct from the author. And as the saying goes, ‘where porn goes, so does the rest.‘ You laugh but look back at every time the porn industry as embraced a new format and you’ll notice a giant shift overall. Oh yes, for all our nay-saying, sex still sells. lol

Green

I guess I’m on my high-horse as of late. After my last rant I got to thinking. When in my life was I the happiest? It was back when I was in my 20’s and I barely had a pot to piss in. I was barely making ends meet and yet I was so carefree and happy. I spent almost 2 years living out of my car and yet I look back on it as some of the happiest times in my life. Ironic wouldn’t you say?

I look at my life then and now and I’m a bit envious. Part of it was because other than basic necessities I had virtually no worries. I didn’t care that I didn’t have nice clothes, a home, or a plethora of electronic gadgets. I didn’t have a stack of bills demanding my constant attention. I realize being carefree was a blessing and hope that I can find that feeling again someday.

At this moment in my life I’m not overly happy. Don’t get me wrong, I have a lot to be thankful for but I’m not happy. I struggle with bouts of depression and frustration over my financial woes. If it wasn’t for little Cooper, I honestly don’t know where I’d be right now emotionally. Compared to a lot of people out there I make damn good money. Yet, I can barely keep a roof over my head right now. I’m so mired in debt I can barely pay my bills. And yes I realize a huge chunk of my debt load was unavoidable but that doesn’t change things.

I wonder how many millions of people out there are in the same boat I’m in or worse? I may have more things now but I miss the days of being carefree.

Backwards

Every time I hear someone refer to how advanced we are as a species, I point them to one of the many random headlines regarding discrimination against women, minorities, and gays. If that’s not enough then look to the senseless wars and deaths on a global scale We put profit above human lives. We put things above people’s well-being. We are not evolved. If anything we are moving to an unavoidable meltdown. The divide between the haves and have nots is growing exponentially. Eventually, all hell is going to break loose. You would think looking back on our long bloody history of fear, hate, and discrimination we would wise up and realize the truth; being different does not equate to being bad.

The idea that in this day and age we are still fighting over something as simple as who I should love and share my life with is preposterous! And all of it stems from ignorance and an unwillingness to accept anyone who is different. Ignorance is now celebrated in many parts of the world. People no longer care about the truth, especially if it gets in the way of their selfish pursuits. It is sickening. Instead of rising above our baser emotions, we are succumbing to them.

Our so called religious leaders no longer hold themselves to a standard of faith. Almost ever day now you read about priests/pastors/preachers, etc 1) ripping people off, 2) stealing, or 3) molesting kids and then covering it up. These are our spiritual leaders? Are you fucking kidding me? Even worse, fanatics that used to be ignored are now paraded on national TV because it gets sensationalist style ratings. Let me sum up all religions on this planet for you. You ready?

1) Follow the spirit, not the flesh
2) My way is the only way
3) Everyone who doesn’t believe as I believe is lost or evil.
Oh and I almost forgot…
4) Give me all your wealth.

That’s it. The first point is pretty much the only one worth saving. The others should be done away with if we hope to survive. How many millions of people have died in the last 12 centuries based on #2 and #3? How many people are dying right now?

Greed and the pursuit of things has consumed us as a society and is driving us to a breaking point. We are not evolving. If anything we are devolving and if we don’t do something soon, I fear for us as a species.

One

Unless you’re living under a rock you know that yet another horrible discriminatory amendment passed in North Caroline recently. The fundies managed to rush thru a smear campaign of lies and scare tactics. They’ve discovered the latter the only way they can effectively get people to vote to enshrine discrimination into their state constitutions. It was a sad day for the LGBT folks in NC. Ironically, the last time NC amended it’s constitution was to ban interracial marriage.

We all know where this is headed. The fundies know they can’t get a federal amendment passed so they are working in as many states as they can to keep us 2nd class citizens as long as possible. They also are all-in on trying to get Obama ousted next term. They are so desperate right now they would vote for anyone that gives them lip service. Overall support for us is growing more and more every year and they are quaking in their boots over that. Eventually, a federal law will pass nullifying all these hateful anti-gay measures. It will be years before we see it happen but I am confident it will.

However, it is important now more than ever that we continue to vote and make our voices heard. I’ve been somewhat disappointed in President Obama; however, he finally made me proud by making a symbolic statement for equality. I believe this was his strategy all along. If anything, I’m surprised he came out in full support of gay marriage before the upcoming election. And while I am extremely proud of him, I hope that it doesn’t hurt his chances at reelection. Another glaring reason why you need to vote. If you aren’t registered, please do so. It is times like these that we must make our voices heard. We must continue to hold those who are elected to represent us to represent ALL of us. Those who hate us are motivated and organized and if we don’t step up, we have no one but ourselves to blame.

Anyway, I’m dismayed yet another state fell for propaganda, racism, lies, and fear-mongered even though I’m not surprised. I send my love and best wishes to all those there who will have yet an even harder fight toward equality now.

No Homo

Two things this post.

I was reading the other day about a gay bar called NeverMind in Copenhagen that had banned a straight couple from kissing and then promptly kicked them out when they complained. Here’s the link courtesy of Towleroad.

First, I find it ironic this story even exists. Who da thunk it, right? lol I think the owners had good intentions but overreacted a bit. But, I don’t know if I have a good answer anymore either. I find my own ideas on the subject evolving over time. I do know as we go more mainstream, it silly to think straights won’t begin to invade our places, en masse. On one hand that is a good thing and we should be glad they feel comfortable around us. But, we haven’t reached a point where we can go into their bars and show affection for each other. Until we do I think we need our own spaces. I’m not saying they aren’t welcome but respect should be given both ways and I think therein lies the problem. Male or female, I often encounter straights in our environment who feel entitled to behave however they see fit because they are straight. As if somehow that validates their behavior. Sorry but no. Until you walk a mile in our shoes for awhile, don’t be so quick to flaunt your rights. Our spaces were hard-earned while yours are a given. If you come our spaces it is not acceptable for you to be disrespectful or thru bravado or even drunkenness act entitled because you were born with a different form of attraction. Don’t go bonkers when you are asked to curb your behavior. You are getting but a taste of what we go thru.

We should also try to be more accommodating though too. Banning straights from a gay bar is silly. [1]Now if your bar is totally geared toward sexual conquests or hook-ups, that’s a different story. Sorry but straights have no business in our hook-up bars, well unless they wanna get laid. hehehe We should also be willing to accommodate a little ignorance as we educate our straight brethren. For my part, anytime my straight friends go to a gay bar with me they know what to expect because I’ve told them. I always warn them to expect someone, male or female, may hit on them. As long as the line of decency isn’t crossed, and I would hold that to anyone, just roll with the punches and be polite.

I honestly believe we are moving toward a day where, straight or gay, it won’t matter. But until we get there, I think navigating such a complicated issue isn’t easy and requires understanding on both sides.

*

On a side rant, I got really pissed at some guy on Google+ the other day. He was complimenting a mutual online friend on his hard work in the gym. No problem until he felt the need to preface his compliment with the ever immature ‘nohomo‘ phrase. Are you fucking kidding me? Since it wasn’t my feed I kept my cool but just barely, and I still let him know it was stupidly immature to make such a comment.

I don’t even know if the mutual social friend is gay or straight and I could care less. To preface a comment like that reeks of stupidity. One, as if one man complimenting another is bad and two, if you do it might seem gay and that is bad. Hell-to-the-No! I half expected the mutual friend to delete my comment or even ban me from his circles but he just rolled with it. The other guy didn’t reply so maybe he took the hint. Either way, I really don’t care. I’ve reached an age and level where I will not stand idly and be insulted, even indirectly. And letting others know their behavior, however ignorantly well-meaning, is inappropriate is a big step to curbing said behavior.

\rant

References

References
↑1 Now if your bar is totally geared toward sexual conquests or hook-ups, that’s a different story. Sorry but straights have no business in our hook-up bars, well unless they wanna get laid. hehehe

Bi

This Guy is facing felony charges now for plowing thru a busy intersection in SF, not to mention the heart of the Castro. The story grabbed national headlines afterwards because the cyclist, a blogger, took to a local cycling site after the incident making some very careless comments about the guy dying to save his helmet. The comments were eventually removed by the site after massive reader backlash.

Anyway, I mention it because SF is one of the most cyclist friendly cities in the nation. That being said, the friction between cyclists and vehicles has increased exponentially in the last 11 years I’ve lived here. Many point fingers at Critical Mass, a local cyclist event meant to bring attention to the plight of cyclists. Varied amounts of riders gather on the last Friday of every month here and basically set out across the city blocking traffic and intersections. While CM started for good reasons it has devolved into a punk-a-thon of riders looking for mayhem and does more harm to the cause of cyclists in SF than any good it ever created. [1]And for the record, there are conscientious, law abiding cyclists in SF and in CM

Being a motorcycle rider, I try to be friendly to cars, cyclists, and pedestrians. Lord knows there are plenty of idiots in every category. I’ve had peds walk out in front of me, cars cut me off, and cyclists jump in front of me trying to beat traffic. And while I do think CM does create a lot of negative attention for cyclists in SF, I do not feel it is the biggest culprit. LIke many societal issues, it boils down to respect. Very few in any category above give respect to the others. Each feels entitled in their own way.

Many car owners think the own the roads and make virtually no allowances for anyone else. They are oblivious to anyone but other vehicles. Taxis are some of the absolute worst offenders. Cyclists ignore 99% of traffic laws, ride on streets, sidewalks, crosswalks and virtually anywhere two-wheels will carry them. Many are belligerent to anyone who interferes with ‘their” riding or act indignant if you confront them for stupid antics. I had an incident recently where I was walking Cooper. We were crossing at a crosswalk and these 2 cyclist come barreling down the street with no intention of stopping. One girl presumes to yell it me to get out of “her” way. She promptly got cussed out and had she hit Cooper, I probably would have yanked her off the bike and beat her with its chain. [2]I get very defensive of Cooper when I’m out in public. I can only imagine what I’d be like if I had children.

Many motorcyclists are overly aggressive and try too hard to cheat traffic and road conditions. They tailgate, split lanes, or make turns way too aggressively IMHO. While I do lane split, I try to always be aware of others and even then that doesn’t always help. lol. Pedestrians are no better. They often walk blindly into traffic without even looking to see what’s coming; comfortable in the knowledge they have the “right of way.” Well sweetie, when you get run over and killed because you couldn’t be bothered to look, we’ll write that on your tombstone, “here lies an idiot, he had the right of way.”

Without some sort of combined public education/outreach program the problem is only going to get worse. All of us need to learn to share the road, obey traffic laws or at least pay attention before proceeding, and share the road with each other. I know it sounds very kumbaya but it’s also true. There is no reason we can’t all enjoy the roadways and get from point A to point B w/o someone getting maimed, or worse killed. I encourage you, whatever your mode of transportation, be mindful you are not alone on the roadways and be willing to share the road.

References

References
↑1 And for the record, there are conscientious, law abiding cyclists in SF and in CM
↑2 I get very defensive of Cooper when I’m out in public. I can only imagine what I’d be like if I had children.