photo – Moby Files: Blog

Shopping

We’ve been on a bit of a necessary shopping spree lately.

The hubby bought us a car. It’s a 2023 Chevy Bolt EUV. Of course he got a blue one because I love blue. He actually did months of research and lots of back and forth. He got a great deal on it and we love it. So far we only have a few small nitpicks on design issues. Overall, it’s been a good buy.

It was a convenience buy, but now that we have it we are fast switching to depending on it. Yeah we got along ok without it, but it’s turning out to be more than worth it. Going out of the country aka across the bridge, is so much more convenient now! 😂

Our new couch arrives this coming weekend. ^[1]Lawd it was pricey I hate our current sectional. It served its purpose and we got what we paid for. We just clearly didn’t know what we needed when we bought it. We definitely know what we want this time around. I’ve hated it since about the second month we got it. We are donating it to Habit for Humanity as it’s still in decent condition.

As much as I like our new car, I cannot wait for the new couch. It met all of our bullet points and we didn’t have to compromise on a single bullet point to make it fit. The runner-up couch was our first choice for a while, but we ended up having to make too many sacrifices to make it fit. It was just designed to be a large couch. This one is already about a foot longer than we wanted, but it’s perfect for our needs. It’s dog friendly as well of course.

I’m irritated with myself that we waited so long. I spend most of my time at home on the couch. Why put up with it for so long? It’s called pro..cras..ti..nation! 😆

Next on the list is a new mattress. I got one about two years ago now and boy did I botch it up. 😂 I got so fixated on getting a good deal I did not get what I really needed. This time around I’m singularly focused on comfort. Of course, it couldn’t be easy. We’re both side sleepers, but I also need firm back support for obvious reasons. Sleeping on a firm mattress as a side sleeper leads to shoulder pain. Apparently, I’m having to branch out into what’s called zoned support mattresses. Of course, they are more expensive. Of course!

I haven’t settled on a choice yet. I’m doing more research this time. The top contender so far is the Saata Classic version. If you have first hand knowledge of this brand let me know. Helix is rated well but I’ve seen several bad reviews from side sleepers.

We’ve been putting it off our various buys for months and months. We budget for an item and then end up “getting distracted,” or at least I do. I’m a civil servant so I definitely budget for new buys. All the mandatory overtime had certainly helped. For whatever reason we finally got off our asses and got it done.

After these big buys, I think we’re done for a while. At least I hope we are.

References[+]

References
↑1	Lawd it was pricey

Ablation 2

Well, I had my 2nd ablation on my back this week. After almost 3 years, it was past time. The daily pain and discomfort were too much to manage. Everyone seemed surprised I went this long. Apparently, the procedure usually only lasts a year or two at most.

I guess I was probably past due and stubborn. I don’t like going to hospitals. I spent a big chunk of my early life, including my very first year alive, in one. I try to avoid it when I can. I’ve learned not to be too stubborn though. Anyway, I did everything I could to manage it. We changed mattresses (again), I did yoga style and decompression exercises and exercises to strengthen it when I could in the gym. It all worked to varying degrees for awhile, but it got to the point where I just couldn’t sleep w/o sleep inducing muscle relaxers. They did a great job managing my sleep but it began creeping more into my comfort zones during the day. Needless to say, it was time.

So far, I’m feeling better than after the first one. The old nerves didn’t grow back but they couldn’t “cut them all” I guess. Lol So this time around they dissolved a whole new batch of pain nerves. I woke up the day after with zero pain in my back for the first time in at least 5 years. It was wonderful. I’m not sure how long this will last, but I’m so going to enjoy it as long as I can. Last time, it helped tremendously but I still routinely had pain to varying degrees. The biggest benefit from the last procedure was no more back spasms. I was so grateful then to be free of the spasms, I didn’t even think twice about the success of the procedure. This time around I’m actually in no pain so far. Realistically, I don’t expect that to last. As the situation continues, I’m sure other nerves will become reactive to compensate for the muscles being continuously aggravated by the spinal bones grinding together.

The doc did say I’m likely to be back sooner for the inflammation part of the equation. This procedure primarily deals with the nerves causing pain in the muscles. Occasionally, the disc itself gets inflamed and causes its own issues and pain. I can usually manage it with over the counter meds, but I’ll probably be back in a year (or less) for a steroid injection to create more lasting relief from inflammation. Time will tell. One thing I am hoping for this time is more time strengthening the muscles. Previously, even light exercises would make the whole area flare up and stay aggravated for days. There were very few days where I could get an actual workout in for the lower back muscles.

For now, I’m so grateful to be relatively pain free. I say relative because I can still feel things “aren’t right” in the area. Every so often, I twist or move a certain way and I can feel things ajar, so to speak. No pain for the time being and I’ll take it!

Hope springs eternal!

Home

We’re home from the honeymoon and sadly back to reality. I didn’t think much of all the negative drama in our country while away, but it all came crashing back today while catching up on the news. (I’m feeling chatty today)

Anyway, Puerto Vallarta (PV) was both fun and relaxing. We had a bit of a learning curve as we weren’t overly familiar with where to go or what to do. We landed with plenty of recommendations, so it was mostly deciding which to do and when. Apparently, we went the weekend after a big bear event (no, not that one) and the weekend before spring break hit. Not to say it wasn’t busy, just our timing was off. 😂

The last two times I’ve been were both via boat, which were fun but a lot less planning and logistics are involved. We had a great time with beaches, boats, pool parties, food, boys, etc and not always in that order. We’ve already decided to go back for the infamous Beef Dip next year. ^[1]Shawn’s been bugging me to go for a couple years now, but I had the destinations confused and thought it was in Sitges. Next time we’ll have better first hand knowledge for smoother scheduling. Nothing bad happened at all, we just inadvertently missed some things we would have done because we went on the wrong days/nights. Overall, it was a great trip. We both felt we stayed just long enough. And we were both eager to be home with our beloved Daisy. She was in good hands but would not leave our side at all last night. She clearly missed us as much as we missed her. How precious is that face, I ask you? 🤣

Our friends kept texting how wonderfully behaved she was the whole time. We were beginning to think they had the wrong dog. J/k For all our bluster, she is pretty well behaved. If it is possible, she cuddled even harder than usual last night.

I didn’t think I’d feel different after we got married, but I do. ^[2]See what I did there?… It doesn’t necessarily feel more real, but I feel closer to him now. It could be the indirect psychological conditioning of the idea of “marriage” in Western culture, but I’m running with it. It still feels a bit surreal though. I never dreamed of actually getting married. I grew up knowing I was considered a second class citizen so getting to say those words carried more emotions than I thought.

At the end of the day, I still only want for his happiness. I couldn’t imagine my life without him now to be honest, but being happy should be first in anyone’s life. Forgetting for a moment he’s been with me for 12 years, I just enjoy being with him. Even when we argue, which is rare, I do so knowing I still love him. I’m fond of saying, “he puts up with me”and he says, “I put up with his nagging”. I just see two people walking thru life together; who are both imperfect but willing to be so with each other.

For you few long time readers here, you’ll remember I don’t cater to fairytale ideas of love. Frankly, I’d never want to force that role on anyone. If Shawn and I spend the rest of our lives together, I will be grateful that we were compatible and loving each other. But if we ever do separate for whatever reason, I’d still only want for his happiness. That to me is the idea of true love.

So here I sit with most of my life’s goals accomplished. I can and do ask more of my life, but to say I am grateful would be an understatement. Looking back over the pain, the anguish, the struggles, and the sheer tenacity of my life, I am truly humbled to be this happy. I wish nothing but the same for anyone reading this.

References[+]

References
↑1	Shawn’s been bugging me to go for a couple years now, but I had the destinations confused and thought it was in Sitges.
↑2	See what I did there?…

History

So, this was set up in front of the old steam room door at the Fitness SF gym in the Castro yesterday. 😂

The gym announced a couple weeks ago that today would begin the remodel of the showers, including removal of the old steam room. The little memorial drew tons of giggles and laughs, myself included.

To say the old steam room (and showers) had a torrid past would be an understatement. It definitely had a “history.” And in honor of an era ending, here’s a little extra history because I know you’re dying to know. 😉

When I first moved to SF, prior to the “apps”, the steam room was practically a required destination. Couples were routinely made and/or broken in there on a regular basis. The later arrival of “apps” only made it more popular. People from all over the world are familiar with that little room.

While going thru a couple different names, the gym has been owned by the same owners since it opened. Said owners knew the steam room was cruisy and knowing it brought them business, they pretty much ignored all but the most egregious shenanigans. However, when they left Gold’s in favor of becoming their own brand, they suddenly “cared” and started cracking down. I say cracking down but basically they’d throw a tantrum if someone got caught. Guys learned to be more discreet. And considering employees were sometimes partaking while off duty, the cries of misuse rang somewhat hollow. ^[1]Allegedly! As Katy Griffin would say …

Fast forward to 2013, they shut down the steam room permanently. The official excuse was too many shenanigans, but multiple employees told an entirely different story. They also tried claiming the health dept threatened to shut them down…a lie easily debunked. It was just greed. Many of their existing gyms at the time had much older equipment and they didn’t want to invest in repairing/replacing them. The shenanigans made a convenient culprit. ^[2]When they took over the Fillmore location, they kept that steam room until COVID.

After COVID, there was a revival of sorts but the action moved to the showers. Not as ballsy, but still on the daily. And then late last year, they took to door off the showers to discourage any unapproved activity. (Not that it really stopped anyone.)

Basically, as the owners’ ‘brand’ grew and became more widely known, they wanted to discourage any idea they cater to adults engaging in anonymous sex. I mean how terrible, right?! Forgetting that all the other gyms have their own stories, they wanted to shut down the appearance of any support.

In the end, I don’t blame them. I do wish they’d been more honest about it. The Castro was basically their bread and butter in those early years and the community kept them in business thru various struggles, including COVID. Seeing them cast us aside so easily now is insulting IMO.

Being the only really gym in the area, they have a captive audience though. Convenience wins out.

All things eventually end. The gay community’s torrid love affair with the steam room was always doomed, but boy what a run!

References[+]

References
↑1	Allegedly! As Katy Griffin would say …
↑2	When they took over the Fillmore location, they kept that steam room until COVID.

Checkup

Seeing the doc for check up. Perfect time for a selfie…

Friend

This is my retired coworker and dear friend Bob pictured with Shawn and myself. We worked together for many years before his retirement and we’ve become closer friends since then. He is 83! (I should hope to live so long and still be mobile under my own steam!) He lives in Castro Valley which is about 30 mins out of SF. I get up once a month or so or he gets down here to hang out in the ‘hood.

Due to his age, I’ve also stepped into a role as his extended caregiver. I’m happy to be there to help him out when and where I can. I’ve talked my whole life about the lack of role models for gen X’ers like myself growing up gay. Well, here I am grown up and I can be that role model…I hope. At least I try to be.

Not being close to most of my family, the elders of which are deceased anyway, I’ve never had this sort of care role. I’m honored he trusts me enough to lean on for support. He sometimes worries he is a burden and that couldn’t be further from the truth.

Well, as I sit here typing this I am remembering maybe this isn’t my first care role. 😂 When my younger brother was coming up, I ended up caring for him a lot due to his mom’s pill addiction. Later, after getting kicked out of home for being a big homo, I spent roughly 2 years caring for my elderly grandmother. So maybe I should rephrase to say, “this is my first care role as an adult!”

Regardless, I’m happy to do it. He is my friend and having outlived most of his own family I know he needs my help. At the end of the day, that’s all that really matters.

Back, Back, and Back

Returning to more mundane posts, here is a selfie. I’m back at the gym at least on a somewhat consistent schedule. Not as often as I’d like, but still.

My back is looking better even if I’m still struggling daily with discomfort and managing it. It’s not like before where I’m one step away from a muscle spasm. There is joy in that; however, it’s still disruptive, some days more than others. It’s hell getting old. 😂

If you’ve forgotten, I have cartilage deterioration on two of my lower back vertebrae, this causes compression and grinding when I move. Ironically, I seem to struggle now more at night when I sleep. Before the last procedure, it was always movement that seemed to activate my pain. I’m a side sleeper and almost any position on my side finds me waking up very sore. ^[1]I already sleep with a pillow between my legs I’m getting the sense it has more to do with compression vs muscle irritation though. Most days I find if I lay flat on my back or flat with my head elevated for about 30 to 60 minutes I return to a functional level of normalcy. I could never do that before the procedure. Sometimes, I get lucky enough afterwards to feel no real discomfort…. sometimes.

I do physical therapy stretches and exercises often and I’ve incorporated stretches specifically meant to offset spinal compression. They do work. Or at least until I go to sleep again . Then I start all over the next day. Some nights are better than others but I never seem to know what will set it off.

Needless to say, it makes for a difficult schedule to work out the muscles to support the back. This pic was a good day.

References[+]

References
↑1	I already sleep with a pillow between my legs

52

I turned 52 this past month. As I start into my 53rd year on this ole planet, I am grateful to be alive. My previous back issues got me a little down for a while but I’m better now and realizing it’s not that bad, all things considered. Personally, I think I look damn good for 52, but I am a little biased. 😉 My medical issues as of late have all been mild compared to other more serious ailments that plague us as we age. I have to remember that moving forward.

Part of me still grapples with the idea of being in my 50’s. My brain simply won’t completely accept it. I guess that is a good thing. In stark contrast, this past year I’ve been noticing when people “die young“, which in my brain translates to around my age or younger. It is a bit of a surreal feeling to realize I’m moving into an age bracket where people can and do die from a host of issues regularly. Granted, some of these conditions can often be prevented and treated, but that doesn’t make it any less meaningful. I’m certainly not judging others. It just makes me value my efforts to keep myself healthy. Of course, my body reminds me daily now I am indeed not a young man anymore.

And speaking of healthy, I’m hoping to get thru 2023 with no self-inflicted gym injuries. hehehe Another hard realization is I can’t constantly push heavy weights anymore. As I focus on strengthening my back muscles, I’m building on my past mistakes. Rebuilding my exercises from an entirely new perspective has had its benefits. Even with the back injury, I’ve made some solid gains this year, and my bony legs have grown some too.

If ya know me, you know I don’t make a big deal over birthdays. Shawn always tries to make them meaningful for me, which I appreciate. He always a way add a personal touch. This year was no exception. I couldn’t imagine him not being in my life.

Beyond that, work has been incredibly stressful and frustrating. Ironically, not for the reason you’d think. More on that later. I have a meeting with the Council of Elder Gays on what the new prize the most gay conversions in a year. 😉

Post Pandemic Travel

I took a trip last weekend for the first time since the pandemic hit. It was our first trip since January 2020 when we went on the cruise. Of course, I had to go see my bestie. It was supposed to both besties but Mikey had to work and couldn’t come down from Dallas. (We were in Houston)

At least Trev and I got to spend quality time together and reconnect our friendship. Overall, it was a great trip. Prior to the pandemic, we had two trips planned to spend time together but that all went to sh*t obviously. It’s been roughly 2 years since we’ve all seen each other. I’m headed back in July for Trev’s birthday and Mikey will be there then.

Our friendship has spanned a lifetime and I am grateful it has survived so long. We didn’t do anything crazy, just dinners, socializing, and a small pool party on Sunday. ^[1]Everyone in attendance was vaccinated. I was pleasantly surprised how many places still required masks. Pretty much every restaurant or business we visited required masks to be worn for entry. No one was being an ass or making a fuss about it. It was an affirmation that while Texas politics might be crazy, many of the folks who live there are still very sane. Well, except the bars. We went out Saturday night and it was like there was no pandemic once you got indoors at the bar. Barely a mask insight. Even half the staff weren’t wearing them.

To be fair, Houston has been pushing vaccines hard. Plenty of billboards were advertising for free vaccines and where to go. New cases are stable so while part of me was a bit shocked, it was my hope many of these folks were vaccinated. SF is now 70% for their 1st shot and 45% fully vaccinated. A few people I spoke to indicated they had had their shots so the overall experience was net positive in my mind. ^[2]Both Trevan and I have had our shots and with the current CDC guidelines we didn’t feel like we posed a risk to anyone. At this point, I’m pretty much over the ignorant folks.

Since originally it was supposed to be three of us, I didn’t feel the need to torture Shawn by making him go with me. (The two besties and I together is more than poor Shawn can handle.) He ended up traveling to Phoenix the same weekend. Ironically, he encountered a similar experience at an outdoor bar there as well.

The trip home was uneventful, but I was absolutely giddy when I got home. It felt so good to get away and do just normal things. Socializing and seeing friends and just being out in the world felt so good. I definitely came back feeling like we are really coming out of this now.

Sadly, it is looking like we won’t reach heard immunity because of all the idiots refusing to get vaccinated. We are still ahead of the curve at least. The current crop of vaccines are effective against all the variants out there so far. There are a few variants now that could potentially allow a person to become contagious or sick, but they would not get sick enough to die or even require hospitalization. And with speed the vaccines can be modified to incorporate immunity to new variants, I’m resigned to just getting a covid shot every year with the flu shot.

It was a great trip and I feel rejuvenated in many ways. I’m so excited to get back out into the world this year. Every day, we get news of more and more events being allowed due to dropping case numbers. SF is expected to reach herd immunity by the end of May. We could end up having no restrictions ahead of even the rest of California if this trend continues.

Hope springs eternal…

References[+]

References
↑1	Everyone in attendance was vaccinated.
↑2	Both Trevan and I have had our shots and with the current CDC guidelines we didn’t feel like we posed a risk to anyone.

Meal Prep

So…. I’ve lost a little bit of my gut again. I always seem to get to this point and not much further. hehehe Even though I haven’t had Taco Bell in forever, I still call it my TB gut.

I routinely fluctuate about 15 lbs but after a hard gym routine for the last few months, I’m back to my leaner self. I keep telling myself to keep going but my desire for delicious food often ruins it.

That said, I’m been using a meal delivery service and the meals are healthy. While it is a bit pricey, it has helped my diet significantly. I’ve been thru Freshly, FlexPro, Fresh N’Lean, and now I’m on to Factor 75. Freshly was the best of the group but the meal selection is limited when you order the max 12 meals a week. If they rotated out meals more often I’d still be with them. FlexPro was a bit generic. Not bad, but for the price I felt like I wasn’t getting my money’s worth. Fresh N’Lean started out great but then they started putting some sort of vinegar or pickling agent in the veggies for every dish and it just got to be too much. I don’t think they realize when you vacuum seal the food, that flavor seeped into the rest of the meal. ^[1]I did tell them when I left but I doubt anything changed. I got the generic response. Factor 75 was recommended by the guy at my Vitamin shoppe. I’m having the same problem with them I had with Freshly but they at least rotate a few different meals more often. I’ll probably rotate back to Freshly eventually. There is no contract so you can switch or cancel anytime you want.

Anyway, the meals have been good for my waistline. I can tell my body is detoxing form all the carbs because I’m constantly craving sweets or pasta these days. I’m one of those guys who can eat fatty foods no problem. I eat carbs and my ass expands exponentially. heehee I blame my Southern roots.

So not bad for a almost 49 year old fella, eh? I mean I could be leaner or bigger but I think I’m doing pretty good. I took off from the gym this past week for our trip and I miss it. Shawn and I were joking recently as he mentioned the same thing. Time to get back at it. Maybe I’ll even get a few baby abs.

Hope springs eternal…

References[+]

References
↑1	I did tell them when I left but I doubt anything changed. I got the generic response.