Category: scandal

Can of Worms

Just when I think I’ve learned all I can about myself, life throws me yet another curve ball. There is so much irony in this post it borders on hilarity.

I opened a can of worms tonight. Unlike my professional behavior, I have absolutely no patience when it comes to my heart. I ran into my soon-to-be-single friend again tonight at Starbucks. 1 He sits down and I was dead set on keeping it casual. His ex hasn’t moved out yet and I’m determined not to be a rebound. Ha! So much for that. We start talking and before I knew it, I was asking him what happened between us. I mean, I knew the first time was my fault. I wasn’t ready and I pushed him away. I readily admit that. It is not something I’m particularly proud of but it was my M.O. for quite awhile. Never intentionally but that doesn’t make it ok. Out of my own insecurities, I used to come on rather strong when I met someone new. However, once the newness wore off and I actually got to know the guy underneath, I would get bored and move on. Not very nice to the other person who thinks my strong signals mean more than they did. I’ve realized that about myself. The twist here is with M I didn’t get bored. It scared me and I ran. I don’t think I’ve ever shared this and I don’t like admitting it but, I hate fear as an emotion. Growing up in constant fear of my step-mother gave me that.2

What I didn’t know was the second time was sorta my fault as well. Turns out, he was more than a little hurt after the first time (unsurprisingly) and was afraid to get too close to me again. So, he pushed me away before I could do it to him a second time. The thing about me and attraction, I like to know the guy I’m into is into me. Unbeknownst to him of course, I was ready the second time and his lack of conviction hurt me. Tit for tat? Possibly but I doubt it. M is probably the only person I’ve ever broken things off with and regretted it aftewards. It didn’t help that right after our second split he met his new guy.3

Learning all of this brought me to tears. Not a gully washer but I did get a little teary-eyed. Here is the part where the preverbal can “gets opened”. He teared up as well. I knew, at that moment, he still cared for me. I pushed and I pushed hard. I couldn’t help myself. I apologized for the pain I caused him. I also told him I wanted him to have some space but when he is ready, I want to try again. I meant it too. I can’t say where it will lead but I’m ready this time. I think he is too.

The last great irony here? I don’t think it would have worked between us if I hadn’t had the fall out w/Drew. He shared w/me he also didn’t think it would have worked had he not met his soon-to-be ex.

My head and my heart are all a jumble at the moment.

1 Irony 1, this is where we first met.
2 Irony 2, this had a big influence on my pursuit of Drew when we met 3 months later.
3 Irony 3, even though he didn’t say it, I had the distinct impression, our failed second attempt pushed him to pursue the new guy as hard as he did. Are you laughing yet?

Congressional Honor

Convicted Lawmakers may lose Pensions

(full story) The Senate on Friday voted 87-0 to strip away the pensions of members of Congress convicted of white-collar crimes such as bribery, perjury and fraud. That could result in benefit losses of more than $100,000 a year.

Wow! Finally some good news to come out of Congress. Say what you will about our gal Nancy but, she is spearheading some serious reform legislation. Who knows, maybe we’ll actually be able to trust politicians again? Ok, I know that is stretching it but one can hope.

I Really Am…

. . . a big ole slut! I’m on day two and I’m just finished from an interesting encounter at Cafe Express. Cafe Express is a local joint I swore I’d never eat at again after getting a case of food poisoning about 8 years ago. If you read w/any regularity, you’ve heard mention of the first time I got salmonella poisoning. Well, I got it at Cafe Express. The manager was a complete ass when I politely tried to inform him two weeks later. Yeah, it took me that long to recover. I was a sick puppy. So long story short, I showed him who could be the bigger ass before I left. (In my defense, I was a bit younger and prone to loud outbursts of anger to get my point across…oh wait, I still do that, nevermind.) Anyway, after driving around for 45 minutes trying to decide what to eat for lunch (sometimes too many choices is NOT a good thing), I decided to give’em another whirl. I almost didn’t recognize the place. Different interior and different menu all together. The meal was good. And the chicken was definitely cooked so no worries on a repeat case. It’s after the meal that’s the “meat and potatoes” of this post.

I’m sitting at my booth w/the laptop out catching up on some work from the BCC. (Yes the committee chair FINALLY sent me some work to do.) I glance up to see this rather strapping fellow looking at me. I didn’t think much of it and went back to work. A few minutes later, I see said fellow still looking and his hand is mysteriously absent below his table. Of course, being the opportunist that I am, I couldn’t let such a good opportunity go to waste. I’m giggling at this point thinking to myself, “only me”. Fast forward 20 minutes later, I’m at his place (which just happened to be around the corner) giving him a pickle tickle. A fun spontaneous encounter. In a word, HOT!

The only minus was afterwards he wanted to ‘get to know me’. Ugh! I had already explained I was visiting from SF and just in town for the week. What was he hoping for? I sorta tuned him out while getting dressed but in all the hubub I hear the words “long distance relationship”. *battle sirens noise* Red ALERT – ALL HANDS TO BATTLE STATIONS! Why did he have to go and ruin it? Here we just had a nice fun encounter doing the horizontal mambo and he goes and mentions the R word. Run Todo Run!

Oddly enough, I got more errands done today than I did all of last week at home. How’s that for comedy? I got some laundry done. Yes, I did the shameful act of packing dirty clothes. You know how much I love doing laundry. However, I also packed very light so I could get some shopping in while I’m here. I got 6 new pair of undies and socks, courtesy of the local Marshalls outlet. I also stopped by Radio Shack and pick up an adapter for the phone. So now, I’m back at Starbucks getting my updates in. Trev is off soon and we’ll head off to the gym. I haven’t been in a few days and I’m itchin’ for a good workout.

I’ve Fallen And I Can’t Get Up!

Last night I was hit w/the realization I’ve fallen for someone. Someone, I tried very hard not to fall for. The catch is it wasn’t the someone I was with at the time. I was out and about getting into some trouble of the carnal kind. Before long, I found myself basking in the attentions of a hot man. A man I’d normally fall over myself vying for his attention. All the while I’m thinking of someone else entirely.

Today, I have all these thoughts rolling around in my head. I haven’t made sense of them yet. What am I feeling? Excited, scared, worried, and thrilled all at the same time.

Excited that I’m still capable of feeling such things.
Scared I won’t measure up. Rejection really is a bitch. (old habits die hard)
Worried I’ll overcompensate.
And completely thrilled that said guy digs me at all.

So while my cacophony of inner voices fight amongst themselves, I’ll move on. The blogroll is hopping lately w/rants about our [gays] self-hatred. Specifically, groups within our clan who obsess and condemn over stereotypes and behaviors they see as undesirable. I’ll take the drag queen any day thank you. If you are silly enough to think that you are somehow better than someone else because of how well you ‘fit in’, how big your cock is, or how butch you look, you have more issues than even me. And frankly, I only have enough room in my carry on for my baggage. If you are just dying to get your two cents in, hop over to bent collective, joe.my.god, and my previous listing from Aaron to check it out.

And speaking of me, I finally got around to updating the bio page. I’m still tweaking it and should have it posted sometime by early next week. I know your foaming at the mouth to hear more so I’ll promptly update once it’s posted.

Finito!

(Yeah, I know it’s not really a word but I like it. )

Guess who aced his final today?!

I’m excited and tired all at the same time. Six months worth of hard work has finally paid off. I’m now over the first hurdle of my journey.

As soon as my certification comes back in the mail, I can start looking for part-time work to get my hours in.

Wahooo!

*I need a cocktail*

Target Responds…

**This is a long one today folks. If you don’t care to hear it, skip on down. **

So I finally got a response from Target today. (I ranted about Target allowing pharmacist’s to refuse filling prescriptions if it conflicted w/their “religious beliefs”.) While I still don’t quite agree w/their approach, I am heartened to know there are some limitations to this so called allowance. Here is the email I got to today in it’s entirety.

Dear Target Guest

In our ongoing effort to provide great service to our guests, Target consistently ensures that prescriptions for the emergency contraceptive Plan B are filled. As an Equal Opportunity Employer, Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 also requires us to accommodate our team members’ sincerely held religious beliefs.

In the rare event that a pharmacist’s beliefs conflict with filling a guest’s prescription for the emergency contraceptive Plan B, our policy requires our pharmacists to take responsibility for ensuring that the guest’s prescription is filled in a timely and respectful manner, either by another Target pharmacist or a different pharmacy.

The emergency contraceptive Plan B is the only medication for which this policy applies.
Under no circumstances can the pharmacist prevent the prescription from being filled, make discourteous or judgmental remarks, or discuss his or her religious beliefs with the guest.

Target abides by all state and local laws and, in the event that other laws conflict with our policy, we follow the law.

We’re surprised and disappointed by Planned Parenthood’s negative campaign. We’ve been talking with Planned Parenthood to clarify our policy and reinforce our commitment to ensuring that our guests’ prescriptions for the emergency contraceptive Plan B are filled. Our policy is similar to that of many other retailers and follows the recommendations of the American Pharmacists Association. That’s why it’s unclear why Target is being singled out.

We’re committed to meeting the needs of our female guests and will continue to deliver upon that commitment.

Sincerely,

Jennifer Hanson
Target Executive Offices

I always like to get both sides to a story before I go off on a rampage. It is disappointing to see they do in fact allow it to happen. They try to make nicey nicey w/the part about making sure the prescription gets filled by someone. Well, it just ain’t right in my book. Supposedly, it only applies to contraceptives of a certain type but I have a sneaky suspicion in rural areas this rule takes on a whole new meaning.

I rarely get to Target (tar-zshay) anymore as we don’t have one here in SF. However, I often buy things from their website. I can’t say if that will continue knowing that they allow such despicable behavior. Even if it is only having to due w/contraceptives.

Whew! It’s Hot In Here

Oh I almost forgot! I’m getting a giggle out of the latest scandal floating thru the local fag rags. The city is just a buzz over it! Apparently, the Gold’s gym on Market St. decided to close their steam room permanently for “inappropriate behavior”. How is that for comedy? A steam room in a gay gym in the heart of the Castro w/”inappropriate behavior”! Who’d a thunk it? The BAR even did a story on it. I mention it only because I happened to be one of the unlucky few walking by while they were conducting the survey. (They practically pounced on me.)

Now having worked out at Gold’s for several years before making the switch to Crunch, I’m well aware of the “goings-on” in the steam room. Frankly, you didn’t go in there unless you were looking for something. Every person who said different was eventually caught in that lie. And I ain’t buying the excuse, “oh I just like to go in for the steam”. Yeah, right. Just because you weren’t doing the blowing doesn’t mean you can absolve yourself of any shinanigans. I’m also aware of several employees indulging in said activities. Add to that, to get caught you had to be so blatantly open and over the top that they HAD to say something.

I am annoyed, however, over everyone jumping on the holier-than-thou bandwagon now. Mind you these are the very same queens usually parked in there for hours at a time looking for trade. Two guys interviewed right after me were just going on and on about how bad it was. And they were some of the worse offenders! Spare me your indignation gurls, I know better. I’m not saying it is ok for such behavior to go on unchecked. But to ignore the behavior for god knows how many years and then suddenly cry foul is pathetic. And don’t even get me started on that two faced queen that manages the place. I’m digressing again….What bothers me is how often this same story plays itself out. One of our dirty little secrets gets out in the open and we all feign indignation over it. No thank you, I’m all stocked up on bullshit here.

The reality is the management overreacted to a threat someone made to notify the Health Dept. For years, they’ve turned a blind eye and now they are shitting bricks that it may bite them in the ass.

Just thought you’d like to know…

Bad News

We are still searching for the babies. In case you missed it, a psychotic female threw her 3 children into the bay last night. She was having some sort of mental break and stated she heard voices telling her to feed her kids to the sharks. The fire boats, coast guard, and other agencies are working together to search for the other two children not found. Sadly, they are presumed dead by this point. The bay water is very cold on the west coast.

And they freaking worry about ME adopting kids. . . Pathetic!

News You Can Use

WOW! Who knew my news commentary would spark a rush of email. I got home to a slew of emails querying why the sudden interest in current events. (and I never understand how some people just don’t like posting to blogs) Gosh folks, I didn’t really mean to sound so self-absorbed. I swear (in my best Paris Hilton voice) I’m not! lol Seriously though, I usually avoid blogging about most mainstream topics as so many bloggers do a way better job of beating the news to death.

My friend Tim always says I downplay my intelligence to avoid sounding arrogant. Well thats probably true but not really the reason behind not being a topical blogger. Truth be told, I consume a variety of news sites on a daily basis. I have a variety of interests and tend to go where my curiosity gets sated the most. I lean more toward science, technology, and advancements in medicine. I try really hard to stay informed of the changes in the world around me. However, the blog is and has always been for me to journal and rant about things in my own life. I’ll probably continue to throw in news that interests me but you won’t see my blog turn into a media outlet. (Lately, I don’t even have enough time to get laid much less be a news hound)

As you can tell from the news I did include, not exactly front page material! Well, I’m home from work. Not a bad day. I spent half on the fire side and the rest on pd side. We had a 217 (shooting) right before I left. Thankfully, it was time for me to go. And w/that in mind, it is time to catch on the Tivo shows!

Night all.