Category: rant

Current Events

I often get questions about current political events. I might engage offline but I try not to talk about politics here too much. It’s divisive, routinely toxic, and neither side is really listening. I usually prefer to talk about related events and overlapping issues to teach or inform vs swaying anyone to “my side.” In light of recent events, I may rethink that rule. I don’t want this space to turn into a political forum, but some topics just need to be addressed.

It shouldn’t surprise you as a gay man living in SF I tend to be more progressive. Having grown up in South Texas, I like to think having been exposed to both sides of the spectrum, I can be more objective. However, my objectiveness and avoidance of political topics does not include anything challenging my right to exist unmolested.

You are entitled to your beliefs up until you decide to weaponize them against my existence. Anything in that category we cannot “agree to disagree” on. And why is it the loudest voices are often the least informed? Frankly, I’ve learned to not waste my time on people who are willfully ignorant.

Sadly, identity politics seems to be going mainstream. It’s disturbing how this ideology has really taken hold in our society. I am passionate about my beliefs, but also willing to look past bias if I am presented with truth or facts to dispute it.

I don’t know where we’re headed but I have hope that the Orange Turd will not get reelected. He had plausible belief on his side the first time. This time many of those folks see him for what he really is.

Cringey

If you use any social media these days, I’m sure you’ve seen the cringe content. [1]Content that is blatantly made to show off a person’s anatomy, usually to advertise their fans or similar accounts  Or maybe I’m just a whore and the one seeing it a lot. hehehe Continuing on the vein that me being a whore is not the problem, it has really picked up a lot lately. Don’t even get me started on the “influencers.”

Most days, I just block the worst ones and keep going. On one hand, I feel like it’s just one more step in the demoralization of society thru social media and the “me” mentality. On the other hand, I’m glad to see more people are less judgmental about sex work. I see zero problems with a person using what they got to make a living. You use your mind to get jobs, why is using your body any different? As long as you are a consenting adult not being coerced, go for it.

That said, that’s not my purpose for being on social media. I’m always saddened when an account I already follow starts their own fan site. Inevitably, their social accounts all turn into ad-engines for their “content”. It’s usually an unfollow from me. I might be shallow, but I need something other than a boner to keep me following someone.  (Don’t say it, Steve.)

The hubby will just roll his eyes sometimes when I’m scrolling thru YouTube shorts on the TV. It’s 50% weird/funny and 50% hot guys. Some of the content is a little cringy and some of it is just awful. lolol  Luckily, I don’t get my self-esteem thru comparing myself to these guys so it’s not a negative…for me. I can understand for some it could end up being harmful. That is definitely a nut we can crack another day. I’m ranting about my shallowness right now after all. And in that vein of thought, [2]see what I did there? Lol  some of the more aggressive advertisements have taken to using toys to show off what they “have”, so to speak. I’m like, do you think we can’t tell? Or do people just not care? Do people pay for hot guys waving around a fake appendage as if it’s real? Inquiring minds need to know! A quick Google search shows many of them turn out to have the goods (allegedly ), but I guess they need it to appear more visible than it otherwise would without full exposure.

And knowing what some of them make, I wonder if I chose the wrong career path sometimes. I’m too old for that life but it’s a shame it took so long for “fan” sites to not only be accepted but popular. I could have made a bank. 😜 And none of that coy teasing nonsense either.

I wish you could see me laughing as I type this stuff. The blog was always focused on my self-discovery and growth for so many years, I don’t think my silly side came across as part of my personality often enough.

Now you know. 🙂

 

 

References

References
↑1 Content that is blatantly made to show off a person’s anatomy, usually to advertise their fans or similar accounts
↑2 see what I did there? Lol

Anon

There is a new craze floating around social media lately where someone offers a link so you can send them “anonymous” messages. You can send anything you like and it’s totes anon. And there’s already been fallout on the things people send. I know, shocker! I get that it’s probably built on humor, but I find these things incredibly annoying. Mainly, because it encourages the lowest common denominator in replies. ((Yes I know that is totally not what that phrase means but it’s slang for ignunce)) Probably why I also hate most reality TV shows and all of the K-family. (I won’t use their name to garnish more clicks.)

If you know me in real life, you know I’m certainly capable of speaking my mind. Hell, if you read here with any regularity I’m pretty sure you can figure it out! Lol If I have something to say to you, I have no problem saying it. That doesn’t mean I need to be a dick or rude, but cowardice is not my way. If I can say it, I can take responsibility for saying it.

The act of engaging with others even in unpleasant circumstances is a social skill, and it should not be avoided. It builds character by teaching respect and self control. Life isn’t all pleasantries. Conflict doesn’t necessarily equate to being a jerk. Learning how to navigate conflict leads to humility. Hiding behind pseudonyms or anonymous accounts is just an act of cowardice.

From my white trash roots, “don’t let your mouth write checks your ass can’t cash!” Don’t be one of those anonymous keyboard warriors spouting bias and judgment while hiding from any sense of accountability. I can’t control others but you’ll probably never see me using such antics. It’s beneath me.

Pride…

…otherwise known as GHHD1 [1]Gay High Holy Day #1 is this month. And again this year we see people in a pissing match about changes to the Pride flag. It’s downright embarrassing at times. While I tend to avoid the keyboard warrior approach, after more than a few disparaging comments, I have a few thoughts….

Claiming the flag was designed in its original form to include everyone, while technically true, is irrelevant. If you actually knew your “herstory,” you would know it was changed almost immediately after it came out. It is not sacrosanct. And nowhere did the original creator say or even infer the flag should never be changed. The only constant in life is everything changes. The flag is what we make it.

I personally like the original version only for its simplicity. It calls to me with the meaning and design. I also originally liked the idea of keeping it the same, but I listened, I learned, and I understand better now. [2]Not so hard really  And considering how co-opted the flag has become by corporations, who just want our money, I also like the idea of the new variations.

And I’m about to step on some feelings here, but it’s meant as tough love. Exactly why is it most of the complaints are coming from cis white gay men (CWGM)? Mmhmmmmmm? If you don’t like the variations of the flag then use the one you like. No one is forcing you to do otherwise. Like seriously, how are you in any way harmed? [3]The older I get the more I wish white people in general would just shut the hell up. Lawd, we have such thin skins on just about everything. 

A lot of CWGM feel attacked anytime someone calls out how often our PoC, Trans, Non-binary cousins etc aren’t as accepted in our community. And it’s good you still feel uncomfortable, it means there is still good in you. But, it is time to stop pussyfooting around and own our part. I say our because I am a CWGM. If I can learn and grow so can you. Channel those feelings in the pit of your stomach into something useful. And a word to the wise, you can disassociate any personal involvement because you’re not one of the bad gays, but that doesn’t erase the issue. You can do better by just closing your mouth, taking a seat, and listening.

You have to ask yourself, is it any real surprise many groups in our alphabet mafia [4]lovingly borrowed from TikTok don’t feel included? CWGM have spent decades using phrases like “no fats, no fems, no black, asians, straight acting only, etc“. How can you be shocked these same groups do not feel recognized? We don’t want lesbians in our bars. We don’t want trans men in our play spaces. We don’t want fem men virtually anywhere, except drag. Come on! Deep down you know why. These stigmas persist even today all over this country.

Being gay didn’t erase racism or the privilege many CWGM are afforded in society. And while you can’t always control that, it’s ok to acknowledge and accept it. You don’t need to get your knickers in a twist just because someone calls it out. Let that uncomfortable awkward feeling guide you to do better. If we did a better job making others feel included instead of “less than” us, maybe they wouldn’t need or want their own version of the pride flag. Frankly, collectively they outnumber us so be grateful the shoe isn’t on the other foot.

So… I humbly ask anyone reading this to try a different path. Instead of complaining about what the flag should be, just accept that no one person owns the Pride flag. Nor does any single group in our community own the flag. You don’t get to tell others what the Pride flag means to them. You don’t get to tell them they can’t make changes. Instead, use whatever version you feel connected too and let others do the same. /rant

*

I’ll most likely be working on Pride this year. While I have my issues with the commercialization of Pride, with recent events it is clear we still very much need it. I volunteered for the field detail overseeing medical dispatch for the fair. I have worked it for years prior to the pandemic. After the lockdowns, I’m now eager to be out there again seeing the sea of faces.

Whatever your path, I wish you a happy, safe AND inclusive Pride.

And as always, hope springs eternal….

References

References
↑1 Gay High Holy Day #1
↑2 Not so hard really
↑3 The older I get the more I wish white people in general would just shut the hell up. Lawd, we have such thin skins on just about everything.
↑4 lovingly borrowed from TikTok

Twit

Thoughts on 3lon buying the blue bird?

For myself, I barely use twitter anymore so I’m not trying to necessarily pick a side here. I am deeply concerned about how this will unravel though. He has plans to fundamentally alter twitter IMO. Like it or not, twitter has become a household name. It is a mass communication tool with global reach.

I’ve already seen folks within the #alphabetmafia applauding his purchase. I wonder if they’ve thought this through. twitter will now be privately owned, which means he can do whatever he wants with it (within some limits). He can dis(allow) any content he deems (un)worthy. He could try to monitize it thru more than just ads. What happens if he does and decides porn is no longer allowed? Can you say “Tumblr?” You may not care if porn gets the axe, but LGBT+ issues are routinely flagged as “adult material” online.

He may be the new sole owner but he leveraged that purchase and he will want a return on his investment. Keep in mind, this all started because he was censored for spreading conspiracies. Who will keep that in check now? I mean twitter wasn’t doing a bang up job before, but there was some effort to keep it honest.

I have no idea how this will play out. I don’t have any immediate plans to delete my accounts. I also wish I could say I don’t care, but I do. The ramifications of this are breathtaking.

A single man just bought a social media company with over 300 million users. What does that kind of wealth say about our society? What does it say about our future?

Right

I had a female scream at me a week or so back after I almost hit her with my motorcycle when she walked out in front of me at an intersection. She launches herself full speed into the intersection right in front of me. On a side note, I actually encounter this question a lot in my job too.

My first reply was, “even if you were right, would you rather be right or dead?” That, of course sent her into another screaming fit of “the pedestrian always has the right of way,” which is wrong. I didn’t have time to keep screaming back so I drove away leaving her screaming like an idiot.

The pedestrian has first dibs on “right of way” at an (un)marked crosswalks. [1]California vehicle code 21950. The rule is the same in all states but may be under different statute numbers  If neither party has committed to the intersection, the pedestrian always gets first dibs. The latter is where most people get confused. If a vehicle(s) enters an intersection from either side, pedestrians do not have the right of way over the vehicle.

Now, does that mean the vehicle is free to run you over? Of course not, the statute spells out the requirements to slow and proceed with caution. On my incident above I was fully in the intersection crossing and almost into the opposing crosswalk when Karen decided to launch into it. Yes, I had enough time to slam on the brake and not hit her However, another foot closer and she would have been sticky putty under my wheels.

So, now you know. Don’t be a Karen, More importantly, don’t let the epithet on your tombstone be, “he had the right of way“.

Now…get off my lawn you crazy kids!

References

References
↑1 California vehicle code 21950. The rule is the same in all states but may be under different statute numbers

V-Day

Yet another made up holiday is fast approaching. Whether you are single or not, please do not let it get you down. Way too much emphasis is spent on some randomly made up day to show “your love.” If anything it’s just another commercial scam to increase consumerism. Frankly, if you truly love or care for someone, you shouldn’t need a day to tell/show them. More astutely, it is and should not be some sort of signal you are less than others simply because you are not currently coupled.

While I am currently in a LTR, Shawn and I do very little for the holiday. We basically acknowledge it and move on. There is no pressure, expectations, or obligations for either of us to “demonstrate” our affections. We each find our own way to show each other we care on a regular basis.

So if you are dreading the adnauseam ads and displays, I’m with you. Hang in there, it will be forgotten the very next day.

hugs and tugs

Perky

Ever have one of those days where for no apparent reason you have an extra pep in your step? You feel extra just for being awake? Or, you just feel awesome for no real reason? I had one recently and I was tickled pink when I realized it. I guess it has been so long I had almost forgotten what it felt like. At face value that sounds kind of sad, but considering the state of the world these last couple years anyone could be forgiven.

I tend to be a rather upbeat person. It is just my nature. As I push 51, it is also a mark of pride I still have such days. My job has certainly had an impact on a subconscious level. Being on an assignment for the past 5 years definitely helped. In general, I believe life’s responsibilities and worries tend to wear us down and take the “shine” off our world view. That said, I definitely missed the feeling and hope I’ve found enough of my old optimism to have more of them. The irony here is in some of the roughest times of my life I was the most optimistic. Nothing really seemed to tarnish my boundless good moods back then. One could say I’m a bit more jaded now.

I can’t help but wonder if my recent attempts to limit my social media exposure has anything to do with it. I spend less than 15 mins a day on FB or twitter. About 90% of my IG feed is thirst traps and gym motivation. My brain gets its fill of context switching from TikTok, where I’ve curated a feed of comedy and funny home videos. [1]Context Switching can be highly addicting and destructive to your work day or motivation I’ve also started denying myself the urge to check media/news apps first thing in the morning. I deliberately avoid them for at least 30 mins to an hour to give myself time to wake up and just be present. I pick up my phone and briefly scroll the notification panel for anything truly urgent and then just avoid it for a while.

I’m fond of saying “hope springs eternal” here and it has been a struggle these last 4-5 years to follow that mantra. Not to go all doom and gloom but I’m seriously worried for our way of life. Greed, bias and anti-intellectualism has replaced integrity, truth, and science. But, at the end of the day, I can only control myself. I cannot control others. My innate desire to “correct someone on the internet who is wrong” is slowly being replaced by a “leave it alone“. Successful discourse online is all but dead. I firmly believe my avoidance of that toxic environment is having an effect on me. I’m eager to test the theory.

So….hope springs eternal… (you knew it was coming.)

References

References
↑1 Context Switching can be highly addicting and destructive to your work day or motivation

Terrible

I admit it, I am a terrible person. Why you ask? Well, because I gloated to myself over another.

Ok, so I don’t feel terrible but I also know I shouldn’t gloat. Let me ‘esplain’. There is a guy at the gym who pre-pandemic was all about his fitness. That, of course, is a good thing, except he was always humble bragging about how important fitness is to one’s health and side-shaming everyone around him. He would routinely make rather insulting comments about anyone he didn’t think put in as much effort as he did. I personally witnessed him fat shame a couple ladies on treadmills to one of the few guys in the gym who would socialize with him. I could go on but I think I conveyed the point.

Oh, and he is also a grunter. Any and every exercise was like he was dying to get that last set in, except it was every set. The worst, right?!

After seeing this guy and his snotty attitude for years at the gym, imagine my surprise upon seeing him lately. OMG! He gained like 40 or 50lbs of chunk. Yes, I know this is the “I’m terrible” part but I can’t help it. And maybe gloating isn’t the right word. I mean, it isn’t like I ran up to him and said, “hey fatty” or made any of the off-hand comments in his presence he used to make about others.  No, I did not do any of that. I’m just a little gleeful to see him get some comeuppance after years of his shitty attitude.

So while I work on keeping the smugness off my face, my hope is that whatever experience he had during the pandemic has taught him a lesson. Yes, fitness is important. However, it isn’t always easy for someone to dedicate themselves to the gym. And talking smack about people on a fitness journey sure as hell doesn’t encourage them to get better or stick with it.

I’m terrible.

 

He Was Nice to Me

A somewhat well known racist in our community passed away recently. I won’t mention his name, nor will I link to anything about him here. My rant today has more to do with all the gays [1]read as cis-white gay men falling all over themselves to defend their friendship with said person as they mourn his passing.

As a bit of back story, I met this person multiple times in my tenure here in SF. Sometimes it was here in SF and others while I was back visiting in Texas, where he lived for a length of time. Without fail, every time I met this person he managed to tell me in various phrases and words about his racist views. It should come as no surprise he was also a rabid trump supporter. Granted, our first meeting didn’t go so well when I asked why he had a confederate flag tattoo on his chest. [2]A tattoo he later had covered up for some “unknown” reason He gave the typical BS excuse about white heritage.

Fast forward to his recent death and the eulogies about how “they didn’t always see eye to eye but he was a good friend.”  It was almost as if they all got together to work on a standardized message. It would be comical if it wasn’t so pathetic. I encountered the same phrasing from various folks on IG multiple times; talking about how “genuine” and “what a great friend” he was prior to his death. He was a proud racist and made no bones about it and these sycophant fa**ots are touting his virtues.

It shouldn’t surprise me, but because some of the people involved I used to admire, it did. Granted, after I reflected on why I admired these guys it was mostly due to their prowess in the gym and/or attractiveness to me. So yeah, I shouldn’t have been surprised. Seeing some of these guys just falling over themselves to qualify “he was always a good friend to me“, or “he was always nice to me“, etc was pretty disgusting. So that makes it ok? In other words, “I knew he was a racist but because he liked me, it didn’t matter.” Hitler was nice to white people, did that make him ok? The most laughable argument was “I wish people knew him in real life vs his social media persona“.  Yeah, I can personally shoot that weak argument down. And to bear, it is just code for he knew we were uncomfortable with his views so he avoided talking too much about them around us so we could pretend he was a good guy. 

Are we so broken as a community that attraction is more important than morals? Or maybe I’m deluding myself that we were ever anything better. There are a lot of things we can agree to disagree on but racism definitely is not one of them. If you’re butt-hurt for being called out on your friendship with a vocal racist, maybe you should spend some time examining why his views weren’t a deal breaker instead of shrugging it off with comments like  “we should respect the dead”. He might be dead but the rot in our community is alive as ever.

References

References
↑1 read as cis-white gay men
↑2 A tattoo he later had covered up for some “unknown” reason