I just got off the phone w/Bobby. It reminded me of something I’ve been noticing lately. Before I get ahead of myself, I’ve known Bobby for almost 12 years now. We met when I was still in my early 20’s and still very much in the flux of discovering who I was as a gay male. Bobby actually moved to Cali several years before me. So now back to the topic. I’ve noticed that when Bobby and I talk or hang out, I unconsciously revert to what I refer to is ‘gurl talk’. Meaning I switch my him’s to her’s and my dude to missy. And not because Bobby is fem or nelly. If anything he is just the opposite. However, he does the same thing w/me.
I think I’m not being very clear. I’m referring to mental associations that we develop w/people throughout our lives. I use Bobby only because he his a longtime friend who lives here and we see each other often enough for me to take notice. In my early 20’s, I used my gayness as an escape from all the pains of my past (links from old blogger profile). You could say I came out w/a vengeance. I burst onto the gay scene and while I was not overly nelly by nature, I learned put on all the mannerisms of the stereotype like one would put on a shirt. It was like my battle armor in a sense. Well, after years of wearing it, it sorta begin to fit like skin. A few years later, it dawned on me I didn’t need to be the flaming queen of the universe to be gay. With the dawning of reason, I promptly dismantled this shell I’d built myself.
So these days, I find that anytime I interact w/friends that I met during that era of my life, I unconsciously fall back into my old mannerisms. And the habit only surfaces it w/old friends. I don’t really have the scientific answer but I just find it amusing how it works out.
