Category: me

Better

I had originally planned to post this last week but considering things, it didn’t happen. I’m not quite back to my svelte self from about a year ago but I’m getting there. lol As much as I hate cardio, I’ve been trying to add it to my workout routine on a consistent basis. Not to mention, I’ve been hitting the gym pretty regular as well. It took me a while to recover from the last motorcycle accident. The bone healed up nicely but the rotator and surrounding soft tissues took months to completely heal up. It drove me nuts because I hated not being able to push myself during my workouts.

While I’m over the 200 lb mark, some of that being body-fat doesn’t count. lol I’d like to lean up by another 10-15lbs. I’m still hoping to put a couple inches on my chest, arms, and legs. Once I do that, I’ll have reached my life goal and just focus on maintaining.

Wish me luck!


Echos

Ever notice how you get used to certain routines, habits, and daily rituals? Well, maybe you don’t notice until the ritual gets interrupted for whatever reason.

Its been rough since Spike’s been gone. It seems everything I do at home reminds me of him. When I wake up in the morning, he isn’t at the bedroom door waiting patiently for me to get up. Anytime I’m in the kitchen I notice he isn’t siting just outside the kitchen door looking/hoping for a treat. When I come home on the motorcycle, he isn’t at the front door waiting, having heard me come home. When I sit on the sofa, he isn’t sitting next to me with his head on my leg/knees.

Several times this weekend. I found myself looking for his water bowl or getting him a snack only to remember he isn’t here anymore. This brought on several teary-eyed moments when the realization would suddenly hit me. I’ve been completely out of sorts since the sad day last week. Focusing on anything for more than few minutes has been pointless.

Shane and I both are going out of town soon. [1]him today, by the time you read this and me on the 8th thru the 11th I’m headed to TX to help my friend Trevan. He is having a small back surgery and will need me to help do for him. Considering he has done the same for me on at least one occasion, its the least I can do. lol Anyway, I’ll be gone for about 4 days. Shane will be gone for 5-7.

In a way, I’m glad Spike passed before we left. I couldn’t bear the thought of him being in pain or suffering and us not being here. Even worse, if he’d deteriorated and had to be put down while we were gone, I don’t think I’d ever have forgiven myself. Don’t get me wrong, I wish he was still with us but I’m thinking things might have worked our for the best, considering the situation.

Anyway, here’s hoping this week goes better.

References

References
↑1 him today, by the time you read this and me on the 8th thru the 11th

To Bear or Not to Bear

I was reading somewhere recently about how the “bear” community has become less inclusive lately and more intolerant of anyone who doesn’t fit the mold. It was bound to happen eventually. This is the problem w/sub-cultures. They start out with the purpose to unite those who fit a certain quality but then turn sour when said group becomes more prolific. I hate to say it but I’ve noticed it a bit myself over the last few years.

It is human nature to want to belong and feel connected to others like ourselves. Its vital to our growth to find others we can identify with. Growing up generally ostracized and excluded by society at large, I think the need is that much greater among gays. [1]and by “gay”, I include the LGBT umbrella of folks. Being able to identify with others helps reinforce our own self-worth and self-image. Speaking from my own experiences, I can tell you the drive to belong can be very powerful. I spent many years pretending to be someone I wasn’t in an effort to belong and just as many years figuring out how to belong when I didn’t really identify wholly with one group or another. It definitely stunted my own self-worth. And while I didn’t take the darker path, the drive to fit-in can lead to destructive behaviors.

While many find “coming out” a completely liberating experience, others often find it less than appealing and almost anti-climatic. While the basic same-sex attraction can be a very unifying experience, it is by no means all-encompassing. Being gay is an intrinsic part of who we are but it isn’t all we are. Being gay gives us a commonality but it isn’t always a binding one in itself. A lot of folks discover we don’t quite fit the stereotype(s) and are left searching for our own niche, hence the sub-cultures.

While beneficial on the surface, there is a danger of said sub-cultures if they become too defining. Identifying solely as such tends to limit one’s growth and self-expression. We become locked in an ideology that leaves very little room for change. Not to mention, it can also be very subjective. Ask 10 random people the definition of a [insert sub-culture of choice here] and I’ll bet no 2 answers will be the same. And then over time, what started as a simple attempt to fit in, becomes the very thing we sought to avoid.

Of course, our sexuality does play a huge part. Our attraction (or not) is often interwoven into all of the above. On the flip-side, it also has to do with our self-worth and feeling attractive. I’ve often said and it bears repeating attraction and acceptance are not the same thing. A very important and often over looked distinction.

For myself, I was fortunate enough to discover I didn’t need to fit one specific mold or stereotype to fit in. It didn’t happen right away mind you. There are aspects of my personality and id that cross several sub-cultures, cliques, or whatever and I’m cool with that. I work out w/o being a gym bunny or meat head. I have bearish qualities w/o being a bear. I can wear/appreciate leather w/o being absorbed by it. These are just a few, there are definitely more. Whether you identify w/a particular group, club, clique, gang, whatever you call it, I would encourage anyone reading this to allow yourself to accept others for who they are not what they represent. Don’t allow your attraction (or the lack of) influence your acceptance of others.

References

References
↑1 and by “gay”, I include the LGBT umbrella of folks.

Snip Snip

In case you missed it, recently a bunch of folks managed to gather enough signatures to put an initiative on the ballot that would ban circumcision in SF. It made national news due to the oddity of such an initiative. Of course as usual, everyone starts over-generalizing about ‘liberal SF’.  I’ll be the first to admit people here are so initiative happy it borders on hysterical. [1]Seriously, if you can get enough signatures, you can put virtually anything on the ballot for people to vote on. Some things should require a little more review and decision making before just putting it to a vote. But while it was a bit of an extreme, the idea itself did have some merit IMHO.

Anyway, I knew right up front the initiative would fail. One, it didn’t allow religious exemptions and two it was very poorly written and overly broad. Circumcision has been part of “religious” ceremonies long enough it would take some serious doing to get something passed that didn’t include said exemptions. Being overly broad, it would have also created to many legal problems for enforcement. In the end, a judge actually ordered it removed from the ballot before it even went to a vote. That in itself is rare so that should tell you just how poorly it was written.

Frankly, I don’t think the government should be legislating something like this. I also think that we’ve become overly dependent on such an unnecessary procedure. While rare, there can be complications from a circumcision. And once done, its very hard to undo and even then its usually not the same. Why risk it unless its necessary? It is true circumcision has shown to be slightly more effective at preventing the spread of HIV. But the studies mentioned were for 3rd-world countries that don’t have ready access to clean water, good hygiene, medicines, etc. How very convenient to leave that detail out. lol And yes, there are cases where it ends up being medically necessary. But said complications are the exception not the rule.

Most people hide behind the “medical benefits” of circumcision to cover up the fact they are just uncomfortable with it. Cosmetically, it may look nicer but that shouldn’t out-weigh common-sense. Making a decision for your child based on a purely cosmetic preference is a bit selfish and extreme. Frankly, I’m glad I still have my hood. Its not overly pronounced or anything weird. When I’m “excited” you barely even notice. Side note here: One time after a “biblical encounter” with a guy, he went off on a tangent about it saying how he disliked it. Wasn’t he surprised when I pulled the sheet down and showed him! lolol True story!

Anyway, for .02, instead of coming up with more laws that limit social behavior, we should focus on community education. Communities rarely focus on public awareness campaigns anymore and its obviously showing. We’ve become a society fixated with telling people what they can/can’t do vs actually teaching people the pros/cons of their decisions.   /rant

References

References
↑1 Seriously, if you can get enough signatures, you can put virtually anything on the ballot for people to vote on.

Quadra

If you’ve been following me on twitter, FB, +1, Foursquare, etc, you know I was down in Houston this past weekend for my friend Trevan’s birthday. He does a big shindig every year with 3 of his other friends to celebrate their mutual July birthdays. With the passing of one of the guys, they decided this was the last year for the big event. I didn’t get to go down last year so I had to make it this year. [1]Even though I couldn’t really afford it. Ain’t credit grand? On top of being the last year, one of our mutual friends, Michael W, came down as well. Its easily been a decade since all three of us have been together.

Trev and Mikey knew each other about a year or so before Trev and I met. The three of us have known each other for right at two decades now. Needless to say, it was great to catch up and see them. Trev and I always have fun together and when you throw Mikey in the mix, it promises to be a fun-filled occasion. So naturally, I had a blast. heehee

Being a special occasion and a much needed pick me up, I had a lot to drink. There was the pool party on Saturday w/open bar followed by the big birthday celebration itself that night…more drinks. lol   Sunday was brunch at Baba Yega’s….endless mimosas. Dinner at Barnaby’s. After dinner, you guessed it, more booze at a couple of the local bars. lol Oh but I ain’t done yet. My flight home was delayed by two hours. I promptly made friends with my row mates. We proceeded to buy each other drinks thru our 4 1/2 hour flight (courtesy of a 20-30 minute holding pattern once we actually go to SFO). Oh yes, we had a blast. Thank the stars I didn’t have in-flight wifi cause the updates might have been NSFW!

Anyway, seeing them brought back a lot of memories of our times together and in general. Mikey and I were talking one night and he asked if Trevan was the only reason I still came back to Texas. My answer, without any hesitation was yes.  It actually surprised me a bit because I kind of always thought I’d have ties to the area. It struck me now that my little brother has moved up to Tennessee, I haven’t really felt drawn to go back, other than to see Trevan. I have other friends there [2]including my new in-person friend Darrel from twitter. Hi Darrel! lol and this is no discredit to them but I’ve known Trevan a long time. If he moved away, I doubt I’d go back much at all. Oh, I’d still get back at times but the frequency would be greatly diminished. My point of this sort of off topic rant is I made the right choice to leave. I have absolutely no regrets and every time I do go back, the reminders seem to be that much stronger.

So, I’m on vacation for the rest of the week. Nothing else planned other than detoxing. I ate so much Whataburger I’m sure I need a few extra days of cardio not to mention purging the remnants of the gallons of booze I consumed while there (and en route back).

References

References
↑1 Even though I couldn’t really afford it. Ain’t credit grand?
↑2 including my new in-person friend Darrel from twitter. Hi Darrel! lol

Decade

So I’ve been in SF 10 whole years now. Wow, does the time fly! I mean it seems just like yesterday that I was making the pilgrimage to SF. I can scarcely believe it. I can remember packing up my little U-haul and heading West. It was a sunny (read “hot”) afternoon. I’d just come home from a very nice and somewhat tearful going-away party at my old job. My friend Michael had flown down to help me drive back. I said goodbye to my friend/roommate Trevan and took off for greener pastures never once looking back. I knew instinctively that I’d never be back [to live there].  I can also remember what a mess I was too. You few very long time readers can attest to that. Speaking of, I’m pushing 7 years on this here blog-thing. lol

To say I was a free spirit back then was an understatement! I moved around a lot as young adult. I never seemed to find myself. I honestly think without even realizing it I was looking for a place to call home. I never stayed long in one place and putting down roots was something to be avoided at all costs! I can remember one rather abrupt relationship I had gotten myself into. I woke up one day and thought to myself, ‘what the hell am I doing here?’ Of course, I’d moved for a guy. We met at a club and two weeks later I was moving into his trailer. [1]Did I mention I was a mess? lol Six months after that, I realized I wasn’t happy with him, my location, or my dead-end job. Had it not been for the sex I doubt it would have even lasted that long. I promptly up and moved the next day, albeit without his knowledge. The great thing about having no roots is you have very little to worry about when you move. Needless to say, I didn’t always make the best decisions back then either. Years later, I did make amends to the guy. Not that it mattered, he had quickly replaced me with someone younger and ditsier two weeks after I left. Clearly, he wasn’t all that heart-broken. Anyway, I think that was the first time I’d realized that a lot of the drama in my life was self-induced.

I admit my world view back then was somewhat limited. I was very naïve and had no clue for the most part. lol I acted on instinct and desire. But like it or not, Houston did have some roots for me. It was always a safe-haven when my latest attempt to “find myself” fell apart. It wasn’t until I moved to SF that I actually felt like I wouldn’t need it anymore. Don’t get me wrong, there will always be things about Houston, and the South in general, that I miss but SF is home for me now. Who knows if it will stay home but that’s definitely a topic for another day. Of course, we either have till October 2011 or 2012, depending on which nutjub is prophesying our destruction next. Regardless, I’ve been here 10 years and still feel very much at home.

I look at the person I was then and now and I’m amazed in the differences. The blog has helped so much I can’t even count the number of times. That and learning to look outside my little box and be proactive vs reactive. Ironically, I still look to the future with a sense of wonder. I don’t see my life as locked or unchangeable. While I do get a bit bogged down at times, I still see the future as something to look forward to. I think on some level, I used to be afraid if I ever settled down I’d become boring. Luckily, I’ve learned boring and stability do not have to be the same thing!

References

References
↑1 Did I mention I was a mess? lol

Force

I’ve gotten several requests as of late to do different memes for blogging. I usually ignore such things. I’m not being rude or insensitive, I just don’t like forcing myself to blog. If you have to force yourself, it quickly becomes a chore instead of being fun. My time has been limited as of late but I still find time now and then to post stuff…like now! lol

*

And speaking of legs (from my last post), I’m off to a good start. I did legs  again a few days ago and I’m pushing 360 [1]4-45lb weights on each side on the sled press, which is more than I expected I’d be doing. Last time I did’em with Apple guy I was able to finish, but just barely. This time around I was able to push out all three sets and not feel like I’d over done it.

Lunges were a different story. I tried to do 3 sets of 10 carrying a 25lb weight on each side. I got 2 full sets and only 3 of the 3rd set before I had to give up. My poor glutes were like, “oh hell no!”  I guess the booty needs some work.

Last but not least are my regular squats. They were abysmal. *sigh* I can only do 45 on each side.  This was mostly because of my lower back. I clearly need to work on my core muscle group a bit more. I will say I didn’t notice the tightness that I have become accustomed to with my lower back. I was in a pretty severe vehicle accident when I was living in Colorado back in ‘95. I’ve had issues with my lower back ever since. [2]As my chiropractor can attest. Ever since then, I’ve always had a lingering tightness that signals a weakness in the region and I’m always super scurred of messing it up again. I’m hoping this means either its gone or I’ve just managed to strengthen it enough its no longer an issue. Only time will tell I guess but I’m a bit optimistic.

References

References
↑1 4-45lb weights on each side
↑2 As my chiropractor can attest.

Werk

I’ve been neglecting the blog again. *shame shame*

Anyway, I’ve lost most of the holiday/accident fat weight I gained from October to February. I have about 10 pounds to go before I’m back to my normal threshold. I’m not pushing it hard as I simply don’t mind but it feels good to be looking svelte again. hehehe

I’m not quite back to my old max weights yet in the gym but getting closer. The shoulder is doing good and no latent pain. [1]A very good thing!  I’m taking the opportunity to expand my workouts. I worked out with Apple guy one day a while back and did legs. I don’t do leg weights often as I walk a lot. I wasn’t nearly as bad or weak as I expected. I couldn’t keep up with him but I did pretty well considering. Of course, my damn legs were so sore over the next 3 days I could bare walk. I almost fell down the stairs at work several times. lolol

Speaking of, I love my little workout app on the Android. Its called Workout Coach and does an excellent job of helping track my progress. Its not overly robust with pre-installed exercises but that’s a small price to pay for usability. It hasn’t been updated in a long time though. I’m ‘scurred’ the app owner has abandoned it. I’d gladly donate to keep him working on it.

Thanks to everyone for all the well wishes via twitter, FB, loopt, etc on being back in the gym and on the bike! Its definitely helping my moods.

References

References
↑1 A very good thing!

Return

I finally got another bike! As you can see from the pic, it looks very similar to my old one. In truth, it is the same year/make/model minus about 6,000 miles. It came with custom rims and a custom muffler. Apple guy found it online at a dealer in Santa Rosa. [1]A good hour and half north of the city.  I might keep the rims as I like the color but the muffler is a huge annoyance. It makes the bike super loud and I hate that. I know for some that’s a bonus but not me. My ego [2]and other parts are big enough, I don’t need something super loud and annoying to announce my presence to the world. lol

I’ve missed riding so much and am sooo happy to have a bike again! Getting around in SF isn’t much of a problem but I’ve missed being able to just hop on my bike and go for a ride. I’m been using co-workers for rides back and forth to work, Zip cars for errands, and MUNI for everything else. I don’t mind public transit, especially the underground tunnel, but you have to add 30/40 minutes to everything  you wanna do.

This coming Sunday will be 4 months to the day since the accident. To say I’m rusty is an understatement. lol I had to drive the bike home from Santa Rosa, which went fine but it was all freeway. I’m planning a short leisurely group ride this Sunday to help get me back into the sway of things. (Pardon the pun. lol)

References

References
↑1 A good hour and half north of the city.
↑2 and other parts

Oh Yeah!

Today was the first day since the accident I worked out w/o any discomfort! The bone has been healed up for awhile now but the surrounding tissue(s) [1]ligament, tendons, muscle, nerves, etc have been taking their sweet ass time! Lol  I’ve actually been back in the gym, in a limited capacity, since the end of December. It’s been incredibly frustrating not being able to push myself like I’m accustomed to. But being a smart Moby, I have been taking it easy and gradually pushing myself w/o over doing it. So far, so good.

Not only did I not have any discomfort, I also did a full routine! [2]insert picture of me doing cartwheels here. Lol My muscles have that nice tight “pump” that comes from a good workout too. Hehehe  So, now begins the arduous task of building myself back up to previous levels. I also need to continue working off the extra poundage I picked up from not working out over the holidays. (I blame the cookies!)

*

In related news, the search for a new bike continues. I encountered some unexpected delays in getting the loan on my old bike cleared. I should have it all sorted this week hopefully. I MISS having a bike something fierce. I could handle the daily work commutes on MUNI. Every time I see a motorcycle now I get a sad feeling. *sigh* Time to stop dawdling and get on the ball.  Spring is fast approaching and I gotsta have some wheels to go riding with da gang!

References

References
↑1 ligament, tendons, muscle, nerves, etc
↑2 insert picture of me doing cartwheels here. Lol