Category: me

Facts

Following up on my cognitive dissonance rant, I’ve been really disappointed lately with the disturbing trend we have toward ignoring facts. It seems that once again we are following in the foot-steps of the crazies by now also ignoring facts in favor of bias.

I use the most recent episode of Fitness SF’s [1]Formerly Gold’s Gym domain scandal. One of the web contractors for the gym took their domain down and posted a rather long diatribe about “freelance developers” and “independent businesses” not being respected or paid. The contractor went on to accuse the franchise [2]Which is not a big business by any means, they run 4 gyms of failing to pay past due bills.

First, I agree a business should pay its bills. That was never in dispute. However, reading the posted story, it didn’t take much to recognize there was more to it. First, the contractor focused too hard on trying to play the victim and FSF was the big bad guy. Second, it reeked of revenge. The contractor requested everyone reading his rant cancel their memberships in protest. And here’s the kicker, some people did! With no more information than that given by a disgruntled party in a civil dispute, people not only canceled memberships but went on personal tirades about freelancers, the gym, uppity gays, blah, blah, blah.

FSF released a statement a couple days later detailing more of what was going on. And as suspected, it was much more than them just refusing to pay a bill. The contractor missed not only content but also deadline delivery. It goes one step further. His contract had been canceled and he no longer had legal access to the domain! So not only did the contractor act unethically, he also broke the law. And yet FSF was the bad guy. I don’t know who is ultimately “right” in this whole ordeal, but what is clear is it was a civil dispute between two parties that should never have been made public in this manner. I will add, having seen the mess that was their website during their grand-opening, it certainly adds up.

Here is where my rant really comes in today. Even after more of the real story came out, many still bashed FSF and went on to claim “support for freelance developers.” [3]Completely forgetting how far the local franchise has gone out of their way to support our community lately.  Truth no longer mattered, only the person’s personal bias. On a tangent, having done freelance web-design for many years, I can speak from experience. If I didn’t deliver a product as promised, I didn’t expect to get paid. And if I did get paid, it wasn’t the original price. I certainly would never stoop to taking down a companies’ domain over a dispute. One, said practice is a very grey area legally and two, it certainly doesn’t encourage more business knowing you resort to such tactics. Two wrongs don’t make a right. The moment the contractor stooped this low, he lost any moral high-ground, if he ever had it to begin with.

Facts matter people and so should the truth. This is but one example of many I could cite lately. We all have personal biases, no secret there. But we also have reason. When you allow your personal bias to trump reason and then go on to compound the issue thru denial, you marginalize yourself (and your argument). Life rarely deals in absolutes and trying to have an absolute ideal is often a recipe for failure. Don’t get caught up in the sensationalism and/or mob mentality. And just because a “friend” shared it with you on Facebook, take the time to understand an issue before going all holier-than-thou.

We are better than this. We do not need to stoop to such tactics to be taken seriously. You can support a cause, group, or ideal w/o blindly ignoring facts, reason, or simple logic.

References

References
↑1 Formerly Gold’s Gym
↑2 Which is not a big business by any means, they run 4 gyms
↑3 Completely forgetting how far the local franchise has gone out of their way to support our community lately.

Users

I accidentally deleted a whole slew of registered users today by mistake! If you notice your user account is gone, just recreate it. Apologies.

To allow social log-ins to work, I have to allow the anyone can register in the settings. Of course, the bad guys try to use this to create more spam for my blog. I get on average about 30-50 fake accounts every week. I usually let them build up and then mass delete them. Today I wasn’t paying attention and deleted a page of users from the wrong user group. Oops!

None of the private user accounts were affected so those of you in that group should be fine. Speaking of, I get a lot of questions about the private parts of my blog. Yes, I have a private section. Yes, it deals mostly with adult content. I’ll also be adding soon some of the fictional short stories I’ve written. I keep them private to avoid poaching.

My blog is and will remain public but there are restricted parts and even parts that are solely for me. There are certain things the general public, including my co-workers, just don’t need to know about me. [1]I’m sure they’d tell you I’m probably already too open with them at work. lol  No, it is not about porn. While I do sometimes post slightly NSFW pics, I rarely post anything graphic, sorry. Yes, that is why I usually post a quick blurb about “are you logged in?”  No, I don’t charge for access.

That said, I do require something specific. You must take it upon yourself to email me personally and introduce yourself. [2]Click the email icon lower right of page  A face pic is always welcome and gets higher consideration but not required. I like having a feel for my readers and your introduction gets filed with your user account. I don’t require anything overly specific but the more open and honest you are the more likely I am to grant access. Yes, I realize it’s the honor system and you could be disingenuous, but that has never been the point. I do run your attached IP thru a couple filters to verify it is not spoofed or on black-lists. Once I approve you, I’ll notify you directly. From then on, as long as you are logged in, you can see private posts.

I usually approve users en-masse, regardless of access. This means you may not get a response from me right away. I simply do not have the time to do each request individually as they come in. I ask that you please be patient. Back to my original topic, all the deletions today were public subscribers. Again, apologies for the hassle. If you were one of the unlucky few and want to receive email updates, you’ll have to go thru the short but tedious process of re-registering.

References

References
↑1 I’m sure they’d tell you I’m probably already too open with them at work. lol
↑2 Click the email icon lower right of page

Sour

My mood that is.

This week has been kinda shitty. It started off w/someone I consider a good friend, not only insulting me over something extremely petty but also adding salt to the wound. I’m still so angry at the moment, I can’t find the will to care how it ends.

If that weren’t enough, work has also been very disappointing. I had an issue last Friday with an employee from another dept. I was 100% in the right and while the dept can’t deny that, they are totally not supporting me in the overall issue. I feel like I’ve been thrown under the bus because the powers that be on my side don’t have the integrity to stand up to the other dept head. Very demoralizing to say the least.

I’m glad this week is almost over. The only good thing out of the week [1]besides Cooper. hehehe is the gym. I took off a day on Wednesday to give myself recovery time. My last two workouts were good because of the small in between break.

Nothing planned for the weekend. It’s apparently some big bear weekend here so we’ll see if I end up getting into any trouble. It’s supposed to be sunny and even warm out. Hoping you all have a good one.

References

References
↑1 besides Cooper. hehehe

Lost

I’m back below 200lbs. It’s not a bad thing at all. I’ve lost some fat-weight in the last couple months. As much as I harped on the 200 threshold, it was more of a mile marker vs something I’m overly focused on. Yes, it was an important milestone for me but I knew it wouldn’t last exactly because I expected to loose fat-weight. I can feel the loss too. The little love-grips around my mid section are smaller and feel emptier.

I’m down to 196 actually. I’ve been really good about sticking to my eating routine. I don’t refer to it as a diet because I don’t consider myself dieting. I eat plenty of food, I’m just eating better. Less high carbs, less fatty foods, and more protein. Fresh &  Easy market has been a god-send [1]Yes Apple guy, I know you turned me on to it! because they have so many pre-marinated meats for pretty much the price as plain meat, you can’t beat it! I stock up on meats and just pop’em in the oven or stove. I throw some fresh veggies on and *poof* instant meal.

I also haven’t been eating out near as much. I still am but just not as often.

Anyway, that’s my big news for the moment. lol

Oh, and are you logged-in? You should be.

🙂

References

References
↑1 Yes Apple guy, I know you turned me on to it!

Caught

Some of you will probably remember my Dear Kid open letter in response to a poster child for the ex-gay movement, Matt Moore. Matt’s story was slightly different as he wasn’t claiming to not be gay but just not embracing it. He has his own blog where he often laments his struggles. He also wrote a “Dear Kid” letter which I took offense to and attempted to rebut several times on his site and then of course, my own follow up open letter.

Well, as you may have heard Matt got busted posting a profile on grindr recently. And while many are saying, “I told you so” that is not my purpose here today. I truly feel remorse for this guy. It breaks my heart that he has locked himself into a self-reinforcing delusion that is fed by his faith. He laments his being gay and then blames many of his mistakes in life on being gay. He goes on to infer over and over that all gays are the stereotype and therefore the gay lifestyle should be avoided as unhealthy. Don’t even get me started on how he rationalizes away the thousands of couples getting married all over the country now that it is legal. And while I see his overgeneralizations as a disingenuous, maybe he never experienced anything but the stereotype so he actually believes we all live that way. I don’t really think so but am willing to extend the benefit of the doubt. Plus, it is easier to avoid the truth when you are able to conveniently label everyone into neat little packages. The problem is humans are never that simple and never fit just one mold. Labels, while sometimes appropriate, do not define us.

How very convenient for him that the mantle of being gay can be so wide as to shoulder the blame for all his life’s woes. I can only imagine what my life would be like today if I’d taken his path. I probably would have already killed myself to be honest. Having already lived thru the conflict that he goes thru, I would never wish that on a single soul. It destroys your self-worth. You become desperate to accept anything that would help you explain it away. Naturally, religion offers an easy out. You get to absolve yourself of the “sin”, blame it on the devil, and then turn it all over to someone else to handle for you. Frankly, I prefer to have a code of conduct based on being a good man, not based on fear of what some all-powerful, yet oddly selfish, supernatural being might due to me after I die.

I hope that someday Matt can break out of his self-hatred and shame and see himself and the world more objectively. I fear he is on a path to destruction and I feel powerless to help.  He is blinded by ignorant [1]and often deliberately mistranslated dogma that teaches him to hate himself. He is he finding out the hard way that dumping your problems on a deity doesn’t really pan out. Of course, there is more dogma to counteract that failure so the cycle continues.

Being gay isn’t always a walk on the beach. It can be a rough road full of heart-ache, pain, disappointment, etc. But how is that any different from the rest of the world? Some might argue it’s easier to “get by” by pretending. I’d argue how’s that working out for you? Being gay has it’s challenges, no doubt, but that doesn’t equate denying who/what you are. Blaming being gay for your own insecurities and failings in life will not make it all better. It may make a convenient scapegoat but that only lasts so long. Our culture has issues, many grown out of coping mechanisms from being under constant attack but that does not make being gay inherently bad anymore than being born with blue eyes would. How may of those issues would be nonexistent if young gays grew up in a society not fixated on hating/condemning anyone different?

In my mind, it boils down to acceptance. You can accept that which you cannot change and strive to live a life that makes you happy and fulfilled, or you can hide from what you are and live a life of misery, self-hatred, distrust, and fear. Both will be filled w/mistakes as we are human after all. But which sounds better? Only you can decide for you.

References

References
↑1 and often deliberately mistranslated

Message

So I got a snotty message from someone on growlr the other day. Apparently, because I didn’t answer his first reply buried in about 100 other messages I’ve yet to open that made me a stuck up asshole. Who knew? I used to try to be polite to folks like this and explain things but I honestly don’t have time to help validate your insecurities online. Seriously, I can understand disappointment. We all go thru it. But if you get that worked up over someone not replying to your message, grunt, poke, jingle, woof, or whatever, then I highly recommend you log off the internet.

I’ve rambled before about our technology outpacing our ethical ability to keep up so no need to beat that horse again. Unfortunately, I did send back a bit of a snotty message. I shouldn’t have as it should be beneath me.

Dear random person.
I’m so very sorry that you are upset that I didn’t immediately drop everything I was doing to instantly see and respond to your 12 messages. You see, your message got buried in my queue filled with 100 or so other very important growls [1]Growls are like smiles or woofs, it’s basically an automated notification someone is saying hi. that I haven’t gotten to yet. I’ve been meaning to quit my job so I’d have more free time to respond to every single request , no matter how vague or how far away.  ~ Moby

Yes, it was a shitty reply. I own that. I was cranky and it hit me at just the wrong moment. After a recent rant about my politeness, I sort of have egg on my face.  I could have just deleted it and moved on. No need to chastise me, I’m doing that well enough on my own. Two wrongs don’t make a right and I need to strive to not be so snotty, even if it was deserved.

I would humbly ask, if you are an online user (lord knows we all are), recognize that you are projecting an expectation onto others who may not have the same expectation.

References

References
↑1 Growls are like smiles or woofs, it’s basically an automated notification someone is saying hi.

Tidbits

Nothing earth shattering today, just some random tidbits.

I was sick with a horrible stomach bug for over a week. I’m still having a few random issues but the G-forces have calmed to a more normal situation. Oddly, it started lower and worked it’s way INTO my stomach. lol Or at least, that is how it felt. On a side note, I can always tell when I’m feeling better from being sick because my sex drive bounces back. lol When I’m sick is pretty much the only time it disappears. Read into that whatever you like.

Cooper is still using his Jedi mind tricks on me to keep me from going to work. I’ve been immune so far but I think I’m weakening. I hate leaving him at home. He does just fine but I’d rather he were with me. He is still the belle of the ball anytime we go anywhere. lol He loves the attention. We ran into another Bully his age and size the other day and they got along so well. The other bully was a tad younger and was so eager to play. Oh and speaking of, Apple guy rescued a bully in Austin so Cooper has a step-brother now. His name is Deegan and just adorable. In other news, Cooper, while not at all aggressive, has a habit of insisting on being center of attention when other dogs are around. I wonder if it is because of his days in the shelter. It’s almost if he is suddenly afraid of being looked over. I could just be over-analyzing it as well.

I’ve been neglecting my beast and finally took him in for some TLC last weekend. The chain was so loose it could have popped off on it’s own. I didn’t ride much at all last season. I have a few more things to do to my monster to get him ready for the upcoming riding season. I miss riding a lot. Until I get a couple things done on the bike though, I’ve been sticking close to home. It all boils down to finances.

Speaking of, I’ve been doing a little overtime at work the last few weeks. It’s hit and miss and usually only 4 hours at a time but every little bit helps. Having an extra paycheck this month didn’t hurt none either. I’m about to file taxes for the year and am not looking forward to it. Not realizing it was superbowl weekend, I signed up for OT on Sunday. I could back out of it but I wouldn’t feel right. I take my responsibilities seriously. I’m sure it’s going to be a royal pain, whether we win or not.

I’ve been very good about hitting the gym and my routine consistently. Even with the stomach bug, I made it several days that week. I’m gonna mix up the days off though as I’m finding that the heavy weights, even on different muscles, are zapping my endurance by day 4 and 5. I probably should have mixed in an off-day from the beginning but it is a work in progress. Speaking of, a coworker who works days ran into me the other day and said, “you are getting massive.”  While not massive, I was still very tickled and have no problem admitting I giggled like a little school girl w/delight. Totally made my day!

Down

No, not sad. Turned down. A reader asked what were [1]I seem to be getting a lot questions lately. Is there some sort of Q&A meme going around? Not that I’m complaining mind you… some of the reasons I turn down dates (or sex) and how I respond. Not always an easy answer as we live in a society who’s technological advancements are outpacing our ethical ability to keep up.

I’d have to say a big reason I turn down dates or “connections” would be drugs. I get turned down just as much for not being ok with drugs. There is no place in my life for drugs and it is one of the few absolute deal-breakers for me. I have no problem with pot but I hate the smell just as much as ciggies and cigars. I could never seriously date (much less kiss) anyone who smelled like those things. Plenty of my friends do both but they also know my feelings on the subject. I can separate my ability to be friends with someone from their habits.

Even though it’s in virtually all my online profiles, I still guys that hit me up for pnp or to “smoke a bowl.” Just last week a guy got really bent out of shape on Scruff because I wouldn’t come over and top him while he was getting high. [2]There is also my job to consider. It opens up several tricky ethical questions that I’d just rather avoid all together. He was indignant and kept wanting me to explain why. After like the umpteeth message, I finally lost my temper and ignored him.

I had another younger guy hit me up and again acted all indignant that I could possible say no (for any reason) to him. Bless his heart. He was pretty but not my type at all. He couldn’t seem to wrap his mind around someone older saying no to him. On a small tangent, I seem to attract a lot more younger guys than I used to. While there are always exceptions, I’m not attracted to young guys as a norm. Hell, even when I was young I wasn’t into young guys. I guess I as I’m reaching the ‘daddy’ phase it is to be expected. And I can still be appreciative even if it isn’t my cup of tea. But if you go off on a rant about how you’re basically god’s gift to me because your young and pretty, well that ain’t gonna buy you any points. 

As to how, I usually try to take the sting out of it by politely declining the interest along with a small tidbit of conversation. The tidbit often helps diffuse the awkwardness and allows us to move past it. Whether online or in person, I try to be respectful and polite when I can. I say when I can because there are times I can’t always reply. And it doesn’t always work but that’s how I try to handle it. As I’ve always said, I recognize the distinction between being attracted to someone and being accepting of someone. Just because I don’t wanna swap spit doesn’t mean I can’t be civil or even chat with you. We might even end up friends. I also try not to be the guy who say’s he’ll call and never does. If I ask for your number, it is because I earnestly want to see you again. If you offer me your number and I know it’s not gonna happen, I usually try to politely decline. I’d rather you take a small offense up front than expect a call that never comes. I haven’t always been able to carry thru on this last one but I’m getting better at it.

Sometimes, I just ignore online requests. Especially if it is obvious the person hasn’t even read my profile. Besides that, there are times when I can’t possibly reply to everyone. Be it too many responses, I’m only online for a few minutes, the person is thousand of miles away, whatever the reason, it’s just simple math. As more apps and ways to connect instantly emerge, it makes it harder to answer every single point of interest. Ignoring responses that don’t interest me can be just as effective as a reply. As mentioned in a previous rant, rejection can be hard but often unavoidable. I don’t take it personal if someone doesn’t reply to me. I don’t get bent out of shape. I can be disappointed w/o being bitter over it.

Beyond that, I don’t really have a big revelation. It really depends on the individual and the connection I feel. I try to be polite and honest.

I can’t tell you why others turn me down because I don’t ask. If there isn’t a match, the reason is irrelevant.

References

References
↑1 I seem to be getting a lot questions lately. Is there some sort of Q&A meme going around? Not that I’m complaining mind you…
↑2 There is also my job to consider. It opens up several tricky ethical questions that I’d just rather avoid all together.

Attention

I had such a good time at the annual Boys with Balls charity. It’s a bowling adventure filled with around 300+ shirtless gay men. How could it not be fun?! Anyway, I got a lot of attention this year. I guess the new muscle mass is working. Seriously, I was a bit surprised how many random guys flirted with me this year. I mean you can’t go to an event like this and not flirt w/someone but it was still very nice and a pleasant surprise.

I’m a huge flirt, no surprise there. One guy I had flirted with (but had never seen before in my life) came up behind me in the bathroom and basically sniffed me all over. He did other stuff too but that is a bit off topic. lol I bring it up because while he was grabbing me, I caught a glance of myself in the mirror. With him standing behind me, I had more objective view of my body size and shape. I was pleased. I’m really developing an appreciation for my new size and look. As I shift further and further away in my mind from the old me to the current me, I’m getting happier with how I look. I’m proud of how much work I’ve put into it and glad I can objectively learn to appreciate the results.

I kept running into this shorter hot scruffy guy that I’ve always had the hots for. I literally ran into him. Recognizing it was him, I took advantage of the happenstance and kept “bumping” into him all night. We both laughed and had fun with it. I was totally flattered that he flirted back and it definitely lifted my spirits. (Remind me to tell you about the big burly Texan who latched onto me and then his follower kept giving me daggers for looks the rest of the night) I am a total sucker for a big smile and his was infectious and lit up his whole face. Naturally, my heart (and other parts) fluttered around him.

Imagine my total surprise when hottie looks me up on FB afterwards!  We continued to flirt and he expressed a desire to go a little further in our “bumping.” I was all too eager to agree. But here is the funny part. As the conversation unfolded, it became apparent he’d always thought I wasn’t into him. The irony is I thought the same thing of him! We’d seen each other around from time to time. I’d always made a point to acknowledge or say hi to him. I never got an indication that he was really interested. He’d always say hi back but it just seemed rather cordial. I was seriously befuddled that he could have possibly thought I wasn’t into him.

And, of course, I’ve been mulling it over constantly since then. lol I pride myself on being friendly and ‘approachable’ so naturally I’m kicking myself as to how I could have given the impression I wasn’t interested. Am I becoming to focused at the gym? Have I started presenting myself as unapproachable w/o knowing it. I enlisted the help of friends, who were perfectly useless. lol I say that w/love because they can’t see me objectively so asking them was pointless. It’s eating at me now of course. And I’ll keep picking at it till I resolve it in my head at some point.

Anyway, as luck would have it, he is usually a top as well. I say usually because, well you know…

We had a great time and he was just as much fun as I expected. (Even more actually)  Of course, in a city full of bottoms I keep running into all the tops. *sigh*

42 Again

For some reason the original post is screwed up. If you try to load it, it says it’s not found. So I reposted. Sowwie.

Yes, you guessed it, yours truly is 42 years old today. I’m finally 42, the meaning of life, everything.1

I don’t have a whole lot to rant about on it. I’m 42. Ok, next? It’s no secret I don’t make a big production over my birthdays. It’s just a marker on a day just like pretty much every other day. I’ve always been ok with aging. I like who I am and being in my ‘daddy’ phase suits me nicely. hehehe

Of course, my number chart says this is supposed to be a good year for me. Lord, I sure hope so. I need a good year.

I tend to procrastinate a lot about stuff I need to get done so I’m working on doing less of that this year. I’ve got lots planned for this year too. Besides, the teethes, I wanna finish pulling myself out of the financial mess I’m. That ball is already rolling. I’m gonna try to swing a cruise with two of my besties as well. I haven’t been on a real vacation in years and am way overdo. I need to get away from it all and just enjoy myself. Said cruise depends on the finances being in better shape of course. It isn’t till November so I have some time. And knowing I need to make a deadline will help keep me motivated, hopefully.

I’m also refocusing on taking better care of myself as a whole. The gym of course is a big part of that as well. I never had the habit of pampering myself growing up so it was something I had to teach myself as an adutl. I was just getting into it prior to the last LTR and I miss it. I haven’t done a whole lot just for me in such a long time, it feels almost selfish at times now. Being broke will do that to ya. lol

The biggest change is I wake up happy again. I’ve always prided myself on how I wake up every day basically happy and in good spirits. That went away for awhile and I missed it. I’ve noticed a revival and I can’t tell you how much I missed it. I feel like a spark has come back that went dim. Of course, having a 65lb bulldog that loves and depends on me doesn’t hurt none either. I’m never sure who gets the most joy out of us being together. He never fails to make me feel loved.

That’s about it. I’m looking forward to my 42nd year. I hope it’s a good one and I continue to grow and learn about myself.

:-)