Category: me

Inferior

I mentioned via various social media profiles that I recently hired a cleaning crew for the apt. Lord knows it needed it. A friend of a friend happened to see my post and messaged me in private asking for details. In the process, he seemed to go out of his way to establish his superiority by demeaning the fact she cleaned homes for a living. I was a bit surprised because there wasn’t really a need for him to inject that into the conversation. I mean if the situation were reversed I just would have asked the pertenent details and went on about my way.

Naturally, I gave him my two cents. Performing menial tasks for a living is not demeaning. Nor does it make you less deserving of respect. Frankly, she does a service that people clearly need and want. She is most definitely doing me a service that I appreciate. I respect her hard work and efforts. I could go on and on about my ideas where this comes from. Be it societal constructs, class wars, blah blah blah not the point. I’m more surprised when I hear it from a gay person because we get treated differently because of a characteristic we can’t control. You’d think that would make us more compassionate and accepting of others. Sadly, not always the case.

I’m pretty sure I got my strong work ethic from my dad. I may not have gotten a lot from him but he did manage to instill that into me very young. My father worked a variety of blue-collar jobs in his life, some more profitable than others. He never begrudged others their higher/lower payscales. My dad always said an honest job, no matter what it is, deserves respect. An honest job is an honest living. And while he worked some pretty physically taxing jobs in his  life, he was pretty content with it.

At the end of the day, I try not to put down others to make myself feel better. I don’t try to elevate myself above them to feel superior. While I am proud of what I do, that doesn’t make me better than anyone else. I’ve cleaned up some pretty disgusting things in my life. And honestly, I was happy to do it. Even a shitty job deserves to be done right IMO.

Ear

Growing up I had a weird fascination with some of my elders and their propensity to have very long hairs in very odd places. Now as an adult I’m not a fan of recreating said grooming techniques. Actually, I quite abhor such things. Imagine my surprise when I noticed a particularly long hair hiding in my ear. It lurked far enough back I normally can’t see it in the mirror. Sadly, as it got longer it could no longer hide from discovery. Whilst doing my morning grooming I noticed that fucker lurking like a tick in my ear canal. I promptly plucked and discarded him in the trash.

I can still remember being creeped out seeing guys with either really big bushy eyebrows or long straggly nose/ear hairs. There is nothing wrong with having hair in said places but there is also nothing wrong with trimming or keeping that stuff in check.

Besides my whiskers, I have a few wild hairs that like to spring up on the outer top of my ears. I am ever vigilant for them and they get plucked as quickly as I discover them. lol I’d also have a unibrow if I didn’t pluck it. Even as a kid, I had really thick dark eyebrows. I learned very early the art of ripping that shit out. hehehe

Lounge

Today was a good day. I woke up early again but I still slept in. Cooper didn’t budge till I get up so he must enjoy sleeping in too. We had breakfast, did a few small chores and then headed off to the park for a couple hours in the sun. Afterwards, we spent the rest of the day being lazy and enjoying the weather. Well, he spent the day being lazy. I got out some more for the sun and then settled down for some much missed video gaming.

I can’t express what I relief it was not to be stressed about having to clean the apt. The whole apt feels and smells clean. I’m happy I broke down and hired a cleaning crew. It may not be a necessity but is most definitely is a priority for me. I’d rather spend the money and know it will get done like clock work than stress over doing it or procrastinating it to death. I’ve already made some adjustments in my spending to off-set some of the cost. And while not as inexpensive as my previous crew way back when, still affordable for me. The roomie is contributing as well so it totally deadens the expense.

Anyway, I giggled when I realized I didn’t have to give up part of my weekend now. It hadn’t yet dawned me that I’d have the free time. I tend to procrastinate over chores and they tend to pile up. Then I get irritated and spend a whole day (or weekend) catching up. It was nice realizing this morning I didn’t have to do either.

Tomorrow I think I’ll try to go for a short ride on the bike. I can’t go too far as I still haven’t gotten my replacement fairings yet. But a short ride around the city, to the beach, or just over the bridge sounds perfect!

Hope you all are having a good weekend!

Perceive

It’s funny how some things strike a chord with people. My recent “strange” post seemed to resonate with more than a few of my readers. My friend B from Houston reached out to me to tell me how much he admired how honest I was. I was really taken with his email and warm emotion. I knew B back when I was living out of my car, working three jobs, including the tubs on weekends. He was always kind to me when I was working the tubs. He never looked down at me, belittled my work, or treated me in any way poorly. Don’t get me wrong, I knew my job wasn’t glamorous. And while I certainly didn’t brag, I never hid the fact. It was an honest living and it helped me get back on my feet. I have no problem admitting, then or now, that I worked in a bath house. Anyway, B and I stayed in contact over the years. Being a lover of bullies himself, he reached out to me when Spike passed. It meant so much to me that he did that.  His kudos to me in his email was a wonderful affirmation and I greatly appreciated it.

My buddy B [1]Same letter, different person from Colorado then reached out to me not even 24 hours later laughing about times we spent hanging out at “Cheesy-man” park on weekends. I used to drive down from Boulder and go rollerblading in the park. B was always cruising for a boy. He was also a very nice guy. He handled my polite rejection and built on it. We ended up being friends. He was also really touched by my post and reached out to me. His take was a tad different in that he loved that I’m always so direct. He loved to hear that I was still the same old ‘me’ all these years later.

When I wrote that post it was a total whim about a random yet humorous experience in my day to day life. I didn’t see it as anything significantly meaningful. But looking back on it I can see where some of the deeper meanings apply. I guess it’s a good sign that effective habits I struggled to have as a young man have taken root and become engrained. In my rambling I missed the significance of not letting someone else’s jaded behavior effect my own.

I confided in both B’s that I was tickled at how they perceived my post. They both found it very moving in their own way and I was just sharing my humor in it. As I told them both, I no longer question the idea of whether to post an idea here. Some things that I think will be revealing or insightful barely make a blip. Then something random like this really speaks to my readers. At the end of the day I just blog. If it strikes my fancy in it goes! The reasoning behind that is simple. I share because I can and because I never had anyone to share my struggles with as a kid. There were no blogs, no support groups, no internet, nada. Just knowing I wasn’t alone in my struggles would have made the pain so much more bearable for me back then. So yes, I do share in the hopes that my life stories will inspire, assure, or all around help others realize they are not alone.

As I am very fond of saying, hope springs eternal…

References

References
↑1 Same letter, different person

Bad

My eating habits these last few weeks haven’t been that good. I haven’t been eating fast food or anything. Just not eating quite as well as I have been. The schedule change has been rough on more than my sleeping patterns.

This past weekend I made sure to get my meals for the week in order so I wouldn’t be stuck eating out for lunch every day. I didn’t go down a notch on belt for the first time in years to give it up now! lol

Speaking of, since I’ve done a decent job of weight loss, I’m down to 194lbs. I’m coming up on a new workout schedule next month. This one has been awesome and I’m glad I really mixed things up. I’ve gotten used to working muscles I always neglected in the past. Now I can structure my workouts w/o worrying about skipping the gym because I’m not focused on certain muscle groups. Little changes to habits work!

Still

Well, I hate to say it but I’m adjusting to the new schedule. It appears this week my rhythms are even adjusting. Today was the first day since I switched to the new shift that I didn’t come home utterly exhausted after the gym. I had a good workout but it felt more like it was supposed to.

So, I guess I’m gonna survive after all. I was beginning to have my doubts for sure. lol

*

The project is finally picking up a little more speed. We are getting into the thick of things. If it weren’t for all the politics between depts it would be moving a whole lot faster. Next week, the training team for the developer is back to train us on phase 2 of the software. There is one more training phase in late May, then we are all on our own for the duration till we go live.

My dept is already whining about the money it’s costing to have the ops personnel (including myself) off the floor. I hope and pray we don’t get pulled off before the project is over. I can already see it taking more than 5 months that were allotted. Both of the project leaders are keen on me because I have such a broad knowledge of hardware, software, and policy. I’m glad as they’ll plead my case later on the chance the dept has to pick and choose who to leave on the team.

*

Now that I appear to be adjusting, hopefully I’ll get some more blog posts in. I have plenty in my head just no time to sit down and type them out. Cooper is doing fine on the new schedule. Although, on the really early days I’ve gotten up he has taken to looking at me like, “what the hell are you doing up so early?”

Just

Well, it looks like there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I appear to be adjusting a bit better to the new schedule. Instead of being exhausted every day or every other day, I’m up to every 3-4 days. lol Hey, I’ll take every improvement I can get.

This week has been better overall with timing and my rhythms being better. I am beginning to feel like I will survive this schedule after all.

The project itself is slowly picking up steam. Having got off to the slowest start in history, things are picking up speed now. The managers seem to be getting a better grasp on priorities and timelines.

Maybe, by the weekend I’ll actually feel like I’ve accomplished something useful.

Hope springs eternal…

Said v2.0

Yes, it really says 8:00am for the time this posted. What is the world coming to? lol

I’m always touched how people come to my defense. Even complete strangers (except thru my blog) send me words of encouragement and support. Truly, it reaffirms my belief in humanity anytime it happens.

Many of you were curious to know what was by whom, etc. I guess I didn’t really clarify but that was never the reasoning behind it. I’m not currently inclined to name names as it invites more drama than is needed. He is local and we have a lot of mutual friends in common. What was said is done and over with.

The point was my approach and my realization that  it didn’t hurt. I didn’t deflect, it just didn’t hurt. It was a wonderful realization that I am the man I sought to become all those years ago when this blog started. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not finished nor am I done attempting to better myself. It was just a very simple yet powerful realization.

And again, thank you all for the comments, emails, text messages, even phone calls. It meant a lot to me.

Smile

Said

After having had a wonderful weekend, someone said something to me today that was meant to be incredibly cruel. Call it jealousy or just pettiness, what was said and by whom is not the point. The point was I totally didn’t take it that way he meant. I actually felt like it was a compliment so I gave the reply, “thank you.” Said person, I guess could tell I was being sincere and was, of course, infuriated.

Forgetting for the moment why anyone would think it is ok to stoop to such behavior, the comment totally missed the mark on all sides. It wasn’t me hiding hurt, which I could do in my sleep for most people. [1]I may bitch about SID, but she did give me an amazing resilience.  It just didn’t hurt.  Afterwards, when I had more time to reflect on it, it totally made my day. Having grown enough over the years, it was a random but significant moment that validated years of personal growth.

References

References
↑1 I may bitch about SID, but she did give me an amazing resilience.

Apparent

Apparently, I’m the only one that decided to be available to work on our project today. But, since I don’t have the authority to assign myself new tasks I was left tweaking several already completed tasks. On the way out yesterday, one of the project leads asked me if I could this, this, and this. She was clearly asking me to do it so she didn’t have to. Do they think me stupid? I can tell when I’m being given a shit assignment. lol I totally didn’t mind though. It took minutes to complete each one.

Apparently, I’m also the only one that kept notes about the day to day usage vs who was whining about what. So now everyone wants MY notes to brush up on. lol And to be clear here, I’m not bitching, I’m just being a dork. I like this sort of stuff so I’m content.

Apparently, I can keep a lot in my head off of one or two line item notes. Each line turned into 2 & 3 paragraphs of text when I started cleaning up my notes and condensing them into cohesive thoughts. What started as maybe 20 lines of notes ended up spread out over 24 paragraphs of documentation. Everyone keeps saying, ‘oh my god, how did you keep up with all that while it was going on?‘  Uh, um…well I listened for one. Two, since I already know the code, tech, and the purpose as a user I can pretty much tell you everything that needs to be accomplished and how to do it. Me thinks maybe I should be the project manager…

Apparently, the powers that be above me decided it was too much to ask us to clone and edit command codes from the old system to the new one. This was one of the parts I was eagerly looking forward to. I’m bummed they actually convinced the developer to do it for free.

Apparently, it’s Friday and I’m ready to get the hell out of here!

Have a good weekend all.