Category: me

Cards

It’s that time again. I’m doing my annual christmas cards again soon. If you want a card, email me your address. Don’t leave your address in the comments. I’d hate for some random bot to snag it. 

I have so many different kinds of cards, I’m totally not buying new ones this year. I easily spend upwards of $50 to $100 bucks a year on cards. I’m not sure where I developed the hobby, especially since I’m don’t really celebrate christmas that much. I just enjoy doing it though. It’s almost therapeutic for me. I think I’ve mentioned it in previous years but I like to sit down and go thru my mailing list and compare it to my readers. I pull up all their emails for the last year and read thru them again. It makes me feel connected to my readers. I’m probably an odd ball but when has that ever stopped me? hehehe

So this year I’m gonna throw all the cards in a pile and just go thru them one by one until I’m done. Or at least until I run out of folks to send them to. I’m pretty sure I still have more than enough cards. I seem to remember I might have done some of this last year. (Yeah, I have that many cards heehee)  

Shawn and I are probably headed back down to LA for the holiday. The same two friends are tying the knot and have invited us to attend! 

Anyway, if you’d like a card drop me a line. I do not expect one in return just because I send you one btw. 

World AIDS Day

***Note – I actually wrote this post in 2015 but thru some sort of typo it got scheduled for 2016.***

World AIDS Day has a special meaning to many of us in the LGBT community. If you are over the age of 40, it is extremely unlikely you haven’t personally lost at least 1 friend or loved one to AIDS. While it is more of a chronic illness in western culture these days, it is still incurable and people are still dying. While I lost several friends over the years, two were very close to my heart and I use this day to fondly remember said individuals. Today I want to talk about Damien.

Damien was the manager of the Club Houston. [1]One of two large bathhouses in the city I happened to meet him at a very rough time in my life. The first time meeting him left me a bit rattled actually. I was still young and very naive at the time. And while I’ve always been able to put on a good poker face, I was very intimidated by him. He was this rather imposing figure. He carried himself w/a bit of what I referred to then as arrogance. It helped his image that he was tall and lean. He had long curly hair, of which he he was very fond. He had a reputation for being very strict and frankly, being a bitch. As I would discover later, it was all a cover. He was actually quite kind and generous. He just had a really low tolerance for drama.

For myself, I was struggling to not be homeless at the time and ended up working at the Club for money on weekends. I’d come in and do the weekend bbq and they paid cash. Considering I was sleeping in my car at the time, I wasn’t in a position to refuse. Being funny and social, I quickly went from just weekend work to weekday work on a full-time schedule. Damien quickly fell in love with me (as a friend and mentor). One, I was a hard worker [2]yes, even in a bathhouse. but that just served to get his attention. He loved me because, as he put it, “I was the nelliest funniest queen he’d ever met” For you long timer readers, you’ll remember I turned myself into a stereotype back then because I thought that’s what I had to be to gain acceptance. And truth be told, you would not have even recognize me then. But he loved me because I was so fiercely “out.” Anyway, back on topic.

After a little while, word filtered back to him regarding my situation and my routine unofficial overnight hangouts became a sanctioned activity. Employees were allowed to use the ‘gym’ for free. hehehe It was a huge burden lifted for me. A couple of the employees didn’t like me because they knew I’d rat their lazy asses out if they got high and slacked off while on duty. Said slacking meant more work for me. They would routinely kick me out after my time limit expired at night. This left me on the street anywhere from 4-6 hours in the late night/early mornings. The police were not friendly and the neighborhood wasn’t overly safe so I’d drive to a nicer area of town and park in well-lit areas. Anyway, what very few people knew at the time is he also helped me behind the scenes as well. I was the beneficiary of a monthly “employee of the month” program that seemed to only exist for my benefit. Said program paid extra cash to the winner. Damien grew to trust me a lot and was also a mentor to me. Having been thru some of life’s harsher roads before me, he would often share pearls of hard earned wisdom with me.

After a year or so, I moved on. While I had no shame in working there, I didn’t intend to stay that way. I’ve always been a quick study and any time life presents an opportunity I take it. I continued working and finding better jobs to better myself. Damien and I stayed in touch and I’d routinely lend a hand if he asked. An employee would get fired or just disappear and he’d call me for a quick shift. I was glad to help someone who helped me.

When Damien got sick, I was living in Boulder, CO. I caught a flight back as soon as I could and got back in time. It is a surreal experience to see the life and health leave someone you know. Gone was the vibrant man I knew. In his place was the decaying shell of a human being. In a word, it was ghastly. I loved this kindred soul and it broke me in so many little ways to see him reduced to this. When he passed away, I promised I’d never let myself die that way. I’d never let anything reduce me to such a state. (Kids say the craziest things when we think we are invincible)

[This part is new since I wrote this.] So today, I celebrate his life. He wouldn’t want me to be sad or down. He would want me to be fierce and alive. So in his honor, I celebrate the life of all of those we’ve lost due to AIDS. I celebrate the life of those who still live with AIDS. I celebrate their courage in the fight to live. I celebrate the new treatments and drugs available to everyone. Besides treatment drugs we also have PrEP now. [3]Pre-Exposure Prophylactics PrEP is changing the landscape of treatment and transmission.

I celebrate the kindred soul that touched my mine and helped me on my own path.

Hope springs eternal…

References

References
↑1 One of two large bathhouses in the city
↑2 yes, even in a bathhouse.
↑3 Pre-Exposure Prophylactics

Recovery

I’ve been avoiding social media and most of the news these last few days. It’s all been so depressing and sad I just needed a chance to recover before I dove back into it all. And on queue, everyone is jockeying for the moral superiority. What a total turn off. Ugh. [1]I know this article is probably too long to hold the attention of most folks so I won’t bother with the ‘long rant ahead’ admonishment. I mean even the headline is devoid of … Continue reading

Believe it or not, some of my readers are/were Donald supporters.  I know, crazy right? I make no bones about supporting mostly democrats these days. It isn’t because I’m a hard core party line groupy, they just often make the most sense and/or are will do less damage based on the choices given. I was an ardent (and still am) Hillary supporter. She would have been good for this country, all the rhetoric notwithstanding. She had her issues that concerned me, but so does our current President. Anyway, I got a few snarky humble-brag emails from a couple of aforementioned readers. My response to them is my response to all, “careful what you wish for, because once you get it, you’re stuck with it.” In this case, we are stuck with Donald for at least 4 years. Watching the disaster that is his transition has been both hilarious and frightening. These clowns can’t even manage a transition and yet magically we expect them to manage a country, foreign affairs, the national budget. Really? 

I hope we recover from this. I’m a pretty optimistic person but I see this as sign of bad things to come. I truly hope I’m wrong. And unlike everyone trying to point fingers, I don’t blame the people who voted. I don’t blame the people who voted for Donald, Jill, or Gary. At least they got off their asses and voted. They exercised their right to help determine their future. And while it certainly played a role, I don’t blame the voter id laws or the clowns trying to intimidate voters at polling places. It is arguable that without these influences Hillary might have won. Now imagine if half of the non-voting voters had actually gone to the polls. A mere 25% of the absent voting publc would have changed everything. It would have offset all the attempts above and then some. How do I know this? Statistics don’t lie. Statistics repeatedly show lower voter turnouts benefit the republicans. Even with all the shenanigans above, Hillary still won the popular vote by over a million votes (and still counting). That means the crazy, insane voting block, which represents only 1/25 of the total, consistently swings elections because other voters stay home. Over and over again we see it play out. And we saw it again this year. Not voting for your interests is a vote against them. 

I don’t buy the bullshit argument we need to coddle straight white men. We don’t need to coddle them. We need to get more women, minorities, and LGBTI foks to the ballot box and kick their selfish asses to the curb. As a collective we outnumber the selfish white men. And here is the crux of the problem IMO. White society is slowly realizing the system no longer predominantly represents them anymore. It scares the shit out of them. Deep down they are afraid of becoming the minority and discovering what it feels like to be discriminated against. This is what drives the cognitive dissonance that allows people to look past Donald’s racist, sexist, xenophobic, etc, etc, etc behaviors. They can’t reconcile the contradiction so they block it out. This is what won the election for Donald IMO. 

I’ve said it before, [2]And again, I hate being right here  indifference is going to destroy us. The more we abandon our cherished rights and freedoms, the faster they will be taken from us. We run to social media to whine or we run into the streets demanding “something be done“. Meanwhile, the people in power keep on doing what their doing. They know there is very little consequence so what’s to fear? 

The republicans do get credit for reading the writing on the wall. They took full advantage of the openness [3]Read no regulation on what’s called news of the internet and social media. They never let up with their false attacks on opponents. Social media has become the perfect dissemination tool for “story” after story of half truths and flat out lies to confuse an increasingly poorly educated populace. Even our normal media outlets have shifted away from truth and facts to trying to garner ad-clicks. The flashier or more outrageous the headline the better. Doesn’t matter anymore if the headline matches the story. People then see these shitty stories, shared and reshared over time and develop a completely contrary view of reality based on lies and half truths. It’s only now, after it might be too late, suddenly social media is taking notice. No mention yet from traditional media. Maybe they just need to die out and be replaced. 

We’ve built the perfect democracy busting engine using a trifecta of parts; indifference, ignorance, and a media platform devoid of integrity. 

References

References
↑1 I know this article is probably too long to hold the attention of most folks so I won’t bother with the ‘long rant ahead’ admonishment. I mean even the headline is devoid of anything flashy. hehehe
↑2 And again, I hate being right here
↑3 Read no regulation on what’s called news

Nap

It’s been almost 6 months at my new gig at work and my body is still fighting the new schedule. I am just not an early to bed person. Getting up isn’t much of a struggle. As soon as the phone goes off, Cooper is up and at’em. If I don’t get up he is pawing at the bed in moments so any chance of falling back to sleep are slim to none. hehehe  Getting my ass into bed at a decent hour to get a full 8 hours is the problem. I hear people all the time talk about how little sleep they need (or get).  News flash, your body needs sleep. You can get by but in the long run it isn’t healthy. And if you’re an avid gym-goer like me, sleep is even more vital. 

I’ve embraced napping. I was never a big napper but I do often now. I struggled at first but my body seems to be adapting to it. I’ll rush home, get naked,crawl in bed, and turn all the lights out. Of course, Cooper has to nap with me! haha  IF I can get him to settle quickly, I can squeeze in a quick 20-30 minute nap before the gym. I’m usually groggy but I wake up pretty quickly and by the time I get the gym I feel more energized.

Frankly, I am just no good w/o sleep. This is probably why I spent 12 years working swing shift. I miss waking up when I wanted; having no alarms was awesome! Lawd, I miss those days. I highly recommend it if you get an opportunity. Anyway, back on topic, if I don’t get sleep, I’m a cranky bitch. Being on a 4-10 schedule makes it rough to get a lot of sleep. Ugh. I have to be disciplined or I end up screwed the next day. I start out with the best intentions, “I must get to bed on time, I must get to bed on time.”  That turns into, “well, I have 30 more minutes before I HAVE to be in bed.”  This doesn’t include the 30 mins it usually takes me to get ready for bed. Cooper has to be fed and walked. If I didn’t shower at the gym, I get my shower in before bed. I usually try to get my cl0thes out for the next day as well. And considering I give myself just enough time to wake up, get Cooper settled, and then out the door, there isn’t room for chores in the morning. 

To be fair, my body is slowly adjusting. I do find I get sleepier earlier now. I’m not quite on the old person schedule yet but I’m hoping I adjust soon. I hate the constant struggle against my schedule. I don’t know how my coworker does it with kids. I’d be a wreck. hahaha  Granted she doesn’t hit the weights 5 days a week but still. Being in TN this past weekend with my brother and his kids gave me a new perspective on raising kids. It ain’t for me! 

I’m gonna give it a full year to see if I can force my body to comply. If not, I’ll look into what it would take for me to switch back to a 5-8 schedule at work. It would be slightly more work for me and slightly less for my coworker but if I can’t force my rhythms to adjust, it would be worth it. On a related tangent, I almost quick this job a year into it on my own (after training). I got bumped to mids for 6 months and it was just awful. I could not sleep. I ended up getting sick twice and had I not been able to go back to swing shift at the next sign up, I would have quit. Clearly, I’m not giving up this asisgnment but I do think there would be some flexibility if I really needed it. 

As always, hope springs eternal…

Old

Someone asked me the other day if I thought I was too old to workout? Uh, no. Is that a thing? Is there an imaginary age where [gay] guys just give up working out? 

I guess if you’re doing it for the attention or admiration I can see a shelf life. And I’m not judging here. Many of us develop an obsession with working out as a coping mechanism to combat deeper issues.Who am I to cast stones? It’s kind of a natural progression honestly. We used to be thought of as weak so working out breaks that stereotype. That said, I never stuck with working out when I did it to impress others. It wasn’t until my mid to late 20s when I decided I really wanted to be better than I was that I finally stuck with it.  I took a real interest and got over my anxiety. Lawd, I was a scrawny turd back then.hehee

Fast forward, to my mid 40s and I still enjoy working out. I’m in excellent shape without being ripped or massive.The latter were never my goals anyway. I feel better after a good workout. Of course, the narcissist in me likes that I get more attention, but that is a side benefit. It would be silly to pretend I don’t enjoy attention. [1]truer words were never spoken!  I think anyone who works out would tell you the same if they are honest. However, I don’t personally think there is a shelf life for working out. I’m not Miss Cleo so I can’t see the future, but I hope I continue working out well into old age. Working out has proven to help keep you healthy and fight off aging. I might end up an old doddering fool but I’ll be a strong doddering old fool!

So no, I don’t think I have reached an age where I’ll be giving it up. And it’s never too late to start. 

References

References
↑1 truer words were never spoken!

Routine

After my last post, I was asked what type of routine I do and do I recommend heavy weights vs long workouts. 

Actually, I am currently doing a combo of both. Since I work out solo most days, an all-heavy approach isn’t practical or safe. The golden rule is wear the muscle out, which causes micro tears. The micro tears lead to new muscle when the body repairs itself. Right now I’m doing 6 sets of 8. Depending on the day, I do one or two muscle groups. I try to hit at least 4 machines or benches per muscle. For two muscle days, I hit at least 3 for each muscle. And for larger muscles, I tend to focus on just one muscle with slightly longer breaks between different sets. If you are just starting out this isn’t for you. Six sets of 8 reps is a lot. If you insist, start slow. (Maybe do two exercises per muscle and build your way up.)

Basically, the goal is to do enough weight I can complete all the sets/reps. Once I can complete a full set more than once, I up the weight. Different muscles grow at different speeds so sometimes it’s just 5 or 10 lbs. I take 30 seconds between each set of reps and a full minute between different sets. [1]Obviously, in a busy gym that is hard to do but it is the goal.  Don’t be tempted to cheat by resting more. The longer you rest the lower your heart rate and the more time your muscles have to recover. You don’t want them to recover. They should be burning by the time you finish a full set. If I can’t complete a full rep-set, I go down on the next one. Don’t get so focused on the weight that you don’t get a good burn. The last two rep-sets of a given bench/machine should be harder than the first 4. You should really struggle to finish while trying to keep good form. 

Another good workout is doing doubles. Doubles is basically doing two full sets of two exercises either mixed together or back to back with no break. When I can, I like to mix them i.e. one set of first exercise then one set of second exercise. [2]In a busy gym that isn’t always practical. Don’t be a bench hog!  You still rest between reps but you do both exercises before you take the longer break. This is also not for beginners. You need to be familiar with body mechanics. The exercises either need to be physically close to each other (for machines) or be able to quickly alternate (barbells/dumbbells) between them.  Again, if you’re in a busy gym you should be mindful of not hogging benches or machines. 

So that is what I’m currently doing. I’ve found this approach is very effective for me. As long as you overload the muscles, you’re good to go! Hope it helps.  If you use the Jefit app, I share my routines so you should be able to see them. 

References

References
↑1 Obviously, in a busy gym that is hard to do but it is the goal.
↑2 In a busy gym that isn’t always practical. Don’t be a bench hog!

Bulk

Now that I’ve been back in the gym pretty consistently for months now, my dedication is slowly paying off. I’ve put on some more muscle. Nothing extraordinary as I’m doing it the natural route, but every little bit counts, right? I’m currently 215lbs, which is the heaviest I’ve ever been (I think. I’m having a total brain fart right now Lol)  Unfortunately, at least 15lbs of that is fat I wanna get rid of, but I’d still be at 200 so I’m happy. I’ve mentioned before my ultimate goal is to hit 230 with around 210 being muscle. 
I originally focused on trying to trim back down after my hiatus and shoulder/back injuries. I had the grand idea of developing some baby abs.  Needless to say, I quickly discarded that notion for bulk. I can see little changes but since I see myself every day, it is harder to notice the difference. At least others are noticing, which is a good sign. Vain much? Lol  And while my abs are still covered under a layer of fat, I’m happy with where I am. I’ve got a couple more months to this routine and then I’m hitting a trim-down plan. 

Cutting back on the extra sugar in my diet always seems to help a lot. I found out a few months ago I’m one of those people genetically predisposed to diabetes. [1]Since I was adopted, I know very little of my medical history  Not the best news, but since I work out and take care of myself it isn’t a problem yet. However, it does mean I don’t have the luxury of poor eating habits, especially as I age. It is quite frustrating as I don’t eat awful at all. And, I’m also approaching the age where such things become more important. My blood pressure is only slightly higher than normal for a person my age.  Unfortunately, it means I have to work harder on my diet. My weakness isn’t eating fast food as much as just eating out. And my schedule is always the enemy. Hehe  If I don’t get meal preps done during the weekend, I end up screwed for the whole week. There just isn’t enough time after a 10-hour work day and then the gym to do meal prep. 

Anyway, I’m slowly working myself into better eating habits. It is of course a never ending struggle but hope springs eternal… 

References

References
↑1 Since I was adopted, I know very little of my medical history

Wait 

What is it with guys who try to squeeze into the locker right next to you? Is it just my gym where they do that? I’ll be getting dressed or undressed and have someone try to either cram his way into the locker below me w/o so much as an excuse me or act all exasperated at having to wait. Where the hell are said folks going in such a hurry? Is there a fire somewhere and you just can’t wait a few seconds?

If you’re gonna be rude, I’m gonna clown you for it. Last week, I’m all but dressed and sitting on the row bench putting my shoes on. A guy comes along and w/o a word tried to get into the locker directly behind my back. Our conversation goes something like this: 

Me:  *loud* If you wait just 2 damn more seconds I’ll be out of your way.

Him: I just need to get into my locker. 

Me: Ok, say “excuse me” like a normal person or just wait a few seconds. You can clearly see I’m all packed up and figuratively out the door in a moment. 

Him: *indignantly* Well, why can’t you just move? 

Me: Because you were too busy trying to shove me out of the way. Had you stopped and actually said excuse me, I would have moved. Now you can wait your turn. 

Him: *glaring look* 

Me: *glaring look back* as I finish tying me shoe very slowly

And after he storms away in a huff, the guy next to me very loudly says, “He is always a dick like that. He is so rude to everyone anytime he is here.” I’m quite sure the guy storming off could still hear him. *giggle*

I get that manners are all but dead, but damn slow down for two seconds. I know you might *gasp* have to actually interact with someone in a social environment. I’m polite and do my best to share common spaces. My mamma taught me to share and I’ll happy move over.  I’ll even ask if I see someone standing close by to make sure I’m not holding them up while I lolly-gag around. But no, I won’t let you barge thru me or try to “shove” me over by opening your locker door into my back. And frankly, such childish antics will only end up causing you to be delayed longer. 

Sweat

​I tend to sweat in the oddest places. I rarely sweat under my arms. Up until just a few years ago, I never wore deodorant because I never had underarm odor. It just never smelled there. And I have no idea why it changed a few years ago. Even now, it’s still very sporadic. I’ve taken to keeping deodorant at work just for those odd days. However, I sweat profusely from my head and arms. Yes, my arms sweat. I will be drenched on my head and arms, but my chest, abdominal region, and underarms will be bone dry. I don’t have an answer as to why. 

It shouldn’t come as a surprise when I was big into watches I went thru a lot of them due to sweat. If the band was anything but plastic, it would get ruined. My watches would get so sweaty and develop their own smells. The watch would then need to be cleaned or discarded. When smartphones came along I embraced them as my time-keeper so I could get rid of my watches.  I don’t think I’ve actually worn one since. 

Why am I rambling about sweat you ask? Well, I apparently ruined my fitbit from sweating on it too much. I got an upgraded version, the Charge HR, on my birthday this year from Shawn. It didn’t even last a year before the band started bubbling and eventually peeled loose from the embedded electronics. Unlike the Flex, you cannot swap out the band on the HR. It is permanently embedded with what I assume is glue now that my first one has come apart. 

I called up the company fully expecting them to tell me to take a hike. The online forums looked pretty disappointing as well. Imagine my surprise when Fitbit (the company) agreed to replace my fitbit (the device). [1]See what I did there? Haha  I went thru the Q&A with the woman and at the end she announced, “I’m happy to advise you your fitbit qualifies for a free replacement.”  I bet my face looked like a cracked egg. They don’t even want the old one back! They asked me to recycle it vs throwing it away. (They got bonus points for that.)

It was a gift, which means I didn’t have the receipt. It’s been easily 7 months, and it was “water damage.” I fully expected them to say no. In an age where companies find every excuse in the book NOT to deal w/faulty product, it was refreshing to actually have one do the right thing. Had they not, I’d already decided to get something different. Now, not only did they keep a customer but they earned some loyalty as well.  

References

References
↑1 See what I did there? Haha

Here

​My poor blog has been so neglected lately. What can I say, life has just been busy. You know my motto, life first blog second. I’m still here. I haven’t abandoned anyone. 

Lawd knows I have plenty to say just so little free time. After a 10-hour work day, gym, and food, there is just enough time for a quick smooch from Shawn, settling the Cooper, and then off to bed. And who blogs on weekends?

Quick updates: Work is good. I am STILL struggling with the hours though. And as usual, it isn’t the getting up part, it’s the going to bed. I simply have the hardest time getting to bed for a full 8-hours. Hopefully, my body will just adjust given enough time. It is a 5-year assignment after all. I’ve been volunteering for a lot of off-site overtime gigs. We get hired occasionally to help dispatch the medical components at private events like Pride, Outside Lands, Bay to Breakers, etc. As an agency, we are well respected for our work. Anyway, the gigs are always on overtime and fun. I just worked Outside Lands this past weekend. Because of all the heightened security and tighter restrictions on illegal beer vendors, it was much smoother this year. I got to spend a big chunk of time watching the shows. Major Lazer puts on a good set btw.

Home is good. Cooper, other than his never ending allergies, is good. hehehe  Of course, GHHD #2 (aka Up Your Alley fair) just passed. We had fun. 

Overall, life is stable, fulfilling, and busy. Life has settled but I try not to take the things I have for granted. I got a great man and a great dog. Who could ask for anything more, right? I’ll try to put out more updates. I’ll tell ya a secret. I miss the blog too!