cranky – Moby Files: Blog

AWOL

Yeah, I know I’ve been AWOL for awhile. A lot has been going on. Work is slowly draining my soul. I need a break or something soon. I just don’t want to do anything outside work most days other than the gym. Speaking of, keep good vibes flowing my way tomorrow (Jan 9th). Sacrifice a goat or a chicken if ya have too… 😂 “Thots and prayers”

Meanwhile, I’m getting mandatory notices several times a week at work now. It’s simply wearing me out. I cannot stay on this path too much longer. The management team gives constant lip service while doing little to nothing to alleviate the problem. If I didn’t need my pension I’d have quit already. Thankfully it should ease up a bit for a while now that NYE is over.

In catch up news, the back is so much better! The ablation procedure went one step further than the first and was a smashing success! While it doesn’t fix the minor but persistent underlying problem, I’m mostly pain free these days. It’s been wonderful. I’m still plagued with minor soreness and stiffness but nowhere near the level of discomfort or pain as before the procedure.

My holiday was chill. NYE fell on my normal day off so I dodged that madness. Xmas was sweet and relaxing. The hubby always finds a way to surprise me, even though I do not really expect anything. ^[1]We aren’t big on the holiday. It’s a lot of fuss and commercialism. I’m glad the holidays’ are over, especially for the people it causes so much stress.

Beyond that, there isn’t much to report. Daisy is sassy as ever. Shawn is good. I’m just trying to shake off the indifference that overtakes me from the mental exhaustion.

Hope springs eternal….

References[+]

References
↑1	We aren’t big on the holiday. It’s a lot of fuss and commercialism.

Petty

I try not to be too petty but sometimes I just can’t help myself. I am still a work in progress after all.

About a year or so ago this guy flirts me up on IG. He was moving to SF and looking to “make friends“. He came on pretty heavily. I’m sure you can read between the lines on that meaning. We chatted off and on for a bit and eventually he asked if he could text me. I text him and he immediately tells me, “wow did not realize you were a ghetto android user” and then proceeds to ghost me. I clucked to myself and promptly moved on with my life. I’d forgotten about it until recently.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago, he apparently moved, or at least was visiting as he sees me in the shower at the gym. He decides to get all “flirty.” To be clear, it was obvious he recognized me. My first thought was to be gracious but my pride got the better of me and I wasn’t having any of his shenanigans. I’m excellent at giving resting bitch face Right before I exited I leaned in for a moment of privacy and said, “I still own an Android.”

I did get to witness the brief look of shock on his face. I won’t lie, in that moment it felt delicious. I did feel guilty for a bit later on but also got over it just as quickly. I know it should have been beneath me but I couldn’t help myself. Frankly, if you’re that effin’ shallow, I’d rather not “know” you anyway. It’s one thing to joke or just “fanboy”, it is quite another to be so incredibly shallow.

Taught

It is about this time of year you start seeing people lamenting how terrible the year has been and how “they are ready for the new year.” Somehow the new year will be better. I’m usually not in this camp, but clearly that has changed this year.

I think we can all safely say 2020 has been absolute dumpster fire! It started out ok but just ran right down the shitter as things progressed. It certainly has been educational for me. I only wish I could say in a good way. My enduring faith in humanity has definitely been challenged this year.

We’ve got these insidious behind the scenes machinations trying to destroy our way of life. The greedy and power hungry are pulling the strings of our ‘leaders’ while the general populace languishes in poverty. Said population is often so focused on survival they can’t see they are being used as pawns. And seeing some of the most needy in our society support the very same people hurting them is painful to witness. More so, it is a disturbing example of history repeating itself. Rome is definitely burning, folks. To polish off the trifecta, we have the indifferent. These are the people who are well off enough to be completely immersed in the their own little bubble of existence. Occasionally, tidbits of information pierces said bubble but there is no filter to determine it’s accuracy or relevance. At some point a “working knowledge” arises from which all their decisions are based for good or bad. These are usually where you find the Karens of the world. Pity the soul that incurs their wrath by causing them any level of inconvenience.

I am not even sure what my frame of mind would be right now had I not been able to get back in the gym. I had gotten to a point about 5 months in where I wasn’t doing well. I’m sure I looked fine on the outside, but I wasn’t. But, as Elle Woods would say, “exercise gives you endorphins, endorphins make you happy, happy people don’t shoot their husbands.” And I’m referring to the endorphins, not my husband. lol Being back in the gym has really helped lift my spirits and pulled me out of being depressed.

Even as I sit here writing this I am struck by my own privilege. I am fortunate to have the opportunity and comfort to sit here whining about this shitty year. I know that and for so many it has been that much harder. I wish I could say that doesn’t necessarily make the impact of this year any less painful. So yeah, I can’t wait for it to be over. I’m hoping the new year is better. I mean, hell. It can’t get much worse, right? ^[1]Don’t answer that

Hope does springs eternal…

References[+]

References
↑1	Don’t answer that

McA**hole

I usually avoid direct topical stories but these one hits close to home on so many levels. I’m so angry I could break something.

Kansas cop resigns after fake claim that McDonald’s employee wrote ‘pig’ on his cup

This particular story hit home on my feelings. With all the bad press law enforcement officers get these days, this was totally unnecessary. This entitled jerk brought shame to law enforcement everywhere. I firmly wish he had been fired vs being allowed to resign. ^[1]He could potentially get a job elsewhere as a cop since he wasn’t fired. This was a deplorable act that damages the trust we place in those who are supposed to serve and protect us.

It doesn’t help the law enforcement are already heavily marginalized by our sensationalist style media these days. These incidents are rare but because of the way we consume news for outrage, you’d think it was everywhere. Fun facts: There are just under 700,000 law enforcement personnel in the US. ^[2]As of 2018, Statista reports Of those, the abuse of power complaints are less than 10%. ^[3]USA Today Tarnished Brass article 2019 Should it be 10%? Of course not, but when we are talking about perception vs reality, it sets a very relevant point. This also does not mention the 60,211 assaults on law enforcement. ^[4]FBI’s Uniform Crime Report 2017 LEOKA report No one ever mentions that part. And yes, people sign up for law enforcement knowing there are inherent dangers. That doesn’t make said dangers any less relevant.

The idea a Chief or high ranking officer would doubt the word of his officer used to be unheard of. I can well understand the Chief’s embarrassment and shock over discovering he needed to fact-check is own officer. (It doesn’t help that all the negative coverage of LE has discouraged many from even considering a job as an officer. I can’t help but wonder how low the bar gets sometimes to get cadets in the door.) This whole incident was just…unnecessary.

The one thing law enforcement in this country needs is citizen involvement. When the powers that be know they are being watched and potentially held accountable, they are less likely to abuse said power. I’m not talking about outrage on social media either. I’m talking about your community. Get involved. Indifference and outrage on social media does absolutely nothing but increase the problem exponentially.

And I’m not some rabid fanboy. Growing up in E. Texas as a little gay boy I discovered more than once what the police thought of the LGBT community back then. I was openly called a queer and fag to my face by police on multiple occasions; including once in a gay bar by the officer paid to staff as extra security. But things change. I now work for a law enforcement agency and have many friends who are cops and they are good people. They don’t go out hoping to shoot someone. They do the job and go home to their families, just like you and I. For every bad cop you hear about there are at least a 100 more you never hear about. Why? Because good news doesn’t generate outrage or ad-clicks. My point here is be outraged by individuals, not whole organizations. If I marginalized everyone based on the news I’d think all pit bulls are killers, all priests molest kids, and all gay spread HIV on purpose. Let us not become the oppressors we fight so hard to overcome.

I’m just so angry over this story today.

References[+]

References
↑1	He could potentially get a job elsewhere as a cop since he wasn’t fired.
↑2	As of 2018, Statista reports
↑3	USA Today Tarnished Brass article 2019
↑4	FBI’s Uniform Crime Report 2017 LEOKA report

Headache

I used to get horrible migraines. It started in my late 30’s and plagued me for years. I tried everything under the sun to make them better and nothing really helped much. If you’ve ever had a migraine they aren’t pleasant. Mine would usually last two or three days. They would get so bad even the slightest exposure to light hurt. I get two types. The worst of the two, typically started in the base of my skull and built like a fog bank rolling up and over my head until it reached my eyes. By then I’d be hiding in dark corners. The other and often less painful of the two would slowly build behind my nose and eyes and erupt upwards. These I could usually survive.

After I had all but resigned myself to a life of painful headaches someone mentioned a home-remedy, honey. Having tried everything else with no luck, I figured I would give it a try. All the nose sprays and pills just made my nasal passages dry and the rest of me cranky. The great Flonaise everyone was touting at the time didn’t even put a dent in it. Anyway, the trick is to buy local honey, the more local the better. The friend of a friend who recommended it made sure I knew to stick it out for a few months. We have several local beekeepers who sell honey at all the farmer’s markets here in the city. I tried it and after a few months I noticed my migraines weren’t necessary gone but they were less often and less intense. After a few more months I was down to very manageable headaches.

At least, they were down to manageable headaches. Being off my regimen, they are apparently returning. I got a whopper of a headache a few weeks ago. It wasn’t quite the killer one’s I used to get but it still stuck around for several days.

I’m not big on toting home-remedies but I swear by my honey regimen. I’ve had some folks tell me it didn’t work for them so clearly it isn’t a one size fits all solution. However, it works for me and that is all I care about. I’ve started my daily dosing again. If you are prone to migraines, I highly recommend the honey regimen. It is not immediate. It takes a few months to really kick in and closer to 6 months (for me anyway) for the migraines to truly disappear. You have nothing to lose as honey is good for you anyway.

If you’re one of the folks that it doesn’t work for, my condolences. Knowing full well what you go thru, I hope you found/find a good treatment that works for you.

Wait

What is it with guys who try to squeeze into the locker right next to you? Is it just my gym where they do that? I’ll be getting dressed or undressed and have someone try to either cram his way into the locker below me w/o so much as an excuse me or act all exasperated at having to wait. Where the hell are said folks going in such a hurry? Is there a fire somewhere and you just can’t wait a few seconds?

If you’re gonna be rude, I’m gonna clown you for it. Last week, I’m all but dressed and sitting on the row bench putting my shoes on. A guy comes along and w/o a word tried to get into the locker directly behind my back. Our conversation goes something like this:

Me: *loud* If you wait just 2 damn more seconds I’ll be out of your way.

Him: I just need to get into my locker.

Me: Ok, say “excuse me” like a normal person or just wait a few seconds. You can clearly see I’m all packed up and figuratively out the door in a moment.

Him: *indignantly* Well, why can’t you just move?

Me: Because you were too busy trying to shove me out of the way. Had you stopped and actually said excuse me, I would have moved. Now you can wait your turn.

Him: *glaring look*

Me: *glaring look back* as I finish tying me shoe very slowly

And after he storms away in a huff, the guy next to me very loudly says, “He is always a dick like that. He is so rude to everyone anytime he is here.” I’m quite sure the guy storming off could still hear him. *giggle*

I get that manners are all but dead, but damn slow down for two seconds. I know you might *gasp* have to actually interact with someone in a social environment. I’m polite and do my best to share common spaces. My mamma taught me to share and I’ll happy move over. I’ll even ask if I see someone standing close by to make sure I’m not holding them up while I lolly-gag around. But no, I won’t let you barge thru me or try to “shove” me over by opening your locker door into my back. And frankly, such childish antics will only end up causing you to be delayed longer.

Wait

I’m getting a little irritated with the invasiveness of technology at the gym these days. More and more guys are getting buried in their phones not paying attention. I’ve reached a point now where I immediately walk up and ask a person how many sets they have left. It puts them on notice someone else is waiting on the bench. You can either choose to share or you can focus on your workout and then get off of it. I don’t mind waiting but I’m sick of seeing guys just hang out endless on a machine.

And for the Fitness SF haters, it is just as true at the 24-hour gyms. Seriously, WTF? I use my phone at the gym. I text, I surf, etc. But I’m also running a workout timer between every set. The moment my timer dings, I stop whatever I’m doing and do my effin’ set! And when I’m done, I get my ass off the bench so someone else can use it. In other words, I respect the fact I am not the only person in the gym trying to get a good workout in. And I even respect not everyone might be as dedicated or at my level of working out. I am as friendly and sharing as I can be to others. But I’m so over others not returning the favor. I’ve never been a big fan of negative peer pressure but I’m beginning to rethink that now. And the next fucker who cops an attitude after I politely ask you how many sets he has left is gonna discover just how cray-cray I can get. I have no shame and will clown the fuck out of you in front of the entire gym. We all pay dues. You don’t get to park you’re ass on a bench for 15-20 mins w/o so much as lifting a weight and then throw shade when someone asks to work in.

Maybe now that I have to go during peak times, I’m just noticing it more. Has it been this bad for awhile?

Sour

My mood that is.

This week has been kinda shitty. It started off w/someone I consider a good friend, not only insulting me over something extremely petty but also adding salt to the wound. I’m still so angry at the moment, I can’t find the will to care how it ends.

If that weren’t enough, work has also been very disappointing. I had an issue last Friday with an employee from another dept. I was 100% in the right and while the dept can’t deny that, they are totally not supporting me in the overall issue. I feel like I’ve been thrown under the bus because the powers that be on my side don’t have the integrity to stand up to the other dept head. Very demoralizing to say the least.

I’m glad this week is almost over. The only good thing out of the week ^[1]besides Cooper. hehehe is the gym. I took off a day on Wednesday to give myself recovery time. My last two workouts were good because of the small in between break.

Nothing planned for the weekend. It’s apparently some big bear weekend here so we’ll see if I end up getting into any trouble. It’s supposed to be sunny and even warm out. Hoping you all have a good one.

References[+]

References
↑1	besides Cooper. hehehe

Message

So I got a snotty message from someone on growlr the other day. Apparently, because I didn’t answer his first reply buried in about 100 other messages I’ve yet to open that made me a stuck up asshole. Who knew? I used to try to be polite to folks like this and explain things but I honestly don’t have time to help validate your insecurities online. Seriously, I can understand disappointment. We all go thru it. But if you get that worked up over someone not replying to your message, grunt, poke, jingle, woof, or whatever, then I highly recommend you log off the internet.

I’ve rambled before about our technology outpacing our ethical ability to keep up so no need to beat that horse again. Unfortunately, I did send back a bit of a snotty message. I shouldn’t have as it should be beneath me.

Dear random person.
I’m so very sorry that you are upset that I didn’t immediately drop everything I was doing to instantly see and respond to your 12 messages. You see, your message got buried in my queue filled with 100 or so other very important growls ^[1]Growls are like smiles or woofs, it’s basically an automated notification someone is saying hi. that I haven’t gotten to yet. I’ve been meaning to quit my job so I’d have more free time to respond to every single request , no matter how vague or how far away. ~ Moby

Yes, it was a shitty reply. I own that. I was cranky and it hit me at just the wrong moment. After a recent rant about my politeness, I sort of have egg on my face. I could have just deleted it and moved on. No need to chastise me, I’m doing that well enough on my own. Two wrongs don’t make a right and I need to strive to not be so snotty, even if it was deserved.

I would humbly ask, if you are an online user (lord knows we all are), recognize that you are projecting an expectation onto others who may not have the same expectation.

References[+]

References
↑1	Growls are like smiles or woofs, it’s basically an automated notification someone is saying hi.

Here

Well, if you’re reading this, we are all still here. The world didn’t end because the Mayan’s decided to stop counting at 12.21.12. Of course, we already knew the other half of the planet already rotating into the 12.21.12 time zone is still there.

Now maybe all the end of the world crazies can move on and find something more useful to obsess about. Naaaaah

Now that it’s over (pun intended) I thought I’d share a funny story. While I’m leaving the gym yesterday, I’m walking thru the ‘hood and see a rather fugly MUNI driver standing on the corner ^[1]in his work uniform mind you making very strong advances to a female that was walking by. He circles her, looking her up and down, making very direct and inappropriate comments to her in attempt to establish is manliness and land her number. Seriously, it was a spectacle to behold.

Getting a wild hair up my ass, I decided to teach him a lesson. As the female walks away in disgust, I walk up to him and proceed to do the exact same thing. I walk around him making comments, looking him up and down, asking for his number, his bus route, and how I can “get me some.” You can clearly see he is holding back the F-word as he gets more and more angry. Right when is about to totally lose his shit I lamented and said, “now you know how it feels don’t ya? It doesn’t feel very good when the shoe is on the other foot. You were totally disrespectful to that woman. You made an ass of yourself and she walked away thinking how disgusting you were. Next time try a little class or at very least don’t be so disrespectful.” I then turned and walked away while he was mumbling under his breath.

It is my hope that my rather controversial ploy taught him a lesson. I guarantee he’ll think twice before doing it in the Castro again. Several of my friends said I was lucky he didn’t assault me. I don’t see it that way. I think he was lucky he didn’t assault me. While I’d never pick a fight, I have no problem finishing one. Either way, I still hope he’ll be more respectful.

References[+]

References
↑1	in his work uniform mind you