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We’re home from the honeymoon and sadly back to reality. I didn’t think much of all the negative drama in our country while away, but it all came crashing back today while catching up on the news. (I’m feeling chatty today)

Shawn & Myself

Anyway, Puerto Vallarta (PV) was both fun and relaxing. We had a bit of a learning curve as we weren’t overly familiar with where to go or what to do. We landed with plenty of recommendations, so it was mostly deciding which to do and when. Apparently, we went the weekend after a big bear event (no, not that one) and the weekend before spring break hit. Not to say it wasn’t busy, just our timing was off. 😂

The last two times I’ve been were both via boat, which were fun but a lot less planning and logistics are involved. We had a great time with beaches, boats, pool parties, food, boys, etc and not always in that order. We’ve already decided to go back for the infamous Beef Dip next year. [1]Shawn’s been bugging me to go for a couple years now, but I had the destinations confused and thought it was in Sitges.  Next time we’ll have better first hand knowledge for smoother scheduling. Nothing bad happened at all, we just inadvertently missed some things we would have done because we went on the wrong days/nights. Overall, it was a great trip. We both felt we stayed just long enough. And we were both eager to be home with our beloved Daisy. She was in good hands but would not leave our side at all last night. She clearly missed us as much as we missed her. How precious is that face, I ask you? 🤣

Daisy Mae

Our friends kept texting how wonderfully behaved she was the whole time. We were beginning to think they had the wrong dog. J/k For all our bluster, she is pretty well behaved. If it is possible, she cuddled even harder than usual last night.

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I didn’t think I’d feel different after we got married, but I do. [2]See what I did there?… It doesn’t necessarily feel more real, but I feel closer to him now. It could be the indirect psychological conditioning of the idea of “marriage” in Western culture, but I’m running with it. It still feels a bit surreal though. I never dreamed of actually getting married. I grew up knowing I was considered a second class citizen so getting to say those words carried more emotions than I thought.

At the end of the day, I still only want for his happiness. I couldn’t imagine my life without him now to be honest, but being happy should be first in anyone’s life. Forgetting for a moment he’s been with me for 12 years, I just enjoy being with him. Even when we argue, which is rare, I do so knowing I still love him. I’m fond of saying, “he puts up with me”and he says, “I put up with his nagging”.  I just see two people walking thru life together; who are both imperfect but willing to be so with each other.

For you few long time readers here, you’ll remember I don’t cater to fairytale ideas of love. Frankly, I’d never want to force that role on anyone. If Shawn and I spend the rest of our lives together, I will be grateful that we were compatible and loving each other. But if we ever do separate for whatever reason, I’d still only want for his happiness. That to me is the idea of true love.

So here I sit with most of my life’s goals accomplished. I can and do ask more of my life, but to say I am grateful would be an understatement. Looking back over the pain, the anguish, the struggles, and the sheer tenacity of my life, I am truly humbled to be this happy. I wish nothing but the same for anyone reading this.

References

References
↑1 Shawn’s been bugging me to go for a couple years now, but I had the destinations confused and thought it was in Sitges.
↑2 See what I did there?…

Married

Well, after 12 years together and 11 as domestic partners, we finally tied the knot yesterday! It was a wonderful day.

My only regret is the two besties from Texas couldn’t be with us. Shawn’s two besties came up from LA to attend and are house-sitting princess Daisy while we are on our honeymoon.

While it started as a formality to finalize what we had already decided, we both ended up really looking forward to it! Neither of us are pretentious or super fussy. We wanted it to be simple, short, and as stress free as possible. There ended up being no delays or any problems at all. It was a wonderful day. Of course, I cried. I’m old enough that marriage was never something I even dreamed of when I was younger. Being in my own wedding, even at this age, left me a bit vulnerable and overcome with a variety of emotions.

Having decided “last minute” in terms of normal wedding planning, things just fell together pretty easily. We could not get it officiated at City Hall due to timing, but we were able to find a mutual friend who volunteered to officiate it for us. Even more last minute we found another friend who is a photographer, that graciously rescheduled his day to fit us in. [1]So yes, more official photos coming soon.. I was honestly a little terrified things would go horribly wrong for any number of unknown reasons, but it didn’t.

After the ceremony, we opted for a nice reception lunch at the Rotunda here in SF. [2]Read “fancy” lol  Again, without even planning it we ran into a friend working there who went out of his way to make our lunch as enjoyable as possible. It truly was a fantastic day.

The only thing we didn’t get done were the rings. We have a set that was meant to be our engagement rings and they are becoming a part of the new rings. We couldn’t get them done in time, but it’s on the list as soon as we get back. We used the existing set for the ceremony, but we are both eager for the new nicer set.

Now we are off to Puerta Vallarta for our official honeymoon. We never actually took one the first time so we splurged a bit on accommodations. We’ve actually not traveled much since COVID, so we are excited to get away together.

Y’all, I’m still a bit gobsmacked that I’m actually married. But I’m happy, so I guess that’s the point!

Hope springs eternal…

References

References
↑1 So yes, more official photos coming soon.
↑2 Read “fancy” lol

54

Well….As of yesterday, I’m 54 years old. With all the drama surrounding the inauguration, I just didn’t feel like posting anything. I managed to avoid the bulk of the news until today. And the onslaught regarding the Orange one along with the N*zi Musk was still shocking. [1]Yeah, you saw what you saw. We all did 

My birthday itself was enjoyable. I took off a long weekend from work, which is a gift in itself. hehehe  Shawn always does nice things for me. I got a few lovely gifts and had a very nice dinner out. We spent the day together just being chill. He always makes it memorable.

The day did start out a bit rough. Miss Daisy slammed into the hallway stairwell a couple weeks back and injured herself. We had to take her for a follow up with the specialist bright and early yesterday. Thankfully, the specialist took a good look at her and declared she did not need x-rays and does not believe she tore her ACL. It was most likely a sprain/bruise and/or a combination of age, arthritis, and the mild injury combined. We could not have left with better news. And while a specialist isn’t cheap, we were happy to have her properly evaluated and even happier she is ok. She hasn’t been limping since the night of the injury, but she’s also been on meds. She’s off the meds now and still bouncing around like nothing happened.

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I have all but abandoned FB, but I checked in because I knew so many would send well wishes and I didn’t want to be rude. I’m always so flattered that so many people take the time. Beyond that, you shouldn’t really expect to see me much on FB and definitely not on twitter. The latter is nothing but a cesspool of hatred now.

I try not to get upset over things I can’t control, but it is a struggle. The next 4 years are going to be hard for a lot of us. Know that contrary to some of the public commentary, your value is not diminished due to ignorance, hatred, and bias. We certainly will not be silent, and we are not going away.

So, here’s to an interesting year ahead.

References

References
↑1 Yeah, you saw what you saw. We all did

HNY

Well, it’s 2025.

Y’all know I don’t really celebrate it, courtesy of 2 decades of work related trauma. It should come as no surprise, I took the day off. Hehehe

Shawn is under the weather so we stayed at home. We had planned to attend an early party, but no biggie. It’s kind of a made up holiday. I’m normally pretty optimistic but considering what’s ahead, I’m not feeling overly joyous. It’s certainly going to be dramatic, that’s for sure.

I think my only new year’s resolution is to take more photos. I’m terrible at capturing my life on camera. Not that anyone else cares, but I’m not a spring chicken anymore.

That’s all I can muster at the moment. It probably sounds a bit depressing. I’m not trying to be, I just tend to be realistic.

That said, Im wishing the best for you and yours this next year!

Hope springs eternal…

Back, Back, and Back

Returning to more mundane posts, here is a selfie. I’m back at the gym at least on a somewhat consistent schedule. Not as often as I’d like, but still.

Back selfie

My back is looking better even if I’m still struggling daily with discomfort and managing it. It’s not like before where I’m one step away from a muscle spasm. There is joy in that; however, it’s still disruptive, some days more than others. It’s hell getting old. 😂

If you’ve forgotten, I have cartilage deterioration on two of my lower back vertebrae, this causes compression and grinding when I move. Ironically, I seem to struggle now more at night when I sleep. Before the last procedure, it was always movement that seemed to activate my pain. I’m a side sleeper and almost any position on my side finds me waking up very sore. [1]I already sleep with a pillow between my legs  I’m getting the sense it has more to do with compression vs muscle irritation though. Most days I find if I lay flat on my back or flat with my head elevated for about 30 to 60 minutes I return to a functional level of normalcy. I could never do that before the procedure. Sometimes, I get lucky enough afterwards to feel no real discomfort…. sometimes.

I do physical therapy stretches and exercises often and I’ve incorporated stretches specifically meant to offset spinal compression. They do work. Or at least until I go to sleep again . Then I start all over the next day. Some nights are better than others but I never seem to know what will set it off.

Needless to say, it makes for a difficult schedule to work out the muscles to support the back. This pic was a good day.

References

References
↑1 I already sleep with a pillow between my legs

Bitch

My Daisy has become a little territorial and a bit of a bitch towards other dogs. We had an encounter in the building hallway the other day and I’m sad to say my dog was the “bad guy.” Nothing bad happened thankfully, but Missy was totally a bitch trying to “run off” the other dog.

When we first rescued her she had Toby, my then roommate’s Frenchie, as a companion. In that scenario, she was “invading” his space though. Little Toby never met a dog he didn’t like so of course they got along famously. Now that she is an only child, it’s obvious she’s become territorial.

Luckily it seems isolated to just inside our building. When we are out walking with her she behaves with minimal fuss around other dogs. Often she will ignore the other dog entirely in favor of the dog’s owner hopefully giving her attention. She also behaves fine at the dog spa. They constantly rave about her.

For now, we’ll just be mindful of when we leave the apt with her. [1]aka me. Shawn always leashes her before he even opens the door. I’m the one that tends to let her roam until we get to the main building door I certainly don’t want to be “that guy” or to have Miss Daisy getting into trouble. We live in a small building and this encounter involved a dog my neighbor was babysitting.

Daisy is my first Bully to ever be this way, but at the end of the day the buck stops with me. And we ain’t about having drama at home. 👍

References

References
↑1 aka me. Shawn always leashes her before he even opens the door. I’m the one that tends to let her roam until we get to the main building door

Grief

I’m still processing my grief from the election. I’m not gonna lie, I’m gobsmacked he won. What hurts the most is the majority voted for him knowing exactly who he was.

While I’m still trying to come to terms with my profound sadness, I do have a few thoughts:

  • I’m grateful to be in SF and a state that will fight for my rights instead of throwing me under the bus.
  • My faith in humanity has been shaken and I don’t know if I will ever recover it.
  • I’m a kind person but some will soon discover how truly cruel I can be.

A part of me I thought dead is waking up. It scares me, but I’m past caring now. It speaks to me in my dreams but I remember in the waking world.

Take precautions to protect yourself and those you love. Logic is broken and the mob rules now.

Application?

I mentioned a few months back that I was applying for other city jobs. Someone reached out to me for a follow up and I realized I never posted an update. I did not get the job(s). I’ve actually applied for three. Two were internal and it is clear to me my years of working within the Union has made it difficult for me to progress internally for any position that doesn’t involve the normal civil service process. Most of the positions I want or would consider fall outside that scope.

The 3rd position was an appointed position. Many of these types of positions are setup to bypass the normal civil service rule process by design. Many times a director or manager already has a candidate they want but they still have to post it and allow anyone who feels qualified to submit an application. I knew that going into it so while disappointing, it is not unexpected at all.

Unfortunately, because of my salary requirements many of the jobs I want fall into “appointed positions”. The others often require 4-6 year degrees. And while I have a wealth of experience, it isn’t like corporate America where a hiring manager can look at your application and really grasp your ability to do a job based on skills. Civil service is very regimented and if you don’t click a certain box, you can be overlooked or even ruled as ineligible.

I still have a job so I have the luxury of trying until I find a replacement. And if I don’t, well I’m still employed. lol A bitch gotta eat and the only way I’d leave is for greener pastures. There are some developments on the horizon that might give me some more immediate release but not worth bringing up until it happens.

Current Events

I often get questions about current political events. I might engage offline but I try not to talk about politics here too much. It’s divisive, routinely toxic, and neither side is really listening. I usually prefer to talk about related events and overlapping issues to teach or inform vs swaying anyone to “my side.” In light of recent events, I may rethink that rule. I don’t want this space to turn into a political forum, but some topics just need to be addressed.

It shouldn’t surprise you as a gay man living in SF I tend to be more progressive. Having grown up in South Texas, I like to think having been exposed to both sides of the spectrum, I can be more objective. However, my objectiveness and avoidance of political topics does not include anything challenging my right to exist unmolested.

You are entitled to your beliefs up until you decide to weaponize them against my existence. Anything in that category we cannot “agree to disagree” on. And why is it the loudest voices are often the least informed? Frankly, I’ve learned to not waste my time on people who are willfully ignorant.

Sadly, identity politics seems to be going mainstream. It’s disturbing how this ideology has really taken hold in our society. I am passionate about my beliefs, but also willing to look past bias if I am presented with truth or facts to dispute it.

I don’t know where we’re headed but I have hope that the Orange Turd will not get reelected. He had plausible belief on his side the first time. This time many of those folks see him for what he really is.