Category: karma

True Colors

It has been disheartening to see people’s true colors during this pandemic. With the death of another friend recently, it has hit me much harder than expected seeing people I know, in varying degrees, routinely violating shelter in place (SIP) orders.

And don’t get it twisted, I’m not referring to the idiots protesting and opening churches, etc. Our media may focus on them for the sensationalism, but they are a tiny part of the whole. No, I’m mostly referring to people I feel a stronger connection to personally. I think the overall impact from seeing it in person and on social media has dented my belief in humanity. And you would think in my line of work I’d already be pretty jaded, but you would be wrong. I pride myself on knowing even the bulk of my work does not represent the majority of people. I work hard not to let it overwhelm my optimism.

And I don’t necessarily think of these people as bad. Most people aren’t “good” or “bad”. I’m fond of saying, “good people are capable of bad things and bad people are capable of good things.” But that doesn’t mean I necessarily want you in my life or affecting my personal bubble. And therein lies my bitch today. Having lost folks I know to the pandemic and almost lost others, on top of my work, this is a tangible and real threat to me. The outright indifference to the harm or even death they could cause is painful to witness. I’m certainly not perfect and this isn’t about painting myself as some holier-than-thou.

I’m keen on referring to our indifference as a society leading to our demise. I see people, who I think know better, being indifferent to the damage and harm they could cause. If I’m being open, it has cut me to my core in a way I didn’t expect. My own efforts to teach and spread awareness routinely fall on deaf ears and I’ve given up on that now. This ordeal has brought back some very old feelings of helplessness that plagued me for so long as a young man. I can’t tell you at this moment if that feeling or my own sense of right & wrong is the trigger. Either way, I can feel the bitter anger breaking mental connections I feel for various people.

Maybe I’m being petty right now, but I have already started purging these people from my own sphere of consciousness. Social media is easy, as you just make a few mouse clicks and their gone. In real life will be a different story. And it isn’t like I plan to be rude or attack these folks. I may not be perfect but I am better than that. They just won’t be someone I engage with anymore.

Even as I type this, I realize this is a first world problem. I am very fortunate and accept that with gratitude. Even with Shawn getting laid off, we are still in a good place. I’m also not referring to anyone forced to choose between staying home or putting food on their table by going to work. So many people out there are losing everything right now. These folks have nothing but my support and sympathy, but that makes the indifference I see in others that much worse in my eyes.

If you are reading this, I hope you are taking this threat seriously. I hope if you have little to fear, you still realize the impact you could have on others by inadvertently spreading it. And I hope you have the intestinal fortitude to realize you can be inconvenienced for a month or two for the safety of everyone around you. Your freedom shouldn’t come at the cost of someone else’s.

Kindness 

I had to stop and share this. 

I’m checking in today at SFO on my way to Austin. I’m flying Virgin America and after a rather long security screening I arrive at the flight gate desk to see a very irate man practically yelling at the lady working the desk. He is basically blaming her for his delays in security and demanding all kinds of comps. 
He is just livid and the lady is on the edge of calling security. You can see the moment in her eyes when she goes from trying to console him to being fed up with his nonsense. The guy suddenly turns to me and trys to loop me into his drama-fest as I guess he saw me in the TSA line earlier. Now keep in mind, the flight is on time and we still have another 40 minutes before boarding starts. 

Being already fed up with his BS, I shake my head and in my best southern manners reply, “oh naw, don’t drag me into this, you’re doing a good job of making an ass of yourself without my help.” I then proceed to walk away until his fit is over or he gets hauled away. The latter I was prepared to film. The guy realizes he isn’t getting anywhere and walks away in a huff. 

The very frazzled lady motions me over with a huge smile and twinkle in her eye. She thanks me profusely for being so “patient.” [1]You can read between the lines here, she was gleeful seeing him get served some shade of his own making. She the asks if I needed anything since I had been standing in line. I inquired if there were any aisle seats. It was a full flight but she worked her magic and I was given a much appreciated aisle seat. She again thanked me profusely and I walked away to get food. 

Oh, the story isn’t over. 

I go scarf down some food and am headed back to the gate area when I see the same fellow storming away screaming into his cell phone. He has now been kicked off the flight for his behavior. Oh and he was furious that they had the nerve to put him in a middle seat! 

Now I do not know if my new seat assignment had anything to do with his predicament. There was no indication I was given his seat. It could have been, and most likely was, a random synchronous occurrence. However, I did notice a still present twinkle in the gate agent’s eye as I presented my brand new shiny aisle seat boarding pass for boarding. 

References

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↑1 You can read between the lines here, she was gleeful seeing him get served some shade of his own making.

Scalia

I’m still digesting the news Antonin Scalia has died. I know in today’s environment of fast-moving news, this is old news for sure. That aside, my instinctual reaction was one of joy. I’ll be honest the realization I was joyful over someone’s death bothered me a bit. The initial idea was a man w/so much influence to harm me and mine was gone. This sort of visceral reaction reminded me of my step-mother’s death. Unlike my foster mom, I was ecstatic when my step-mom died. She was the only person on this planet I’v ever felt true malevolence toward and I threw a party when she died.

Why did I associate a man who has never personally done me any direct harm with a women who delighted in abusing me daily as a child? Yes, his influence did harm me in very indirect ways but it wasn’t a direct connection. Why would I associate him with my step-mother? I mean I didn’t care for Scalia but I never hated him. [1]Contrary to what you read, the act of hating someone takes a lot of energy. It is a dedication of sorts. I don’t really have an answer yet but distinctions matter and I’m working my way thru the grey areas. (pun intended)

If you know me, you know I try not to see the world thru the lens of absolutes. It has become one of the defining characteristics of my id. It is easy to believe in simplistic right/wrong, good/bad actions. It requires no sense of self or morality to avoid delving beyond the idea of ‘you wronged me’ mentality. I am fond of saying the devil is in the details. While part of me is glad the man is no longer in a position to do me harm, I’m not celebrating his death. He had a right to life as much as I did. I can’t bring myself to celebrate his life but I’m working on disentangling my emotions over his death.

People like Scalia truly believe their ideologies. He wasn’t an ignorant follower. He was well-educated and even respected as judge for decades. While he deftly avoided any real-world interactions with the LGBT community, he believed what he was doing was right. Of course, it is much easier to marginalize people when you avoid getting to know them as human beings. History is littered with examples over and over. This by itself is often a marker for a failed ideology.

While I won’t mourn Scalia’s passing, I don’t hate him. I try not to take joy in his death. It should be beneath me to feel that way. I am grateful he will no longer be in a position to influence my very existence. I will remember the lesson he taught us. We cannot let our own ideological beliefs blind us to the suffering of others. We cannot become so rigid in our thinking we forget human beings do not require permission or conformity to exist.

References

References
↑1 Contrary to what you read, the act of hating someone takes a lot of energy. It is a dedication of sorts.

Delish

image

I sometimes stop by Delish for lunch when I neglect to bring food or am too lazy to prepare some. The other day I opted to have my sandwich there. Being somewhat a creature of habit these days, I got the same thing I always get, the grilled pesto chicken pannini. I ran off and left my wallet sitting in my chair. [1]Don’t ask me how I accomplished that and someone was kind of enough to turn it in.

I freak out about an hour later, call, they have it, I run back by. One of the employees had gone out of his way to find me and try to get it back to me. Sadly, I don’t keep any phone number references in my wallet. (Maybe I should?) Anyway, I was touched that in this day and age, there is still some honesty in the world. I had about $60 in cash in the wallet, and it was still there. Not a dollar was missing. [2]Yes, I gave them a fat tip for being so honest. 

So, not only is the food good and the staff friendly, they’re honest! They’ve definitely earned a loyal customer and I am calling the owner so he knows of the good deed!

If you’re local, it’s on Van Ness right next to the somewhat new Phil’s coffee shop. Stop by sometime. Tell’em Moby sent ya!

References

References
↑1 Don’t ask me how I accomplished that
↑2 Yes, I gave them a fat tip for being so honest.

Out

It appears that today is National Coming Out day. So in case you didn’t know it, I’m a big ole homo. Died in the wool , card carrying, and totally 100% unequivocally gay. I wasn’t molested. I wasn’t brain-washed. No one made me this way. I came this way. And for some that is a hard truth to swallow [1]Pun intended but belief is not a prerequisite of truth.

I always enjoy seeing who will come out on days like this. Even though incredibly painful [2]both mentally and physically, I’ve never regretted my coming out 28 years ago. I came out very young and the repercussions definitely changed my life and not always for the better. The events leading up to the fatal day I almost took my own life changed me forever. I left behind the fear, the worry, and the shame. Never again would I allow anyone to make me feel anything but proud of what I am.

While we have gained some major ground as of late, the fight is not over. LGBT folk all over this country and the world are still be targeted for harassment, physical violence, imprisonment, and even death just for being born different. We must continue to fight for those who don’t enjoy our freedoms. We must attempt to educate those who fear and hate us because we are different. The simplest and most effective way IMO is for them to see we aren’t that much different. The number one thing that changes a person’s mind or heart is first hand experience. Given the chance to get know an openly gay person, many people see past the stereotypes. They see past the rhetoric, the lies, the hate, and the fear. The learn we are human beings just like them who just want to get ahead in life. The fact we happen to have same-sex attractions doesn’t make us evil or perverted just different. Our ‘agenda’ is the same as theirs. [3]Even though some of the crazy stuff they say we are pushing for is hysterical!  And when people see that they begin to change their minds. They learn, they grow, they evolve.

I encourage anyone out there pondering the idea of coming out to do so. The simple act of being open and honest will change hearts and minds. Sometimes it only takes a small spark to lite a roaring fire. Be that spark.

References

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↑1 Pun intended
↑2 both mentally and physically
↑3 Even though some of the crazy stuff they say we are pushing for is hysterical!

Fear

As far as I’ve come, I still battle with insecurities from time to time. Such is life as we all struggle with our demons. Ironically, it is something I’ve never really felt before.

Having struggled practically since birth, I unfortunately get a little suspicious when things seem to really be going my way. lol Yeah, that sounds a little jaded but I never said I wasn’t. Anyway, I keep worrying that something will happen with The Pup and it will all abruptly end. *sigh* I know it’s stupid but there it is. That’s why I said it was irrational. lol  Yes, it could be conditioning from previous trauma. Yes, it could just be my own insecurities. I get all that. But knowing it doesn’t just make it go away. But fear not dear reader. [1]See what I did there? LOL  I have found something that does in fact make it “go away.”

As previously mentioned, to know beyond a doubt that he feels like I do is an incredibly powerful feeling. I won’t lie it overwhelms me at times. [2]I’m a big ole softy inside and my emotions do get the better of me at times. It gives me a sense of comfort and contentment I’ve never felt. I’m also finding it gives me an added sense of confidence. Having never had that feeling, I think it is natural to become possessive and protective of said feeling. lol I never want it to end. I want it to last for the rest of my life. Again, this is an avenue where fear sneaks in; fear of losing that feeling.

I dare say I deserve to be happy. I’ve paid my dues and then some in life. I must have been awful in one of my previous lives because the payback in this one has been major!  But life isn’t about fair and even. While I like to think the universe is about balance, an every day life doesn’t always balance out. I need to remember that just because I had an awful start doesn’t guarantee a happy ending. I wish it weren’t true but it is. And so here again a fear can sneak in.

I refuse to let all these little fears rule me. They might have in the past but not anymore. I can be prey to them but not a victim. Life isn’t about fair, it is about living to the fullest and having enough wisdom to take advantage of any opportunities that come along. That’s how I see my new relationship with The Pup. It is an opportunity for me to make myself (and hopefully him) happy. I plan to pursue that opportunity as long as it exists. If that means the rest of my life, I’m ready. Game, set, MATCH!

I love you Pup. And given the opportunity, I’ll spend the rest of my life with you.

References

References
↑1 See what I did there? LOL
↑2 I’m a big ole softy inside and my emotions do get the better of me at times.

Service

20130615_172954_Hancock StAnd before you hoes go getting all excited, it ain’t nothing dirty. lol I thought I’d take a moment to send a shout out to Reebok.

See I decided to treat myself a while back and order some custom color shoes. The picture you see is the end result, of which I am extremely happy with.

As is bound to happen, there was a hiccup along the way. Apparently, when you ship via FedEx, you can’t ship to a PO Box. Well, nothing on the website said as much, no errors were generated, etc so I proceeded as planned. I got a tracking number for my package and all was good.

Four weeks goes by and no package. Delivery was projected at ‘3-5 weeks’. I pull up my tracking number and was surprised my package had been delivered! Even more bizarre, it was delivered to an address in Massachusetts. I’m thinking they just gave me the wrong tracking number. I call up and it was my tracking number. Since they don’t ship to PO Boxes, it got sent to their main US distribution center, which in turn popped it into the regular mail.

You can imagine my frustration at this point. One, my packaged had to be remailed after I paid for FedEx shipping. Two, why didn’t they just have their site setup to prevent such snafus or at the very least warn you. The rep was very nice and apologized and explained my order had been reshipped and should be arriving soon. At this point, I’m disappointed and not really impressed with their company.

I hang up and about 5 minutes later the rep actually calls me back. This by itself was a huge surprise. When does a company ever call the customer anymore? The girl explained that since it was their fault with the shipping options and I was about to go over my 5 week window that she was going to refund my shipping charge. I was very gracious and thanked her profusely for the consideration and call back.

Having never had any direct interaction with Reebok as a company, this left me with a very positive view of them as a whole. I don’t know if this is they’re standing policy or if the rep just went above and beyond to make a customer happy. Either way, as a first time customer, I came away with a good impression and a willingness to become a repeat customer. You just don’t see this anymore. Reebok is a global brand and to see this type of attention to customer satisfaction was refreshing and totally unexpected. I guess years of shitty service from companies has conditioned med to expect the worst. It is nice to discover not all big companies totally bail on customer satisfaction. So here’s a shout out to Reebok for getting it right!

ARK

Stands for Act of Random Kindness. [1]Totally stolen from Evan Almighty, the movie

cookiesI recently helped a friends sister with tips on how to get a job as a dispatcher. She happens to be in a different state but they utilize some of the same testing services we use here. I originally thought she was applying locally but whatever. lol  I gave her my best advice on what I know based on how we hire. Basically, be yourself, answer honestly not what you think they want to hear, be polite, and dress appropriately. Not that hard but you’d be surprised how many folks miss the last two.

She got the job and sent me this lovely container of homemade cookies and cakes! I was really surprised she went to so much effort but it was very sweet, literally. lol I’m sure it wasn’t cheap to the mail them and I was truly touched. Of course, I’m already half-way thru the whole container. lol I set some out for the ginger [2]my new/old roommate but he hasn’t been around much this week. I’m sure once he sees them he’ll help me polish’em off.

It just goes to show, sometimes the smallest thing can mean something huge to someone else. It took me all of 5-10 mins to share my views on the subject. IMHO we should all strive to help others and do good in the world. If we did, I honestly think the world would be in much better shape today. I know from my perspective it has paid off time and time again. Karma if you will or just plain good will being returned to you.

Just a thought…

References

References
↑1 Totally stolen from Evan Almighty, the movie
↑2 my new/old roommate

Riddance

I’ve finally rid myself of BofA (Bank of America) this week. What started as a loving relationship almost 20 years ago has blossomed into a gaping hell of constant annoyances, hidden fees, and gross incompetence. I’ve been threatening to leave for years but the hassle of changing everything to a new bank was a significant hindrance. One major annoyance with BofA, besides the overly-high ATM fees, has been not getting my monthly statements. Somehow they kept trying to email an old old OLD email account from way back when I lived in Texas and had a different account number. No matter how many times I changed it online, called had them change it, they kept trying to email the old invalid email address. I somehow got all my bill-pay reminders by email but getting a monthly statement was beyond them. Well that is up until recently. Suddenly, I’m not even getting my reminders on-time. Some would come thru and others wouldn’t. Every time I logged in online I’d get a big glaring message about problems with my account. After incurring several late fees from various outside accounts, the Occupy protests, and the sudden move to charge customers a monthly fee to actually use our money, I’d had enough. [1]They’ve retracted the plan to charge customers but I fully expect it to pop up somewhere else.

I know with recent changes in the law, courtesy of Prez Obama, they are loosing a very lucrative service aka exorbitant fees. That being said, they’ve always known this was an unregulated area and its their own fault for getting greedy and ruining it. They had plenty of time to self-regulate and failed to do so. Anyway, I guess they counted on the usual customer indifference to fee hikes and passed on a new fee structure to the customer. They got a massive wake up call and have helped ignite a very vocal and visible contingent of the American people. [2]I personally think the occupy protests aren’t helping but I support their right to do so. Instead of camping out in a homemade slum for days/weeks at a time, I decided to put my money where my mouth is and move my money to a local credit union. I’ve had an account with them for years and they’ve also had both my motorcycle loans. On top of that, the credit union reimburses me for ATM fees instead of charging me for access to my money. I know, what a novel idea, right? lol

I should have made the switch years ago but, as mentioned, the hassle was daunting. Its amazing how much crap gets linked to your bank account over time. Zipcar, Fastrak, Muni, insurance, Paypal, etc are just a few. It took me almost 2 months to track everything down and get it all switched over to my CU account. I was smart and kept a list of everything this time so I have it, just in case. lol

So now, I am officially Bofa-free. And to my delight, my credit union online service is almost as robust and fast as BofA. There are a few minor differences but nothing overtly problematic. The only real hassle is making a cash deposits. While I can use a variety of ATMs around town for depositing checks, (including one 2 blocks from my apt) depositing cash has to be done at an affiliated CU ATM. I don’t deposit cash often as I use direct deposit so again its not the end of the world. I’m already enjoying my new credit union account and am loving the ATM-fee reimbursements as well. I’d encourage anyone reading this to bite the bullet and make the switch. Tell the greedy giant corps they can’t abuse you as a customer anymore.

References

References
↑1 They’ve retracted the plan to charge customers but I fully expect it to pop up somewhere else.
↑2 I personally think the occupy protests aren’t helping but I support their right to do so.

Stinker II

A friendly reminder.

If you do decide to send me hate mail, you might consider not sending it from an IP address that resolves to your work address. Apparently, IT dept. heads hate getting a threat of liability for allowing you to send slurs against my orientation thru company servers. And just so you know, threats to do me bodily harm, even open-ended ones, sent across state lines automatically rises to the level of a felony. Just a thought, of course. You are free to do as you like.