humor

Inquire

I got a lot of inquires after my smitten post. I’m glad so many of you are eager to see my love life improve. hehehe It is still very new and I’m not a lesbian so don’t expect wedding bells anytime soon. But we are enjoying where things are headed.

Some of the guesses were cray-cray. Everything from Apple guy to my roomie got thrown in a as guess. lol Someone even asked if I was reuniting with my old roomie that moved to NY. The latter packs a huge amount of irony. ~~I’m sure we’ll come clean soon. We aren’t hiding it as much as just being cautious. It seems we are almost to a point of throwing caution to the wind and just seeing how things. go.~~ Anyway, if you follow me on Facebook, you’ve already seen who it is as he recently updated our status.

On a somewhat related tangent, I had a regular “buddy” get very upset with me over the revelation. Apparently, he had designs on me and was more than a little miffed. I could only explain I didn’t feel that way about him but it didn’t really seem to help. He hasn’t spoken to me since. I’m sure he’ll come around but honestly, not my issue. I’ve always been honest/upfront with him about things.

The connection that the pup (my nickname for him) and I have is interesting. He seems to ‘get’ me in ways I’m not really accustomed to. Without explaining to him, he just seems to understand and even appreciate my view on many things. It is quite refreshing.

On the flip side, I think I’m the first guy he’s ever been connected to who hasn’t put a bunch of restrictions or controls on him. I have no desire to mold him in an image I want, nor am I trying to limit him out of fear. He is his own man and I respect and accept that. If things are to ever get serious between us it would have to be because it was right and it worked, not because he conformed to my way of things or I his. I don’t want a clone or a servant, I want an equal with his own mind. Now his being slightly more submissive in certain ways certainly turns my crank but that is a story for another day!

I told myself after Apple guy no more LTR’s unless I’m 100% sure it is for life. Granted no one could ever be really sure of such a thing, but I’ll be damned if I put myself thru another LTR that ends within 5 years. Nor am I sticking with it out some left over childish need to validate previously conquered inner-demons. Of course, if I had stuck to my own axioms regarding LTRs, the last one would have never happened. So in some ways, I have only myself to blame for it’s colossal failure.

I can’t say for sure where this is headed. Even if it turns out to be dud on the LTR front, I hope to continue being his friend. We’ve both promised each other that we will both work to maintain a friendship if we decide an LTR is not to our mutual benefit. Regardless of our status, he is special to me and I’d like to keep that.

Hope springs eternal…

Review

Let’s look at the week in review shall we?

Woke up an equal citizen, liked it.

Forked over a grand for the cruise, sort of liked it.

Got an offer to do porn, declined (again).

Smashed my finger at the gym, ouch!

Got an offer to do a porn star, accepted.

Got blurry vision at work, annoyed.

Said the L-word repeatedly, to Cooper.

Finished 3 projects at work, none of which were due.

Told I was going to hell, replied – I’m earning my ticket.

Cut up 6 old shirts into gym shirts, yay!

I’m 3lbs away from breaking 200 lbs again, very excited.

and…

Discovered dog vomit dries into a crispy stinky mass, not pleasant.

How was your week?

So this should put a smile on a few faces. First, I almost ran over an old lady this morning. (No that is not the funny part.) The funny part is what caused it. I’m only a few miles from work so my commute is almost entirely on neighborhood streets. I pull up to a stop sign this morning and I eyeball this total hottie walking across the street. I’m literally straining my neck to turn and watch him saunter away. I’m staring so hard I almost run over an old lady in the cross walk.

I’m totally shocked, flustered, and surprised all at the same time. I flip open my visor and ask if she is ok as I apologize profusely. I didn’t make any contact with her but I’m still freaking out over it. She is fine, she thanks me for my concern and politely tells me to may a little more attention.

As she walks away and I’m about to flip down my helmet visor, she turns and says, “he was pretty good looking though wasn’t he?“

Belly

Apparently, I have a habit that is a carry over from childhood. lol

While at the movies the other day, a friend and I had to relieve ourselves after the movie. I can’t just unzip. I have to unbuckle, unzip, and basically open the fly to do my business. After said business is done, I tend to hike up my shirt so I can close up shop, so to speak. I was told that my habit of hiking up my shirt to my chest is something only kids do.

Having never though about it, I just laughed and shrugged it off. Well, after pondering on it for awhile, I couldn’t seem to place any other adults doing it the way I did. Who knew? I didn’t know it was not a very adult thing to do. I mean no one has ever commented on it before so how would I? Of course, now I find I’m self-conscious about it. hehehe. I guess I’ll have to be mindful while in public to behave in a manner suiting an adult. hehehe

Jig

While some people hide embarrassing moments, I tend not to. And since I wasn’t really embarrassed I guess no worries there either.

So I’m at the gym recently. I was in a bit of a cornball mood so I’m feeling my music. I always work out blasting Spotify or Google music thru my headphones. As sometimes happens, I had to take restroom break. I enter the upstairs restroom enjoying my tunes. One of my fave dance songs came on right at that moment so naturally I start dancing a little jig. Well, in my exuberance I neglected to lock the bathroom door. I’m full swing into dancing my jig when someone opens the door! It was funny because I think he was actually embarrassed for me! lol He sort of started to apologize then saw my grin and stopped mid attempt. I shrugged it off and politely asked if I could finish my business. He obliged. I finished what I went in there for and continued with my workout.

It gets better. He happens to be next to me a little later working out. He sees me grinning like a devil so feels ok to chat about it. He proceeds to ask me why I wasn’t embarrassed. Feeling a bit cocky, my first crooked thought was to say, “have you seen this?” and point to myself. Even for me that would have been over the top and really not my style so I quickly discarded the idea. Instead, I just explained I wasn’t doing anything wrong or bad so why feel embarrassed? I was dancing a jig and enjoying myself. He laughed w/me and we split ways to finish our respective workouts.

After I thought about it, I figured most folks would have been completely embarrassed in such an unexpected interruption to what was intended to be a private moment. I laughed at the humor of it. I’m just nuts like that I guess.

Apparent

Apparently, I’m the only one that decided to be available to work on our project today. But, since I don’t have the authority to assign myself new tasks I was left tweaking several already completed tasks. On the way out yesterday, one of the project leads asked me if I could this, this, and this. She was clearly asking me to do it so she didn’t have to. Do they think me stupid? I can tell when I’m being given a shit assignment. lol I totally didn’t mind though. It took minutes to complete each one.

Apparently, I’m also the only one that kept notes about the day to day usage vs who was whining about what. So now everyone wants MY notes to brush up on. lol And to be clear here, I’m not bitching, I’m just being a dork. I like this sort of stuff so I’m content.

Apparently, I can keep a lot in my head off of one or two line item notes. Each line turned into 2 & 3 paragraphs of text when I started cleaning up my notes and condensing them into cohesive thoughts. What started as maybe 20 lines of notes ended up spread out over 24 paragraphs of documentation. Everyone keeps saying, ‘oh my god, how did you keep up with all that while it was going on?‘ Uh, um…well I listened for one. Two, since I already know the code, tech, and the purpose as a user I can pretty much tell you everything that needs to be accomplished and how to do it. Me thinks maybe I should be the project manager…

Apparently, the powers that be above me decided it was too much to ask us to clone and edit command codes from the old system to the new one. This was one of the parts I was eagerly looking forward to. I’m bummed they actually convinced the developer to do it for free.

Apparently, it’s Friday and I’m ready to get the hell out of here!

Have a good weekend all.

Ragged

Why is it that guys wear torn, ratty clothing to the gym? Do they think it gives them more “street cred” as a meathead or something? Granted I don’t wear new clothes to the gym but I don’t go looking like a street person. I’m not judging, I’m just curious what the point is. And I’m not talking about shirts or shorts cut for more room or flexibility.

I often see one guy who’s clothing is so torn it is falling off of him. Don’t get me started on his other gym habits. While he does have some bulk, it’s a bit disconcerting. I guess I should be pleased he isn’t like the other ancient guy who’s shorts are so short his balls are usually hanging out.

What do you wear to your local sweat box?

Poke

No, not what you’re thinking. However, have you logged in here lately? Moving on.

Being in a multi-device, multi-OS household, am I the only one that sometimes forgets you can’t reach up and tap the screen on your laptop or computer to move the cursor? lolol

I catch myself doing this all the time now. I’ll be on the laptop and trying to move the cursor and without thinking I’ll tap the screen expecting it to jump to my finger. I seem to be doing it more and more lately. I’ve gotten so used to being on the phone or the iPad, I’m totally conditioned to just tapping.

*tap, tap, tap* Is this thing on?

Q & A

I often get questions by email on a variety of subjects. I try to reply when I can but I don’t always get the time. I thought I’d post a few recent ones that sort of made me laugh. I’ve included my reply, where applicable. Enjoy!

Q. Why are you gay? God created Adam & Eve not Adam & Steve. ^[1]Typos corrected.

A. Dear anonymous commenter. Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, you are using an out-dated version of Human v1.0. Please upgrade to our more enlightened and educated Human v2.0. This should solve your problems.

Q. Why do you still blog. Blogging is old news.

A. Because I can.

Q. Why are you not more manly like that guy Brett.

A. *After recovering from fit of laughter*. If your IP didn’t resolve to 4 states away, I’d accuse you of BEING Brett. Since you aren’t, we have a different view of what makes a man manly.

Q. Will you marry me?

A. Yes, just as soon as I win the lotto jackpot.

Q. How big is your c*ck?

Q. I never see any of your private posts, did you discontinue them?

A. Having checked your comment, you aren’t logged in. You have to be logged in first. I also haven’t been doing that many of them. I’ve started again.

Q. Where did you rescue Little Cooper?

A. Northern California Bulldog Rescue. If you don’t live in the area, you can google your own area. There are a plethora of sites online the specialize in bulldog rescue.

References[+]

References
↑1	Typos corrected.

Ya Know…

…you live in San Francisco when:

the homeless have specific requests on the amount of money or type of food they want.

someone says, ‘let’s go to the beach‘ and you grab a hoodie.

you see a naked guy walking down the st and no one even blinks.

your bingo host is a drag queen named Bob.

your pastor is a drag queen named Bob.

you can give directions to anywhere in the City w/o mentioning a freeway.

every hill is a different neighborhood.

you feel like you need a passport to drive over a bridge.