Category: humor

Itty Bitty Details

Forgetting the depressing stuff for a moment, I’ve noticed I have this horrible habit of giving out extraneous details during conversation. For example, I’m having lunch today w/some friends in the Castro and I needed to go to the restroom to wash my hands. Instead of just saying “pardon me for a moment“, I had to give out all the details. “Excuse me, I need to run to use the bathroom and wash my hands.” Like they really cared WHY I was going. And not an hour later I did it again. We were walking by Walgreens and I’m like “I need to run into Walgreens real quick as I need to pick up some face cream and finger nail clippers”. I’m sure they could care less exactly what I needed. I can’t help but giggle here.

While I don’t necessarily consider this a character flaw per say, it can be annoying habit. I think part of it stems from the fact I am unconsciously a very open person. Unlike a lot of people, I don’t automatically erect personal barriers when around other people whether it be friend or stranger. I only do so when given a reason. Most people pick up on this and respond in one of two ways. They either tend to open up a bit more on their own or completely shut down.

Going psychotherapist for a moment, I’m sure it has something to do w/my childhood traumas. Well cancel the page for Dr. Phil, I think I figured that one out all by myself. Maybe the traumas added to my already open id, who knows. As far back as I can remember, I’ve had the same openness to me. Even as a child. (Thankfully, no one bad was around to take advantage of it) As an adult, it taught me some painful lessons about trusting too soon and being gullible. Lessons that probably would have been avoided had I been just a tad bit more cautious. Tell my friend Eric this story, he agrees all too readily it’s a character flaw. I choose not to see it that way. I think my openness adds to my overall appeal and value it. For all the times its hurt me, it has helped me four or five times that much in good things.

Embarrassing Moment?

You decide. I’m having lunch today in the Castro and I bump into a guy who I’ve…um…uh…known intimately shall we say. So anyway, he is with a trio of much older fellows. He discreetly tried to acknowledge my presence w/o alerting his companions. A move I always find amusing. So, I first began to think one of the trio was his boyfriend, his much OLDER boyfriend. Well, I was way wrong. They proceed to sit down behind me and have conversation. Of course, I could hear every word. Turns out, my ‘acquaintance’ was a porn star. He was with some ‘biz’ associates discussing his next movie. Now, I’m not big into porn per say. (No, really! I swear) I own 2 porn movies, both of which are on VHS. (side note, I haven’t owned a VCR since late 2002) Let me explain, its not that I don’t enjoy porn. If I see two (or more) hot guys going at and I’m not involved….friends, I’m not excited, I’m BITTER! I’d much rather be there. So, needless to say, I’m not always up on the who’s who of porn. [1]Tim, this post is just for you. Ring every bit of jealousy and enjoyment out of it that you can, by the way, what are we doing Thursday night?

As I’m leaving, I can’t help but sneak a glance around to see and sure enough he gives me the eye again. I’ll admit curiosity got the better of me and I googled gay porn and found a picture of him. His stage name is Chris Steele. I haven’t a clue how famous he is but he has made quite a few movies. I guess thats just another day in the life of a shamless huzzy living in SF.

References

References
↑1 Tim, this post is just for you. Ring every bit of jealousy and enjoyment out of it that you can, by the way, what are we doing Thursday night?

Comedy!

Ok, so just a couple of funny thoughts I encountered on my “rolling” today.

Great Cartoon Still – “Now that right there is funny, I don’t care who you are”

The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of sexually transmitted disease.
This disease is contracted through dangerous and high risk behavior. The disease is called Gonorrhea Lectim (pronounced “gonna re-elect him”). Many victims have contracted it after having been screwed for the past 4 years, in spite of having taken measures to protect themselves from this especially troublesome disease. Cognitive sequellae of individuals infected with Gonorrhea Lectim include, but are not limited to:
Anti-social personality disorder traits; delusions of grandeur with a distinct messianic flavor; chronic mangling of the English language; extreme cognitive dissonance; inability to incorporate new information; pronounced xenophobia; inability to accept responsibility for actions; exceptional cowardice masked by acts of misplaced bravado; uncontrolled facial smirking; ignorance of geography and history; tendencies toward creating evangelical theocracies; and a strong propensity for categorical, all-or nothing behavior.
The disease is sweeping Washington. Naturalists and epidemiologists are amazed and baffled that this malignant disease originated only a few years ago in a Texas Bush.

Ooopsy!

Don’t you just HATE it when you are out and about and you desperately have to go to the bathroom (yes, #2). So you search and search and you finally find a spot before you explode. You give it all you’ve got and are relieved and thankful until you discover….uh oh! no toilet paper.

Discuss…

Post Holiday Giggle

Ok, this cracked me up. Kinda sums up my mood today so I thought I’d post.

The preacher’s, Sunday sermon was, “Forgive Your Enemies.” He asked,how many have forgiven their enemies? About half held up their hands. He then repeated his question. Now about 80 percent held up their hands. He then repeated his question. All responded, except one elderly lady.

“Mrs. Jones, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?” She says, “I don’t have any.” “Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?” She replies, “Ninety-three.”
“Mrs. Jones, please come down in front and tell the congregation how a person cannot have an enemy in the world?”

The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, and said loudly and proudly, “I outlived those bitches.”

Who Does 911 Call For An Emergency?

Really! Who do you think we call? *G* Ok, ok, let me explain. . .

So, I get to work today and I find out one of my buddies that I graduated the academy with passed out last night at work. Here is the kicker, he was laughing so hard at a joke that he started choking and then closed up his airway somehow and passed out. Our call center has fire/medical staff on duty 24hrs a day so they rushed over and made sure he was ok.

As he is coming too, the first words out of his mouth are “am I plugged in?” Now that, my friends, is dedication!

Is It Wrong to Laugh?

Ok, folks, this is an urban legend. I copied it from another blog I’m involved in and it was just so strange. Below is an accounting of a “mistaken rapture”. I have seen this before but had forgotten about it.

ARKANSAS CITY (EAP) — A Little Rock woman was killed yesterday after leaping through her moving car’s sunroof during an incident best described as a “mistaken rapture” by dozens of eye-witnesses. Thirteen other people were injured after a twenty-car pile-up resulted from people trying to avoid hitting the woman, who was apparently convinced the rapture was occurring when she saw twelve people floating up into the air, and then passed a man on the side of the road who she believed was Jesus. “She started screaming ‘He’s back! He’s back!’ and climbed out through the sunroof and jumped off the roof of the car,” said Everet Williams, husband of 28-year-old Georgann Williams who was pronounced dead at the scene. “I was slowing down but she wouldn’t wait till I stopped,” Williams said. She thought the rapture was happening and was convinced that Jesus was gonna lift her up into the sky,” he went on to say. “This is the strangest thing I’ve seen since I’ve been on the force,” said Paul Madison, first officer on the scene Madison questioned the man who looked like Jesus and discovered that he was on his way to a toga costume party, when the tarp covering the bed of his pickup truck came loose and released twelve blow-up sex dolls filled with helium, which then floated up into the sky. Ernie Jenkins, 32, of Fort Smith, who’s been told by several of his friends that he looks like Jesus, pulled over and lifted his arms into the air in frustration and said “Come back,” just as the Williams’ car passed him, and Mrs. Williams was sure that it was Jesus lifting people up into heaven as they drove by him. “I think my wife loved Jesus more than she loved me,” the widower said when asked why his wife would do such a thing. When asked for comments about the twelve sex dolls, Jenkins replied, “This is all just too weird for me. I never expected anything like this to happen.”

I just couldn’t help posting it. Especially, after my long winded rant yesterday. *muffled giggle* So my question, if it were true, is it wrong to laugh?

Giggle!

Ok, I couldn’t help myself! I was reading thru emails before heading off to bed and I just couldn’t pass this one A bit crass but funny nonetheless!

*you need windows media player for it to work*