Category: health

Back, Back, and Back

Returning to more mundane posts, here is a selfie. I’m back at the gym at least on a somewhat consistent schedule. Not as often as I’d like, but still.

Back selfie

My back is looking better even if I’m still struggling daily with discomfort and managing it. It’s not like before where I’m one step away from a muscle spasm. There is joy in that; however, it’s still disruptive, some days more than others. It’s hell getting old. 😂

If you’ve forgotten, I have cartilage deterioration on two of my lower back vertebrae, this causes compression and grinding when I move. Ironically, I seem to struggle now more at night when I sleep. Before the last procedure, it was always movement that seemed to activate my pain. I’m a side sleeper and almost any position on my side finds me waking up very sore. [1]I already sleep with a pillow between my legs  I’m getting the sense it has more to do with compression vs muscle irritation though. Most days I find if I lay flat on my back or flat with my head elevated for about 30 to 60 minutes I return to a functional level of normalcy. I could never do that before the procedure. Sometimes, I get lucky enough afterwards to feel no real discomfort…. sometimes.

I do physical therapy stretches and exercises often and I’ve incorporated stretches specifically meant to offset spinal compression. They do work. Or at least until I go to sleep again . Then I start all over the next day. Some nights are better than others but I never seem to know what will set it off.

Needless to say, it makes for a difficult schedule to work out the muscles to support the back. This pic was a good day.

References

References
↑1 I already sleep with a pillow between my legs

Holding

I like to think I’m holding up well for my age. I still care enough to make an effort at staying in shape. Age comes to us all, after all. I’m trying to maintain a level of health without going bonkers trying to remain young. [1]Don’t even get me started on some of the things gay men go thru to remain youthful or attractive. I mention it because I still routinely run into guys from back in the day who used to act superior to the rest of us because they had good genetics. Some had looks, some had muscle, some had both, others still had it all. I still see some of them and I can tell you some are definitely not holding up well at all.

Now before you chastise me and say, “I should know better“, let me finish. I’m not trying to gloat. I’m actually trying not to gloat, which is why I’m airing my dirty laundry here. I try not to gloat partly because back in those days, I was a lot more insecure about myself. I could just as easily have been projecting my own issues onto some of them. How would I know? And partly because I don’t really know what their struggle has been or what led them to their current state. Lawd knows I’ve had my share of medical issues these last few years. A lot of factors could have come into play. I won’t lie though, for some that used to be particularly nasty, I do get a tickle. And while they might deserve it if I returned the favor now, my behavior would only reflect poorly on me.

Now in my early 50’s, I’ve kind of maintained myself, if that makes sense. I’m not any more muscular than before. I’m certainly not any more attractive. But I have held my own. I can be proud of that without gloating over others. I certainly know the sting of age in the gay community. And I can only imagine what some of these guys are going thru now that they aren’t center stage anymore. Some do seem to be a bit humbler than before. Others seem to be in denial. And some just seem to have given up all together.

So while I may feel validated on the inside, I have also learned (painfully at times) what othes think of me is really none of my business, good or bad.

References

References
↑1 Don’t even get me started on some of the things gay men go thru to remain youthful or attractive.

Cancelled

After a heinous week at work last week, I was looking forward to the first of two back procedures tomorrow. A little time off never hurts a hard working hoe, right?

And….it’s been cancelled. 😂 I have to laugh because if I don’t I’ll cry. There was a significant drama episode with work last week and fresh off of that I’m just emotionally exhausted. I was eager to begin the process of getting my back hopefully back to normal and was in good spirits in anticipation. The irony is the new dates may impact the drama I’m facing at work in my favor. [1]Karma mother f**kers!. I won’t deliberately schedule it that way but I’ll be damned if I’m going to delay my procedure unnecessarily.

The back has been so-so lately. I go thru bouts of no pain and bouts of irritation flare-ups that seem to defy logic as to why. I’m eager for relief as it impacts my life daily. Stretching and doing physical therapy exercises at the gym saves me from being home a lot doped up on meds.

Needless to say, I’m eager to reschedule the appt.

References

References
↑1 Karma mother f**kers!

Back Stuff

In my continuing saga of back issues, I’ve now had the MRI. The good news is no serious bone or muscle damage. No apparent bone spurs or protrusions.

What’s left you ask? A series of minor issues culminating in my current daily discomfort. [1]Don’t ya love how doctors refer to pain as discomfort? Said issues have created some nerve irritation that is unlikely to go away on its own. And while I’m pleased there is no long term damage, the possible treatments are pretty much the same. I go in for an ablation where they cut or burn the affected nerve to deaden the pain and remove the inflammation. The latter is a two-step process. I’m eager for some relief as it’s been an invasive injury affecting my daily life.

If you want the dirty details keep reading. I have a slight defect to the very lower end of my spine that creates a stronger pressure point in the impacted area. Go figure. Add in mild arthritis, a very mild build up, and slight scarring from an old injury and apparently we end up with my current dilemma. Oddly, no disc degeneration, which was the first thought. There are a couple very small spots that could be degeneration but he thinks it’s most likely just genetics. Overall, no critical injuries.

I’m hopeful and eager for this to be over. I’m scheduling as soon as I can get in to get the treatment. It is outpatient with some sedation but the way he explains it, it should be quick and I should notice results quickly.

Wish my old ass some luck….! 👍🤞

References

References
↑1 Don’t ya love how doctors refer to pain as discomfort?

52

I turned 52 this past month. As I start into my 53rd year on this ole planet, I am grateful to be alive. My previous back issues got me a little down for a while but I’m better now and realizing it’s not that bad, all things considered. Personally, I think I look damn good for 52, but I am a little biased. 😉 My medical issues as of late have all been mild compared to other more serious ailments that plague us as we age. I have to remember that moving forward.

Part of me still grapples with the idea of being in my 50’s. My brain simply won’t completely accept it. I guess that is a good thing. In stark contrast, this past year I’ve been noticing when people “die young“, which in my brain translates to around my age or younger. It is a bit of a surreal feeling to realize I’m moving into an age bracket where people can and do die from a host of issues regularly. Granted, some of these conditions can often be prevented and treated, but that doesn’t make it any less meaningful. I’m certainly not judging others. It just makes me value my efforts to keep myself healthy. Of course, my body reminds me daily now I am indeed not a young man anymore.

And speaking of healthy, I’m hoping to get thru 2023 with no self-inflicted gym injuries. hehehe Another hard realization is I can’t constantly push heavy weights anymore. As I focus on strengthening my back muscles, I’m building on my past mistakes. Rebuilding my exercises from an entirely new perspective has had its benefits. Even with the back injury, I’ve made some solid gains this year, and my bony legs have grown some too.

If ya know me, you know I don’t make a big deal over birthdays. Shawn always tries to make them meaningful for me, which I appreciate. He always a way add a personal touch. This year was no exception. I couldn’t imagine him not being in my life.

Beyond that, work has been incredibly stressful and frustrating. Ironically, not for the reason you’d think. More on that later. I have a meeting with the Council of Elder Gays on what the new prize the most gay conversions in a year. 😉

Back 3.0

I’m back and my back is doing better! I left off quite some time ago after having some back issues. Well, I ended up doing PT on my own because the places available didn’t work with my schedule and I can’t afford to call off work every time I need PT. Two different friends in the biz told me they don’t work you in the office anyway. They give you the exercises and send you on your way. [1]They do help if you are unclear on how to do an exercise, otherwise that’s it for my type of PT I figured I could do that on my own.

I was discouraged at first because it only seemed to be staving off any new spasms vs actually improving my condition. I was getting frustrated thinking maybe I’m doing it wrong, not doing enough, etc. I do so some research [2]famous last words and discover it can take weeks and/or months to heal up so this gives me hope I’m on the right track.

Well, fast forward to now. A couple weeks ago was my first time doing the PT w/zero discomfort! I’ve been getting delayed due to lots of /mando at work over holidays, but still focused on getting gym time in for my exercises and stretches. Lo and behold last week I did my first exercises on lower back with weights! And I’m still walking upright! lol I was only doing a measly 40 lbs on deadlifts but it felt great to finally be doing any weights at all. Yay me!

*

The whole thing kind of threw me for a loop. I’ve always considered myself rather resilient when it comes to bouncing back from injuries. Every surgery I’ve ever had the doctors always talked about how fast I heal. Even my most recent nasal surgery was a flying success. This time around I didn’t bounce back. And it finally became obvious to me it wasn’t getting better; my denial was making it worse. While not "depressed", I also realized it was altering my daily motivation to do much of anything. I mean I’d still get to the gym, but I had to drastically pare down even non related exercises.

This is the part of getting old I don’t like. I don’t mind the wrinkles, the aging skin/looks. Hell, I don’t mind the need for more checkups, but this not healing or getting better like normal is for the birds!

References

References
↑1 They do help if you are unclear on how to do an exercise, otherwise that’s it for my type of PT
↑2 famous last words

Back 0.2

So…following up on my last post, cause you’re all just dying to know my up to the minute medical condition, right? They discovered I will need a full amputation from the waist up. j/k of course. giggle​ Almost had ya there…

The doc thinks it’s mostly a muscular issue. There may be some ligament damage involved but they wouldn’t know without an MRI. They did not recommend an MRI as it doesn’t seem severe enough. I do have mild to moderate arthritis, which is probably aggravating it a bit as well. [1]Why do I always seem to be in the middle? …mild to moderate Monkeypox, mild to moderate arthritis, medium to large penis [2]the first footnote was to see if people actually read the footnotes. heehee Overall, he definitely does not think I have a bulging disc. X-rays looked fine, no fractures or protrusions of bone anywhere. Ironic, as I had a mild spasm during x-rays because the tech was having me bend at weird angles. So, good news I guess. I mean it could be better but could have been a lot worse. I’m grateful to know the bones are all up to scratch. I expected worse news.

He gave me a referral to Physical Therapy and a prescription for muscle relaxers. I’ve never taken muscle relaxers and I’m hesitant to take them. (See afore mentioned posts about my stepmother who was a pill addict for many years, including the use of muscle relaxers) However, after my last round of pain I won’t avoid them if I have another episode. Lawd, that was rough. It’s been over two weeks, and while most of my movement has returned, I’m still having discomfort and soreness. I’m having to alter workouts at the gym to avoid taxing the area.

I’m eager to see how PT turns out. I’d very much like it to be something I can work thru and get past vs "just living with it". With GHHD #3 (Folsom weekend) fast approaching, Daddy needs his bending muscles to be in tact.

References

References
↑1 Why do I always seem to be in the middle? …mild to moderate Monkeypox, mild to moderate arthritis, medium to large penis
↑2 the first footnote was to see if people actually read the footnotes. heehee

Back Issues

About a year or so ago, I took a tumble on a foot scooter and injured myself a bit. Nothing critical at the time, but I’m beginning to think I may have injured my back more than I thought. Ever since, I’ve had increasing bouts of random back strain or spasms. Sometimes it comes on from just sitting in a different position for more than a few minutes.

Fast forward to a week ago, and the first day of my vacation, I tweaked it from sitting weird. I was leaned over on a foot stool cleaning Ms Daisy’s foot pads and after I attempted to get up, everything went haywire. This last episode was the worst it has ever been. Time to see a doctor. Even a week later, I’m still not 100% yet.

I see a chiro doc pretty regularly and it does help; however, it doesn’t seem to be going away. From my limited medical training and work experience, I’m leaning towards a bulging disc. The severity will determine the level of care I need to proceed. It’s incredibly frustrating realizing my body is wearing down and not as resilient as it used to be. One can say it comes w/age, but f**k that. lol It could be a combo of back issues and a weak core, or at least I’m hoping it is. I’ve always babied my back since I had a car accident ages ago in the mid 90’s. That may be working against me now. I’ve been working on strengthening my core, but it only seems to aggravate the issue.

On the flip side I guess I should be grateful this is the only issue. I mean I’ve put this body thru the ringer in my 51 years! I got metal, plastic, and even polyurethane inserts to prove it. Air boat crashes, throwing hay and feed, three-wheeler flips, roller-blade stunts, motorcycle slides, etc have all contributed to the latter. When I do finally slide into the grave, they are going to know “I lived!” [1]In my best hung over Gooch voice LOL And yet, it still drives me nuts. I’ve been really hitting a good rhythm at the gym and it seems like every 2-3 weeks there is a new delay knocking me out again.

I’m booking an appointment for next week to see a specialist. I’m assuming a lot of poking and prodding and x-rays later I’ll have some answers.

As always, hope springs eternal…

References

References
↑1 In my best hung over Gooch voice

Can’t Help Themselves

Ya know, some people just can’t help themselves. After my last post about my experience with monkeypox, most of my feedback was very positive. Of course it was, decent human beings being decent human beings, but there are always those few folks who just can’t help themselves. I write this post to support others vs any defense of my own actions.

I got the typical "are you ok" as an opener on several messages before the bombardment of code words implying some sort of shame or guilt. Ironically, two of them were twisting themselves into knots implying they weren’t referring to me specifically. Being a big boy, I flat out told them I got it at the tubs. And the person who exposed me reached out to let me know. Why? Because he was a responsible adult being a good human being. Duh! I was just unable to get the vaccine in time. The follow up level of backtracking was cute, albeit completely unnecessary. I’m a grown man, I won’t be shamed for my actions when I don’t feel I did anything wrong. Your opinion of my life and/or relationship is just that…yours.

I’ll be honest, I’ve never understood the fascination with shaming folks for communicable diseases. It stems from our institutionalized puritanical nonsense way of thinking, I know, but I’m just so shocked to see so many gay men still embrace it. You’d think after surviving AIDs we’d be better than that. But let you mention the rampant drug use in the gay community and/or the cottage industries built around it, and you’ve done gone too far! (Not that I believe drugs should be criminalized.)

I realize there are levels of compartmentalization and cognitive dissonance going on, but it gets old really fast. We are human beings. We like human touch and **gasp​** sex. We’ve dealt with communicable diseases practically since the beginning our existence and will likely continue to do so until the end of our existence. This puritanical idea of shame is nothing but a waste of time. It serves no purpose other than to establish "those people" in an attempt at disassociation. What has proven to work time and time again is timely intervention thru testing and available treatment. Removing this pathetic idea of stigma increases the likelihood of testing and preventing transmission.

Pox Upon Your House

I couldn’t catch COVID if I tried, but I managed to get Monkeypox right out of the gate. Go figure!

I’ve been exposed to COVID countless times in the last 2 1/2 years and either had it with no symptoms or just didn’t get it. Granted, I’ve had both shots and two boosters. The old roommate had it, the hubby had it, multiple work exposures, and nothing. One exposure to monkeypox and BAM! My case was apparently mild to moderate, depending on who you ask. I will tell you, it didn’t feel so moderate. In a word, it was shit. Not the worst I’ve ever felt, but definitely in the top 10.

I originally noticed a small rash in my armpit. I’m not prone to rashes so it set off alarm bells. There weren’t many places even available for testing so I ended up at the City Clinic. While there, they noticed a couple bumps in my groin area I hadn’t even noticed yet. They were mostly painless and small, but uniquely different than your average pimple. I now know why they call it a pox. The clinic tested me but testing was delayed due to a major influx of requests and the outbreak being relatively new. While they felt I had it, symptoms were mild so they didn’t offer treatment. The treatment drug, commonly referred to as TPOX, is from the national stockpile and in short supply. While they are using the COVID infrastructure to ramp up production, that doesn’t help those sick now.

I left feeling good and looking forward to a week off work. [1]Even though you primarily catch it through sustained skin contact, it is “possible” to catch it from surfaces. They did advise me to isolate.  Fast forward a few days later, the fevers, aches, & chills set in. They were quite unpleasant. The sores started out rather painless and mild w/no signs of spreading. By day four, they had become larger (about the size of a nickel) and little satellite sores were springing up. All of the lymph nodes in my groin area were swollen and very sensitive. Even pressure from laying on my side hurt. Apparently, the pox tends to attack/irritate the nerves and it played havoc with my back. [2]I have a minor bulging disc I manage w/chiropractic care  On day four, the aches/chills/back pain were so intense I’d had enough. I went back to the clinic to get treatment. Thankfully, they agreed my case warranted treatment, but only because I had a mild impetigo (staff) co-infection. This could potentially make me infectious longer and it was decided I was worth treating.

I get that the drug was scarce but in that moment I was irritated at the idea of having to plead my case or with the thought of being denied treatment. The drug is actually used to treat smallpox and has been conditionally approved to treat MP. [3]The viruses are similar enough it works on MP as well.  My pox were spreading as there were multiple new spots coming up in various places on my body. I won’t lie, in that moment I was just grateful to qualify. I know other folks who weren’t so lucky and they had symptoms worse than mine and were initially denied treatment. Within 24 hours, the fevers/chills were all but gone and the back pain disappeared completely.

Fast forward again to today and I’m headed back to work tomorrow. All the smaller pox spots that sprang up are gone and have new skin over the 5 original spots in my groin that were the largest and most sensitive. You are considered ‘contagious’, even on medicine until the scab falls off and there is new skin. If you shower daily, that can lead to fresh scabs daily. Basically, you’ll notice the ‘pox’ look is gone. You can have red, irritated, and even bumpy skin, but as long as the pox itself is gone, you are good to go. I’ve missed roughly 2 1/2 weeks of work. Lawd, baby jeebus I am bored as hell! Video games and tv only go so far. Most people take 3-4 weeks to heal so I’m slightly ahead of the curve. I think only because I sought treatment.

Of course, the usual crew of judgmental queens are trashing people online for being “slutty”. Except it is not spread only thru sex like traditional STI’s. Many of the folks I know that were exposed and/or contracted it did not get it thru sexual contact. You can get it from any environment where you touch skin with someone. You can be in a bar, a party, a fair, etc. The incubation period is 2-3 weeks so you can have it, have minor bumps or pimples, and not even know you are contagious. For the pissy folks, all I can offer is a sound, “bless your heart.” As for me, what you think of me is really none of my business.

If you aren’t vaccinated, make an effort to do so. If you are in an area w/no outbreaks, it may take you awhile as the vaccine is in short supply. They will most likely prioritize high-risk folks first. However, supply is ramping up. It is recommended to get the vaccine, even if you start showing mild symptoms. Once you develop full symptoms, the vaccine is no longer necessary. You also do not need vaccination once you get over an MP infection.

The government has been a bit slow to ramp up response as it isn’t like COVID. The spread right now is mostly contained to the LGBTI community. And while it may seem like they are doing nothing, that is not the case. The system isn’t designed to mobilize until a certain threshold is reached for diseases like MP. While part of me knows that, it doesn’t help that the other part of me that suffered needlessly isn’t still angry. I do hope they realize due to globalization, the old slow method should be update.

The good news, is vaccine and treatment are both being ramped up. Don’t let the shortage now put you off from getting vaccinated. I can assure you, it is worth the effort. You do not want to go thru the symptoms. Keep checking w/your local sources, usually your health dept, City government website/phone line, and/or insurance provider.

As for me, I’m healed up now and grateful to be over it. I even missed work a little. The one additional downside, I missed a trip to see my two besties for one of their birthdays, which was a deep disappointment. I was borderline by the day of the flight, but I didn’t want to chance it. No on wants to be the one that brings the gift that keeps on giving… lol

Be well!

 

References

References
↑1 Even though you primarily catch it through sustained skin contact, it is “possible” to catch it from surfaces. They did advise me to isolate.
↑2 I have a minor bulging disc I manage w/chiropractic care
↑3 The viruses are similar enough it works on MP as well.