Category: rights

Q-word

I ditched one of my regular news reads today.

Based on what appears to be a completely internal narrative, the Gay Voices section of the HuffPo [1]Huffington Post decided to change their name to Queer Voices. The explanation is that gay is too limiting and Queer is somehow more inclusive. Really? Are you effin’ kidding me? One of the most vile hateful words out there and it’s more inclusive? Hell naw! Even the normal definition is divisive.

I just can’t bring myself to support a news org that willingly uses a derogatory slur to describe us. Actually, I can but I won’t. I am the last person to be the word police but this isn’t about being politically correct at all. The rambling article they put out to announce the decision was full of self-serving justifications. If anything the tone was we refuse to every be considered normal or part of the whole so we are changing our name to prove it. The entire piece felt insulting and condescending wrapped in a smile of ‘we’re just trying to stay current.‘ Well, they can stay current w/o me and go straight to hell. Do not pass go, do not collect $200, go directly to hell.

I normally don’t put much stock in hearing people talking about how ‘offended’ they are at [action of choice]. Being offended usually just means you don’t like something. As with a lot of things these days, people conflate ideas/actions/behaviors that are considered offensive to society at large with general every day actions they don’t like. Regardless, I was offended and deeply. I grew up listening to that awful word being hurled around as an insult and slur. While I was fortunate enough to escape childhood with only a little physical gay-bashing, I did not escape the jeers, taunts, and never-ending cruel names. ‘Queer’ was front and center and I will never willingly refer to someone that way. It has not lost its bite or derogatory meaning.

The argument that we are somehow reclaiming the word is absolute bullshit. It is not slang, it is a slur! [2]I’m struck here by the irony we can’t say tranny anymore which is just simple slang but we can use a slur to refer to ourselves. SMDH Even here in SF said term is not accepted. Oh there is a contingent that feels the need to refer to themselves that way for sure. And that is their right. You can call yourself whatever you wish but don’t presume to speak for the whole. It’s flat out disgusts me we could consider naming a section of an online publication with global recognition with such a shameful slur. And I’m not alone. The reaction was swift and almost unanimous. The decision is not being met well at all. At last count the article was up to 200 comments and almost all were against it. At one point comments appeared to disappear; however, the site is notorious for outages and glitches with the FB commenting tool.

I am not queer, I am a man who happens to be gay. My orientation adds to my uniqueness but it does not define me. The idea that being queer somehow exclusively makes me special or different is foolish. Call it the LGBTI voices, rainbow voices, etc but don’t call it queer and pretend it’s OK now.

So far there have been no updates, no apologies, no "we had the best intentions" acknowledgments, nothing. I’ve taken them out of my news reader and told FB to not ‘show me stories from HuffPo’ at all. There are plenty of welcoming places online that don’t decide, based on the ideas of a few, renaming themselves an offensive slur is "looking to the future." I won’t be going back to that site as long as they demean us.

end of line

References

References
↑1 Huffington Post
↑2 I’m struck here by the irony we can’t say tranny anymore which is just simple slang but we can use a slur to refer to ourselves. SMDH

Hero-less

Well, it looks like the City of Houston will be the only large city in the US to not provide protections for LGBT folks in a variety of areas, including housing and employment. It was a unexpected blow to be honest. I just knew my old stomping ground had moved into current times after electing a gay mayor, not once but twice. It doesn’t help that the initiative should never have been put to a vote anyway. [1]In case you missed it, the initiative was enacted legally. It was appealed. The appealing side cheated and when they got caught cheating and turned down they decided to go to court. Contrary to the established process and even though there was no doubt the appealing side didn’t garner the necessary signatures, the Texas Supreme Court, full of Repugs, sent it to a vote anyway.

My rant today isn’t so much about the failure of the initiative but some of the aftermath. I’ve seen several comments and posts on various social outlets lamenting the initiative included Transgendered protections. It wasn’t so much that people didn’t want transgendered folks included as much as the old argument it was too much too soon. [2]I’m deliberately excluding the article from the homocon over at Breibart. That level of stupid doesn’t even merit an argument And to be fair, there was a time when winning a few protections at a time was a worthwhile pursuit. We carved out rights for the LGB part of the community slowly and often one piece at a time because it was the only way to win then. But that time is over and we are way past it now. It is time for us to change our thinking. We are no longer groveling for whatever we can get. The tide of the law and public opinion has shifted to our side. We need to turn and bring the T in the umbrella forward and stand with them. We need to show the world that like us they too are just humans with lives and dreams of their own. They deserve it as much as we do. They’ve patiently (and not so patiently at times) waited as we gained piece after piece of equality. They sat behind us watching our progression hoping for their chance. And that chance is now. The sad tired argument about their fight being different from ours is pure BS. They get marginalized, discriminated against, assaulted, raped, and murdered just like us. They’ve stood with us since our movement started and it is time for us to stand with them.

Having lived in Houston and the surrounding area for a big percentage of my young adult life, the loss was disappointing on a very personal level. However, the fight continues as Houston now finds itself in a very public view. The mayor and others continue to work on bringing equality to Houston.

References

References
↑1 In case you missed it, the initiative was enacted legally. It was appealed. The appealing side cheated and when they got caught cheating and turned down they decided to go to court.
↑2 I’m deliberately excluding the article from the homocon over at Breibart. That level of stupid doesn’t even merit an argument

Contempt

Poor Kim, she is being played for the victim and being left out to dry. Once the crazies are done fund-raising off of her, they will leave her high and dry to pick up the pieces of her broken life. She will scuttle back into obscurity to be randomly evoked as a bad joke.

Of course, a simple civics lesson might have helped educate her on how her job role and the government actually works. She then might have avoided be played for the fool. Sadly, that isn’t the case. And her willful ignorance is not going to save her, no matter how the crazies spin it. They want her to lose so they can hold her up as their new martyr.

As an elected clerk, she took an oath to uphold the law. You have the right as a citizen to have a religious belief. You have the right not to be persecuted by the government (and your employer when different) for that belief. You can even request a reasonable accommodation for said belief. However, you do not have the right to refuse to do your job based on belief. An important distinction the people taking advantage of her are deliberately obfuscating. The moment the SCOTUS ruled on the Obergefell vs Hodges case, it became defacto law. If she now feels she can no longer follow her duty/oath of office because it violates her "god’s law," then she should resign. You are not guaranteed employment if you feel your personal religious belief conflicts with your employment requirements.

Not only did she refuse to do her job, she also refused to allow any of the deputy clerks to do their job. The judge gave her a way to save face and not be in contempt and she still refused. [1]again, it appears based on advice from her representation with an agenda This negates any possible resolution through accommodating her belief. She has repeatedly and steadfastly projected her bigotry onto her subordinates. In the best possible twist of ironies, her employees could now sue her for religious discrimination. Wouldn’t that be lovely!? hehehe

Of course, the fundies might take her on as a spokesperson after she loses. Like previous made up martyrs, they’ll trot her around until the money-making dries up and then she’ll be abandoned. She’ll be the punchline of memes and jokes for awhile and after that forgotten completely. The annals of history will not remember her. And their failed (and marginalizing) attempts to align her with such great civil-rights activists such as MLK and Rosa Parks are frankly insulting.

References

References
↑1 again, it appears based on advice from her representation with an agenda

Equal

EqualWell, we finally made it! On June 26 2015, the United States Supreme Court confirmed that any two people can marry, regardless of gender. We can officially stop referring to it as gay marriage and just call it what it is, marriage. This marks a pivotal moment in history folks. This is the domino that will tumble the rest of the archaic laws preventing us from being treated fairly in the eyes of the law. The excuses, the pretense, and the scare tactics won’t be enough anymore. This decision may only apply to marriage rights but it’s ripples will be felt everywhere.

Oh, I’m not so foolish to think everything will just be hunky-dory. No, there is still a lot of hate out there. And we are still being targeted by extremists and bigots. Our fight is not over but the tide as well as the right has shifted now. And as time goes by the bigots, haters, and fundies will be relegated to the history books to be scorned by future generations. Now we must turn our attentions to trans rights and making sure they obtain protections and equality under the law as well. No person should ever have to feel like an outcast simply because they were born different. The fight is not over for them and so it is not over for us.

*

For myself, I never thought I’d see this day. It was only in the last 5 or so years I dared to hope for it. Growing up in rural East Texas, I just assumed I’d always be an outcast. I’d never be part of ‘normal’ people. Back then you just learned to accept it and try and carve out a life for yourself. You did the best you could and hoped for the best. Well now, those days are over.

In many ways, I don’t feel much different. My life overall won’t change much after this ruling. It is almost anti-climatic in many ways as we were lucky enough to get equality in California already. But, I can move forward without fear of leaving California now. Shawn and I have yet to tie the knot, but knowing we can do so and be accepted in all 50 states is a huge deal. I won’t worry about hospital visits. I won’t worry about my or his legal rights in case of an emergency. I frankly won’t worry that much at all. I can make legal decisions and preparations w/o extra steps to protect him. I can make plans for our future and not “mine and his.”

This is indeed a wonderful day!

Defend

And speaking of Instagram, I had a very odd (in a good way) interaction on there recently.

I follow several fellas because they work out and post progress selfies. Being back on my gym-kick, I like the inspiration. Besides the selfies, they’ll often post tips, suggestions, diet routines, etc, all of which I find beneficial. In the process of ‘liking’, I don’t often check to see if they are gay or straight.

It should come as no surprise I also follow others for a different type of inspiration. Most of the guys in the latter group are most definitely gay. lol Nothing x-rated mind you, but still gay. [1]I actually don’t follow x-rated accounts on Instagram at all. Different purpose, different medium as it were

The problem arises when I forget to check which group said person is in before commenting. This has led to a few awkward conversations from time to time. In the most recent situation, I made a comment on a straight guys feed. He was hot and I said as much. Several folks after me started leaving comments trying to dog him because "gay guys were checking him out." For my part, I usually don’t engage as it is a futile endeavor. To my utter surprise, the guy himself came to my defense. He posted several comments chastising commenters for being so shallow and homophobic.

I was really impressed by his replied. He could have deleted my comments, blocked me, or just ignored it completely but he took the time to call it out. I decided to write about it here only because it left me with such a good feeling. We, as LGBT folks, still have a ways to go to overcome the discrimination we face on a daily basis. But interactions like this give me real hope that we are winning. We are changing hearts/minds of everyday.

References

References
↑1 I actually don’t follow x-rated accounts on Instagram at all. Different purpose, different medium as it were

Secret

We’ve heard tons of comments on white privilege in recent weeks, but what about religious privilege? We are quite accustomed to hearing from the fundies about how they are being persecuted. The reality is religion is given an exceptionally wide berth in this country.

In recent days, I’ve seen a plethora of news stories on church pastors talking about killing LGBT folks for just existing and having the audacity to want equal rights. And don’t get me started on those Duggar assholes. All of these folks are becoming desperate because they realize they are losing their so called culture war. Forgetting the normal rants on how we are single-handedly causing the destruction of everything because … "god" for a moment, they’ve upped their game now and completely gone off the deep end.

It is time for us as a citizenry to start reigning this nonsense in. You can believe whatever brand of crazy you want as long as you keep it to yourself. You can believe I am personally going to some imaginary place of eternal suffering after I die because I refuse to fall in line with your brand of crazy. [1]I still can’t get over the ‘shell-fish is an abomination’ clause. I sends me into hysterics every time. Of course we realize how crazy that is but magically forget it when it comes … Continue reading But the moment you start calling for me to be less than other humans or calling for my death, you no longer get a say. The moment you start trying to legislate your beliefs on everyone you’ve crossed the line into bigotry. Your ignorant bile is not welcome in society anymore. ​

Even worse in my mind are the people who go around giving lip-service to their so-called faith but do nothing to stop the insanity. Where are all the other church pastors decrying this behavior? Where is the outcry from the millions of Americans who ‘claim’ to be christian? Why are they not condemning these fanatics? Could it be because their supposedly non-violent book of fairy tales is actually very violent. We are quick to talk about how Islam is a violent religion but we brush off our own brand of crazy. Well, your dirty little secret is out and we ain’t buying it anymore.

In my book you no longer get a pass. Your privilege ends with me. Stop sharing your smarmy photos and memes on social media about how wonderful your [insert deity of choice here] is and start calling out the crazies in your own ranks. If you are not calling them out then you are complicit in their actions. And if you are an LGBT person on top of it, you bear the shame of knowing your inaction directly contributes to the oppression of your brothers and sisters.

References

References
↑1 I still can’t get over the ‘shell-fish is an abomination’ clause. I sends me into hysterics every time. Of course we realize how crazy that is but magically forget it when it comes to begin gay.

Civic

Everyone is jockeying for the moral high ground after the Ferguson verdict. Social media is a shit-show of everyone pointing fingers at each other. I won’t even go into all the judge/juries that have appointed them selves verdict makers on Brown/Wilson’s implied guilt.

I feel like I have a unique perspective on the subject. [1] No surprise there right? lol   There is my work side that deals with law-enforcement issues every day of my career. I can see valid points from the officer’s story. There were several things Brown could have done to avoid the confrontation. Then there is my gay side that grew up at the hands of very rough and not so friendly police on more than one occasion. I can see valid points from Brown’s family. The police could have handled the situation better and not necessarily let it escalate out of control. 

The reality is neither side is blameless. No one has the moral high ground here. And no one should walk away feeling like they lost/won. We all lost. People often can’t resolve the cognitive dissonance created by the ambiguity of fault or blame. And because of this, we can’t admit that neither side is blameless. Brown refused to comply, Wilson overreacted. [2]Please spare me unnecessary rants on the variances of this over simplification

No matter who’s side you are on it still means nothing unless we act. If we truly want to fix these problems, we must move beyond the never-ending and condescending tantrums via social media. And while petitions and marches in the streets are excellent displays of solidarity, they are not enough. These things depend on someone else to fix our problems.

We as a citizenry must be involved. We cannot abandon, thru indifference, our oversight of those we place in power and be surprised when it suddenly becomes corrupt. Civic duty is not just serving jury duty or voting, begrudgingly. It is our guaranteed right thru the freedoms granted us. But we must exercise those rights. It should not be something we only do when it is convenient. It should be a part of our daily lives. [3]Do me a favor and read this paragraph again  If more of us get involved, we won’t need to constantly focus on blame. We’ll be in forums to constantly give oversight, feedback, and accountability to both sides.

Basically, I’m saying be involved or shut up and accept your servitude. It is that simple. Like any living thing, democracy must be fed or it dies from neglect. Go to your local police community meetings. If they aren’t offered,  rally your neighbors and friends and demand they have them. Go to your governing body’s public meetings. Call, write, and/or email your local and state leaders. And don’t do it once and call it good. Involvement is ongoing. Embrace your civic duties. Then and only then can we see real change.

References

References
↑1 No surprise there right? lol
↑2 Please spare me unnecessary rants on the variances of this over simplification
↑3 Do me a favor and read this paragraph again

PSA

I thought I’d provide a public service announcement today. Let me attempt to clarify (and edify) you on the differences between belief and bigotry.

Belief (or faith) in your [deity of choice] is soley your choice in life. Under the freedoms granted to you in our democracy, you are free to believe and celebrate (thru prayer, church, communion, etc) said belief thru its given dogma any way you choose. While I may or may not agree with your belief(s), you are entitled to them and I respect that. You are free to believe that being gay is an abomination. [1]So is eating shell-fish. Where is the outrage over shrimp? I mean just look at those nasty little buggers! They have ‘demon’ written all over them! You are free to hate me for being gay. Hate is not illegal. You are free to think that I will be transported to a magical place of fire/brimestone upon my death. You are free to ignore the fact that I was born gay. You are free to disagree with the later statement verbally. You are free to say your beliefs and share them with others by proselytizing [2]witnessing. These are your rights.

What you are not free to do is enforce your belief onto me, thru laws or otherwise. You are not free to commit a crime against me based on your hate. When you attempt to enforce your belief(s) onto me you are engaged in bigotry. You are not free to discriminate against me based on your belief when you provide public accommodations. You are not free force me to live your way. You are not free to prevent me from having the same rights as any other human being simply because I’m different. We do not live in a theocracy. And no matter how you might wish we did, we still do not. Your belief does not shield you from persecution when you cross over into being a bigot. And calling you out for your bigotry does not make you a victim of persecution. And no amount of cognitive dissonace, conflation, or twisting the english language will ever make it so.

Now you know. Go forth and edify others; so it is my commandment to you this 17th day of October in the year 11 of Moby’s blog.

References

References
↑1 So is eating shell-fish. Where is the outrage over shrimp? I mean just look at those nasty little buggers! They have ‘demon’ written all over them!
↑2 witnessing

801

‘Eight Oh One‘ is our local PD code for suicide. Today is the unfortunate anniversary of a coworker/friend’s death by suicide 9 years ago. She shot herself in a moment of sadness and her light was forever extinquished. Her death was especially painful for me. We weren’t besties but we were friends and I always considered her a kindred spirit. And in moments alone, she would often open up a little more to me and share in that connection. Our connection stemmed in part due to similar struggles in life. We both experienced a harsh and abusive childhood because we had the audacity to be born gay. Having already survived my own brush with suicide, it was a big blow to hear of her death. I knew what she must have been going thru internally and lamented that she didn’t reach out to me. Of course, no one knew how bad she felt. She was very stoic and kept it all hidden.

People often think of suicides as cowardly or selfish. That is simply not true. That is just a projection of our own pain over the loss. When you reach that awful stage there is no thought of self. [1]And I hope you haven’t and/or never do  There is no reason. There is no right or wrong. There is no thought of those who will miss you after you are gone. All of it is stripped away, layer by layer, until nothing is left but an all-encompassing blinding pain. A singular thought remains….escape!  Sadly, suicide is often the only mechanism that seems to offer a solution at that moment. But, I am here to tell you you can escape it without resorting to death. I am living proof.

Anyway, I decided to take her badge to work and remind everyone of her anniversary. On a side note, LGBT folks are 4-6 times more likely to commit suicide before the age of 25. [2]The statistics vary from org to org but this is the rough average.  In my line of work, suicides are also higher due to the stress and constant raw emotions that we process day after day. After decades of exposure, it can really wear you down. So, I wanted to reach out to my coworkers in the hopes that if they should ever be in such a dark place, they should also feel comfortable reaching out to me or anyone in their life for help. We all talked about fond memories of her and how she impacted us.

As for my coworker, where ever you are my dear, I hope you are in a better place. I hope you escaped the misery and pain. I hope that those around you can experience your light and love and be better for it.

References

References
↑1 And I hope you haven’t and/or never do
↑2 The statistics vary from org to org but this is the rough average.

Day

I keep getting random questions on the wedding date. We haven’t yet set a date. I can tell you it won’t be until next year sometime. Neither he nor I are in any hurry. The engagement was sort of the finalization of what we both knew we wanted. For myself, I knew pretty early I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. I have no doubt it will happen so I don’t feel any pressure to rush it. Honestly, if it wasn’t for the legal protections it provided, I think we might skip it. We both realize it is meant to symobilze our commitment vs create it. I know what is important to me and I have it. In a word, him. He is all that matters.

It’s funny because I never thought I’d actually be able to get legally married. If you had told me 10 years ago, I’d someday soon have the right, I’d have laughed. It is has been very gratifying to see such an abrupt change in our acceptance. The speed of it has been a historical oddity unto itself. So now I am faced with the unexpected but welcome reality of having the same choices as everyone else. But having the option doesn’t necessarily mean I should run out and tie the knot. Taking the time to solidify our relationship is more important than the labels or names we attach to it. I’m already married in my heart and that is enough for now.

Of course, on the flip side, I don’t wanna get married while I’m still working on a chunk of debt. It wouldn’t bother him but I just don’t like the idea of him suddenly being responsible for my debts if something were to happen to me. He had nothing to do with it and certainly doesn’t deserve to be responsible for it. With the exception of his condo, he is all but debt free. I’m a little envious. lol I chose the path that led to my current debt so I’m not complaining, but I wouldn’t want that on his shoulders. So part of the waiting is from a practical stand point. I think in a way it keeps me from getting all fuzzy and rushing it.

Anway, I’ll be sure to post info here about the big event.