Everyone was taking so many pics over the past weekend, I forgot that I actually snapped off a few. I guess I’m the only one who got the group shot. I remembered after hearing brettcajuns podcast this morning.
Left to right brettcajun, Kel, Dan turning 40, woof brandon, Tony, homer, Steve, Jeff, Sean, & Glenn
Not to be left out, I had to get one w/me in it. hehehe
Moby, Chad Fox, brettcajun, Woof Brandon, Tony, & homer.
So the blogger weekend is over. brettcajun and homer are probably already home as I write this. Chad Fox was kind enough to overload us w/pics. We got some quality goof time in as well. I’m uploading them to pics.mobius.name. It’s active now but only a few pics loaded so far. Check back later for the 30-40 pics I’m keeping. *click on the top right icon to enlarge it so you can really see the pics.*
What can I say about the weekend? Was it worth it? Did I measure up? Did they? You probably know the answers already but I’ll bang it out anyway. The boys already know how I feel about them so I’ll share qualities in each that stood out.
My impressions of brettcajun? Charming and sweet come right to the front. I wasn’t too worried about Brett. I thought we’d hit it off. I did discover he has a naivete which makes him absolutely adorable. And while he tries to act out on his blog, I think he is really a bit shy. This trip was good for him, IMHO. He got a chance to come out of his shell. No judgements or fear of rejection, just a chance to connect w/other gay guys. I hope the honest feedback he got from everyone stays w/him as he returns to the normalcy of home.
And homer? Actually, I was a little worried homer and I wouldn’t connect much. Worried he might find me over the top. I’m glad my assumptions were off the mark. homer is very witty. The classic smart ass mixed in with a wholesome sensability. You don’t quite get that from his blog. He is also very gracious and kind. Traits I always find admirable. (Even though he didn’t fix my toilet as promised. )
Tony (the lurker one. *g*) Tony doesn’t have a blog but has been a regular commentor for months now. And while we all had fun w/him, I don’t really feel I am any more connected to him than I was before. He is very nice in person however, he didn’t really open up much. I’m not sure if that was because I was a bad host or if he is just reserved. I definitely have an extroverted personality. I think Brett and homer fed off of that. I’m left to wonder if that had the opposite affect on Tony. He hung out with us all weekend but I never really heard much from him. I’m hoping all the bloggers he met will spur him into doing his own blog so we can all get to know him better. *I’m not very good at being subtle. You think he’ll get the hint?*
homer and Brett were great houseguests. I think we were all a little nervous but that melted away. In it’s place, friendships were forged. Not only considerate but they were well-behaved and I had no worries about leaving them unattended. They are both welcome back anytime.
The rest is an accounting of our ramblings to help explain some of the pics. Feel free to read or skip. I know you’re just here for the ‘purdy’ pictures.
Continue reading Finito
Last night I was hit w/the realization I’ve fallen for someone. Someone, I tried very hard not to fall for. The catch is it wasn’t the someone I was with at the time. I was out and about getting into some trouble of the carnal kind. Before long, I found myself basking in the attentions of a hot man. A man I’d normally fall over myself vying for his attention. All the while I’m thinking of someone else entirely.
Today, I have all these thoughts rolling around in my head. I haven’t made sense of them yet. What am I feeling? Excited, scared, worried, and thrilled all at the same time.
Excited that I’m still capable of feeling such things.
Scared I won’t measure up. Rejection really is a bitch. (old habits die hard)
Worried I’ll overcompensate.
And completely thrilled that said guy digs me at all.
So while my cacophony of inner voices fight amongst themselves, I’ll move on. The blogroll is hopping lately w/rants about our [gays] self-hatred. Specifically, groups within our clan who obsess and condemn over stereotypes and behaviors they see as undesirable. I’ll take the drag queen any day thank you. If you are silly enough to think that you are somehow better than someone else because of how well you ‘fit in’, how big your cock is, or how butch you look, you have more issues than even me. And frankly, I only have enough room in my carry on for my baggage. If you are just dying to get your two cents in, hop over to bent collective, joe.my.god, and my previous listing from Aaron to check it out.
And speaking of me, I finally got around to updating the bio page. I’m still tweaking it and should have it posted sometime by early next week. I know your foaming at the mouth to hear more so I’ll promptly update once it’s posted.
My dander is up today. Stupid people really work my last gay nerve.
Before I start let me explain something. There is a clear difference between ignorance and stupidity. Ignorance is the lack of knowledge. Stupidity, on the other hand, is the refusal or inability to process knowledge. In most respects they are a before and after state of being.
Ok, so my first bitch, I’m scrolling thru tribe today and I happen upon a thread about steroids. A HIV postive guy left a note saying he was interested in finding steroids to bulk up. He only mentions his HIV status in passing with his physical stats. While there were only a few comments, several were mean and one was just plain nasty. Oh but here’s the pisser! The comments were clearly based on negative ignorant perceptions. One guy assumed because the poster mentioned he was positive, he was using his status as an excuse. Even if he was, piss off! The poor man is dealing w/a terminal illness cut him some slack.
Knowing it wouldn’t do any good, I made an effort to correct said ignorance, not once but twice. I’m not for or against steroids. It’s a personal choice. And, I’ll be the first to admit I know poz guys who use their status as an excuse to bulk up legally. So what, if you fortunate enough to be healthy, count your blessings and move on. Until we have equal rights under the law in this country, I think we have bigger issues as gay men to be fighting over.
‘nuf said!
Then I’m reading bent collective’s rants about treating HIV patients in a third world country. Here we have a man who is giving up 6 months of his life to work in a true 3rd world country that doesn’t even like us. Apparently, a bitch fight breaks out over whether we should be tending to our own at home before offering his support overseas. One such person even goes so far to suggest the US is one step away from being a 3rd world country. Yes, news fans, read it again. One step away from being a 3rd world country. . . wait! what’s that noise…
*ring ring ring*
Why, it’s the clue phone! Hello! We are nowhere near close to being a 3rd world country! Making such statements takes you clearly out of the realm of ignorance and plants you firmly on the solid ground of stupidity. (note, I stopped here so I could edit out my several lines of curse words.) We have problems in this country. Yes, we do. But, our problems pale in comparison to the crisis that people face on a daily basis living in a 3rd world country. Anyone who is willing to give of themselves to help said people deserves our respect. Or at the very least, shut your pie hole and be grateful you live in a country where we have the luxury of such decisions.
I used to think I was very tolerant person. However, I’m guess I’m not. You know why? Because I have no use for stupid people anymore.
*I’m feeling a bit long winded today so you might want to skip this and just enjoy the purdy picture*
The click version is not work safe…
Ok, so I guess I wasn’t overly clear yesterday on my rant. I was at work and got distracted several times. I kept going off on tangents too. I was trying to articulate that I haven’t quite narrowed down the exact traits in men that I find attractive.
I don’t have a set type, that only serves to confuse the issue further. The pic posted was not my ideal guy. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I think he is HOT. I’d get down and worship at his “alter” as long as he’d let me. My point is fantasy and reality are two different beasts. Thinking someone is attractive doesn’t necessarily mean they are compatible. I can easily look at a man and think to myself, “I’d do you in a minute but I’d never date you.” And at first thought, that sounds very demeaning and callous. And before you fall off the deep end, let me explain. It’s not about a double standard at all. (for me anyway) Having learned the difference between my attraction to men and my compatiblity to men, I can easily find someone incredibly sexy but also realize we don’t have much in common otherwise. In the unlikely event, we did have more in common, I wouldn’t be opposed to exploring that.
Continue reading Confuscious Say…. II
I discovered my porn star name is Scotty Rose. (courtesy of homer, you come up w/this by taking the name of your first pet as the first name and the name of the street you lived on as a kid as your last name.)
I often refer to my playtime w/o really going into details. I do so because that’s never been the purpose of the blog. However, sometimes things happen that I just feel the need to share. Remember my last rant about discovering I’d slept w/Chris Steele? Well, it happened again. I’ve been seeing this guy at the gym lately. It always seems to be in passing; I’m coming, he’s going sort of thing. I thought he was hot, raw sex appeal, very sexy lips, yadda yadda yadda. He turned out to be French so he had a nice accent to tie it all together. The other day, I see his profile online, its nicely written w/o all the red flags I’m used to. I figure what the hell, go for it. So I send him a message and he messages me back immediately. Slightly taken back by his overt interest, I try to stay aloof, just waiting for the bomb to drop.
Continue reading Porn: To Do or Not To Do
Thank you to everyone for the birthday wishes. The birthday went off pretty well. I got to see some friends in town from back home, which was very nice. (Now, if they’d only leave, I’m worn out.) I also got to be naughty. So all and all, it was good.
So today’s rant involves online profiles. It’s amazing what you can interpret about a person not from what they say but how they say it. Having been online for years and years, I’ve gleaned some knowledge that might be helpful. Look at it as a way to invite less drama into your life.
Here goes. . . my top 10 do’s and don’ts of having a succesful profile. (Whether it be for sex or just dating) Take it as you will . . .
1) Handle rejection. First off and most important, if you can’t handle rejection you probably shouldn’t be online. Unless you are desperate for just anyone, it is unrealistic to expect every person will be your match or that you are match for everyone. Attraction has to be a two way street for it to work.
2) Be specific. If you are looking for something, say as much. If you have a characteristic or fetish you’re into then make sure it’s included. Don’t use subjective terms. I often see terms like “looking for real men”. That could mean anything to any number of men. Duh! Also skip terms like “vgl or “hot”. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. While you may consider yourself “vgl”, others may not. Let your pictures speak for your looks.
I’m just back from seeing Brokeback Mountain.
*spoiler alert – if you haven’t seen the movie skip this post*
First off, it is a fan-fucking-tastic movie! The movie cuts to the heart of the gay movement w/it’s simplistic focus on two men deeply in love w/each other. Two men trapped by expectations of society that they lead a totally different, albeit miserable, life. All the gay stereotypes are completely stripped away. On a side note, I was overwhelmed by several aspects that reminded me of my own childhood environment. If you grew up in any sort of country environment you’ll know what I mean after you see it. The movie starts out a bit slow while plot builds. While a bit borish, I much prefer a slow build to rushing thru it.
Second, the hype surrounding it as an artistic masterpiece is well deserved. That said, from all the rants just flooding the blogosphere, I expected way more sex and nudity. There is only one male/male sex scene where you actually see them in the act so to speak. A bit rushed but Jake takes it like a man! (He is my favorite of the two and I got a chub seeing him take it. hehehe) The only cock scene is a very brief one when they go skinny-dipping together. Several nice butt shots though. There are also several kiss scenes but again only one scene with all out passionate man to man kissing.
Artistically, the movie is great. I only say great because the scenery is complete in it’s believability but it rarely becomes the focus. I think this was deliberate to keep your interest completely on the actors and the story. Coming the heart of the sticks in East TX, it brought back so many memories. The director did a very good job of making you believe they really were a couple roughneck cowboys. From the way he put his boot heel in the fire (a common attempt to keep your feet warm in very cold weather), all the way down to the way Jake checks his 30-30. (rifle) Jake (aka Jack) and Keith (aka Innis) deserve some major credit too. Keith Ledger has never really been on my list of favorite actors. IMO, this was the best performance of his career. As for Jake, I haven’t seen him in many movies but he also played a very believable character. When he dies in the end I started crying. You see a brief flash on how he really dies even though his wife lies about it to Keith.
The end made me very sad. Sad that we still live in a culture where not all human beings can express themselves freely w/o oppression. Even sadder, that gays still face the threat of physical harm in many places in this country just for being born gay.
While I was leaving the theatre, I overheard a gay guy and his female friend in front of me discussing the movie. She was blathering on about how she didn’t see why people said it was so sad. His response, “Bitch! were you watching the same movie I was? Maybe you need to go back and watch it again.” After which, he promptly stormed a little of a head of her.
If you haven’t seen it, sorry for spoiling it but I left out plenty of juicy info. Gay or straight, I highly recommend you see it.
My next big flick to see is Underwold:Evolution. Which just happens to be coming out on my birthday!
I’m taking a break from studies. My hematomas’ are blending w/my hemothoraxes and we just can’t have that. I’d thought I’d share some funny tidbits encountered today.
Only in SF will you see:
… a gurl and girl exchanging makeup tips and discussing the cheapest places to buy MAC.
… a leather daddy, decked out in full leather, getting his nails done side by side w/Katy Sue, Surban Mom Extraordinaire AND they are having a conversation. (I couldn’t help but laugh.)
… a straight man giving a gay man tips on where to buy the best boots.
… a hardware store that sells lube.
… a guy wearing leather pants to the gym.
Not sure if that makes us a ‘gay mecca’ but it’s nice to know it exists.
I know I shouldn’t but I can’t help myself. I’ve noticed “Zig Zag” the new coffee/tea shop they put in place of Le BonGateaux isn’t doing so well. (Superstar, the video store next door bought it.) It’s been open almost 3 full weeks now and I’ve yet to see more than a few people inside at any given time. I know I shouldn’t make fun but I can’t help it. They took a wonderfully comfortable coffee shop and turned it into this empty (think “less is more”) cold space w/tacky colors and straight lines everywhere. What were they thinking? This isn’t Sunset Blvd, it’s the Castro. The only thing w/straight lines are the Dykes at Cliff’s Hardware!
Ok, enough venting. Back to my studies. I’m only up to H so far.
I’m home from a long day of work. I’m cranky and my larynx is sore from instructing along w/my normal work schedule. I’m all itchy for a fight when I discover Bent Collective’s rant on “sexual addiction”. He has become one of my favorite reads and I hope he doesn’t think less of me after my rant tonight. That said, I made a promise to myself to be honest on my blog. Course, nothing like sex talk to shake me out of a mood. Rather than tie up his blog w/my madness, I opted to post it here. It would probably help if you jump over and read his post first for a frame of reference.
[insert jeopardy music here]
Back already? Ok.
I’ve often wondered if I am a sex addict. I don’t fit most of the definitions of what it is to be a “sexual addict”. But that only serves to complicate the issue (for me).
For a long time, I applied monogamy for all the wrong reasons. Quite simply, I wanted control. My self worth was lacking and I was hounded by the irrational fear of being abandoned for the bbd (bigger better deal.) I think a large percentage of gay men have this same issue. As I’ve matured, I shed my morals on monogamy along w/my insecurities. I still believe it is possible for two men to be monogamous, just not probable. Is it possible for me to have a monogamous relationship? I can’t really answer that. The truth is I don’t know. These boundries are not etched in stone w/me so I think it’s flexible.
In several of my monogamous relationships, it was very hard not to cheat. Especially with partners who had much lower sex drives than myself. However, I did it. In one particular relationship, it was very hard as my partner travelled a lot. I was often home alone and always horny. I didn’t cheat only to discover later he did and often. Obviously, I have the will power to say no. (Why am I flashing anti-drug campaigns w/all sorts of funny twists right now?)
In my last relationship, we were open and it worked great for me. I found my partners playtime w/o me erotic and greatly stimulating. It often made for some really great sex between us. However, he seemed to have trouble dealing w/it and often hid things from me. The deceit did bother me and when I tried to work thru it, he would twist the argument into me being jealous. I still really don’t understand that one. And he often had trouble w/my playtime away even though he’d never admit it.
So now I’m left examining my carnal side. I find no shame in sex. I crave it almost constantly. The more I get the more I want. I openly find outlets for my desires on a weekly basis. I often visit blowbuddies (look it up if you don’t know) here in the city along w/the occasional online hookup. (when I have the patience) Add to that, living in SF you practically have to be dead not to get laid. Being reasonably attractive and hung doesn’t hurt either. (Ok, I’m bragging.) There is no shame in it for me. I don’t cloak it terms of “dating” either. A habit that so many fags tend to do. Fucking someone and dating are two entirely separate beasts. Having a powerfully strong oral fetish, I feel almost driven at times to find “it”. I’ve had more sex in 10 years than most people have in a life time. (Not bragging here just making a point.) That said, it doesn’t interfere w/my work or social life. And, I don’t avoid other aspects of my life just to get sex. Yet, it does play a large part in my life. As I age, it doesn’t seem to change one way or the other.
I’m quite sure part my drive stems from abandonment issues carried over from childhood. No doubt about it. (Remember way back when I said we would save this conversation and crack it open later? Well, consider it cracked!) I was neglected and almost never touched as a child after the age of 5. And when I was touched, it was usually at the end of a belt, board, or any object my stepmother had handy. Am I substituting love for sex? It’s possible. But is that the only reason? I don’t think so but I’m not entirely sure.
After it’s all said and done, I’m still left asking myself. . . Am I a sex addict?
Dunno.