Category: gay

Folsom St Fair 2007

Like a tard, I ran off and left my camera at home. Sadly, I do not have a single picture to share. I know I know, I’m already annoyed about it.

Friday. I was busy running around getting errands done. I got almost everything before my friend showed up. I’m still missing a desk in my bedroom. I found one I like so far but still keeping my eyes open. Actually, I found several I like but they are full size desks. I just need a nook or corner desk. Since Ikea was a bust, Officemax is taking a close 2nd.

Saturday, Julian and I got up early to go score him a Magnitude ticket. I didn’t realize he hadn’t gotten that one so we had to traipse all over looking for it. My buddy Matthew finally helped us out as we were getting nowhere fast. Later, I left Julian with his friends to go hang out w/TFA. I felt a little guilty leaving him but I shouldn’t have worried. The dirty huzzy didn’t get home till 6am.

Sunday, the fair was good. Lots of eye candy. Some pleasing, some not so pleasing. hehehe. [1]Why is it always the one you don’t want to see naked that go naked? It was nice being out and walking the fair for a change. I’ve worked the fairs for the last few years. That said, after about 3 hours I was over it. I left Julian with his new found tour group and headed home. The rest of the evening involved me bouncing between the xbox and the PS3.

Monday, we just laid around most of the day. Julian was dead tired and slept well into the afternoon. I dragged him off to sushi and then a movie. I finally got to see Stardust. It was very cute. A nice feel good movie. As expected Michelle Pfeiffer was flawless. Robert Di Nero turned in a very hilarious performance as a swashbuckling captain who was secretly a “whoopsie”. I laughed so hard I spilt my soda. If you haven’t seen it, catch it before it leaves the theatre or add it to your watch list.

References

References
↑1 Why is it always the one you don’t want to see naked that go naked?

Answer Me

I am really surprised at the answers on the new Kinsey scale poll. [1]The Kinsey scale determines where you rate sexually, gay, straight or everything in between. Especially, the straight w/gay tendencies vs total straight. I didn’t think I had any straight readers. I figured these two would be reversed in answers. Meaning I’d have more straight w/gay tendencies readers. [2] See how much I know

I bring it up as I have a working opinion that a lot of really hard core homophobes fall into the straight w/gay tendencies category. It is an accepted principle that humans often attack qualities in others they dislike in themselves. Now why is it so hard for many to see homophobia is just an extension of that? I mean come on, not really a big jump in logic if you think about it. They see something in themselves they detest or can’t accept so they lash out at those who would accept it. One only need to look to the plethora of scandals rocking the GOP lately for some good examples.

I’m not saying everyone falls into that category but I think it is the rule more than the exception. What say you?

References

References
↑1 The Kinsey scale determines where you rate sexually, gay, straight or everything in between.
↑2 See how much I know

Politi-damn!

I rarely weigh in on politics. I often say, ‘there are plenty of fine bloggers out there beating that horse enough‘.

After reading Mark Morford today, I just felt the need to share. If you haven’t yet discovered this linguistical genius of a man, you need to read his current take on the whole gay GOP scandals. He has so many one-line zingers it may take me months to assimilate them all. I give you just a sample of his current rant.

Not our military, a massively warped organization apparently far more terrified of gays than of dropping its entrance barrier so dangerously low it makes good soldiers nervous, not the seminary with the pitter-patter of young men’s feet from bunk to bunk after light’s out, not the megachurches with their deep, eternal, fetishistic fascination with all things anal and perverted and hookeriffic and yummy.

The real irony? He is heterosexual.

Nice

I was pleasantly surprised by the articulate and heart felt responses to the last post. I’m not sure what I really expected however, once again you do me proud.

It is still a sticky subject for me as I lost a close friend not even a year ago. A loss that could have been avoided w/a modicum of knowledge. It still sits in my craw funny as I feel like I failed him in some way. I know it is not my responsibility however, convincing the heart of what the mind knows is not always an easy task.

Anyway, I am please to see most folks, whom do not live local, were open to the idea of dating someone of a serodiscordant status. There is always a margin of error as some folks will still answer what they think you wanna here. That said, it says a lot for how far we’ve come.

Confused Again

So I came up with the poll this week after my friend Matthew said he was a bit upset over being turned down by poz guys. He said two different guys he was interested in dating wouldn’t go out w/him because he was negative. I had to ask again as I was sure I misheard what he said. Nope, I heard him correctly. A poz guy wouldn’t go out with him because he was negative. Ironic wouldn’t you say? Being completely flummoxed, I asked one of my long time (20+ years) poz friends and his response, “well, it is just easier to play with someone who is also poz.” Wait, wait….wait just a damn minute. So now the poz community is using the same flawed logic as the negative community? WTF? After all, isn’t that the same excuse an ignorant negative person would use. After he thought about it, “yeah I guess it is.” I just don’t get people sometimes. Someone would have unprotected sex w/a complete stranger because he says he is negative but they won’t have safe sex w/an honest poz guy. Oh yeah, that makes perfect logic to me. NOT!

Frankly, I’d have safe sex with a serodiscordant person before I’d have any kind of sex w/a meth or drug addict. At least w/a serodiscordant person I know where I stand and what I’m protecting myself against. The latter not so much. I could go on and on about the damage meth does to your brain. Simply put, the most apparent symptom is often extreme paranoia. Paranoia that can and often leads to violence. No thank you.

Sadly, even today there is still a lot of ignorance surrounding HIV and how it is spread. Unless you are into some freaky shit, it really just takes a condom and condom-safe lube. Yep, that is all it takes. And, in an age where a plethora of medical knowledge is only a click away, you have no excuse not to know at least the basics.

Table For Two

I am meeting a guy from bear411 over lunch tomorrow. Not a date because it really isn’t sexual but we seem to chat a lot about geek stuff. I’m looking forward to it. I’m always happy to expand my circle of friends and he strikes me as a genuine fella.

He also works for Tivo and promised to bring me tchotchkes! Hell! I’d put out for that. heeehee. One can never have too much Tivo gear! Seriously though, we’ve been chatting off/on for months and decided to say hello in person. Working an odd schedule, it is hard to have a social life but I’m trying.

Of course, we are having sushi, my favorite food. Turns out he is a big fan and has never been to my favorite place in the ghaytto. I have to admit, it is nice to meet someone w/o the expectation of sex in the way. Well, I say that now but you know what a hoochie I am…

Fibber

So my email box has absolutely been blown up today asking for my two cents on the newest scandal to rock my little piece of the blogosphere. If you don’t know, skip it. It is not worth your time.1

My answer? I don’t really know enough to make a decision. I don’t blog for popularity. I don’t blog for politics. I don’t make the rules for other bloggers. I don’t know when it is ok to openly attack someone based on limited info they themselves have given me. I don’t know when it is ok to accuse someone of being a total fraud based on inconsistencies in their blog. Frankly, I can’t be bothered right now. I have enough in my own life going on to keep my distracted. I’m sure I’ll sort it out in my own time.

Having already been burned once, I’m probably not the best judge of character anyway. I prefer to take people at face value until given a reason not too. Maybe that makes me gullible but I’m ok with that. Wouldn’t be the first time. For the record, I don’t condone lying. I am honest to the point of being blunt but, I have done things I’m not proud of. I have lied and I have stolen. I have hurt people (emotionally). Granted, the latter wasn’t intentional but it still happened.

I also know how it feels to be called a liar. I’ve been told several times my own blog is just too unbelievable to be real. The irony is I’ve left things out from my childhood because even I have a hard time believing I survived it all. Here is just a short laundry list of my not so favorable moments.

1) I almost poisoned my step-mother when I was 12 as a means to escape her never-ending torture.
2) My father broke my jaw and two of my ribs at 14 because I was gay.
3) I watched my first lover die in my arms.
4) I almost killed myself at 19.
5) I was homeless for almost a 2 years.

And those are just the things I chose to share! Maybe they were justifiable, maybe they weren’t. Either way, I’m not particularly fond of my sordid past. I do struggle to be a better man though. Sometimes, I think that means I have to fall along the way.

The point, I’m probably not so eloquently making, is I tend to wait before I jump on the bandwagon of finger-pointing. I don’t second guess people. I don’t look for cracks in their stories. It is simply not in my nature to be overly suspicious. That said, I also take what I read online w/a grain of salt until I’ve had a chance to solidify my in person connection w/people.

Back to the most recent scandal, I am a little dismayed in the overall virulence I’ve read. As if discovering a fake blogger is so shocking. Fags can’t even tell their correct waist and cock size but we are outraged at a dishonest blogger(s)? Ultimately, I’ll investigate and ask myself if this scandal causes harm. Until then, I’ll skip the righteous indignation.

My maw-maw (granny) always said, “…believe none of what you hear, and half of what you see.” She might have been crazy white trash but, boy did she have some wisdom. I haven’t always believed that but, the older I get the more often I find it to be true.

1 No, I’m not providing links as this about my two cents in general, not the story itself.

219

This is the code we use at work for a stabbing victim; which is what I felt like the other day when I went down to Magnet for a routine STD test.1 I get signed in and go to the back to face the obligatory interrogation as to why I’m there. No worries, as I know all to well the burden placed on the City’s healthcare system. We make it thru the throat swab and the “bend and spread’em” swab problem free. I mean how hard is it to fuck up a swab test? Then comes the very minor, one would think, routine blood draw to test for the ugly-headed monster called syphilis. Forgetting for a moment, both of my arms are very vascular,2 the phlebotomist managed to stab completely thru a large vein. Naturally, I end up with a large hematoma afterwards. (Simply put, blood collecting under the skin) If you’ve never had one, the blood quickly dissipates however, it tends to be very unsightly and causes pain days later from the surrounding muscle tissue being irritated. So now, I look like Farrah Faucet in the ‘Burning Bed’ after she’d been thoroughly beaten by her husband. Lord, I know they don’t get paid a lot to do that job but, asking for a minute amount of competence is not pushing it in my opinion. And the real kicker was this was not the first time! It also happened on my previous pilgrimage. I wrote a stinging letter to the City Health Director as well as the Clinic Director. I guarantee you next time I go back it won’t happen again.

I called off work today. For a variety of reasons, I was not in my “happy place” and work would have been a disaster had I gone in. I did finally use the down time to get the laundry done. I don’t honestly know why I have such a mental block when it comes to laundry. I wonder if it stems from my childhood. I know, you are probably going “childhood? WTF?” Well, once when I was about 3 or 4 years old my father locked me in the dryer and turned it on for about a minute. You see, I used to climb in our dryer and hide. I had been warned countless times not to do it so I guess he thought he’d teach me a lesson. It worked too. I never ever played in the dryer again after that. No, I don’t seriously think it’s related but it is an odd coincidence don’t ya think?

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In other news, my friend Matthew, who just moved to SF, got a temp. job working for a porn company. No, not as an actor or a fluffer, he is a grunt. In regular movie terms, he’d be a grip. He is all excited and couldn’t stop talking about it today over lunch. The most pressing issue on his mind was what to wear. Bless his heart. I’m sure it sounds exciting but when you actually do it, it isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. Well, from my point of view anyway. However, I am rather jaded as I live with a porn star who I have known practically all of my adult life. And lets face it, you can’t shake a stick w/o bumping into a rising star here. (pun intended) He is getting paid a fair share for his efforts so there is a positive aspect to it. And moving from Oklahoma City to SF, I can certainly understand his excitement.

1 No, I don’t have a nasty drip just past due for my routine test.
2 A misappropriation of the word referring to large veins close to the surface of the skin.

Random Smandom IV

I’m on day two of my lovely 12 hour shifts. I’m begrudgingly surviving. Tomorrow is supposed to be the last day. Today is a tad busier however, no major crises1 so far. The All-Star game is officially tomorrow. I’m on the medical/fire side of the room this week and it is hoppin’ today. The PD side is relatively calm overall. We had 2 shootings today which then caused a vehicle accident but that seems to be the big drama of the day so far.

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With the last post about register vs subscriber, I got a whole slew of new users. The list is well over a hundred now. If I haven’t expressed it before, let me say how truly honored I am you all enjoy my rants. I may not always be right but I always have an opinion!2

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Speaking of, the Flight attendant texted me today. He is coming to SF in a couple of weeks. You can imagine the very large smile that put on my face! hehehe

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And as a parting shot, if this doesn’t leave you in throws of laughter3 there is something wrong with you!

I think I was around 9 or 10 years old in this shot. Look how skinny I was…

1 It took me 3 attempts to figure out the plural version of “crisis”.
2 People were a little confused w/the subscriber vs log-in links so I added “register” to the latter.
3 I have more to add however, scanning and tweaking old polaroid shots takes time.

Why Am I Here?

Tonight, I had a mini epiphany. You could say proof of an insecurity I’ve grown out of.

I had a rather odd first meeting with a couple of guys from bear411. I’d chatted with this guy off and on over a few months and we’d seemed to have nice online connection. He lives down in LA. He texted me online tonight to say he was in town with a friend visiting before heading up to the river tomorrow. I didn’t really wanna go out but certainly didn’t wanna be rude so I made the effort.

Skipping for a moment, he appeared more than a few years older in person, it didn’t go well. It didn’t go bad either. It just sorta went. He was nice enough. There was just no chemistry, no sparks, nothing. Not even a real connection. I also got the distinct impression he and his friend had nothing but disdain for SF as well as a little internalized homophobia. No judgments just an observation.

The point is in the past this would have bothered me. I used to obsess about someone liking me. I used to incorrectly assume if there wasn’t some sort of spark that something must be wrong w/me. This time I had no such feelings. I just didn’t really care. They were nice, there was just no connection and that was ok. I wasn’t upset or distraught or even perturbed. I was polite, talkative, and even offered to go grab a bite to eat. I guess I really am growing up. Who knew?