Close Up

A movie about the life and death of Harvey Milk is being filmed in the Castro.  I keep forgetting and of course driving home I often drive right into the blockade.  I don’t mind so much as it is easy to go around however, it does get a bit annoying when you are trying to get from point A to point B and you can’t.

The other day, I inadvertently walked thru the set while they were filming.  I wonder if I’ll end up camera?  I should get some sort of compensation! lol  Speaking of, I got several emails from friends in the area about the casting for extras.  I’m shocked how much they don’t pay.  Fifty bucks for the whole day.  And if you’ve ever been an extra for a film, you know the mean the WHOLE day.  There was a time when I would have jumped at the chance to make $50 however, that day has come and gone thankfully. 

It is interesting to see how they prep and stage stuff.  All the awnings and old business signs gives one a sense of nostalgia.  Definitely before my time in the city but I like it.  I’m almost wishing they would leave the retro look.  The Castro is slowly losing it’s neighborhood feel.  Every year, it seems to be just another random ‘burb with no distinction to set it apart. 

I’m only half complaining.  Nothing ever stays the same.  Change is inevitable.  You either learn to change with the times or you find yourself left behind.  That said, I can still reminisce about the "good ole days".

Super Platter

If you are a football fan, you might wanna skip this rant. 

It’s no secret I’m not a football fan.  However, if I hear another fag rant about the superbowl today, I think I might start screaming.  I enjoy sports as much as they next guy but we have some fucked up priorities in this country.  Have we forgotten the rampant homophobia in professional football?  Call me weird but I don’t think I’ll follow any sport where most of the players would just as soon spit on me as to look at me.  I’ll skip the laundry list of other issues related to the players.  I find it hilarious that we can’t be bothered to get out and vote but we can gather in massive numbers to support a sport that consistently tells us they hate us. 

No, I won’t be watching the superbowl today.  I’ll stick to my freak-accepting scifi shows.

Who’s Space?

I’ve been deleting some of my online profiles as of late.  Tribe.net was the first to get the ax about 6 months ago.  After their overhaul last year, it just died.  With the new government regulations on xxx pictures on the net, they went overboard with restrictions.  The advertising was also very intrusive.  You couldn’t get away from it.  Chop chop.

My friendster account got the ax last month as well.  What used to be a big player in the market was completely overshadowed by myspace.  Having never met a single person on friendster, it was time to go.    Chop

Speaking of myspace, I’ve decided to give it up as well.  I’ve met 1, count’em 1 person on myspace in real life.  Everyone else I already know.  How many social sites do I need to communicate with the same 50 people?  I hadn’t logged into myspace in so long I’d forgotten my password and had to reset it. 

The purpose of a social networking site is to encourage interaction between people.  Hence the title "social".  From my perspectives, most of these sites are geared for capturing advertising revenue with a hind thought thrown in for users.  I’ve been giving Facebook a whirl for a few months now but I’m not really optimistic.  Same story, different site.  I’ll give it some time though. 

Ironically, I’ve met tons of folks thru blogging over the last 4 years.  Now with twitter and Pownce on the horizon, I’ve met several more.  Say what you will about the plethora of drivel that you can find on said sites, they quickly capture your attention given the chance. 

Apparently…

I’m an asshole, the ruin of society, arrogant, egotistical, stupid, a sinner, and a dirty cocksucker (Well, the last one I can agree on).  So says a very militant group of supporters on monogamy.  Of course, the other camp called me a visionary, a master of discussion, and a hero.  How ever do I pull all of that off at the same time?  Perception certainly is a funny thing ain’t it? [1]We’ll crack that nut another day.

The truth is, I don’t pull any of it off.  I’m just honest.  I’m also willing to look beyond the confines of what I’m told I must do or believe to what I want/desire.  I’m learning to let go of the fear/worry of what is expected of me by others.  These days, I tend to focus more on what I want me to be.  An entirely different path it seems.  And my post was about me sharing my views on the subject not to convert anyone else.  If you read it again, I clearly ask you to discover for yourself what honestly works for you.  No easy task for sure. 

Clearly, several folks were able to express a difference of opinion without being mean.  And I thank you for it.  I am not so foolish as to cover a topic as touchy as this and not expect some fall-out. [2]I got texts, emails, comments, and phone calls about it. lol  Apparently, I struck a nerve.  However, I ask I demand common courtesy and respect.   In my eyes, you lose all credibility when you resort to name calling and condemnation.  I have no use for such in my life or on this blog. 

And for the more die-hard Moby fans, I posted a follow-up hidden post which shared more of my own carnal views on the subject.  What? You missed it?  Tsk, tsk.  Maybe you should be logged in.  [3]Ok, yes, I’m doing a plug for the blog here.  I do like knowing people read.  Besides, I figure I’ll need a few new readers after my latest rant. lol 

Looking at the bigger picture for a moment, I’m still discovering what it is to be me.  My views on morality, sex, monogamy, etc are just that, my views.  Some things I’ve assimilated and processed other folks never get around to.  The reverse could be said of me too.  I am an imperfect being created by imperfect beings. [4]Totally stealing a sci-fi quote here  As I get older, I realize the truth of that statement.  Not so much what it says on the surface but what it implies underneath.  We all struggle.  We find guides, support, and road-blocks constantly in life.  Perfection is a goal we will never reach.  But it is is not the goal that matters.  It is the struggle to obtain perfection that gives our lives meaning. 

References

References
1 We’ll crack that nut another day.
2 I got texts, emails, comments, and phone calls about it. lol  Apparently, I struck a nerve.
3 Ok, yes, I’m doing a plug for the blog here.  I do like knowing people read.  Besides, I figure I’ll need a few new readers after my latest rant. lol
4 Totally stealing a sci-fi quote here

Dazzling Stupidity

My tolerance for blind stupidity seems to be diminishing w/age.

While on MUNI this afternoon, this lady felt the need to interrupt my conversation and asked me, “Why are you gay? I just don’t get it.” Before I even thought about it, I blurted out, “Well, being gay was my 2nd choice. I actually wanted to be the Wizard of Oz but the position was already taken.”

She was less than amused. However, the look on my face clearly demonstrated my contempt for sheer stupidity. She was content to turn and walk away.

The M Word

Perfectlyflawed asked about my specific views on monogamy. Adam also recently referenced an article on his own blog about the same subject. After doing a search thru my blog files, I realized I’ve only given partial answers on the subject. What better time than the present to put it into a post? I had to really condense it though. There are so many aspects that come into play in relationships however, I’m trying to keep the topic about monogamy.

First, let me list out a few axioms which I firmly believe to be true [1]IMHO,they are documented fact but for some, them is fightin’ words! and represent the bulk of my argument.

1) Commitment and monogamy are not the same thing.
2) Intimacy and sex are not the same thing.
3) Men, by genetic disposition, are less inclined to bond emotionally with their sexual partners.

Just from the above mentioned ideas many often assume I am against monogamy. Not true. My argument is that monogamy is possible just not probable for most gay men. Big difference. I am against applying monogamy out of personal insecurities, irrational fear or as a form of control. We also often forget what works for one may not work for others. We project our own morals or ideals onto those around us. A very natural human trait. However, it is our reason that should save us from false ideologies. What works for one may not work for all.

If one looks at most species in nature, monogamy is not the norm. That is not to say it cannot be. There are some species that often form life-long bonds with one mate. Again, possible? Yes. Probable? No. Back to my little axioms.

1) While monogamy is a type of commitment, it is not all encompassing. The failed assumption I encounter is that you cannot have one w/o the other. IMHO, we get this concept from a paradigm designed for opposite-sex couples to propagate the species. [2]This planet is suffering already from overpopulation so there is no real fear of extinction. And, considering we are bombarded with this relationship model practically from birth, it is no wonder many gay men fall into the assumption they too must follow the same model. Commitment to share your life with someone involves a lot more than sex. Sex can be a big part of that but by no means the only part.

2) While intimacy and sex can be very intertwined they are also not mutually inclusive. From my own perspective, intimacy often involves very non-sexual acts. I often find this to be a big issue for gay men. Out of loneliness, I think many of us are really searching for intimacy and using sex to get it. It can be hard to separate one’s desire or lust from the need for companionship and/or emotional fulfillment. Now throw in varying sex drives and you see yet another failed assumption.

3) Men as mammals have lower levels of the chemical in their brains that causes bonding with sexual partners. [3]I know the name of the chemical but having a brain fart on how to spell it at the moment. That is not to say all men have the same levels. Libido goes hand in hand w/this argument. For some, like myself, with a strong libido, sex is more of a constant need vs a random occurrence. For others who may have lower sex drives, it can relate more to intimacy vs carnal satisfaction. Neither is wrong or right just different. Now put the two together as often happens. Who’s needs should come first? The person with the higher or lower sex drive? Is it fair to ask one to do without because the other just isn’t interested? Well, if he really loved me, he’d be faithful. Relationships are supposed to be about mutual fulfillment, emotionally and physically, not one-sided controls.

What about the children?” Forgetting for a moment we aren’t talking about children, children shouldn’t be exposed to the sexual exploits of adults (regardless of sexuality) until they reach a level awareness that usually comes w/puberty. However, when children are involved one should be putting the needs of the children first. The rather obvious failed assumption here is that children only thrive in monogamous relationship models because it provides stability. Well, I guess the thousands, if not millions, of us who grew up in totally dysfunctional families can prove that little assumption wrong. How many of us grew up with parents who hated each other but stayed together for the sake of the children. The reality is children rarely grow up even in heterosexual relationships only being influenced by their parents. What about Uncles/Aunts, Grandparents, and family friends? All of these folks often play a vital role in the development of children. Children need love, acceptance, and support. It doesn’t really matter so much where it comes from as long as they get it.

Now figure in a variety of variables like a complete lack of gay role models, environment, childhood trauma/abuse, upbringing, religion, [4]Actually, religion shouldn’t count because monogamy was added to most religions much later. However, religion does play a big part in how we get our view of relationships. the stigma of being gay, etc you begin to see how really complex it can be. Is it any wonder we as gay men struggle to find meaningful fulfilling relationships?

Instead of creating labels, limits, and controls for relationships or prospective ones, we should take the time to be honest. First and foremost, we need to be honest with ourselves about our desires, drives, fetishes, etc. Forget what you think you should be or is expected of you and admit to yourself what it is that really floats your boat. Then comes honesty with your partner(s). If you can’t be honest w/yourself or your partner, you really aren’t ready for any type of relationship, open or otherwise. We often see the fallout from such lack of honesty thru “cheating”. Lets face it, if your needs aren’t getting met at home (emotional or physical) you often find it elsewhere. That or it manifests in other ways like poor health, depression, etc. Either way, you are doing yourself and your partner a disservice.

Here is where I sort of go off topic a bit. Open or closed, relationships are hard work. Many of us rush into relationships w/o really being able or ready to handle it. No shame there. Loneliness can be an ugly and bitter emotion. But to truly conquer it, we have to reach a level of self-acceptance and respect that is not always easy. We need to love ourselves before we can truly love another. We also forget, humans are fallible. We make mistakes. Love without room for forgiveness, isn’t really love but control. I can only love you if you do this or don’t do that. Sound familiar? And just because many men rush into an open LTR [5]People often assume having an open LTR means a complete free for all. Relationships can be open or not in a variety of ways. w/o taking the time to understand it doesn’t mean it is any worse (or better) than a closed one.

Does this mean you might find less prospective mates? Of course it does. But, you are finding less because you are refining your search to those better suited to you vs anyone who expresses interest.

Let the “oh no he didn’ts” begin!


References

References
1 IMHO,they are documented fact but for some, them is fightin’ words!
2 This planet is suffering already from overpopulation so there is no real fear of extinction.
3 I know the name of the chemical but having a brain fart on how to spell it at the moment.
4 Actually, religion shouldn’t count because monogamy was added to most religions much later. However, religion does play a big part in how we get our view of relationships.
5 People often assume having an open LTR means a complete free for all. Relationships can be open or not in a variety of ways.

Only In SF…

…do guys where their cock ring on their key ring.

I watched a guy at the gym slip it off his keys and onto his cock just prior to his entrance into the steam room. Now if he’d only been cute! [1]Lord, forgive me. I’m gonna go down to New Guinea and work with the Pygmies….

References

References
1 Lord, forgive me. I’m gonna go down to New Guinea and work with the Pygmies….

Folsom St Fair 2007

Like a tard, I ran off and left my camera at home. Sadly, I do not have a single picture to share. I know I know, I’m already annoyed about it.

Friday. I was busy running around getting errands done. I got almost everything before my friend showed up. I’m still missing a desk in my bedroom. I found one I like so far but still keeping my eyes open. Actually, I found several I like but they are full size desks. I just need a nook or corner desk. Since Ikea was a bust, Officemax is taking a close 2nd.

Saturday, Julian and I got up early to go score him a Magnitude ticket. I didn’t realize he hadn’t gotten that one so we had to traipse all over looking for it. My buddy Matthew finally helped us out as we were getting nowhere fast. Later, I left Julian with his friends to go hang out w/TFA. I felt a little guilty leaving him but I shouldn’t have worried. The dirty huzzy didn’t get home till 6am.

Sunday, the fair was good. Lots of eye candy. Some pleasing, some not so pleasing. hehehe. [1]Why is it always the one you don’t want to see naked that go naked? It was nice being out and walking the fair for a change. I’ve worked the fairs for the last few years. That said, after about 3 hours I was over it. I left Julian with his new found tour group and headed home. The rest of the evening involved me bouncing between the xbox and the PS3.

Monday, we just laid around most of the day. Julian was dead tired and slept well into the afternoon. I dragged him off to sushi and then a movie. I finally got to see Stardust. It was very cute. A nice feel good movie. As expected Michelle Pfeiffer was flawless. Robert Di Nero turned in a very hilarious performance as a swashbuckling captain who was secretly a “whoopsie”. I laughed so hard I spilt my soda. If you haven’t seen it, catch it before it leaves the theatre or add it to your watch list.

References

References
1 Why is it always the one you don’t want to see naked that go naked?

Answer Me

I am really surprised at the answers on the new Kinsey scale poll. [1]The Kinsey scale determines where you rate sexually, gay, straight or everything in between. Especially, the straight w/gay tendencies vs total straight. I didn’t think I had any straight readers. I figured these two would be reversed in answers. Meaning I’d have more straight w/gay tendencies readers. [2] See how much I know

I bring it up as I have a working opinion that a lot of really hard core homophobes fall into the straight w/gay tendencies category. It is an accepted principle that humans often attack qualities in others they dislike in themselves. Now why is it so hard for many to see homophobia is just an extension of that? I mean come on, not really a big jump in logic if you think about it. They see something in themselves they detest or can’t accept so they lash out at those who would accept it. One only need to look to the plethora of scandals rocking the GOP lately for some good examples.

I’m not saying everyone falls into that category but I think it is the rule more than the exception. What say you?


References

References
1 The Kinsey scale determines where you rate sexually, gay, straight or everything in between.
2 See how much I know

Politi-damn!

I rarely weigh in on politics. I often say, ‘there are plenty of fine bloggers out there beating that horse enough‘.

After reading Mark Morford today, I just felt the need to share. If you haven’t yet discovered this linguistical genius of a man, you need to read his current take on the whole gay GOP scandals. He has so many one-line zingers it may take me months to assimilate them all. I give you just a sample of his current rant.

Not our military, a massively warped organization apparently far more terrified of gays than of dropping its entrance barrier so dangerously low it makes good soldiers nervous, not the seminary with the pitter-patter of young men’s feet from bunk to bunk after light’s out, not the megachurches with their deep, eternal, fetishistic fascination with all things anal and perverted and hookeriffic and yummy.

The real irony? He is heterosexual.