Category: gay

Color Me Crazy

As if the drama last night wasn’t enough, I got called a ‘crazy racist’ online today because I wasn’t attracted to a guy sexually. Not the first time and probably not the last. Here is our conversation.

Him: Nice profile and pics, wanna come f*ck me?

Me: Hey bud, I appreciate the offer but not really a match for me. Happy Hunting.

Him: Why don’t you just admit your crazy racist ass-hole. You make me sick. [1]I got a little annoyed here and my reply could have been worded better, I’m sure.

Me: Wait. Because, I’m not attracted to you, I’m a racist asshole? And first you want me to fuck you but then I make you sick? Which is it? I could have just hit the delete button like a lot of guys on here. I took the time to politely say, “no thanks” and I’m the asshole? So, in that vein of thought, what I should have said is, “no thanks, your fugly”. Would that have been better? Do me a favor, don’t project your inability to handle rejection onto me.

Him: *I got a follow up reply but I deleted it without opening it.*

Like I said, I could have handled it better by just ignoring his pissy email. That’s my shit and I own it, moving on. Keeping in mind here, there are no racial references for or against anywhere in any of my profile(s). This leap of logic on his part was unfounded and completely out of line.

*

So, to beat this horse properly we first need to identify several important but often lost distinctions. First, there is the very real existence of racism. Right behind that comes ignorance/indifference. And bringing up the rear (pun intended) is physical attraction (or not) to certain physical traits common to one race or another.

I am not so foolish to think racism is gone in America. Quite the contrary, some of the nasty fallout over our new president shows it is still very much alive. This makes absolutely no sense to me. Forgetting for a moment the races are blending more and more with every generation, dismissing a whole section of society based solely on their race is offensive and can be classified as racism.

In relation to the gay community, I don’t think it is out and out racism as much as ignorance. [2]I am not excusing it, just stating an observation. I can’t tell you how often I see profiles with “not into Blacks or Asians.” You may not intend to be offensive but that is exactly what you are doing by making such statements. Imagine how you’d feel reading a profile of someone you found attractive and they dismissed your entire existence based on your race. I particularly love how some guys try to apologize at the same time for saying such things. If you have to apologize perhaps you shouldn’t say it. How about you just leave it out. Nothing compels you to reply, meet, or hookup with anyone you don’t wish to. Why add such inflammatory language to your profile? [3]Out of fairness, there was a time when I made this awful mistake. I am happy to say that was well over 10 years ago.

Of course, when it comes to sex you can’t force physical attraction or the lack thereof. Attraction, like our sexuality, is not always a quantifiable behavior. For the purpose of this rant, I am referring specifically to attraction and race. And herein lies the most important distinction I feel is often lost on so many. Not being attracted to a physical trait(s) common to one race or another is not racism. From my own observations, I think this is often the real root of the matter but given the ignorance mentioned above, the line quickly becomes blurred. Want a sure fire way to know? Its quite simple. If you really have no racial hang-ups, you will find that there are always exceptions to your attraction (or lack) to a particular race.

For myself, I rarely think in term of absolutes so saying I’m not into a whole race would be a lie. I have my range and it commonly crosses the races. I’ll also admit there are some physical traits common to some races I am not attracted to. And while this is a racial issue it is only in the sense of physical attraction. However, that is never an absolute either. I don’t give a rats ass what color your skin is, if I like what you have to offer and you flop it in front of me, I’m gonna taste it. Or, if I don’t, I won’t.

References

References
↑1 I got a little annoyed here and my reply could have been worded better, I’m sure.
↑2 I am not excusing it, just stating an observation.
↑3 Out of fairness, there was a time when I made this awful mistake. I am happy to say that was well over 10 years ago.

Ho-hum

I haven’t really been inspired to blog much lately.  Even my twittering has waned.  After getting yet another round of emails asking “are you ok?”  I figured I should at least post an update.

Nothing is really wrong, [1]well other than being a 2nd class citizen in the eyes of the law again. I’ve just been busy.  Work has been crazy.  My union duties are extremely busy right now.  The other day I had so much union related stuff going on, I only sat on channel for about 45mins the whole day.  I’m not complaining as I usually get results.  Plus, I am actively working to make my place of employment better. 

I’ve also been heavily involved in playing Gears of War 2.  I freaking love that game.  I beat the campaign level once already and am really enjoying the online play.  If you have an 360, you should try it even if you don’t normally go for FPS (first person shooter) games. 

*

The Prop 8 scandal still smarts.  I will admit to being rather sad lately over the whole ordeal.  I’ve attended several rallies and sit-ins.  And while it feels good, I just feel like rallies don’t accomplish much after the fact.  Where were all these people when our rights got taken away?  I’ve also donated all I can at this point.  I’ve pushed my finances as far as I’m willing.  I’ve already forgone riding gear, my holiday overtime pay and money for personal holiday gifts this year.  I can’t afford to give anymore right now.  I know I sound pissy but I’ve done my part.  I’m certainly not giving up but we all have limits. 

I’m curious about the whole “amendment process”.  I’d love to start an amendment to ban divorce in California.  Or maybe we could ban marriage all-together.  Or how about we ban Mormons?  How very “christian” of you to force your beliefs on others. Don’t like the idea of marrying a gay person?  Well then don’t do it you ignorant hate-mongering fuckers!  That’s ok, you’ll get yours in the end.  I have no doubts in that. 

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I’ve been hitting the gym consistently.  I’m back up to a full routine.  Still haven’t hit my original limits but slow and steady.  I’ve been good at incorporating cardio into my routines and I’m getting used to it now. 

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I had a date last week.  It was a medic who was doing his Medic cert back when I was doing my EMT cert.  We used to run into each other at the hospitals and chatted often.  Anyway, long boring story short, it did not go well.  One, he was clearly husband shopping.  Two, he had some internalized homophobia.  Neither of which I am inclined to put up with.  The final straw was when he indicated the whole Prop 8 scandal had very little to do with him.

I think he was more disappointed than I was. heehee  His face fell several times in the course of our conversations.  It was clear he expected me to be of a similar mind-set since we worked in related fields.  I almost felt sorry for him.  Almost. 

*

I’ve taken my daily journals private again as they aren’t very nice right now. 

References

References
↑1 well other than being a 2nd class citizen in the eyes of the law again.

Amend or Revise

An interesting article on whether Prop 8 falls under an amendment requiring only a majority vote (50% + 1) or a revision (2/3’s approval of both houses BEFORE going to voters who must pass with majority vote).

An interesting take and a valid one IMHO even if it appears to be an uphill battle. Hope over and read the article for a better idea.

Hope still lives in this house.

Too Through

My happiness with our new President-elect is overshadowed today.  With Prop 8 expected to pass here in CA, Prop 102 in AZ and Prop 2 in Florida passing, I have lost all respect for so called “Christian” hate-mongers.  If you’ve been living under a rock, these 3 amendments write discrimination into their respective state constitutions. 

I’ve always tried to respect peoples religious beliefs however, there comes a point where your hate, fear, and ignorance cloaked in faith is no longer acceptable.  That time has come.  After this election, you’ve made it very clear you hate me and hope to forever label me as a 2nd class citizen.  Well I’m here to tell you, I am not going away no matter how hard you try.  Nor will I blithely stand by when I hear you condemning me and mine in the name of scripture and then claiming faith as an excuse. 

Of course, there are those who still claim to be “christians” who also believe in reason and human rights.  It is you folks who are now faced with a difficult choice.  You can continue to stand by and allow your religion (aka cult) to be corrupted by greed and hate or you can take a stand.  You can stand for common decency, respect, and equal treatment of all people.  You can put your fellow “christians” on notice their behavior is not acceptable and take back your faith.  But, if you choose to stand idly by and do nothing while still identifying with those who hate me, you are no longer exempt from my scorn either. [1]I feel it is worth noting, some of the most horrific atrocities ever committed in human history were done in the name of faith.

No matter how hard you try to justify your actions using archaic scripts, you know deep down it is wrong.  And it is you who is accountable for that. 

And to be clear, I don’t hate you.  But don’t expect me to ‘turn the other cheek’ any longer. 

References

References
↑1 I feel it is worth noting, some of the most horrific atrocities ever committed in human history were done in the name of faith.

Home and Back Again

This trip was interesting to say the least.  It was good to see my little bro. [1]He is 28 but he’ll always be my “little brother”  We’ve always been the closet but it seems to be getting stronger.  He is learning just being gay hasn’t changed who I am.  We also had a long talk about our siblings.  He then told me some very funny stories about my relatives and their views on me.  One relative even asked him if we still hugged (Yes, he ridiculed them for being so silly).  He also had apparently told everyone to mind their p’s and q’s as he wouldn’t tolerate any disrespectful behavior.  Anyway, I thought I’d share some funny incidents that occurred over the weekend. 

Funny #1
Halloween night we had a big bonfire.  Two of my brothers were there as well as two of my cousins and their families. Of course, my immediately family already knew about me but their spouses and kids only knew from being told.  My older cousin was completely blown away by the fact I made gay jokes and wisecracks.  We were watching something on TV and I said, “I know I’m gay but even I think THAT is so gay“.  You could have heard a pin drop it was so quiet for about 30 seconds before everyone started laughing.  A very tense milestone (for them) had passed.  She later confided she had warned her kids not to use the word gay around me for fear of hurting my feelings or alienating me (Keep in mind, profanity is a given in my family).  I was touched by the thought but I assured her it was ok. [2]And while it really isn’t ok, small steps people, small steps.   I did encourage her to think about the underlying implications of allowing her kids to talk that way.  While the intent might not be derogatory, the affects can be. 

Funny #2
The younger cousin had admonished her own family in a similar manner.  Her husband I guess didn’t know what to expect (having never met me) and apparently, there was some animosity about the visit.  After a couple hours, he pulled me aside to tell me I wasn’t what he expected.  I asked if he was expecting the stereotypical limp-wristed fembot.  It took him a second to digest what I was saying but he finally admitted he had indeed.  I assured him these are the stereotypes simply because they are so obvious.  I explained that while I could “nell out” with the best of’em, it isn’t my normal demeanor.  I also told him he probably knew more than he thought because not everyone, especially in a small town, likes it known.  That gave him a moment of pause but he took it well I think. lol   Not knowing it, he gave me a back-handed compliment by telling me had he not already known he would never have guessed. 

It was very heartening to see some of my extended family expanding their horizons.  And while there are some who will never be ok with it, I came away knowing I’ve given them something to think about. 

I share these stories because I’ve always believed it isn’t the TV and media that sways most folks.  I think it is their friends, family, coworkers, etc who decide to come out and live openly and honestly that changes their minds.  There are always some who will see you differently but, wouldn’t you rather be liked (or not) for you really are? 

References

References
↑1 He is 28 but he’ll always be my “little brother”
↑2 And while it really isn’t ok, small steps people, small steps.

Donate, Please

I rarely ask anything of my readers other than respect.  This time I am asking a little more.  Let me be clear, I am not above begging.  The extremist wingnuts couldn’t win with the truth so they’ve taken to lying in their festering evil attempt to write discrimination into the California State constitution. 

It is a sad day indeed when the “moral majority” has to resort to lying and deceit to win their case in the hearts & minds of everyday folk.  This is one of the most important votes of the century.  Whether you live in California or not, if you believe as I do, that two people regardless of their sex should be allowed to form stable, long-term LEGAL relationships under the law, then I urge you to help out.

Please, even if you can only donate $10, take a moment and hop over to

Say NO to Prop 8.

If 1 million people gave just $1.00 that would be one million in extra funds to fight the hate and lies being brought against us in the upcoming election.

I gave $400 of my own money today.  I decided to forgo the shiny new riding jacket I wanted.  Instead, I donated the money to the No to Prop. 8 campaign.  I make this pledge.  If enough people donate from this post to raise $1000.00, I will donate $400.00 more of my own money. 

Please, I urge you, take a moment to donate whatever you can.  Even if it is only a few dollars, every little bit helps when we act together. 

All of these fine folks have also helped out. I’ll add every link I discover to this post.

roblog
Romach
Joe my God
Towleroad
Bear Schmear
Queeristan
Gooster
Mathias n Oz
SwimfinsSF
thisboyelroy

Hysterical

Does anyone else find it oddly amusing that the religious F&F’s [1]fundamentalists and fanatics selectively pick and choose disasters to blame on gays?  Several of the crazy sites (of which I will never link to here) are blaming the current financial crisis and resulting company failures on gays.  Wha-wha-what?  Gays caused the financial meltdown in our country? 

I particularly like how they liken our influence to total control yet we still don’t have basic rights in most of the Union.  I mean if our control was that iron clad wouldn’t we already have equal protections?  Oh right, God is keeping us in check.  I get it, blame the deity of choice as to avoid rational thought and common sense. 

*

I just finished watching the VP debate.  So basically Palin is considered a success because she didn’t stick her foot in her mouth?  Or at least that is what the political pundits on CNN think.  The VP is second in line for the presidency and we rate her a success on making it thru a debate w/o a major blunder?   My my, what high standards we have. 

I came away feeling that Palin has good memorization skills and looks good on camera.  As a VP she would pretty much be a figurehead that does what she is told.  Not necessarily a bad thing for a VP however, the though of her stepping into the presidency makes me shudder.  And while Biden didn’t particularly wow me, I felt he had a firmer grasp on reality and is much more qualified to be the VP.  I particularly liked his phrasing on gay rights.  While he said he didn’t support gay marriage, his phrasing clearly indicates he was referring to it in a religious sense not a civil rights sense.  Very well said in my opinion.  

References

References
↑1 fundamentalists and fanatics

Over

Well, the three big gay holidays of the year are over.  Pride, Dore Alley, & last but not least, Folsom have all come and gone.  And while I had fun, Folsom was a mixed bag for me this year.  One might even say too much fun. [1]Yes, there will be a separate post for that.  You’ll need to be logged in to see it.  That said, I discovered a couple of old demons still lurking in my id.

The Big Muscle party on Saturday was exceptionally fun.  What can I say? So many beefy menz, so little time.  Actually, with the exception of the fair itself, everything else was almost a let down after the BM party.  Nothing else really seemed to measure up.  lol  And, I like it because everyone is still relatively sober.  I usually find the guys are often very friendly and more sociable than other events throughout the weekend.  I guess you could compare it to a Tea dance.  I also met more guys from online this year than I ever have before.  Moving on…

The weekend went great.  I was with a great group of friends, ran into some old ones and definitely met some new ones.  That said, I remember this nagging sensation gnawing at me several times.  Not about to let it ruin my fun, I tucked it away and made a mental note to crack it open later.  *g*  Well it is later and I’ve realized the nagging feeling was me feeling inferior.

Don’t get me wrong, I doubt anyone really noticed.  One thing you learn about me, when I’m nervous or intimidated I tend to act more gregarious than normal to compensate for it. [2]I know, you are asking, “is that even possible?” LOL  Call it a defense-mechanism from my childhood, whatever.  I originally chalked it up to not having worked out in over a month.  And lets face it, these events do sort of cater to the more shallow side of our nature. 

Now I’m left wondering if my lack of gym time is the real culprit?  I’m a little ashamed to say I don’t think so.  Instead, I think I’ve become so accustomed to working out it has allowed me to bury my old feelings of inadequacy.  It really shouldn’t surprise me not being able to work out just allowed them to surface.

So yeah, I had a great time at Folsom.  But, it also gave me a chance to see myself a bit more objectively.  Never a bad thing, IMHO.  I guess the point here is I realized I’ve been neglecting the inner me and focusing primarily on the outer me.  And while neither is in that bad of shape, I need to remember they both need work. *g* 

References

References
↑1 Yes, there will be a separate post for that.  You’ll need to be logged in to see it.
↑2 I know, you are asking, “is that even possible?” LOL

Yes?

After several inquires, I figured it was time to update le blog.  Like I said, I’ve been extremely busy loafing on the sofa.  It is Gay High Holy Day #3 [1]Folsom St Fair weekend and the city is awash with visitors.  As mentioned, my buddy Frank arrived today.  Rob & Chuck came over this evening to watch the Presidential debate with us (a whole other post unto itself).  Afterwards, roblog, Adam & Brad, my neighbor Chuck, and myself all trekked down to the hood for some sushi for dinner.  It was great to get out of the house and socialize. 

Tomorrow is the Big Muscle party and random oggling of da menz.  Sunday, of course, is the fair.

Several folks have asked how my shoulder is doing.  So far so good.  I’m healing up quite nicely so far.  I’ve regained about 80-90% of my motion back.  The wound itself is starting to lose most of the purpleness from the surgery.  I still have some numbness around the edges but it is better every day.  I go back to see the Ortho doctor on the 8th.  I find out then if & when I can start working out again. [2]Cross your fingers for me.

I’ll try to get some pics in but you know how absent-minded I am.  😛

And what are your weekend plans?

References

References
↑1 Folsom St Fair
↑2 Cross your fingers for me.