Category: gay

P-you

Why is it my fellow homo’s feel the need to bathe in cologne? I mean, come on!

I ran into a friend in the hood the other day, we exchanged hello’s and a customary hug before going our separate ways. I was immediately bombarded by his overpowering cologne. I was almost nauseous it was so strong, no exaggeration. I got thru it and went on about my day.

An hour later, I’m in Bearbucks getting some much needed caffeine and the guy behind the counter commented on how nice my cologne smelled! Before he said anything, I had just chalked the lingering smell up to my poor nose being overwhelmed. Oh noooo, I got home and took my shirt off and I could smell the shit all over my damn shirt! Now imagine how much he must have had on for it to rub off all over my shirt!

I don’t personally wear cologne very often but I also don’t really mind it, when used properly. I have a strong sense of smell (and as we all know, taste is tied into smell). I also happen to prefer the natural clean scent of human skin over cologne. [1]And no, I don’t like stank either. That is just as gross and not at all healthy. When used properly, cologne can enhance your own natural smell and be alluring.

So here is a clue for all you cologne-lovers out there. Its meant to give a hint of fragrance. It is not meant to overpower someone’s olfactory system completely. Oh and don’t even get me started on guys who bathe/shower, shave, deodorant, and cologne with the exact same fragrance. OMFG!

Let me be the first to be a true friend and tell you you don’t smell pretty at all. You stink! A drop behind each ear and maybe a drop on each wrist is more than enough. If that isn’t enough, your cologne is too cheap and should be avoided all together. [2]The whole line of AXE shite is a prime example of product(s) to be avoided at all costs. If all of your hygiene products have the same fragrance, you don’t need any cologne at all. And if you can’t afford the really good stuff just go for the natural clean smell. I guarantee everyone around you will be grateful.

/rant

References

References
↑1 And no, I don’t like stank either. That is just as gross and not at all healthy.
↑2 The whole line of AXE shite is a prime example of product(s) to be avoided at all costs.

Coming ‘round

Every time I think I have people figured out, good or bad, someone comes along and surprises me. I should just realize it is an impossible task and learn to roll with the punches.

I had a very odd conversation with a co-worker the other day about gay rights, specifically about gay marriage. It was odd because we’d originally started out discussing my few experiences with women during my coming-out years. [1]Yes, I’ve been there done that. I gave the tshirt away though, so not for me.  lol  He abruptly switched the conversation by asking me how I felt about the current struggle for gay marriage.

Before I go on, let me give you a little background info. He is straight, a different racial background, and older by about 10 years. For the most part, he and I have always gotten along very well. He treats me with respect and I return the favor. To my discredit, I’ve always been a little wary of him though. Not because of anything he did but simply because I knew he was very religious. I’ve overheard some of his conversations with other co-workers over the years and had him pegged as a bit of a fundie. [2]short for “christian fundamentalist”  And while I know that’s not necessarily a good thing, when you grow up in the bible belt listening to the holier-than-thou’s-but-often-ignorant-hypocrites preach about how awful you are and proclaiming your very existence will lead to the fall of man, you get a little defensive at times.

Anyway, back to the story. I told him I felt whole-heartedly the struggle was an honest and righteous one. Mentally, I’d already begun to compile my reply as I expected him to throw a bunch of misquote and miswritten scripture at me in defense of ‘traditional marriage’. To my total surprise, he actually agreed with me (with only a little caveat). While I’m sure he didn’t notice a thing, I was completely blown away. You could have sold me for a penny and got change back I was so surprised! And what had started as a passing conversation to alleviate boredom now had my complete attention!

He went on to tell me he believed gays should have all the legal rights afforded straights but that it shouldn’t be called a ‘marriage’. He felt very strongly marriage is a term deeply tied to religion. At that point in the conversation I was still reeling from surprise. Here I am thinking this guy, while always friendly, is probably actively voting to keep me a second class citizen and he is nothing of the sort. Even worse, he actually supports me! Talk about feeling like an ass. [3]We can talk about my projection issues another day.  Anyway, we went on to basically agree on the subject in every way possible. I have a new found respect for my co-worker, to say the least. I’ve also dropped the preconceived notions I had of him. lol  Teach me to be a doubting-Thomas.

*

As to the topic of our conversation, I’ve always thought [gays] should focus on the civil aspect and leave the term marriage by the curb. Granted, there will be many who will fight it regardless of what we call it, but that doesn’t mean we should be stupid about it. More people have been killed on this planet in the name of God(s) than all other atrocities in human history combined. Is it really feasible to think we can change people’s beliefs in the span of a few decades? That said, I honestly believe most human beings are decent and want to do the right thing. Trying to force acceptance thru “marriage” has always sent the wrong message IMHO and makes our struggle that much harder.

Many people don’t know that a marriage in a church isn’t legally binding until you’ve registered with the local county clerk’s office. So, while we might have blurred the lines between our civil and religious references to marriage, they are still completely separate under the law. We should have focused on that separation from the very beginning and stuck with it. We’d certainly be further along in our struggle for equality right now if we had. And if we really want to win this fight, we should redouble our efforts and focus on making the line between civil unions (straight and gay) and marriages very distinct, along with their distinctly different connotations.

Regardless, of our most recent setbacks, we will eventually see equality. The younger generation doesn’t care about the old prejudices and stereotypes. And as the older generations simply die off, change will happen. I am still hopeful it will happen in my lifetime.

References

References
↑1 Yes, I’ve been there done that. I gave the tshirt away though, so not for me.  lol
↑2 short for “christian fundamentalist”
↑3 We can talk about my projection issues another day.

Post Holiday

Another year of Folsom has come and gone. There was some good and bad.

My friend Trevan came up for an extended weekend. We hadn’t seen each other in over a year but as always, it was if we had just seen each other yesterday. We fall into old habits and patterns w/o any effort. It was good to see him.

Saturday night we went to Blowoff instead of the more widely known Magnitude party. Frankly, I find the latter a bit boring. In a city were sexual contact can be moments away, it has really never held that much appeal for me. Blowoff on the other hand was quite fun. Its house style music but with an 80’s/90’s twist. In other words, a really good beat with the tracks to older songs blended into the background. The crowds tend to be guys in their 30-40’s and hairy. heh heh. Trev and I danced from 10:30 until 1:30 before deciding to call it a night. It has been ages since I’ve danced the night away in a bar. Granted, it shouldn’t be a habit but I had forgotten how much I love to dance.

Sunday was the fair. I felt like a bit of a party-pooper because I was over it within the first hour. It was just too damn busy. We stayed all of 2 hours before calling it quits. It took that long just to worm our way from one end to the other. We ended up in the ‘hood hanging out at Moby’s (the bar).

Sunday night we did the Real Bad party. They scaled back on ticket sales this year so it was much more tolerable and easy to move around. Basically, it was crowded w/o being a total mess. Trev and I hung out for a bit socializing before worming our way onto a speaker. [1]Not for the reason you think. Being on the speaker gave us room to dance w/o being crowded or constantly bumped in to. heh heh We spent the next 3 hours dancing our ass off.

The bad news is my roomie’s ex-partner was in a really bad accident on Friday. He suffered several broken bones. The roomie got to spend his weekend at the hospital. I felt bad for him. I know he didn’t mind giving up his weekend but I still felt so sorry for him.

In other news, I…um…uh…um…well, I sorta met someone. heh heh I’m keeping a lid on things for now as every time I blab it all here, I seem to jinx it. lol.  I will say he is an apple fan [2]let the war begin and a gamer. We are off to a good start. :p

References

References
↑1 Not for the reason you think. Being on the speaker gave us room to dance w/o being crowded or constantly bumped in to. heh heh
↑2 let the war begin

Pervasive

Another Dore Alley [1]Its officially called Up Your Alley now but locals still refer to it by its original name. fair has come to a close. Everyone I talked to thought this year’s fair was a bit subdued. A quick scan of Facebook and twitter afterwards revealed an over all consensus. For my part, I agree but it made it more enjoyable for me.

As ho hum as I was feeling earlier, I did have a good time. I even stayed beyond my normal 2 hour limit. I ended up hanging out with Chris aka @Wildcuddler from twitter and his friends @bucknsj and @puppychow79. Even better, they are both on twitter so now I get to stalk them. heehee. Seriously though, they were both very nice and made such an adorable couple. We were also joined by a tag-tail. [2]someone who attaches themselves to you or your group in the hopes of hooking up. *g* but even he was sweet and I rather liked having him along.

The event itself was a bit smaller this year. And while it did get crowded, it was so nice not being jam-packed in wall-to-wall bodies with barely enough room to breath. It might sound hot but after about 15 minutes of it, you get rather annoyed. Normally, I can go the whole circuit twice and be lucky if I run into 5 people I know. Not so this time. I ran into a whole slew of friends (and bloggers) in the span of about an hour. I ran into roblog and his hot husband entering the gates. Shortly beyond that I ran into Victor from v-hold and his scruffy hubby and then Wade from beyondbuffalo. There was @repete from twitter and his hubby, several random tricks from years past and even a co-worker. lol It was a whole stream of walk, stop, flirt, chat, flirt some more, then continue on your way. I even saw my ex. I ran into my flickr buddy Andy, who I totally have the hots for. His smile is even more endearing in person. Such a sweetie he was. I could go on and on but you know I am not a name-dropper …  heh heh

There was plenty of the obvious. A grope here, a smile there, a quick chest or butt rub followed by grunts and groans.  Oh yes, it wouldn’t be Dore w/o the blatant sexual innuendo and aggression. There was one beefy guy wearing ass-less chaps that I would have followed around like a puppy had he already not had a hubby in tow. Bastard. lol

**Interjection – I’m sitting at Firewood in the hood as I write this and I’m sitting next to a group of guys who are whining about not being part of the ‘pretty crowd’ yet they can’t stop talking about all the ‘hot’ guys they saw. I’m half tempted to lean over and point out the stupidity of their conversation. Its one thing to not go and ridicule but its another thing entirely to go and then whine about it because you weren’t the center of attention. And that’s forgetting for a moment that ‘pretty’ is a subjective term at best and two, if you’ve ever been to Dore or Folsom, you know the mix of guys is amazing. You see everything; freaks, cock, boobs, piss, average, bears, muscle, hair, smooth, porn, drag, leather, sex, etc. Oh did I mention porn? [3]That said, there seemed to be fewer porn boys out and about this year as well. It runs the entire gambit so going and then whining about not being ‘included’ just annoys me to no end. /rant **

Ok back on topic, sort of. I was particular struck this year by how pervasive our technology has become in our everyday lives. For my own part, I was twittering and texting at down times throughout the day. Of course, I had to stay in contact with the boy. Then there was the moto group, coworkers inquiring if my ass was hanging out, and random tweets and FB updates. I had 3 different random strangers stop me to tell me they read my blog, which tickled me to no end. (Eddy, Derrick, Paul, I told you I’d mention you!) I also met several folks who met thru the various online social sites. One might say, it was a cornucopia of interconnected web-addicts all decked out in leather, lace, and gear!

All said, it was a good event. Fun, frolic, and friends all at one time. What’s not to like? [4]Oh, there will be a forthcoming ‘post’ in a few days about other activities, so you know what to do. It was a nice end to my rather uneventful but extremely well-timed vacation as I go back to work tomorrow. I’m back on my new (old) shift which I’m very excited about.

And how was your weekend?

References

References
↑1 Its officially called Up Your Alley now but locals still refer to it by its original name.
↑2 someone who attaches themselves to you or your group in the hopes of hooking up. *g*
↑3 That said, there seemed to be fewer porn boys out and about this year as well.
↑4 Oh, there will be a forthcoming ‘post’ in a few days about other activities, so you know what to do.

Bareback Banned

*Long rant today. Informative if you care to read, otherwise skip down if you aren’t in a ‘heavy reading’ mood*

A small firestorm was set off yesterday in the twitterverse w/the announcement of IML banning the sale of bareback [1]sex w/o condoms videos in the future. (It would probably help if you read the article before continuing)  You can also read the fallout from Joe.my.god. I bounced it over to him and he posted it as well.

I thought I’d give it a thorough beating here rather than endless broken comments on twitter and elsewhere. Personally, I have mixed views on the decision. While I support the idea, in theory, I honestly don’t see it having any real affect as is on the problem. Educated informed adults watching a fetish barebacking video does not necessarily equate having unsafe sex in person.

Had this decision been part of a broader effort to unite the neg/poz camps thru acceptance and education, I think it might have had much more of an impact. As is, it 1) is divisive thru the prevailing but misguided belief that blame and finger-pointing is productive, 2) fetish’izes (made up word of the day) the taboo further, and 3) caters to the failed idea that censure has ever worked w/human behavior. Sexuality is tied to our base instincts as human beings and has never been as easy as right from wrong. If it were would the Catholic church still be fighting the ‘abstinence only’ fight? Oh yeah, they’re really winning that battle. /sarcasm

As usual, there are several important distinctions overlooked in the often heated battle over barebacking. From my perspective, the good/bad sides of barebacking, seeing boths sides of the issue (neg and poz), societal re-enforcement of conflicting do’s and don’ts, and finally dispelling the myth(s) often propagated thru irrational fear and ignorance. Otherwise, we end up bickering and solving nothing. Meanwhile, HIV continues to rise in the gay community.

Continue reading Bareback Banned

References

References
↑1 sex w/o condoms

WWMD – Coming Out

This is a hard question for me to answer. Having some significant mental (and physical) scars from my own coming-out, it is not something I often look back on fondly. That said, I’ve come a long way over the years and I wish I would have had the options most gay people have today.

Q: How do you recommend coming out to your family/friends?

A: As I sat down to write this, I realized I’ve touched on it in a variety of ways over the years. I guess it took someone asking before I could tie it all together in one cohesive post.

First off, I hate to break it to ya but there is no one-size-fits-all answer here.  Everyone has a different situation. While I am a big believer in openness and honesty, you have to weigh that honesty with self-preservation. If you are dependent on another, financially or otherwise, it is not always easy to take the high road. However, once you’ve reached a financial stability in your life, fear of survival is no longer an excuse.

From my own experiences growing up in a very rural secluded area, my view of gay people was the limp-wristed, feminine stereotype. While not representing said stereotype, I clearly recognized some traits in myself. It scared the shit out of me at the time. [1]Ironically, I later turned myself into the very same stereotype in an attempt to fit in. I spent many years trying to convince myself I wasn’t really gay. I had no desire to wear women’s clothing/makeup so I couldn’t possibly be gay. I just had this odd sexual attraction to men I couldn’t control no matter how much I wished it away or beat myself up over it. I continuously tried to control my thoughts, feelings, and impulses to no avail. My burgeoning sexuality would not be denied and no matter how hard I tried, I could not “convince” or “change” myself into being 100% straight. [2]Not to mention, the very thought of sex with a woman totally grossed me out. lol The mental anguish I put myself thru was intense and severe. On top of that, I felt guilty for not being able to control myself and this only made me feel worse. It wasn’t until years later I began to realize my failed attempts to ‘fix’ myself were total irrational bullshit

So, the first thing you need to accept and resolve in yourself is that you are not a bad person. You do not need to punish or chastise yourself for expressing a perfectly natural impulse (to you). Whether society has yet to realize that simple truth or not, you have an inalienable right to exist and be, just like everyone else. And for cracker’s sake, do not fall for the foolish notion you have to conform to a higher standard just to obtain the basic rights given to everyone else. We do not need to hold ourselves to a higher standard to obtain equal treatment.

Once you come to terms with accepting yourself, you need to realize you are not alone. While being gay still carries stigma in society, we are more vocal and visual than ever before. Yes, we still have a hard road ahead of us, but we have more rights than anytime in modern history. Not only that, the age of technology and the internet has made it easier than ever to reach out to others. On a side note, your sexuality on the Kinsey Scale may vary based on genetics. [3]Not everyone ranks as polar opposites, totally straight or gay. It may take you some time to figure this part out.

Please understand your refusal to act on natural impulses does not make you a ‘convert’ no matter how hard the religious fundies try to say otherwise. Teaching yourself to hate or deny your id is wrong and unhealthy at best. The real damage often comes from trying to force yourself to be something you aren’t, straight. Not only do we end up hurting ourselves, we also hurt people around us.

I won’t tackle the religion angle here other than to make one point. The fundamental failure in religious interpretation is the failed assumption sexuality is a choice vs genetic. Science (and nature) has consistently shown sexuality is tied as much to our genetics as anything else. And frankly, how much gall does it take for someone who is straight to try and tell someone who is gay its a choice?  So because you (as a straight person) can’t identify with being gay, it must be a choice? Oh yeah Watson, brilliant deduction skills there. /sarcasm.

Back to the topic. Ultimately, you have to do what you think is right for you. I would argue you will spend more amounts of time more trying to hide it than you ever would dealing with the issues that come up over being honest. Hiding behind fear is not the answer. To borrow a phrase, “fear is the mind-killer”. It will cripple you and potentially do irreparable harm to your mental/physical well-being. IMHO, you cannot deny such a fundamental tenant of your existence. To do so only works for so long. Eventually the id finds a way to express itself, be it emotional or physical. Oh and don’t think for a moment living a ‘straight’ life with discreet encounters on the side makes you any more straight. You are only deluding yourself. Chances are high, your family, friends, coworkers, etc probably already know or suspect.  Humans have innate senses and often put things together whether it be on a conscious level or not.

I have a firm belief the driving force in society changing peoples minds is each of us living openly and honest.  People quickly realize we aren’t that much different when you get right down to it. Yeah, we enjoy same sex relationships, but otherwise we are pretty much the same. Our only ‘agenda’ is to have the same basic rights afforded everyone else under the law, free of persecution; the pursuit of life, love, and happiness. We have the same goals, ideals, hopes and dreams.

So that is my answer. Take it as you will.

References

References
↑1 Ironically, I later turned myself into the very same stereotype in an attempt to fit in.
↑2 Not to mention, the very thought of sex with a woman totally grossed me out. lol
↑3 Not everyone ranks as polar opposites, totally straight or gay. It may take you some time to figure this part out.

Right or Wrong

As you know, I rarely weigh in on politics (for a reason). However, I’ve been mulling this one over for awhile now. I’m quite sure my opinion is in the minority. Well, that is why its called an opinion. Just like assholes, ever body has one. I’ve been reading a lot of the fall out over Obama’s lackluster support for LGBT rights, gay marriage, and opposing DOMA, DODT, etc. [1]Maybe because we’ve become selfish and only notice instant gratification? Specifically, all the indignation about how our current Prez has ‘failed us’.

For the record, I am disappointed in our current President. He could be doing more to promote equality for the LGBT community. That said, I’m not ready to throw the book or even give up on him just yet. I’d like to think I have a more pragmatic view but that’s just me. When I voted for Obama, I did so knowing he would not wave a magic wand and fix everything overnight. I voted for him thinking he was the best choice of the candidates available to choose from. I still support that decision. Was he perfect for gays? No. We knew that ahead of time. Will he deliver on everything he promised? Probably not. What President ever has? The last President who rushed into trying to overcome centuries of prejudice left us with DADT. Oh what a great compromise that turned out to be.

While I am disappointed by Obama’s lackluster support, I am also trying to see the bigger picture here. Our country is facing some of the largest crises in our history. Our financial markets are practically in ruins from rampant deregulation. Our country is virtually broke and we are “robbing Peter to pay Paul”. [2]If China called in our debt, this would be the US of China. Our healthcare system is on the verge of collapsing under its on mismanaged weight. More and more companies are going under daily and adding to the already record numbers of unemployed. Not to mention, we are facing two wars overseas, a pending disaster with North Korea, and now Iran’s turmoil threatens to embroil us even further.

And here is the part that irritates me the most. We are quick to jump on the “he let us down” bandwagon, but in California during the Prop 8 campaign, the number of identified LGBT voters was way lower than our actual numbers. Had more of us stood up and exercised our constitutional right to vote, I firmly believe Prop 8 would have failed. Many foolishly assumed it was ‘shoe-in’ so they did nothing while our enemies mobilized their own numbers. And look where our complacency and indifference got us. Oh yes, we were quick to point fingers and blame. And I ask you, what has that gotten us? Nothing, zero, zip, nadda, zilch. Personally, I see it as a cop-out. We blame others in an effort to absolve ourselves of any personal responsibility. In the process, we give up our power and relegate ourselves to the “helpless victim” mentality. How many of you reading this right now has contacted a single government representative at any level? Even simpler, have you done anything at all, besides complain?

I have a radical idea. How about we get off our collective asses and get involved. Whether it be thru voting, marching, volunteering, educating, donating, whatever. Everyone of us can contribute, one way or another. Contact your local, State, and Federal representatives and let them know you expect results. In an age of electronic communication, its as simple as type and click. We can forward stupid memes, pics, porn, and funny emails till we are blue in the face, but we can’t contact our elected leaders? How sad is that?

Instead of whining like petulant children about how “Obama has failed us”, we should be focused on continually keeping our struggles in the public eye. No matter how hard the haters try, we are not going away. Stop sitting on the sidelines waiting for someone else to protect us. No one is asking you to go broke for the cause but every single person can find small luxury items that could be converted to donations for LGBT organizations. [3]Booze, bars, cigarettes, starbucks, porn, etc. Blasphemy, I know. Volunteer to man phone banks, mailing lists, voter registrations, street walking campaigns, etc. There are a ton of ways each and every one of us can be part of the solution.

The point here is pinning all our hopes on one man and then getting angry when he doesn’t deliver is foolish and naive. Yes, he could be doing better. Yes, we should hold him accountable for his promises. And yes, we should continue to demand more. But, the same is true of ourselves.

/rant

References

References
↑1 Maybe because we’ve become selfish and only notice instant gratification?
↑2 If China called in our debt, this would be the US of China.
↑3 Booze, bars, cigarettes, starbucks, porn, etc. Blasphemy, I know.

WWMD

This month’s WWMD is a bit heart-wrenching. One of my readers who has never commented confided in me recently. I have his permission to share his question anonymously.

Q: I just found out I am HIV-positive. I’m so scared and I feel like my life is over. I feel lost and confused. What should I do?

A: First, let go of the guilt, blame, and shame over your conversion. Beating yourself up over a mistake isn’t the answer. I often hear from so many gay men who can’t let go of the shame and guilt of sero-converting. Well, guess what? It just means you are human. We all make mistakes. Sometimes, those mistakes cost more than we ever expected or thought. There are a variety of support groups online and off that you can join to help in this arena, especially if you find yourself struggling to adjust. You will probably find them very inviting and supportive.

Second, your life is not over. HIV isn’t the death sentence it used to be. While people are still dying across the globe, in Western culture HIV is much more of a chronic illness now. With proper medication/management, you can easily live 20, 30, 40+ years. See your doc, get a genome test done. If your doc doesn’t want to do one, find another doc. This will determine which meds are best for you. More importantly, this will also prevent you from going on a poorly constructed cocktail [1]common term for a group of medications taken together to combat/treat HIV and burning thru whole classes of medications.

Educate yourself about HIV in general. Knowledge is power and you want to be well-armed, so to speak, when making decisions about your long-term health. You’d be surprised how many people know very little or are completely ignorant of how HIV is transmitted, etc. There are two main types of HIV [2]often referred to as HIV-1 and HIV-2 along with a variety of ‘sub-types’. Chances are high you probably have a subtype of HIV-1. I could go on and on but that would quickly bore you to sleep.

Along the same line of thought, take care of yourself physically. Drugs, drinking, smoking, etc are all things you should cut out or keep to a minimum in your life. Your diet is equally important. You don’t have to give up all the foods you love however, some consideration must be givin to trying to balance out your diet. Medication or not, your body is fighting a constant war. Taking care of yourself ensures it has the ammo it needs to carry on the fight. Abusing/neglecting yourself suppresses your immune systems ability to fight. If you don’t workout, I suggest you start. You don’t have to live in the gym but working out helps to strengthen your immune system. Sports or other fun outdoor activities can be just as beneficial.

Navigating the social, emotional, and psychological impact is much more complicated. You are going to encounter ignorance, fear, distrust, and even outright hostility at times. Human beings can be callas and even cruel when faced with the idea of their own mortality. I’m not sure I’m really qualified to give you advice here. Everyone is different and their path is often based as much on their personal beliefs and feelings as much as facts. Reach out to other poz guys and listen to their stories. Not only is it empowering, it also firmly moves you out of the “I’m a victim” mentality.

The psychological impact will probably be more of a constant. Some guys struggle with their internal shame and never truly get over it. Others embrace their status and see it as liberating since they no longer have to worry. Others still see it as just a nuisance that has to be managed and sometimes rears its ugly head. Who am I to say which answer or approach is best. You will have to discover for yourself what works for you.

Know this my friend(s). No matter what, you are loved and this does not make you any less worthy or deserving of love, respect, etc. Your right to be and exist is unchallenged. While navigating the hardships ahead may not always be easy, accept yourself (and your faults) and do not let anyone try to make you feel any different.

All my best to you.

References

References
↑1 common term for a group of medications taken together to combat/treat HIV
↑2 often referred to as HIV-1 and HIV-2

Morality Reloaded

I’m feeling long winded today, you’ve been warned! I’m also touching on a subject I’ve beat a couple times here before. For the best sense of what I’m getting it, you should probably read the previous rant on the old blog. I’m specifically calling attention to an important distinction of the general use of the word vs the reality of how most people apply it.

…morality does not refer to just any guide to behavior accepted by an individual, it is that guide to behavior that the individual adopts as his overriding guide, and wants everyone else to adopt as their overriding guide as well

To start off, I realized a long time ago, I have my own set of morals. I’ve also mentioned on numerous occasions I used to never view myself as an overly “moral” person in the strictest sense of the word. And while I’ve come to realize I am a moral person, my morals are subject to my own sense of overriding right from wrong, hence the quote above. An important distinction here is my personal moral code isn’t an excuse to allow me to behave inappropriately. More importantly, I can look beyond my own sense of morality to the greater sense of right and wrong. There are behaviors I accept as ok to me that would probably not be ok if everyone adopted it. Does that sound like a contradiction? Of course it does. Morality is completely subjective and derisive in nature simply because there is no one moral code that everyone subscribes to. Even worse, the use of morality as a hammer has become common practice in our society.

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The first half of my rant deals with the out of control religious fanaticism in Western culture today. I honestly don’t know how folks can still cling to the term ‘christian’ and look me in the eye anymore. I don’t mind telling you should you have the cojones to actually admit it to my face, my respect for you drops several points. [1]That is not to say, I discourage you from belief in God or a higher power in general.  Claiming ‘its your faith” is not an excuse anymore. Your “side” has made it clear the line has been drawn in the sand. You should be asking yourself, which side you are on?

Besides being responsible for more deaths than any other cause on the planet in our entire history, it seems that belief has become more important than right or wrong. The ‘religious right’ in this country have become extremists and a cult IMHO. They’ve taken up the banner of being in the “moral right” while using every dirty deceitful trick in the book to spread fear and hate. Well, I hate to burst your bubble but you are no longer the majority. You are fast relegating yourselves to the sidelines and will eventually become extinct. Not because of us but your own selfish narrow-minded behavior. When your convictions were tested, you failed miserably. You hide behind ‘your faith’ while resorting to the very tactics you claim to abhor in others. And to your draconian belief system I say good riddance. Offended? Lucky for you there is that lovely little X in the very right top corner of this window. Feel free to click it and never come back. My sympathy for you has been all used up. [2]As a side note, anyone claiming to be ‘christian in defense of their comments here will have their comments deleted.

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The other half of my little rant today is about a disturbing trend I’ve noticed in general in our society lately. Specifically, people no longer seem to care about the truth when arguing an objective based on ‘morality’. You hear the word moral thrown around a lot in circles discussing everything from Obama to gay rights. The sad twist is many of these same folks stoop to deceit, half-truths, and outright lies to prove said moral point. I’m speaking mostly in relation to the gay rights struggle, but it is much broader than that. Seeing the lengths that people go thru to defame and trash our current president is astounding and shameful. He isn’t responsible for this current state of crisis and expecting him to fix it overnight is beyond foolish, it is stupid.

The ‘fundie” extremists and I do agree on one thing. Our society is facing a moral decay. It isn’t ‘the gays’ that are causing it though. It is our personal greed blinding us to the simple truth that we are no longer a righteous people. Western society has become nothing more than a bunch of controlling corrupt power mongering whiners focused on their own personal gain. We can’t say the word ‘fuck’ on prime time TV but it is perfectly acceptable behavior for hospitals to turn patients out into the street because they are too poor to pay for health care. Gays can’t get married but it is perfectly ok to defraud hundreds of thousands of people out of jobs so you can run a get-rich-quick scheme. No, we are too focused on me, me, me, me to care about our neighbors, fellow man, the planet, or the common decency that used to bind us all together.

So, is this where I complain about moving to another country or planet? No. Instead, I continue to live openly and honestly about who and what I am. I continue to see the good in all of us. I continue to behave in a way that I can be proud of and look back on without shame. I strive to better myself and move forward w/o the need to trample over my fellow man to do it. My own moral compass may be fractured and flawed in comparison but it still points me due North. I will follow it until the end of my days. Can you say the same?

References

References
↑1 That is not to say, I discourage you from belief in God or a higher power in general.
↑2 As a side note, anyone claiming to be ‘christian in defense of their comments here will have their comments deleted.

Chitown

I made it back from Chicago last night in one piece. The flight home was mostly uneventful. I sat next to this straight couple. The guy happened to work for a company that supplies gear to police and fire personnel. I own a pair of their boots. He was already dozing by the time I sat down but the wife was a total chatty Katy. I did come away with a nice gift certificate for free gear though!

I had a good time in Chicago. Everyone seemed dramatically surprised I wasn’t staying the whole weekend for IML. [1]International Mr. Leather Well, I didn’t go for IML, I went to see the boy. I actually booked time off so I could go, but since I have yet to replace the roomie, I couldn’t really justify spending the money. Well, free airfare and a very inexpensive hotel room made it worth while. [2]God love my friends for hooking a brother up! The entire trip cost me less than 400 bucks.

I did hit a snag when I arrived at the B&B. First, there was no one to meet me. I had to go two doors down to a bar for my keys. Not the end of the world, B&B’s typically don’t have staff running onsite 24/7. The bartender was polite enough but kept getting customers and I stood there for about 15 minutes just waiting. Then, the outside door key to the hotel didn’t work. The final straw was when he opened the door to my room. The room was so tiny the rickety full-size bed totally dominated the space. Even worse, the room was smack in the middle of the living area, shared a wall with the office, and the bathroom was two doors down the hallway. Oh no no no, uh-huh, no sir, no-ma’am, no siree-bob, this would not do! I visualized my plans of some quality quiet time with the boy going down the toilet.

Continue reading Chitown

References

References
↑1 International Mr. Leather
↑2 God love my friends for hooking a brother up!