Category: gay

WWMD

This month’s WWMD is a bit heart-wrenching. One of my readers who has never commented confided in me recently. I have his permission to share his question anonymously.

Q: I just found out I am HIV-positive. I’m so scared and I feel like my life is over. I feel lost and confused. What should I do?

A: First, let go of the guilt, blame, and shame over your conversion. Beating yourself up over a mistake isn’t the answer. I often hear from so many gay men who can’t let go of the shame and guilt of sero-converting. Well, guess what? It just means you are human. We all make mistakes. Sometimes, those mistakes cost more than we ever expected or thought. There are a variety of support groups online and off that you can join to help in this arena, especially if you find yourself struggling to adjust. You will probably find them very inviting and supportive.

Second, your life is not over. HIV isn’t the death sentence it used to be. While people are still dying across the globe, in Western culture HIV is much more of a chronic illness now. With proper medication/management, you can easily live 20, 30, 40+ years. See your doc, get a genome test done. If your doc doesn’t want to do one, find another doc. This will determine which meds are best for you. More importantly, this will also prevent you from going on a poorly constructed cocktail [1]common term for a group of medications taken together to combat/treat HIV and burning thru whole classes of medications.

Educate yourself about HIV in general. Knowledge is power and you want to be well-armed, so to speak, when making decisions about your long-term health. You’d be surprised how many people know very little or are completely ignorant of how HIV is transmitted, etc. There are two main types of HIV [2]often referred to as HIV-1 and HIV-2 along with a variety of ‘sub-types’. Chances are high you probably have a subtype of HIV-1. I could go on and on but that would quickly bore you to sleep.

Along the same line of thought, take care of yourself physically. Drugs, drinking, smoking, etc are all things you should cut out or keep to a minimum in your life. Your diet is equally important. You don’t have to give up all the foods you love however, some consideration must be givin to trying to balance out your diet. Medication or not, your body is fighting a constant war. Taking care of yourself ensures it has the ammo it needs to carry on the fight. Abusing/neglecting yourself suppresses your immune systems ability to fight. If you don’t workout, I suggest you start. You don’t have to live in the gym but working out helps to strengthen your immune system. Sports or other fun outdoor activities can be just as beneficial.

Navigating the social, emotional, and psychological impact is much more complicated. You are going to encounter ignorance, fear, distrust, and even outright hostility at times. Human beings can be callas and even cruel when faced with the idea of their own mortality. I’m not sure I’m really qualified to give you advice here. Everyone is different and their path is often based as much on their personal beliefs and feelings as much as facts. Reach out to other poz guys and listen to their stories. Not only is it empowering, it also firmly moves you out of the “I’m a victim” mentality.

The psychological impact will probably be more of a constant. Some guys struggle with their internal shame and never truly get over it. Others embrace their status and see it as liberating since they no longer have to worry. Others still see it as just a nuisance that has to be managed and sometimes rears its ugly head. Who am I to say which answer or approach is best. You will have to discover for yourself what works for you.

Know this my friend(s). No matter what, you are loved and this does not make you any less worthy or deserving of love, respect, etc. Your right to be and exist is unchallenged. While navigating the hardships ahead may not always be easy, accept yourself (and your faults) and do not let anyone try to make you feel any different.

All my best to you.

References

References
↑1 common term for a group of medications taken together to combat/treat HIV
↑2 often referred to as HIV-1 and HIV-2

Morality Reloaded

I’m feeling long winded today, you’ve been warned! I’m also touching on a subject I’ve beat a couple times here before. For the best sense of what I’m getting it, you should probably read the previous rant on the old blog. I’m specifically calling attention to an important distinction of the general use of the word vs the reality of how most people apply it.

…morality does not refer to just any guide to behavior accepted by an individual, it is that guide to behavior that the individual adopts as his overriding guide, and wants everyone else to adopt as their overriding guide as well

To start off, I realized a long time ago, I have my own set of morals. I’ve also mentioned on numerous occasions I used to never view myself as an overly “moral” person in the strictest sense of the word. And while I’ve come to realize I am a moral person, my morals are subject to my own sense of overriding right from wrong, hence the quote above. An important distinction here is my personal moral code isn’t an excuse to allow me to behave inappropriately. More importantly, I can look beyond my own sense of morality to the greater sense of right and wrong. There are behaviors I accept as ok to me that would probably not be ok if everyone adopted it. Does that sound like a contradiction? Of course it does. Morality is completely subjective and derisive in nature simply because there is no one moral code that everyone subscribes to. Even worse, the use of morality as a hammer has become common practice in our society.

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The first half of my rant deals with the out of control religious fanaticism in Western culture today. I honestly don’t know how folks can still cling to the term ‘christian’ and look me in the eye anymore. I don’t mind telling you should you have the cojones to actually admit it to my face, my respect for you drops several points. [1]That is not to say, I discourage you from belief in God or a higher power in general.  Claiming ‘its your faith” is not an excuse anymore. Your “side” has made it clear the line has been drawn in the sand. You should be asking yourself, which side you are on?

Besides being responsible for more deaths than any other cause on the planet in our entire history, it seems that belief has become more important than right or wrong. The ‘religious right’ in this country have become extremists and a cult IMHO. They’ve taken up the banner of being in the “moral right” while using every dirty deceitful trick in the book to spread fear and hate. Well, I hate to burst your bubble but you are no longer the majority. You are fast relegating yourselves to the sidelines and will eventually become extinct. Not because of us but your own selfish narrow-minded behavior. When your convictions were tested, you failed miserably. You hide behind ‘your faith’ while resorting to the very tactics you claim to abhor in others. And to your draconian belief system I say good riddance. Offended? Lucky for you there is that lovely little X in the very right top corner of this window. Feel free to click it and never come back. My sympathy for you has been all used up. [2]As a side note, anyone claiming to be ‘christian in defense of their comments here will have their comments deleted.

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The other half of my little rant today is about a disturbing trend I’ve noticed in general in our society lately. Specifically, people no longer seem to care about the truth when arguing an objective based on ‘morality’. You hear the word moral thrown around a lot in circles discussing everything from Obama to gay rights. The sad twist is many of these same folks stoop to deceit, half-truths, and outright lies to prove said moral point. I’m speaking mostly in relation to the gay rights struggle, but it is much broader than that. Seeing the lengths that people go thru to defame and trash our current president is astounding and shameful. He isn’t responsible for this current state of crisis and expecting him to fix it overnight is beyond foolish, it is stupid.

The ‘fundie” extremists and I do agree on one thing. Our society is facing a moral decay. It isn’t ‘the gays’ that are causing it though. It is our personal greed blinding us to the simple truth that we are no longer a righteous people. Western society has become nothing more than a bunch of controlling corrupt power mongering whiners focused on their own personal gain. We can’t say the word ‘fuck’ on prime time TV but it is perfectly acceptable behavior for hospitals to turn patients out into the street because they are too poor to pay for health care. Gays can’t get married but it is perfectly ok to defraud hundreds of thousands of people out of jobs so you can run a get-rich-quick scheme. No, we are too focused on me, me, me, me to care about our neighbors, fellow man, the planet, or the common decency that used to bind us all together.

So, is this where I complain about moving to another country or planet? No. Instead, I continue to live openly and honestly about who and what I am. I continue to see the good in all of us. I continue to behave in a way that I can be proud of and look back on without shame. I strive to better myself and move forward w/o the need to trample over my fellow man to do it. My own moral compass may be fractured and flawed in comparison but it still points me due North. I will follow it until the end of my days. Can you say the same?

References

References
↑1 That is not to say, I discourage you from belief in God or a higher power in general.
↑2 As a side note, anyone claiming to be ‘christian in defense of their comments here will have their comments deleted.

Chitown

I made it back from Chicago last night in one piece. The flight home was mostly uneventful. I sat next to this straight couple. The guy happened to work for a company that supplies gear to police and fire personnel. I own a pair of their boots. He was already dozing by the time I sat down but the wife was a total chatty Katy. I did come away with a nice gift certificate for free gear though!

I had a good time in Chicago. Everyone seemed dramatically surprised I wasn’t staying the whole weekend for IML. [1]International Mr. Leather Well, I didn’t go for IML, I went to see the boy. I actually booked time off so I could go, but since I have yet to replace the roomie, I couldn’t really justify spending the money. Well, free airfare and a very inexpensive hotel room made it worth while. [2]God love my friends for hooking a brother up! The entire trip cost me less than 400 bucks.

I did hit a snag when I arrived at the B&B. First, there was no one to meet me. I had to go two doors down to a bar for my keys. Not the end of the world, B&B’s typically don’t have staff running onsite 24/7. The bartender was polite enough but kept getting customers and I stood there for about 15 minutes just waiting. Then, the outside door key to the hotel didn’t work. The final straw was when he opened the door to my room. The room was so tiny the rickety full-size bed totally dominated the space. Even worse, the room was smack in the middle of the living area, shared a wall with the office, and the bathroom was two doors down the hallway. Oh no no no, uh-huh, no sir, no-ma’am, no siree-bob, this would not do! I visualized my plans of some quality quiet time with the boy going down the toilet.

Continue reading Chitown

References

References
↑1 International Mr. Leather
↑2 God love my friends for hooking a brother up!

Real?

So in very uninteresting and completely mundane news, I joined realjock.com last week. I thought it might be fun to try and interact with other guys who enjoy working out.

So far, I’m not that impressed. Besides being an obvious hang out for those dealing with internalized homophobia and the ever emotionally stunted “straight acting” types, no one really seems to actually interact that much.

The site is designed relatively well and does have some good tips/guides for working out and building muscle though. The forum is decent as well. I guess its the best to be expected considering. I’ll give it a whirl for awhile and see what develops.

H8

My buddy Rob from roblog did a very cool video on the current state of political rights for the LGBT community.

Not only is it very well done but it also bears sharing. Feel free to link here if you like and want to spread the word.

Oh, and enjoy the movie. [1]I’ve been having trouble getting it to play in the browser, if anyone knows a better code version, let me know

Rob referred me to to a nifty plugin so ignore the “read more” link and click play or download.
Continue reading H8

References

References
↑1 I’ve been having trouble getting it to play in the browser, if anyone knows a better code version, let me know

Color Me Crazy

As if the drama last night wasn’t enough, I got called a ‘crazy racist’ online today because I wasn’t attracted to a guy sexually. Not the first time and probably not the last. Here is our conversation.

Him: Nice profile and pics, wanna come f*ck me?

Me: Hey bud, I appreciate the offer but not really a match for me. Happy Hunting.

Him: Why don’t you just admit your crazy racist ass-hole. You make me sick. [1]I got a little annoyed here and my reply could have been worded better, I’m sure.

Me: Wait. Because, I’m not attracted to you, I’m a racist asshole? And first you want me to fuck you but then I make you sick? Which is it? I could have just hit the delete button like a lot of guys on here. I took the time to politely say, “no thanks” and I’m the asshole? So, in that vein of thought, what I should have said is, “no thanks, your fugly”. Would that have been better? Do me a favor, don’t project your inability to handle rejection onto me.

Him: *I got a follow up reply but I deleted it without opening it.*

Like I said, I could have handled it better by just ignoring his pissy email. That’s my shit and I own it, moving on. Keeping in mind here, there are no racial references for or against anywhere in any of my profile(s). This leap of logic on his part was unfounded and completely out of line.

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So, to beat this horse properly we first need to identify several important but often lost distinctions. First, there is the very real existence of racism. Right behind that comes ignorance/indifference. And bringing up the rear (pun intended) is physical attraction (or not) to certain physical traits common to one race or another.

I am not so foolish to think racism is gone in America. Quite the contrary, some of the nasty fallout over our new president shows it is still very much alive. This makes absolutely no sense to me. Forgetting for a moment the races are blending more and more with every generation, dismissing a whole section of society based solely on their race is offensive and can be classified as racism.

In relation to the gay community, I don’t think it is out and out racism as much as ignorance. [2]I am not excusing it, just stating an observation. I can’t tell you how often I see profiles with “not into Blacks or Asians.” You may not intend to be offensive but that is exactly what you are doing by making such statements. Imagine how you’d feel reading a profile of someone you found attractive and they dismissed your entire existence based on your race. I particularly love how some guys try to apologize at the same time for saying such things. If you have to apologize perhaps you shouldn’t say it. How about you just leave it out. Nothing compels you to reply, meet, or hookup with anyone you don’t wish to. Why add such inflammatory language to your profile? [3]Out of fairness, there was a time when I made this awful mistake. I am happy to say that was well over 10 years ago.

Of course, when it comes to sex you can’t force physical attraction or the lack thereof. Attraction, like our sexuality, is not always a quantifiable behavior. For the purpose of this rant, I am referring specifically to attraction and race. And herein lies the most important distinction I feel is often lost on so many. Not being attracted to a physical trait(s) common to one race or another is not racism. From my own observations, I think this is often the real root of the matter but given the ignorance mentioned above, the line quickly becomes blurred. Want a sure fire way to know? Its quite simple. If you really have no racial hang-ups, you will find that there are always exceptions to your attraction (or lack) to a particular race.

For myself, I rarely think in term of absolutes so saying I’m not into a whole race would be a lie. I have my range and it commonly crosses the races. I’ll also admit there are some physical traits common to some races I am not attracted to. And while this is a racial issue it is only in the sense of physical attraction. However, that is never an absolute either. I don’t give a rats ass what color your skin is, if I like what you have to offer and you flop it in front of me, I’m gonna taste it. Or, if I don’t, I won’t.

References

References
↑1 I got a little annoyed here and my reply could have been worded better, I’m sure.
↑2 I am not excusing it, just stating an observation.
↑3 Out of fairness, there was a time when I made this awful mistake. I am happy to say that was well over 10 years ago.

Ho-hum

I haven’t really been inspired to blog much lately.  Even my twittering has waned.  After getting yet another round of emails asking “are you ok?”  I figured I should at least post an update.

Nothing is really wrong, [1]well other than being a 2nd class citizen in the eyes of the law again. I’ve just been busy.  Work has been crazy.  My union duties are extremely busy right now.  The other day I had so much union related stuff going on, I only sat on channel for about 45mins the whole day.  I’m not complaining as I usually get results.  Plus, I am actively working to make my place of employment better. 

I’ve also been heavily involved in playing Gears of War 2.  I freaking love that game.  I beat the campaign level once already and am really enjoying the online play.  If you have an 360, you should try it even if you don’t normally go for FPS (first person shooter) games. 

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The Prop 8 scandal still smarts.  I will admit to being rather sad lately over the whole ordeal.  I’ve attended several rallies and sit-ins.  And while it feels good, I just feel like rallies don’t accomplish much after the fact.  Where were all these people when our rights got taken away?  I’ve also donated all I can at this point.  I’ve pushed my finances as far as I’m willing.  I’ve already forgone riding gear, my holiday overtime pay and money for personal holiday gifts this year.  I can’t afford to give anymore right now.  I know I sound pissy but I’ve done my part.  I’m certainly not giving up but we all have limits. 

I’m curious about the whole “amendment process”.  I’d love to start an amendment to ban divorce in California.  Or maybe we could ban marriage all-together.  Or how about we ban Mormons?  How very “christian” of you to force your beliefs on others. Don’t like the idea of marrying a gay person?  Well then don’t do it you ignorant hate-mongering fuckers!  That’s ok, you’ll get yours in the end.  I have no doubts in that. 

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I’ve been hitting the gym consistently.  I’m back up to a full routine.  Still haven’t hit my original limits but slow and steady.  I’ve been good at incorporating cardio into my routines and I’m getting used to it now. 

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I had a date last week.  It was a medic who was doing his Medic cert back when I was doing my EMT cert.  We used to run into each other at the hospitals and chatted often.  Anyway, long boring story short, it did not go well.  One, he was clearly husband shopping.  Two, he had some internalized homophobia.  Neither of which I am inclined to put up with.  The final straw was when he indicated the whole Prop 8 scandal had very little to do with him.

I think he was more disappointed than I was. heehee  His face fell several times in the course of our conversations.  It was clear he expected me to be of a similar mind-set since we worked in related fields.  I almost felt sorry for him.  Almost. 

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I’ve taken my daily journals private again as they aren’t very nice right now. 

References

References
↑1 well other than being a 2nd class citizen in the eyes of the law again.

Amend or Revise

An interesting article on whether Prop 8 falls under an amendment requiring only a majority vote (50% + 1) or a revision (2/3’s approval of both houses BEFORE going to voters who must pass with majority vote).

An interesting take and a valid one IMHO even if it appears to be an uphill battle. Hope over and read the article for a better idea.

Hope still lives in this house.