Social Fail

I was blogrolling (finally) and catching up on the list when I was reminded by Jimbo of something I’d been meaning to rant about.

Jimbo was ranting on the do’s/don’ts of when to use grindr in social situations. This sort of got me on the general mistakes most folks make when joining/using social sites in general. Whether it be the hatchet-job of HTML and over-embedding on mySpace, [1]which has become the trailer park of the web the constant barrage of friend/game requests on Facebook, and/or the minutia of irrelevant updates on twitter, it can quickly become unmanageable if you don’t start out with some ground rules.

Being someone who has been online since before the existence of AOL, let me take a moment to edify you on my hard-earned skills. lol With a few simple guidelines you can keep your online social interactions under control, enjoyable, and even useful.

When joining social sites like FB, MS, twitter, etc, you should first decide on your purpose. [2]Yes, this even applies to the more adult-oriented sites as well.  Are you joining to reconnect with friends/family, make new friends, be a social butterfly, and/or just ‘connect’ in general.

DO:

  • Take the time to fill out your profile. You don’t have to necessarily reveal personal/private information but if your goal is to meet people then it makes sense to provide goals, interests, hobbies, etc. If you are gonna create multiple profiles, instead of constantly retyping everything, just create a master word or text file that you can copy and paste from. You also don’t have to list every minutia of your interests. Stick to things you are really passionate or interested in. You can always add more later.
  • Be sincere and honest. People often sniff out a fake PDQ. Sure your responses might be less but they will be legit. And lets face it, if your goal is to actually meet people, they’ll eventually find out you lied.
  • Use an up-to-date picture of yourself. It’s the freakin’ millennium already. There is absolutely no excuse for anyone not to have an up-to-date pic in this day when practically everything has a camera attached to it. I don’t care what you looked like 10 years ago or when you were 12.  Its ok to have those type of pics but not as your main profile pic. Its misleading and you’ll end up alienating people. And if you are so discreet, you can’t have a face shot, then maybe you shouldn’t be online? [3]Anytime I see this, I just assume you are a liar or cheating on someone
  • Actually take the time to reply or interact. Again, if the goal is to be social, it won’t happen all by itself. Depending on the site, you don’t necessarily have to reply to everyone but the point here is to make an effort to interact.

Don’t

  • Add any/every one who sends you a friend/follow request. If you do, you’ll soon find your profile becomes bloated and pointless. And there is nothing that says once you add someone you can’t remove them later.
  • For adding media/links, don’t over do it. Less is definitely more in this instance. If you constantly fill your stream with drivel, people will get bored or overwhelmed and move on. Its ok to post things you really like but I don’t wanna know about every single song/movie/clip/article that you purchase/download/find from the web. And for the love of toast, for profiles like myspace, make sure the “auto-play” feature for your embedded content is turned off!
  • Hide all of your data/info and then wonder why no one friends/follows you. This is a biggie folks. Especially on sites like twitter and FB, if I can’t see anything about you not only will I not add you, I’ll probably go one step further and block you. Demanding a lot and offering nothing in return rarely works. FB allows you a fine control of what is viewable or not. twitter is a bit trickier as it only allows full view or nothing. The trick is to accept the request but then review the person’s feed/stream. If you don’t like it or it doesn’t interest you, simply unfollow and/or block. You’re done.
  • Add mean, disparaging, hateful, or otherwise negative statements. No one likes a whining negative-Nancy. Nothing turns me off to a person’s profile faster than negative comments.
  • Log on and never log-off. That might work for chat services where you can set yourself to away or available but for most profiles, its just annoying trying to interact with someone who turns out not to be there but logged on.

See, that wasn’t so hard was it? lol Here are just a few more tips that might save you some grief.

Don’t join every site just because you can. Pick and choose the sites you really like and dump the rest.

If you are worried about privacy or work-related issues, don’t use your real name online. I’ve always used my nickname and to this day, I can’t find a single reference to my real name online. This is especially important if you are using profiles for work and ‘play’.

With the latter in mind, keep your work/play profiles separate. You can create multiple accounts for each and/or filter your contacts based on interest.

Ok, that’s it. Now go forth and be social!

References

References
1 which has become the trailer park of the web
2 Yes, this even applies to the more adult-oriented sites as well.
3 Anytime I see this, I just assume you are a liar or cheating on someone

Accept

I got a few very interesting emails from folks who disagreed with my last post. The overall theme was the same as my friend I referred to on FB. I must admit I just don’t understand. When has separate but equal ever worked? How are we ever going to get equal rights under the law when we can’t even demand equality from the ones who claim to love us most? Allowing them to hide behind their ‘religion’ is bullshit just like it was for slavery. And please explain to me how allowing your family to pick an choose the parts of your life they ‘approve’ of is not a form of control. As long as we allow our families to segregate us in their lives, they will continue to think separate but equal under the law is acceptable. I’m not saying you shouldn’t love your family, but you should have enough self-respect and integrity to make sure they treat you as an equal or not at all.

I learned the hard way, separate but equal doesn’t work. And for the record, after everything my father did to me as a kid, I still loved him. I didn’t exclude him, he chose to exclude me because I didn’t fit the norm. [1]Granted my step-mother goaded him for almost 2-days before he finally lost it but still  He made the conscious choice to push me away. And by conscious, I mean being kicked out of the house at the ripe old age of 14 with a broken jaw and 2 broken ribs.

Ten years later, we tried to make amends but he still couldn’t accept me. He made it very clear he didn’t want me “flaunting my lifestyle” in his face. Meanwhile, I had survived being on my own at such an early age, not to mention almost taking my own life and being homeless. Even after all of that, deep down I still wanted his love. But after surviving some of the darkest moments of my life, I couldn’t just go back to his love knowing it was built on the condition I act or behave a certain way. So, I moved on with my life without him. I would call or visit only once or twice a year. And even then it was primarily to see my little brother.  Yeah, it hurt but I was stronger for it. I had finally accepted myself for who and what I was.

Ten more years later, on his deathbed, my father was finally able to admit his regret. I already knew as I had seen the pain in his face over the years. but, it was heartening (and very empowering) to finally hear him admit it out loud. It was also a little bit sad that it had taken him 20 years to finally realize his mistake(s).

So no, I don’t think allowing our families to love us with conditions is acceptable. Granted, my story is a bit extreme. My father never gave me a chance to try and educate him. That said, the point is the same. We have nothing to be ashamed of. We have no reason to bow to irrational demands/restrictions by our families of half-acceptance. Demands born out of fear, ignorance, or lies. And until more of us realize that, I honestly don’t think we’ll have equality under the law.

References

References
1 Granted my step-mother goaded him for almost 2-days before he finally lost it but still

I Love You but…

I was reading recently about a buddy on FB who was lamenting that someone in his close family was “accepting” of his pending same-sex marriage but would not be attending the actual event. [1]Oh you were so expecting something else weren’t you?  Of course it was because of their “religious beliefs”. He was hurt obviously, but was still glad they were in his life. HUH?

Sadly, this is not the first time this scenario has played out, nor will it be the last. For my part, I thinks its time that we stop allowing people who claim to love us to treat us this way. If you can’t accept me then you have no business being in my life. And when you wake up one day and find yourself excluded from my life, you have no one to blame but yourself. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, love with limits is not love but control. You can’t claim to love someone but only if they do or act a certain way. That is utter and total horseshit.

References

References
1 Oh you were so expecting something else weren’t you?

P-you

Why is it my fellow homo’s feel the need to bathe in cologne? I mean, come on!

I ran into a friend in the hood the other day, we exchanged hello’s and a customary hug before going our separate ways. I was immediately bombarded by his overpowering cologne. I was almost nauseous it was so strong, no exaggeration. I got thru it and went on about my day.

An hour later, I’m in Bearbucks getting some much needed caffeine and the guy behind the counter commented on how nice my cologne smelled! Before he said anything, I had just chalked the lingering smell up to my poor nose being overwhelmed. Oh noooo, I got home and took my shirt off and I could smell the shit all over my damn shirt! Now imagine how much he must have had on for it to rub off all over my shirt!

I don’t personally wear cologne very often but I also don’t really mind it, when used properly. I have a strong sense of smell (and as we all know, taste is tied into smell). I also happen to prefer the natural clean scent of human skin over cologne. [1]And no, I don’t like stank either. That is just as gross and not at all healthy. When used properly, cologne can enhance your own natural smell and be alluring.

So here is a clue for all you cologne-lovers out there. Its meant to give a hint of fragrance. It is not meant to overpower someone’s olfactory system completely. Oh and don’t even get me started on guys who bathe/shower, shave, deodorant, and cologne with the exact same fragrance. OMFG!

Let me be the first to be a true friend and tell you you don’t smell pretty at all. You stink! A drop behind each ear and maybe a drop on each wrist is more than enough. If that isn’t enough, your cologne is too cheap and should be avoided all together. [2]The whole line of AXE shite is a prime example of product(s) to be avoided at all costs. If all of your hygiene products have the same fragrance, you don’t need any cologne at all. And if you can’t afford the really good stuff just go for the natural clean smell. I guarantee everyone around you will be grateful.

/rant

References

References
1 And no, I don’t like stank either. That is just as gross and not at all healthy.
2 The whole line of AXE shite is a prime example of product(s) to be avoided at all costs.

Coming ‘round

Every time I think I have people figured out, good or bad, someone comes along and surprises me. I should just realize it is an impossible task and learn to roll with the punches.

I had a very odd conversation with a co-worker the other day about gay rights, specifically about gay marriage. It was odd because we’d originally started out discussing my few experiences with women during my coming-out years. [1]Yes, I’ve been there done that. I gave the tshirt away though, so not for me.  lol  He abruptly switched the conversation by asking me how I felt about the current struggle for gay marriage.

Before I go on, let me give you a little background info. He is straight, a different racial background, and older by about 10 years. For the most part, he and I have always gotten along very well. He treats me with respect and I return the favor. To my discredit, I’ve always been a little wary of him though. Not because of anything he did but simply because I knew he was very religious. I’ve overheard some of his conversations with other co-workers over the years and had him pegged as a bit of a fundie. [2]short for “christian fundamentalist”  And while I know that’s not necessarily a good thing, when you grow up in the bible belt listening to the holier-than-thou’s-but-often-ignorant-hypocrites preach about how awful you are and proclaiming your very existence will lead to the fall of man, you get a little defensive at times.

Anyway, back to the story. I told him I felt whole-heartedly the struggle was an honest and righteous one. Mentally, I’d already begun to compile my reply as I expected him to throw a bunch of misquote and miswritten scripture at me in defense of ‘traditional marriage’. To my total surprise, he actually agreed with me (with only a little caveat). While I’m sure he didn’t notice a thing, I was completely blown away. You could have sold me for a penny and got change back I was so surprised! And what had started as a passing conversation to alleviate boredom now had my complete attention!

He went on to tell me he believed gays should have all the legal rights afforded straights but that it shouldn’t be called a ‘marriage’. He felt very strongly marriage is a term deeply tied to religion. At that point in the conversation I was still reeling from surprise. Here I am thinking this guy, while always friendly, is probably actively voting to keep me a second class citizen and he is nothing of the sort. Even worse, he actually supports me! Talk about feeling like an ass. [3]We can talk about my projection issues another day.  Anyway, we went on to basically agree on the subject in every way possible. I have a new found respect for my co-worker, to say the least. I’ve also dropped the preconceived notions I had of him. lol  Teach me to be a doubting-Thomas.

*

As to the topic of our conversation, I’ve always thought [gays] should focus on the civil aspect and leave the term marriage by the curb. Granted, there will be many who will fight it regardless of what we call it, but that doesn’t mean we should be stupid about it. More people have been killed on this planet in the name of God(s) than all other atrocities in human history combined. Is it really feasible to think we can change people’s beliefs in the span of a few decades? That said, I honestly believe most human beings are decent and want to do the right thing. Trying to force acceptance thru “marriage” has always sent the wrong message IMHO and makes our struggle that much harder.

Many people don’t know that a marriage in a church isn’t legally binding until you’ve registered with the local county clerk’s office. So, while we might have blurred the lines between our civil and religious references to marriage, they are still completely separate under the law. We should have focused on that separation from the very beginning and stuck with it. We’d certainly be further along in our struggle for equality right now if we had. And if we really want to win this fight, we should redouble our efforts and focus on making the line between civil unions (straight and gay) and marriages very distinct, along with their distinctly different connotations.

Regardless, of our most recent setbacks, we will eventually see equality. The younger generation doesn’t care about the old prejudices and stereotypes. And as the older generations simply die off, change will happen. I am still hopeful it will happen in my lifetime.

References

References
1 Yes, I’ve been there done that. I gave the tshirt away though, so not for me.  lol
2 short for “christian fundamentalist”
3 We can talk about my projection issues another day.

Post Holiday

Another year of Folsom has come and gone. There was some good and bad.

My friend Trevan came up for an extended weekend. We hadn’t seen each other in over a year but as always, it was if we had just seen each other yesterday. We fall into old habits and patterns w/o any effort. It was good to see him.

Saturday night we went to Blowoff instead of the more widely known Magnitude party. Frankly, I find the latter a bit boring. In a city were sexual contact can be moments away, it has really never held that much appeal for me. Blowoff on the other hand was quite fun. Its house style music but with an 80’s/90’s twist. In other words, a really good beat with the tracks to older songs blended into the background. The crowds tend to be guys in their 30-40’s and hairy. heh heh. Trev and I danced from 10:30 until 1:30 before deciding to call it a night. It has been ages since I’ve danced the night away in a bar. Granted, it shouldn’t be a habit but I had forgotten how much I love to dance.

Sunday was the fair. I felt like a bit of a party-pooper because I was over it within the first hour. It was just too damn busy. We stayed all of 2 hours before calling it quits. It took that long just to worm our way from one end to the other. We ended up in the ‘hood hanging out at Moby’s (the bar).

Sunday night we did the Real Bad party. They scaled back on ticket sales this year so it was much more tolerable and easy to move around. Basically, it was crowded w/o being a total mess. Trev and I hung out for a bit socializing before worming our way onto a speaker. [1]Not for the reason you think. Being on the speaker gave us room to dance w/o being crowded or constantly bumped in to. heh heh We spent the next 3 hours dancing our ass off.

The bad news is my roomie’s ex-partner was in a really bad accident on Friday. He suffered several broken bones. The roomie got to spend his weekend at the hospital. I felt bad for him. I know he didn’t mind giving up his weekend but I still felt so sorry for him.

In other news, I…um…uh…um…well, I sorta met someone. heh heh I’m keeping a lid on things for now as every time I blab it all here, I seem to jinx it. lol.  I will say he is an apple fan [2]let the war begin and a gamer. We are off to a good start. :p

References

References
1 Not for the reason you think. Being on the speaker gave us room to dance w/o being crowded or constantly bumped in to. heh heh
2 let the war begin

Pervasive

Another Dore Alley [1]Its officially called Up Your Alley now but locals still refer to it by its original name. fair has come to a close. Everyone I talked to thought this year’s fair was a bit subdued. A quick scan of Facebook and twitter afterwards revealed an over all consensus. For my part, I agree but it made it more enjoyable for me.

As ho hum as I was feeling earlier, I did have a good time. I even stayed beyond my normal 2 hour limit. I ended up hanging out with Chris aka @Wildcuddler from twitter and his friends @bucknsj and @puppychow79. Even better, they are both on twitter so now I get to stalk them. heehee. Seriously though, they were both very nice and made such an adorable couple. We were also joined by a tag-tail. [2]someone who attaches themselves to you or your group in the hopes of hooking up. *g* but even he was sweet and I rather liked having him along.

The event itself was a bit smaller this year. And while it did get crowded, it was so nice not being jam-packed in wall-to-wall bodies with barely enough room to breath. It might sound hot but after about 15 minutes of it, you get rather annoyed. Normally, I can go the whole circuit twice and be lucky if I run into 5 people I know. Not so this time. I ran into a whole slew of friends (and bloggers) in the span of about an hour. I ran into roblog and his hot husband entering the gates. Shortly beyond that I ran into Victor from v-hold and his scruffy hubby and then Wade from beyondbuffalo. There was @repete from twitter and his hubby, several random tricks from years past and even a co-worker. lol It was a whole stream of walk, stop, flirt, chat, flirt some more, then continue on your way. I even saw my ex. I ran into my flickr buddy Andy, who I totally have the hots for. His smile is even more endearing in person. Such a sweetie he was. I could go on and on but you know I am not a name-dropper …  heh heh

There was plenty of the obvious. A grope here, a smile there, a quick chest or butt rub followed by grunts and groans.  Oh yes, it wouldn’t be Dore w/o the blatant sexual innuendo and aggression. There was one beefy guy wearing ass-less chaps that I would have followed around like a puppy had he already not had a hubby in tow. Bastard. lol

**Interjection – I’m sitting at Firewood in the hood as I write this and I’m sitting next to a group of guys who are whining about not being part of the ‘pretty crowd’ yet they can’t stop talking about all the ‘hot’ guys they saw. I’m half tempted to lean over and point out the stupidity of their conversation. Its one thing to not go and ridicule but its another thing entirely to go and then whine about it because you weren’t the center of attention. And that’s forgetting for a moment that ‘pretty’ is a subjective term at best and two, if you’ve ever been to Dore or Folsom, you know the mix of guys is amazing. You see everything; freaks, cock, boobs, piss, average, bears, muscle, hair, smooth, porn, drag, leather, sex, etc. Oh did I mention porn? [3]That said, there seemed to be fewer porn boys out and about this year as well. It runs the entire gambit so going and then whining about not being ‘included’ just annoys me to no end. /rant **

Ok back on topic, sort of. I was particular struck this year by how pervasive our technology has become in our everyday lives. For my own part, I was twittering and texting at down times throughout the day. Of course, I had to stay in contact with the boy. Then there was the moto group, coworkers inquiring if my ass was hanging out, and random tweets and FB updates. I had 3 different random strangers stop me to tell me they read my blog, which tickled me to no end. (Eddy, Derrick, Paul, I told you I’d mention you!) I also met several folks who met thru the various online social sites. One might say, it was a cornucopia of interconnected web-addicts all decked out in leather, lace, and gear!

All said, it was a good event. Fun, frolic, and friends all at one time. What’s not to like? [4]Oh, there will be a forthcoming ‘post’ in a few days about other activities, so you know what to do. It was a nice end to my rather uneventful but extremely well-timed vacation as I go back to work tomorrow. I’m back on my new (old) shift which I’m very excited about.

And how was your weekend?

References

References
1 Its officially called Up Your Alley now but locals still refer to it by its original name.
2 someone who attaches themselves to you or your group in the hopes of hooking up. *g*
3 That said, there seemed to be fewer porn boys out and about this year as well.
4 Oh, there will be a forthcoming ‘post’ in a few days about other activities, so you know what to do.

Bareback Banned

*Long rant today. Informative if you care to read, otherwise skip down if you aren’t in a ‘heavy reading’ mood*

A small firestorm was set off yesterday in the twitterverse w/the announcement of IML banning the sale of bareback [1]sex w/o condoms videos in the future. (It would probably help if you read the article before continuing)  You can also read the fallout from Joe.my.god. I bounced it over to him and he posted it as well.

I thought I’d give it a thorough beating here rather than endless broken comments on twitter and elsewhere. Personally, I have mixed views on the decision. While I support the idea, in theory, I honestly don’t see it having any real affect as is on the problem. Educated informed adults watching a fetish barebacking video does not necessarily equate having unsafe sex in person.

Had this decision been part of a broader effort to unite the neg/poz camps thru acceptance and education, I think it might have had much more of an impact. As is, it 1) is divisive thru the prevailing but misguided belief that blame and finger-pointing is productive, 2) fetish’izes (made up word of the day) the taboo further, and 3) caters to the failed idea that censure has ever worked w/human behavior. Sexuality is tied to our base instincts as human beings and has never been as easy as right from wrong. If it were would the Catholic church still be fighting the ‘abstinence only’ fight? Oh yeah, they’re really winning that battle. /sarcasm

As usual, there are several important distinctions overlooked in the often heated battle over barebacking. From my perspective, the good/bad sides of barebacking, seeing boths sides of the issue (neg and poz), societal re-enforcement of conflicting do’s and don’ts, and finally dispelling the myth(s) often propagated thru irrational fear and ignorance. Otherwise, we end up bickering and solving nothing. Meanwhile, HIV continues to rise in the gay community.

Continue reading Bareback Banned

References

References
1 sex w/o condoms

WWMD – Coming Out

This is a hard question for me to answer. Having some significant mental (and physical) scars from my own coming-out, it is not something I often look back on fondly. That said, I’ve come a long way over the years and I wish I would have had the options most gay people have today.

Q: How do you recommend coming out to your family/friends?

A: As I sat down to write this, I realized I’ve touched on it in a variety of ways over the years. I guess it took someone asking before I could tie it all together in one cohesive post.

First off, I hate to break it to ya but there is no one-size-fits-all answer here.  Everyone has a different situation. While I am a big believer in openness and honesty, you have to weigh that honesty with self-preservation. If you are dependent on another, financially or otherwise, it is not always easy to take the high road. However, once you’ve reached a financial stability in your life, fear of survival is no longer an excuse.

From my own experiences growing up in a very rural secluded area, my view of gay people was the limp-wristed, feminine stereotype. While not representing said stereotype, I clearly recognized some traits in myself. It scared the shit out of me at the time. [1]Ironically, I later turned myself into the very same stereotype in an attempt to fit in. I spent many years trying to convince myself I wasn’t really gay. I had no desire to wear women’s clothing/makeup so I couldn’t possibly be gay. I just had this odd sexual attraction to men I couldn’t control no matter how much I wished it away or beat myself up over it. I continuously tried to control my thoughts, feelings, and impulses to no avail. My burgeoning sexuality would not be denied and no matter how hard I tried, I could not “convince” or “change” myself into being 100% straight. [2]Not to mention, the very thought of sex with a woman totally grossed me out. lol The mental anguish I put myself thru was intense and severe. On top of that, I felt guilty for not being able to control myself and this only made me feel worse. It wasn’t until years later I began to realize my failed attempts to ‘fix’ myself were total irrational bullshit

So, the first thing you need to accept and resolve in yourself is that you are not a bad person. You do not need to punish or chastise yourself for expressing a perfectly natural impulse (to you). Whether society has yet to realize that simple truth or not, you have an inalienable right to exist and be, just like everyone else. And for cracker’s sake, do not fall for the foolish notion you have to conform to a higher standard just to obtain the basic rights given to everyone else. We do not need to hold ourselves to a higher standard to obtain equal treatment.

Once you come to terms with accepting yourself, you need to realize you are not alone. While being gay still carries stigma in society, we are more vocal and visual than ever before. Yes, we still have a hard road ahead of us, but we have more rights than anytime in modern history. Not only that, the age of technology and the internet has made it easier than ever to reach out to others. On a side note, your sexuality on the Kinsey Scale may vary based on genetics. [3]Not everyone ranks as polar opposites, totally straight or gay. It may take you some time to figure this part out.

Please understand your refusal to act on natural impulses does not make you a ‘convert’ no matter how hard the religious fundies try to say otherwise. Teaching yourself to hate or deny your id is wrong and unhealthy at best. The real damage often comes from trying to force yourself to be something you aren’t, straight. Not only do we end up hurting ourselves, we also hurt people around us.

I won’t tackle the religion angle here other than to make one point. The fundamental failure in religious interpretation is the failed assumption sexuality is a choice vs genetic. Science (and nature) has consistently shown sexuality is tied as much to our genetics as anything else. And frankly, how much gall does it take for someone who is straight to try and tell someone who is gay its a choice?  So because you (as a straight person) can’t identify with being gay, it must be a choice? Oh yeah Watson, brilliant deduction skills there. /sarcasm.

Back to the topic. Ultimately, you have to do what you think is right for you. I would argue you will spend more amounts of time more trying to hide it than you ever would dealing with the issues that come up over being honest. Hiding behind fear is not the answer. To borrow a phrase, “fear is the mind-killer”. It will cripple you and potentially do irreparable harm to your mental/physical well-being. IMHO, you cannot deny such a fundamental tenant of your existence. To do so only works for so long. Eventually the id finds a way to express itself, be it emotional or physical. Oh and don’t think for a moment living a ‘straight’ life with discreet encounters on the side makes you any more straight. You are only deluding yourself. Chances are high, your family, friends, coworkers, etc probably already know or suspect.  Humans have innate senses and often put things together whether it be on a conscious level or not.

I have a firm belief the driving force in society changing peoples minds is each of us living openly and honest.  People quickly realize we aren’t that much different when you get right down to it. Yeah, we enjoy same sex relationships, but otherwise we are pretty much the same. Our only ‘agenda’ is to have the same basic rights afforded everyone else under the law, free of persecution; the pursuit of life, love, and happiness. We have the same goals, ideals, hopes and dreams.

So that is my answer. Take it as you will.

References

References
1 Ironically, I later turned myself into the very same stereotype in an attempt to fit in.
2 Not to mention, the very thought of sex with a woman totally grossed me out. lol
3 Not everyone ranks as polar opposites, totally straight or gay. It may take you some time to figure this part out.

Right or Wrong

As you know, I rarely weigh in on politics (for a reason). However, I’ve been mulling this one over for awhile now. I’m quite sure my opinion is in the minority. Well, that is why its called an opinion. Just like assholes, ever body has one. I’ve been reading a lot of the fall out over Obama’s lackluster support for LGBT rights, gay marriage, and opposing DOMA, DODT, etc. [1]Maybe because we’ve become selfish and only notice instant gratification? Specifically, all the indignation about how our current Prez has ‘failed us’.

For the record, I am disappointed in our current President. He could be doing more to promote equality for the LGBT community. That said, I’m not ready to throw the book or even give up on him just yet. I’d like to think I have a more pragmatic view but that’s just me. When I voted for Obama, I did so knowing he would not wave a magic wand and fix everything overnight. I voted for him thinking he was the best choice of the candidates available to choose from. I still support that decision. Was he perfect for gays? No. We knew that ahead of time. Will he deliver on everything he promised? Probably not. What President ever has? The last President who rushed into trying to overcome centuries of prejudice left us with DADT. Oh what a great compromise that turned out to be.

While I am disappointed by Obama’s lackluster support, I am also trying to see the bigger picture here. Our country is facing some of the largest crises in our history. Our financial markets are practically in ruins from rampant deregulation. Our country is virtually broke and we are “robbing Peter to pay Paul”. [2]If China called in our debt, this would be the US of China. Our healthcare system is on the verge of collapsing under its on mismanaged weight. More and more companies are going under daily and adding to the already record numbers of unemployed. Not to mention, we are facing two wars overseas, a pending disaster with North Korea, and now Iran’s turmoil threatens to embroil us even further.

And here is the part that irritates me the most. We are quick to jump on the “he let us down” bandwagon, but in California during the Prop 8 campaign, the number of identified LGBT voters was way lower than our actual numbers. Had more of us stood up and exercised our constitutional right to vote, I firmly believe Prop 8 would have failed. Many foolishly assumed it was ‘shoe-in’ so they did nothing while our enemies mobilized their own numbers. And look where our complacency and indifference got us. Oh yes, we were quick to point fingers and blame. And I ask you, what has that gotten us? Nothing, zero, zip, nadda, zilch. Personally, I see it as a cop-out. We blame others in an effort to absolve ourselves of any personal responsibility. In the process, we give up our power and relegate ourselves to the “helpless victim” mentality. How many of you reading this right now has contacted a single government representative at any level? Even simpler, have you done anything at all, besides complain?

I have a radical idea. How about we get off our collective asses and get involved. Whether it be thru voting, marching, volunteering, educating, donating, whatever. Everyone of us can contribute, one way or another. Contact your local, State, and Federal representatives and let them know you expect results. In an age of electronic communication, its as simple as type and click. We can forward stupid memes, pics, porn, and funny emails till we are blue in the face, but we can’t contact our elected leaders? How sad is that?

Instead of whining like petulant children about how “Obama has failed us”, we should be focused on continually keeping our struggles in the public eye. No matter how hard the haters try, we are not going away. Stop sitting on the sidelines waiting for someone else to protect us. No one is asking you to go broke for the cause but every single person can find small luxury items that could be converted to donations for LGBT organizations. [3]Booze, bars, cigarettes, starbucks, porn, etc. Blasphemy, I know. Volunteer to man phone banks, mailing lists, voter registrations, street walking campaigns, etc. There are a ton of ways each and every one of us can be part of the solution.

The point here is pinning all our hopes on one man and then getting angry when he doesn’t deliver is foolish and naive. Yes, he could be doing better. Yes, we should hold him accountable for his promises. And yes, we should continue to demand more. But, the same is true of ourselves.

/rant

References

References
1 Maybe because we’ve become selfish and only notice instant gratification?
2 If China called in our debt, this would be the US of China.
3 Booze, bars, cigarettes, starbucks, porn, etc. Blasphemy, I know.