Category: gay

Advice

Ever watch a straight guy in a gay environment? They usually fall into three categories. One, is the obvious freak-the-fuck-out guy. He’s an idiot and we don’t need to talk about him. Two, there is the guy who is completely comfortable with it and usually his own sexuality as well. Three, and my favorite, is the guy totally out of his element and trying his hardest not to show it.

I’ll admit we don’t get many of number three in the gaborhood that often. But as the gentrification of the Castro continues, I’m beginning to see more of them. As soon as the straight women show up, the guys are not far behind. heehee Anyway, today I’m watching this guy walk [1]and I say walk, he is attached to her like a fungus down the street with his girl. She is oblivious to his mounting frustration but seems to be enjoying the new found attention. The guy is trying his hardest not to look uncomfortable. He is taking everything in while trying to maintain that look of disinterest. I must admit it’s cracking me up. I’ve watched them for almost a block now and he has a vice grip on her hand and has already kissed her 3 times. lol Mind you all the while his eyes have been on every storefront and every guy walking by. If it wasn’t so funny I’d feel sorry for him. As I type this he just saw a male couple kissing and he can’t take his eyes off’em!

Oh, and before I move on I should mention I don’t get the slightest gay vibe from him. Not that that means anything. My point is I don’t think he is living in the closet. You can clearly tell the guy is fascinated. OH! He just caught me watching. Damn…my covers been blown. OH well, it was fun while it lasted. He has ‘suddenly’ lost interest in the couple’s kissing and is dragging his girlie past my line of sight. He gets props for being such a good trooper. I’m sure given time and repeated exposure, he’ll be a well-adjusted hetero who understands it really isn’t that much different.

In the meantime, for my few (if any) straight guy readers, let me give you some advice. First, don’t go overboard trying to distinguish your ‘straightness.’ You just end up looking the fool. Be yourself. And while you’re girl of the moment may enjoy the new found attentions, don’t go overboard with the affections. Gay or straight, too much PDAs [2]public display of affection just looks trashy. Contrary to old stereotypes, our neighborhoods aren’t not stop orgies. Sure you might get oggled or flirted with but that’s human nature. Be flattered someone finds you attractive. It doesn’t threaten your own masculinity or sexuality. No one is gonna grab you and try to molest you. Well I say that but if you’re in a cruisy bar all bets are off. lol Second, it’s ok to look. Seriously, we don’t mind. Show off your willingness to expand your boundaries. You’ll look cooler and you’ll probably learn a lot. Lastly, welcome to the ‘hood. In no time you’ll be ignoring the drag queens, naked guys, and explicit store fronts just like the rest of us!

References

References
↑1 and I say walk, he is attached to her like a fungus
↑2 public display of affection

Hate Springs Eternal

I’m fond of saying “hope springs eternal”. It is something I picked up as a kid and it stuck with me. Well, I’m sad to say it seems the same is true of hate. I got my first hate mail in ages today. I think primarily as I’ve been bouncing around news blogs more than usual leaving comments on current events.

Today’s douchebag in ass-hattery was smart enough to use a hotmail account. An account I have since reported to MS as the content violates their fair-use clause. I have no idea what MS will do but whateva.

Said pathetic soul started out with the usual vitriol, you’ll burn in hell, filthy disgusting queer, blah blah blah. To his credit, the punctuation and spelling were pretty good. [1]Of course, anyone w/spell and grammar check can do that with a minimal of effort.  Most of the hate mails of past were always riddled with typos, poor punctuation/spelling, etc. Not to say that haters are stupid, maybe they are just lazy?

Anyway, I enjoy getting hate mail as it signals that I hit a nerve somewhere. To date, I’ve yet to encounter anyone who can back up their hatred with cold hard facts. Oh yeah, the fall back on religion, biology, and tradition. But those are so pathetically frail as to be laughable. Anyone with half a brain can overturn the reasoning on all three counts with just minimal education. So called “christians” really get pissy when you quote their own book at them refudiating [2]I couldn’t help poking phone at Sarah Palin’s stupidity. their nonsense.

I find the best way to approach said nut-jobs is to reply to them in calm, matter-of-fact tones, no matter how excited they get. This drives them absolutely fucking nuts! Being unable to rile you sends them into frenzies of anger. heehee It really is quite fun and I highly recommend it.

References

References
↑1 Of course, anyone w/spell and grammar check can do that with a minimal of effort.
↑2 I couldn’t help poking phone at Sarah Palin’s stupidity.

Feedback

Ever want a say so in the design of a social app before it gets made? Well now’s your chance. Apple guy is working on a venture with a friend of his involving a new social app. They are soliciting feedback from potential users before the app goes into production.

If you’re feeling daring, hop over to the link below and check it out. It’s one page and you don’t have to fill out any personal info. And it’s only nine questions.

Survey

'scaping

I was having a discussion the other day with a casual buddy on Google+ and he was somewhat surprised to discover that I man-scape. I don’t quite get why that’s such a surprise but whatev. In our conversation, he kept inferring that it was somehow un-manly of me. I thought he was just joking at first but as the chat continued, it was obvious he was being somewhat serious. I find it sad that we lock ourselves into said attitudes.

First, let me say this is a general reference and yes I know not everyone who doesn’t man-scape fits my rant today so don’t get your knickers in a twist. 🙂

From a grooming perspective, its just about good hygiene. I know not everyone sees it that way. Some people are just indifferent or think the completely el-natural look is fine. I respectfully disagree. If your nose hair is twice the length of your nose, trim that shit! If your chest hair can be braided and corn-rolled it’s also time for a trim. Further, if your bush (front or back) can supply a wig factory for a month, its time for a good run thru with the clippers. No one is asking you to shave it off or get rid of it. While it may on very rare occassions compliment your features, that is most definitely not the norm. For the most part, it makes you look unkempt and dirty. [1]And not the good kind of dirty. And if you really like hair, trimming it makes it grow faster silly Billy!

This reminds me of an episode years ago when I first moved to SF. I used to run into a guy at the gym who had so much chest hair it flowed over his collar like some creeping scifi devil vine. Seriously, it was creepy. Nothing he ever wore contained it. It stuck out around his hands, neck, and waist. For a while I really wondered if he suffered from that Wolfman disorder. Turns out, he happened to love hair and absolutely loved his Fangorn forest growth. Anyway, one day he was bemoaning not being able to find dates and I jokingly mentioned his creature feature. He later asked me if I really thought it was a big deal. My first thought was to laugh it off to avoid a potentially uncomfortable conversation. Few are ever receptive to negative feedback even when it is meant constructively. He seemed really eager to know so I decided to give him my honest opinion. I told him while he thought it was awesome , it probably creeped a lot of people out. If he just trimmed it down to a managable size he could have the best of both worlds.

He seemed receptive but I didn’t think much of it. To my surprise, I ran into him about a month later and he stopped me to show off his new much shorter forestine growth. He thanked me for being open to telling him my honest opinion and said that he’d gotten a lot of really positive feedback from friends/strangers alike. I still see him around from time to time and he still keeps it under control. hehehe

The moral of the story boys and gurls? You can keep things in check w/o looking like a Brazilian twink fresh off the assembly line at a Belami video.

References

References
↑1 And not the good kind of dirty.

Better

The growing number of gay teen suicides lately has been deeply disturbing. Those who hate us, emboldened by the vocal nutjobs in the media, find license to continue their hate and even worse, do real harm. They see the freaks on tv and think it’s ok. It is not ok and every single one of us has an obligation to speak out and say so.

While I was fortunate enough to not be bullied that often in school, I did experience it. It wasn’t so much because I was obviously gay but because I was different. Up until I left home, my parents made me wear my hair like Elvis (for lack of a better description). I guess at this point said hairstyle was considered out of style and I got lots of teasing over it. Of course, being poor didn’t help. I was also rather skinny and almost frail at this point in my life. My first real experience was in junior high. My last day of 7th grade a rather obnoxious bully named Corrie snuck up behind me and sucker-punched in the face with his fist. He’d often called me all kinds of names including the F-word. I doubt he really thought I was gay, he just saw me as weak and easy-prey. I folded like a sack of potatoes as it was out of the blue and I didn’t even see him. Everyone around me was equally shocked, even kids who weren’t really keen on me were upset. He thought he got away with it clean but first day of the next school year, they expelled him for a month. At my 10-year re-union I had hoped to encounter him. One, I had beefed up and also had experience and a new-found confidence. I actually went half-expecting to get into a fight with him. Win or lose, he was going to know it was not ok to ever bully me again. He didn’t show. I found out later on he’d been in/out of jail for random crap. One only knows where he is now or if he is even still alive. There were a few other times in my life but for the most part I was lucky in that regard.

My own brush with suicide was based on years of mental-abuse from family and a final kick in the head by the loss of my first love. There was no one there to help me, no one to turn to, and certainly no one to tell me things would improve. While I wasn’t bullied that much, the pain was very real. Call it grace, God, or just dumb luck, I decided against a very permanent solution and moved on with my life. I’ve never forgotten how it made me feel though. The sense of despair and helplessness was awful and it robbed the mind of reason. When you get like that, you begin to look for an escape any way you can. Sadly, suicide often seems like the only way out. I’m living proof that it’s not. It does get better. And while that doesn’t mean life is gonna be all roses and pretty flowers, you do move past it. You discover the world is more than just that confined moment of agony.

I had a kid named Brad reach out to me on my blog some years ago after I had shared my story here. He told me that my post had changed his mind about killing himself and gave him courage to continue on his life. I’ve never heard from him since but it gave me so much joy to know telling my story helped someone else.

I’m happy the say the local police department here did an It Get’s Better video recently. Several of my friends were in it and I couldn’t be prouder. It may seem trivial or even expected coming from a progressive city like SF but I don’t think so. When a law-enforcement agency sends a message of acceptance to our LGBT youth, it is sends a powerful message of hope.

[youtube_sc url=”http://youtu.be/6RMunYfzlGs” autohide=”1″]

 

The point of my ramble today is this. Good or bad, share your story with friends, family, coworkers, and even random strangers if the opportunity arises. It may not be horrific at all but that doesn’t mean your insight can’t help someone else. You never know when someone might be listening or reading. Don’t hide behind indifference. To do so discredits all those who have come before us and will come after us.

Tran?

Would someone mind telling me when the word tranny became offensive? I’m not being sarcastic here, I’m honestly confused. Most of my life-long exposure to the word has been inside the community and in a simple descriptive slang. I’ve asked the few I know [1]including a FTM coworker and not a single one had a problem with the word in general. They also seemed a bit perplexed as to why it is suddenly only meant in the derogatory sense. If they don’t have a problem with it, why then do the groups that claim to represent us have such an issue with it?

I bring it up today as there’s been quite a bruhaha in social media outlets as of late, specifically gay media outlets. And the outrage and moral hand-ringing seems to be over people from within the LGBT community using the word in a clearly positive sense. I’d be a little more understanding if it was coming from some yahoo w/no brain spouting off out of ignorance. But from within our community? I’m confused.

First of, everyone deserves respect, including the T part of the LGBT umbrella. I’m currently just questioning the methodology. And the idea that I might question it does not mean I am not for transgendered rights. But, before I jump on the “Oh no you dinn’t just say that?” bandwagon, I need more than just a group jumping all over anyone who dares to use the word in any context. If the word has become so bad, why are we just hearing about it now and why aren’t these same agencies educating us in the LGBT community? Jumping all over anyone who uses the word, even when well-meaning, is certainly not the answer.

Words have power, no dispute there, but one should also look at the intent behind the word as much as the word itself. While not diminishing the very real pain a person can feel when spoken to in a degrading way, not every use of a word is derogatory. Frankly, over-reacting to every use of the word also diminishes your effort and gives you the appearance of whining. Our brethern in the black community have co-opted a slang version of the N-word and made it their own. While it can and does still have negative meanings, they are actively taking back the power of its use.

I wonder if our own over use of the word within the LGBT community has spawned its use on a much larger scale. As LGBT folks become more accepted and mainstream, it seems a natural progression that our slang would be picked up by straights. How they use it could be based on intent and/or ignorance. If that is the case and the word is becoming deragatory I could understand all the fuss. I’d also fully support efforts to stop using it. I would never support treating a transgendered person any different than I’d treat anyone else.

I also can’t hep but wonder if it is because we in the LGBT community use it as slang that in its self makes it unacceptable. Sorry, but that would be way beyond political correctness and would push me away from supporting anyone who tried to sell it. I also think it would be extremely counter-productive to the fight for transgendered equality. While being transgendered is fundamentally different than being gay/straight, the right to and the fight for acceptance is the same. Trying to distinguish a separation between us is futile to the outside world. Our focus should be on the acceptance of everyone, regardless of their race, creed, gender, orientation, etc. Otherwise, what’s the point of including the T in the LGBT acronym?

On a tangent of the above, is this a preemptive attempt to prevent the word from becoming derogatory? My understanding of the word tranny is that it has more to do with gender-benders and drag queens than being transgendered. It is very plausible the outside world would miss that very important distinction. Is this the transgendered communities attempt to either distance themselves from the word or prevent it from taking hold as descriptive slang for transgendered folk? I can see the reasoning there but I still think it would be a futile and needless battle. While the LGBT community might pick up on it, the outside world would fail to see the distinction. To me, this also smacks of the all or nothing mentality. History has shown this approach rarely, if ever, succeeds.

IMHO, a united approach is and will always be the best approach for all of us in the fight for equality. I don’t know how many of my readers, if any, are transgendered, but I welcome everyone’s feedback/comments on this issue. I’m not claiming to be right here, just confused.

References

References
↑1 including a FTM coworker

Sign Here

*This applies to everyone reading, not just locals*

Integrity and honesty seems to be going out the window more and more every day. I’ve had more than one episode w/paid signature gatherers lying about the petitions they are asking people to sign. I’ve also seen stories all over the national media regarding similar instances. The last episode occurred before our most recent local elections here in SF last week. I was on a lunch break from work and ran by Safeway to grab some grub. A man was soliciting signatures for a local proposition that deals w/City employees [1]like myself and retirement benefits. I’m nowhere near retirement age yet but I still pay attention to such things as frankly, I already give 38% of my salary in various taxes. [2]The petition failed thankfully!. Right off the bat, the guy is lying in his spiel to gain interest from people walking by. I feigned ignorance and asked him to explain it to me. He proceeds to flat out lie even more on the several key points of the proposition. I waited for him to finish and then laid into him very loudly. I basically told him in none too polite terms he should be ashamed of himself for lying in an attempt to pass a proposition. He gets sarcastic and replies, “look! I’m paid to be here gathering signatures and that’s what I’m doing.” Really? You’re paid to lie? I was so furious I had to walk away as I honestly felt the need to pummel his face repeatedly. I encourage everyone to read documents before you sign. You would think its a no-brainer but often times we are lulled into a sense of trust based on very believable [3]or what we want to believe progaganda. The reality is you could very well be signing your rights away out of ignorance. If you can’t take the time to read what you’re signing, no matter how good it sounds to you, don’t sign it. My maw-maw was fond of saying, “believe none of what you hear and half of what you see.” Never has it been more true than today.

References

References
↑1 like myself
↑2 The petition failed thankfully!
↑3 or what we want to believe

Know Thyself

People really crack me up sometimes. They say perception is 9/10’s reality but there are also times when you need to use your head for something besides a hat rack. I just had a rather odd email conversation with a distant Facebook friend who was pissed at me for not knowing what was going on with him. Apparently, he’s been going thru some drama and updating FB with it. It was somehow my fault for not knowing. I saw him online, sent a polite message, and proceeded to get attitude because I was being jovial. Excuse the hell out of me!

On a similar rant, a while back I had another FB friend (who found me thru twitter) get pissy with me because I didn’t want to have cyber sex with him over cam. I first politely explained it wasn’t my thing even if I thought he was attractive. Sex over cam is so 90’s and boring to me. I realize it may be fun for some but that doesn’t mean everyone is into it. Finally after like the 4th or 5th push to show my junk, I got rather direct and let him know it was never going to happen. He has since unfriended me, to my delight.

So yes, all these sites can be wonderful mechanisms for communication. But lets face it, none of us only friend people we actually know in real life. Hell some folks have thousands, even hundreds of thousands, of friends on these sites. It is unrealistic to think every one of your “friends” keeps up with your every update. Frankly, it borders on impossible for anyone who has a life offline. For myself, I’m not so foolish to think everyone on my list knows everything I post. Most of what I post on FB and such is absolute drivel anyway. lol That’s when I’m even on. Most of my updates on FB come from my Google+ account (or twitter).

Yes, I have some nice friends online whom I’ve never met. I have some I’d love to meet someday as well. That still doesn’t mean I’m all up in their grill 24/7. If I’m a real friend to you or vice versa, then I’ll take the time to talk, text, email, or see you. in person. In person isn’t always possible but a friendship is only as good as the effort you put into it, not what you get out of it. And posting online is not what I would call effort.

The sex thing is funny. But again, don’t get all twisted because not everyone is into the same thing. I clearly have no problem with sex and/or hookups. That doesn’t mean every profile I have online is filled with a insatiable desire to get laid. Even still, if I politely decline 2 even 3 times, take the hint.

At the end of the day, just use your brain people. Don’t get pissy because some random stranger doesn’t know you’re having a bad day/week. Be happy someone actually took the time to reach out to you in the first place.

/ rant

Dirty

I got called a dirty sodomite on Facebook today. I somehow got attached to a fan page for SF Pride and one of the folks that replied to a mass email was spewing hatred and nonsense. Said person didn’t like my reply pointing out his sins via his own bible verses and went on a rampage about evil homo-fascists, Obama, Jews, and I forget the rest.

Its fun beating the idjits at their own game. They are soooo quick to spew a few well rehearsed verses about gays but when you throw it back in their face with some verses of your own, they lose it. Seriously, this person was beside themselves that a filthy homo could dare question his/her holier-than-thou righteous protected speech. Forget that no one asked for your two cents, [1]or that said person couldn’t spell even simple words properly if all you do is hide behind your ignorance then don’t expect any mercy from me. For every verse you give me about those devious homos, I can give you 10 more about the sinning hetero’s. 🙂

I’ve lost all tolerance for these wackos. If you come at me with bile and drivel, I’ll give it right back to you.

/ rant

References

References
↑1 or that said person couldn’t spell even simple words properly