Category: gay

Celebrity

I totally forgot to mention over the week of my vacation and Castro St Fair, I ran into uber-blogger joe.my.god. He was here with some friends for a week long trip. I was eating at Firewood in the hood one night and look up. There he was sitting down at the table next to me. It took a moment for him to recognize me, but he did. [1]I was flattered he remembered. lol  We met right after I moved to SF before his move to NY. It was mostly in passing but over the years we chatted a bit via blogs, email, etc. He reached out to me once during the whole Bent Collective fake blogger scandal that rocked the blogosphere. Anyway, I’ve been reading his blog since before he went more mainstream and still do to this day. He covers mostly gay-related news these days and has had some pretty impressive rewards for all his hard work.

He asked if I was blogging at the time which I found very amusing. lol We exchanged pleasantries for a bit before I left him alone. It was obvious he was trying to enjoy some down time so I didn’t feel the need to invade his space. It reminded me how far blogging has come since it first hit the scene. Blogging and I go together like beans and rice so it’s no surprise I took to it. It got me to thinking about a lot of my favorite blogs that have come and gone over the years. There are only a few left. brettcajun is still around, ever the braggart and all around drama whore. Jimbo, who recently moved away from DC, is also still at it. homer is still going strong. Large Tony is on his 3rd blog as well. DurbanBud stopped blogging a while a go but only just recently finally killed off his blog. Vic, having a kid to raise, killed off his. This boy Elroy dumped his shortly after moving to SF. The list goes on and on. Many succumbed to the allure of Facebook, others just got tired of it and stopped.

Anyway, it was nice to see Joe and I congratulated him on his long years of hard work. He is still one of my daily reads and I get a huge chunk of my daily gay-related news from his blog. Now if I could just get him to have his web guy fix my broken link on his blogroll?! lolol

References

References
↑1 I was flattered he remembered. lol

Nude

The latest drama to roll SF is an upcoming proposal by one of the Board of Sups, Scott Weiner, [1]Yes, his real name and yes I know. to ban nudity in public places. While he did include a caveat that excludes fairs and events, it still would ban all forms of nudity in public. Not even your buttocks could be exposed under the new proposal. This is a tad more extreme than even some conservative cities. I’m sure some reading this would be very surprised that nudity, in any form, is allowed in public. While there are several ordinances on the books about lewd behavior, SF currently has no specific ordinance against nudity in general. And many of us here realize nudity is not something to be ashamed of…within reason. And therein lies my rant today.  

Anyone that knows me knows I am no stranger to nudity, sex, or even a little voyeurism. [2]Some of you reading can probably speak first-hand. *ahem* anyway… But from my perspective, it’s not so much about the nudity but respect. It is plain disrespectful and rude to parade around in a busy residential & business district butt-naked. And your desire to be naked does not trump everyone else’s desire not to see it. It is not shameful to want to avoid it while you are going about your daily routine and/or business. And we aren’t talking about the beaches or even the parks. We are talking right out in the public plazas. I don’t find it disgusting or offensive but I do find it rude and disrespectful. I am rarely a fan of legislating behavior,  but what’s left to do? They have pushed the envelope to the point where no one wants it anymore.  

In my opinion, no one seems to understand what balance means anymore. It’s “my way or the highway.” We have plenty of spaces, places, and events here that allow, condone, and even support nudity. We clearly have room and place to express ourselves. We do not have to grind it into everyone’s face to get our jollies. Even worse, the so-called nudists have taken to wearing cockrings now and trying to claim it’s ‘jewelry.’  Bullshit. 

Of course, you should hear some of the hang-wringing and stuff being said on both sides of the argument. Everything from the completely logical to the utterly made-up and insane. Some of the comments were so ludicrous as to be hilarious. And I’m sure there are many who do argue against it out of a misguided sense of shame, religion, or not being comfortable with their own bodies. Even in SF, you have the fundies but that isn’t the point.

Then there was the  ‘the republicans are taking over’ and of course, ‘what about the children’ argument. Whatever that means. Children have no idea anything is wrong until you act like it so spare me on that front. If we are going to argue against it rationally, then the reasons should be based on reason, not stupid shams used over and over again. Then on the other side you have ludicrous statements claiming it’s a hate crime or discrimination. This is where they lost my support completely. It is not hate, shame, or discrimination to expect a minimum level of decency in busy public spaces. Asking you to cover your bare genitals is not a hate crime and to claim it is demeans and marginalizes the victims of such very real crimes.

Anyway, I hate to say it but it’s their own fault. Most of the so-called nudists are the same ones you see at the fairs beating their meat for a thrill. Sadly, they have probably given the few traditional nudists involved a bad name now. Having the privilege to be naked wasn’t enough they had to keep pushing it as far as they could. Well guess what? A lot of the locals have had enough and have started complaining in record numbers. And of course, the board of sups, tired of having their inboxes and voicemail blown up over it, has proposed new legislation to ban nudity.

I personally hope that the ordinance gets watered down a bit. I love SF and the freedoms that come with living in such a progressive city. But, being cited for walking from bar to bar in ass-less chaps is probably a bit overkill. And while the police have better things to do, [3]and they do! if someone called and insisted on signing a complaint, they would be bound to enforce the law. Either way, it is a sad state of affairs when we are fighting over something so stupid and childish when we have so many bigger issues at hand.

Even as gregarious and open about things as I am, I still don’t want to see it when I’m going about my day. As I said, from my point of view it is about respect for others in public spaces and balance. There is a time and place for everything and there has to be a defining line somewhere. Unfortunately, now because of abuse, that line might end up being further to the right than we would have wanted.

* 

On a slight tangent, many have argued for the old days and lamented the loss of the “freedoms” we had in the past. I’m sorry but we can’t have it both ways. We can’t argue for equality under the law and then get mad when we are held to the standards of society at large. We have emerged into the mainstream and can’t turn around. And given the choice, I’d go for equality. Being treated equal under the law and all that comes with that is far far better to me than the loss of a few freedoms. Freedoms ironically developed as a coping mechanism to a society that shunned and hated us.  

References

References
↑1 Yes, his real name and yes I know.
↑2 Some of you reading can probably speak first-hand. *ahem* anyway…
↑3 and they do!

Folsom

Well, another Folsom St Fair has come and gone. It was said to be a good one that was well attended. I didn’t have company this year so didn’t have a whole lot planned. My buddy William was kind enough to get me a free ticket to the Magnitude dance party on Saturday. I also attended the fair on Sunday for a couple hours. I didn’t stay long as often it’s so busy as to be annoying after awhile. lol

Anyway, I remembered hearing more than one conversation about guys planning a move to SF. This by itself is not newsworthy as it happens all the time. SF is a wonderful city and I fell in love after only 1 visit. When guys come here for fairs, vacation, or for whatever, it is easy to see only upsides.

One particular conversation struck me because the guy had absolutely no game plan. He had decided to move and was already in the action stage w/o so much as an idea where he would work or how he would live. I’ve said it here before but it bears repeating. You don’t move to a city as expensive as SF w/o some sort of plan. I absolutely love living here but it can chew you up and spit you out if you don’t have stable footing.

I spoke up to the guy who was a friend of friends. He sort of shrugged off my recommendations with a wave of his hand. I wasn’t offended as it wasn’t really my business but I exchanged a look with our mutual friends. After he walked away we all lamented how often the same story plays out again and again.

Anyway, the weekend was pleasant. I had Monday off and spent most of it doing chores I neglected over the weekend.

Wine & Cheese

I lost my temper with an acquaintance the other day. Actually, it wasn’t so much losing my temper as just tired of his perpetual whining. He is a friend of a friend who came out about 10 years ago in his late 30’s. And apparently, because life wasn’t rosy and perfect afterwards, he is resentful. He blames being gay for all the woes in his life. Every time he ends up hanging out with my friend and I he is constantly whining.

After hearing him bash the gays yet again for the ump-teenth time, I’d finally had enough. I asked him point blank, “would you like some cheese with that wine?” Our mutual friend was like, “Moby, just let it go.” But I wasn’t about to let it go..not again. This guy has a good life and yet finds no joy in it. He’s better off than plenty of others and yet can only see what he doesn’t have. In no uncertain terms I gave him the hard truth. He’s overweight because he eats fast food every day and only hits the gym about once or twice a week, if then. He laments how superficial the gays are while being fixated on the very thing he complains to hate. He’s single and constantly complaining about how there are ‘no good men‘ left in the world. Maybe if you tried being a better man that might change? He complains about not meeting anyone yet spends most of his time at home. And when he does go out, it’s usually to a bar where he spends more time complaining. I asked him, “would you date you?” You have a good job, friends/family who care about you, a roof over your head, and yet you still find no happiness in life. All you see is what you don’t have. When was the last time you did anything outside your comfort zone? When was the last time you volunteered? played a sport? or anything else you find joy in? (He didn’t have an answer) Our mutual friend at this point has sort of just turned to look at him with a look of ‘well?‘ I finished with, ‘Instead of spending all your time on grindr and scruff wining because the guys you chase aren’t interested, get out and do something with your life.‘ [1]He spends hours and hours online cruising

I’m sure he’ll just add me to the list of ‘people who just don’t understand‘ and that is perfectly fine. I told him we wouldn’t be hanging out again because I didn’t care for his shitty attitude anyway. I probably shouldn’t have been so rough on him but I was just so tired of hearing it. So your life ain’t perfect? Welcome to the club. So life can be shallow and puerile at times, welcome to reality. It is one thing to complain at times, we all do it, but to only focus on what you don’t have and the shortcomings of the world is a sure path to misery. The world is what you make it, not what you wish it to be. Don’t complain and then do nothing about it. If you aren’t willing to do anything to change, then it obviously isn’t that important to you in the first place. I’ve most certainly been there so I can speak with some experience.

/rant

References

References
↑1 He spends hours and hours online cruising

Advice

I have a friend who has been in military service for over two decades. He and I met when I was still in my early 20’s and ended up becoming friends. While we don’t talk often, we do catch up from time to time. John (not his real name, duh) has always depended on me to give him honest advice, even if it wasn’t what he wanted to hear. It is and has been a strong tenant of our enduring friendship. He knows he can’t bullshit me but he also knows he can be perfectly frank w/o fear of judgment. He often confides in me with details he doesn’t really feel he can share with anyone else.

Being in the military creates a set of challenges for keeping ones work and sexuality somewhat separate. Even now that DADT has been repealed it is not as rosy as some would have us believe. So the other day, I’m busily calling him out on some of his more bizarre, and often conflicting, standards for meeting, hooking up, and/or dating guys when he tells me I should start a sex-advice blog. I laughed so hard I almost fell off the sofa. And he was serious! While I certainly flirted with the idea of giving advice to others via my WWMD [1]What Would Moby Do? posts, I have no plans to start such a blog. I was very tickled by his enthusiasm though and told him I’d also mention it here for all of you.

I think he is just a tad bit naive and gives me more credit than I’m due. Being cooped up the in military his whole life, his views are definitely skewed. lol Lord knows if I was so good I wouldn’t be piecing my own life back together after yet another failed LTR. But of course, it is often easier to be more objective about other people’s problems than our own. I’m certainly no stranger to giving others my opinion and/or advice. Why I could write a whole book on all the advice I’ve given brettcajun over the years. [2]Advice that he routinely ignores mind you.

I do try to follow a solid rule when it comes to giving (or accepting) advice. That is I am hearing said person’s version of events. Their version may not always be the whole truth or even the truth at all. So giving/accepting advice should always be under the proviso that it is based only on the situation as presented. If you are accepting advice based on a limited version of the whole picture, you are asking for more drama IMHO.

The flip side is realizing when we are close to a problem. We all have a tendency to justify our behaviors or actions. We seek advice that coincides with our own desires or wishes. The trick is knowing how to be objective while still maintaining a fair overall view of events. Or at the very least, acknowledge our own short-comings and accept that the advice presented may not be what we hoped. Not always an easy task.

So no, I won’t be starting a sex or even relationship advice blog. I’ll certainly keep blathering away here with my .02 and life experiences so feel free to tag along and glean whatever you can from my mistakes.

🙂

References

References
↑1 What Would Moby Do?
↑2 Advice that he routinely ignores mind you.

Ragged

Why is it that guys wear torn, ratty clothing to the gym? Do they think it gives them more “street cred” as a meathead or something? Granted I don’t wear new clothes to the gym but I don’t go looking like a street person. I’m not judging, I’m just curious what the point is. And I’m not talking about shirts or shorts cut for more room or flexibility.

I often see one guy who’s clothing is so torn it is falling off of him. Don’t get me started on his other gym habits. While he does have some bulk, it’s a bit disconcerting. I guess I should be pleased he isn’t like the other ancient guy who’s shorts are so short his balls are usually hanging out.

What do you wear to your local sweat box?

Attract

I normally don’t post hottie pics here but I figured once in awhile wouldn’t hurt. lol I stumbled over this pic somewhere recently and it sort of grabbed me. In a word, the guy is hot.  I have no idea who he is or where he is from but he certainly got my blood pumping. The photo is obviously some sort of production shot which is often a minus in my book but moving on. 

I think I’ve mentioned here on occasion I don’t have a set type. I like guys that are lean all the way up to muscle bears. Blond, brunette, hairy, smooth tall, short, it all depends on the total package to me. Some qualities on one guy that get me hot & bothered do nothing for me on another guy. I like this guy’s overall appeal. The smile/snarl grabbed me right away and pulled me in. lol  His sexy stare and overt sex appeal is obvious and I find that alluring. The slightly erotic rub of the nipple coupled with the stare and snarl just polished the pic off in my opinion. The body is great if a tad too perfect but still very inline with the obvious intent and look of this guy. [1]A topic of another time I’m usually not a fan of Mohawks but even that works for him in this pic.  Oh and the other shot of his backside I didn’t post certainly did wonders for my afore mentioned blood flow. hehehe

I’m not sure why I felt the need to stop and post this. I just liked his look and decided to give it a go. I’m actually envisioning what he looks like not all done up. What I imagine him to look like in real life is actually more appealing to me.  I bet his less than perfect polish in real life gives him the final humph that would make me wanna grab him and throw his ankles over my shoulders.

Happy weekend guys! 

References

References
↑1 A topic of another time

Think

Someone emailed me awhile back asking what I thought my foster mom would have thought of me being gay.

The truth is I don’t know. My foster mom died when I was young and I hadn’t reached a point where I could articulate what was different about myself. I’d hope that she would have been more accepting than my dad was. Granted, my step-mother had a huge part in his eventual explosion over it but still. I’d hope that she would have accepted me even if she didn’t understand.

I’d like to think that, like me, she figured out pretty quickly I was different. Maybe not on a conscious level but mothers are often more attune to such things. Even as I child, I knew something was up, just not what. Spending a lot of time with me, I’d assume she had a clue. Having never known my mom in an adult capacity, I have no idea what her feelings on the matter were. I can’t for the life of me ever remember her using the F word. That could just be I was too young and the memory didn’t stick or it could be that she just didn’t use it. I only remember her thru a child’s eyes and that is a very different view. I don’t remember her ever really disparaging anyone, which gives me hope she would have been more understanding. While I was her only adopted child, she never treated me differently. And if she did know, it never showed.

So dear reader, I don’t know the answer to your question but I am optimistic about it.

Dance

Having Trevan and Mikey here over Pride week really made me realize how much I miss going dancing. You may not know this but yours truly loves to shake his bon bon. lol

Back in my early 20’s, it was not unusual for me to be out every weekend, sometimes several times. Not being a heavy drinker, it was easy as I usually just had to pay cover and water.

After I moved to SF, I’m not sure why but I drifted away from the club scene all together. The blatant drug use was a huge irritation but not the only reason. I don’t know why really. These days if I go out, it’s over to 440 or Moby’s (no relation lol) for a drink with a friend & socializing. I only seem to go dancing on big weekends or for big events.

While Trev & Mikey were here we went dancing and I had so much fun just being on the dance floor dancing. While the clubs here don’t really compare to the behemoths of Texas, they do have a few decent dance bars in SF. I’ve really missed it and think I will make an effort to go out once and awhile and shake my booty on the dance floor.

Speaking of, GHHD #2 [1]Gay High Holy Day #2 aka Up Your Alley Fair is coming up. My buddy William does lighting at some of the clubs. He is gonna try to get me free tix so I don’t have to spend ridiculous amounts of money just to get in. I don’t mind spending money but I is a poe-hoe right now.

🙂

References

References
↑1 Gay High Holy Day #2 aka Up Your Alley Fair

Dear Kid v2.0

I swear I didn’t plan my last post and this one together. lol I do find it extremely ironic though. Anyway…

I stumbled over this post by chance via a friend on Google+ a few days ago. I highly encourage you to go read it and come back. Seriously, go read it. You can scroll down to about the 60 comment mark and then again around 150 comments for my rather long replies. [1]PS I’d ask that if you do comment over there, please refrain from being ugly or rude. You can also see how my comment is quickly dismissed as I’m hating on him.

I wasn’t bothered that his “letter” shined a light on our shortcomings and failures. He touches on some very real problems within the gay community. What bothered me was the glaring over-generalizations and implications behind his speech. He marginalized all of us because of his own failures. In essence, because he couldn’t cope with being gay, he decided being gay can’t be healthy. Because his coming out wasn’t everything he expected, he fell into bad habits, and his sex wasn’t as exciting as porn he equates being gay as a failure. [2]Yes, he actually compared his sex life to porn. He goes on to insult all of the couples out there who have been together for decades by implying they don’t exist. Normally, I would just ignore it and move on but his attempts to use half-truths and misrepresentations to prey on folks who might stumble upon his site got to me.

I make no secret about my struggle with compulsive behavior over the years. Nor do I hold myself out to be some holier-than-thou who is above all the petty failings that plague our community. But the difference between the author and myself is I chose to embrace what I am, the good and the bad. I work to strengthen the good while continuing to work on the bad. I accept the community I live in is not perfect. I recognize that while we are all responsible for our choices many of us have developed unhealthy coping mechanisms. I no longer search for role models to emulate. Instead, I try to be the type of man I’d like to date. I do not give myself over to his God to solve my problems. I choose to change and better myself.

At the end of the letter you get the sense the author has exchanged one coping mechanism for another. His attempt to make life all better by coming out failed so he has absolved himself of any responsibility by putting it in god’s hands. And now because it’s magically a god issue he can avoid accepting responsibility. Convenient wouldn’t you say? As I said in my comment, I feel sorry for him. I hope that he finds peace within himself.

I also decided to write my own version of his letter.

Dear Gay Kid v2.0:

Congratulations for finally being able to admit to yourself and others that you are gay. I applaud your tremendous courage and welcome you with open arms. You are not alone. You join a community as broad and diverse as humanity itself. We come from all walks of life: male, female, black, white, asian, christian, muslim, agnostic, etc. Know that you are worthy of love and respect. Your inalienable right to be is not up for debate and never ever let anyone tell your differently.

Unfortunately, we do not yet live in a world of total acceptance. You may find life harder and more challenging for your honesty. Coming out is not a fix-all for your life or problems. It is but one step of many you will take. Along the way you will encounter those who deny and fear you. You may even encounter some who wish to do you harm out of their own ignorance. You see, they do not understand, and anything not understood is often feared. Some will hate you because they recognize a tiny part of you in themselves. In that recognition you will represent a target for their pain.

Others will be blinded by religious dogma. They are locked in a pattern of denial based on a lifetime of rhetoric. To admit you were born gay would be to admit their religion, written by man, is flawed. And that is something they cannot fathom. Even worse, some will attempt to use lies, half-truths, misrepresentations, and your own doubts against you. If you are a person of faith, it can be a source of great support, but do not be misled. Seek truth and answers on your own. The answers will speak for themselves.

In times of doubt you’ll wonder, ‘Why me? Why can’t I be like every one else?’ What I can tell you is it will always come back to a fundamental choice. You can deny who you are and spend your life reinforcing that denial, or you can accept it. It is here I am reminded of the words of Benjamin Franklin, “On the whole, though I never arrived at the perfection I had been so ambitious of obtaining, but fell far short of it, yet as I was, by the endeavor, a better and a happier man than I otherwise should have been had I not attempted it.” In simpler terms, even though perfection is a goal we will never reach, we are better for our attempts to reach it.

Because we are born different, part of our struggle must be to rise above the fears and ignorance of those who do not understand us. We must strive not to fall prey to the mistakes of those who came before us. By living openly & honestly we show the world how small our differences really are. And finally, through our struggles we make the world better not only for ourselves but those who come after us.

I wish you the very best!

Moby

References

References
↑1 PS I’d ask that if you do comment over there, please refrain from being ugly or rude.
↑2 Yes, he actually compared his sex life to porn.