Category: gay

Truth

I used to think that the fundies and the repugs were the only ones making up gross exaggerations to support their ideals. Unfortunately, after the round of comments regarding the nudity ban here in SF, I no longer feel that way. You would have thought the sky was falling from what some were saying. To be fair, there were also some who were eloquent, thoughtful, and respectful. Sadly, it seemed the later was the exception.

The most humorous comment came from a guy on the huffpo site who said I was ‘un-American’ for expressing a lack of support for the nudists. Yes, you read it right. I had a difference of opinion so I’m immediately labeled un-American. Of course, at various times I was also labeled a liar, a bigot, a homophobe, and a prude. [1]On the last one they obviously don’t know me! It seemed the preferred method to just attack anyone who disagreed, regardless of the content.

I’m sad to see that we are succumbing to the same failed tactics of the conservative crazies. Gone are the days of actually finding out details before spouting facts based on hearsay. And no, reading it on FB or twitter doesn’t make it true! I was very dismayed at the mob mentality that presented itself over this issue. [2]And this is not the only issue but since it’s recent and relevant, I’m using it. Many had no idea what the reality was or only knew what they had read or heard. Some only acted on the idea w/o knowing details. And still others appeared to just make stuff up out of personal bias.

IMO labeling someone the enemy (or a variety of other names) over a simple difference of opinion is not an acceptable form of discourse. Refusing to listen to opposing arguments and/or making personal attacks simply because you disagree should be beneath all of us. A man’s word is his bond. We should not stoop to the level of those who truly hate us by lying or making every issue the end all of issues. By doing so we make ourselves no better than those who do hate us. And speaking of, the most disappointing to me were all the hate labels. I (and others) were accused of hating the so-called nudists because we disagreed with him. When exactly did hate and disagreement become synonymous?

We can all disagree, even strongly, and still treat each other with respect. Just because someone has a difference of opinion doesn’t automatically make them a hater. And frankly, if your ideal can’t stand up to scrutiny then it obvisously isn’t that strong of a case to begin with. And over-exaggerating (ok, let’s be honest, flat out lying) serves no purpose other than making you look like a fool.

References

References
↑1 On the last one they obviously don’t know me!
↑2 And this is not the only issue but since it’s recent and relevant, I’m using it.

Banned

I’m slipping this rant into the scheduled posts. Only because it was time-relevant. lol

I didn’t sleep well last night at all. I have no idea why but I kept waking  up like every hour on the hour. I must have worn Cooper out as well because he slept right up till I crawled out of bed at 10:30 today. Usually, he is up and fidgeting and moving around the bedroom out of boredom. lol I called off to work today. I’m a bit cranky and feeling tired. After I’ve had some food in me, I’m gonna try to take a nice nap.

In other news, the proposed ban on public nudity here is scheduled to be voted on today. I’m at Cove cafe right now and several tables are discussing it. Every table had pretty much the same theme, “why do they have to force it on everyone?” Ironic, considering it was mostly locals doing the complaining. As mentioned, the issue really isn’t about nudity anymore IMO. Instead, it’s about people being forced to endure behavior they don’t like. That is the real crutch of the issue. SF has coexisted peacefully with the real nudists here for decades. Oh they get a few random complaints but nothing major. It’s known and even expected at some of the parks, beaches, bars, and various events here. It is tolerated well for the simple reason people who didn’t want to see it could avoid it. It wasn’t forced on you. With the exhibitionists setting up shop in the plaza smack dab in the middle of the neighborhood, people no longer felt it could be avoided. And that is when the complaints started rolling in, in earnest.

The issue has been conflated and twisted so much by both sides it borders on the ridiculous. Not to mention, something so silly  & foolish has divided the community in many aspects. Not that I’m surprised, good or bad, SF always tends to be controversial. And it won’t be over today unfortunately. I read the ban is being challenged in court as a violation of freedom of speech. I say good luck with that. You’d have to prove some sort of harm for it to pass muster. And considering it only covers public spaces, I find it a stretch to claim it somehow restricts people but whatev. I’ll be glad when it’s over so we can all move on to bigger more important issues.

Mainstream

I like gay-themed movies, books, tv-shows etc. I like seeing characters who represent me. That would be a no-brainer I guess if ya think about it, like likes like. That said, I’ve been disappointed for years with many of the gay-themed entertainment options. A lot of the books are basically soft-core porn. Sorting thru all the crap to find the real gems is not an easy task. Amazon should cut me a check for all the crappy ebooks I’ve had to sort thru. The movies aren’t much better. At least on Netflix I’m not losing money. lol And to be fair, there are some great gay-themed books and movies out there, even iconic ones. Sadly, they are the exception vs the rule. What is our fascination w/being werewolves and vampires btw? Seriously, like 50% of all the gay-themed scifi/horror books follow this format.

Anyway, I’d heard about the movie BearCity being produced and released awhile back. Even better, I heard some really positive reviews on it. I queued it up on my Netflix and had a chance to watch it the other day. I can honestly say the bears are officially mainstream. And by that, I mean they now have their very own overly contrived movie(s) that smashes would-be heart-warming scenes with the hammer of constant self-reinforcing stereotypes. God what a mess, where do I even begin?

The movie boils down to three plots.

Plot #1: Opens with a cute thin guy who is an aspiring actor and closeted bear-lover. Said guy falls for the popular fuzzy muscle bear who basically spends 90% of the movie bouncing from hookup to hookup all the while dishing the guy until finally he “falls” for him in the end.

Plot #2: Involves a very overweight bear and his cute muscle cub. The large bear is considering a gastro bypass to bring his weight down to help with getting a job. The cub and his friends are all adamantly against it.

Plot #3: A couple explores ‘opening‘ their relationship.

Before I continue with my very unhappy review, let me first say there are several funny scenes in the movie. IMO, the two best characters were the nellie gay boy (the original roomie of the bear-lover from Plot #1) and the large bear from Plot #2. They stole the movie. Moving on…

Plot #1 tries hard to make you believe the hot bear has suddenly changed his ways (at the very end) and falls madly in-love with his chaser. This whole story was so contrived and fake as to be laughable. And the overt stereotyping from this plot made my skin crawl. I almost turned the movie off several times while this story unfolded.

Plot #2 really upset me because the implied message was don’t worry about how overweight your are, just be happy with yourself. Normally that would be a great message for self-respect and self-esteem. The problem here is the large bear was not just a little overweight he was grossly overweight. The type of 100+ lbs overweight that significantly shortens one’s life span. This whole storyline pissed me off because it masqueraded as a message of being ‘accepting of yourself.‘ There is a very important distinction between being accepting of one’s flaws and taking no responsibility for your bad habits/behavior. This plot could have saved the movie had it not been so extreme.

Plot #3 jumpstarts when the older bear in the couple gets the hots for the thin bear-chaser guy from Plot #1. The bear-chaser ends up being their roommate. [1]Yes, I know it all sounds very lesbianish. lol Toward the end of the movie, they do finally agree to open up their relationship. A couple abstract sex scenes later, you see both of them getting high and showing more emotion while high than at any point in the whole movie. I still don’t quite understand the point of this particular storyline. The only implication I could find was ‘to be happy, we have to be high,’ which is pathetic IMHO.

The entire movie gave the impression that being a bear (or wanting to date one) was the characters only lot in life. And I think this is what rubbed me wrong the most. Of course, it isn’t much different from many other gay movies out there so I am not singling this particular movie out. And lord knows I’m not bashing bears, I’m more of a bear than not. So yeah, I thought it sucked. Maybe it was my own fault for getting my hopes up. I was expecting something more after all the reviews I’ve heard so far. Needless to say, I won’t be watching the second one.

References

References
↑1 Yes, I know it all sounds very lesbianish. lol

Celebrity

I totally forgot to mention over the week of my vacation and Castro St Fair, I ran into uber-blogger joe.my.god. He was here with some friends for a week long trip. I was eating at Firewood in the hood one night and look up. There he was sitting down at the table next to me. It took a moment for him to recognize me, but he did. [1]I was flattered he remembered. lol  We met right after I moved to SF before his move to NY. It was mostly in passing but over the years we chatted a bit via blogs, email, etc. He reached out to me once during the whole Bent Collective fake blogger scandal that rocked the blogosphere. Anyway, I’ve been reading his blog since before he went more mainstream and still do to this day. He covers mostly gay-related news these days and has had some pretty impressive rewards for all his hard work.

He asked if I was blogging at the time which I found very amusing. lol We exchanged pleasantries for a bit before I left him alone. It was obvious he was trying to enjoy some down time so I didn’t feel the need to invade his space. It reminded me how far blogging has come since it first hit the scene. Blogging and I go together like beans and rice so it’s no surprise I took to it. It got me to thinking about a lot of my favorite blogs that have come and gone over the years. There are only a few left. brettcajun is still around, ever the braggart and all around drama whore. Jimbo, who recently moved away from DC, is also still at it. homer is still going strong. Large Tony is on his 3rd blog as well. DurbanBud stopped blogging a while a go but only just recently finally killed off his blog. Vic, having a kid to raise, killed off his. This boy Elroy dumped his shortly after moving to SF. The list goes on and on. Many succumbed to the allure of Facebook, others just got tired of it and stopped.

Anyway, it was nice to see Joe and I congratulated him on his long years of hard work. He is still one of my daily reads and I get a huge chunk of my daily gay-related news from his blog. Now if I could just get him to have his web guy fix my broken link on his blogroll?! lolol

References

References
↑1 I was flattered he remembered. lol

Nude

The latest drama to roll SF is an upcoming proposal by one of the Board of Sups, Scott Weiner, [1]Yes, his real name and yes I know. to ban nudity in public places. While he did include a caveat that excludes fairs and events, it still would ban all forms of nudity in public. Not even your buttocks could be exposed under the new proposal. This is a tad more extreme than even some conservative cities. I’m sure some reading this would be very surprised that nudity, in any form, is allowed in public. While there are several ordinances on the books about lewd behavior, SF currently has no specific ordinance against nudity in general. And many of us here realize nudity is not something to be ashamed of…within reason. And therein lies my rant today.  

Anyone that knows me knows I am no stranger to nudity, sex, or even a little voyeurism. [2]Some of you reading can probably speak first-hand. *ahem* anyway… But from my perspective, it’s not so much about the nudity but respect. It is plain disrespectful and rude to parade around in a busy residential & business district butt-naked. And your desire to be naked does not trump everyone else’s desire not to see it. It is not shameful to want to avoid it while you are going about your daily routine and/or business. And we aren’t talking about the beaches or even the parks. We are talking right out in the public plazas. I don’t find it disgusting or offensive but I do find it rude and disrespectful. I am rarely a fan of legislating behavior,  but what’s left to do? They have pushed the envelope to the point where no one wants it anymore.  

In my opinion, no one seems to understand what balance means anymore. It’s “my way or the highway.” We have plenty of spaces, places, and events here that allow, condone, and even support nudity. We clearly have room and place to express ourselves. We do not have to grind it into everyone’s face to get our jollies. Even worse, the so-called nudists have taken to wearing cockrings now and trying to claim it’s ‘jewelry.’  Bullshit. 

Of course, you should hear some of the hang-wringing and stuff being said on both sides of the argument. Everything from the completely logical to the utterly made-up and insane. Some of the comments were so ludicrous as to be hilarious. And I’m sure there are many who do argue against it out of a misguided sense of shame, religion, or not being comfortable with their own bodies. Even in SF, you have the fundies but that isn’t the point.

Then there was the  ‘the republicans are taking over’ and of course, ‘what about the children’ argument. Whatever that means. Children have no idea anything is wrong until you act like it so spare me on that front. If we are going to argue against it rationally, then the reasons should be based on reason, not stupid shams used over and over again. Then on the other side you have ludicrous statements claiming it’s a hate crime or discrimination. This is where they lost my support completely. It is not hate, shame, or discrimination to expect a minimum level of decency in busy public spaces. Asking you to cover your bare genitals is not a hate crime and to claim it is demeans and marginalizes the victims of such very real crimes.

Anyway, I hate to say it but it’s their own fault. Most of the so-called nudists are the same ones you see at the fairs beating their meat for a thrill. Sadly, they have probably given the few traditional nudists involved a bad name now. Having the privilege to be naked wasn’t enough they had to keep pushing it as far as they could. Well guess what? A lot of the locals have had enough and have started complaining in record numbers. And of course, the board of sups, tired of having their inboxes and voicemail blown up over it, has proposed new legislation to ban nudity.

I personally hope that the ordinance gets watered down a bit. I love SF and the freedoms that come with living in such a progressive city. But, being cited for walking from bar to bar in ass-less chaps is probably a bit overkill. And while the police have better things to do, [3]and they do! if someone called and insisted on signing a complaint, they would be bound to enforce the law. Either way, it is a sad state of affairs when we are fighting over something so stupid and childish when we have so many bigger issues at hand.

Even as gregarious and open about things as I am, I still don’t want to see it when I’m going about my day. As I said, from my point of view it is about respect for others in public spaces and balance. There is a time and place for everything and there has to be a defining line somewhere. Unfortunately, now because of abuse, that line might end up being further to the right than we would have wanted.

* 

On a slight tangent, many have argued for the old days and lamented the loss of the “freedoms” we had in the past. I’m sorry but we can’t have it both ways. We can’t argue for equality under the law and then get mad when we are held to the standards of society at large. We have emerged into the mainstream and can’t turn around. And given the choice, I’d go for equality. Being treated equal under the law and all that comes with that is far far better to me than the loss of a few freedoms. Freedoms ironically developed as a coping mechanism to a society that shunned and hated us.  

References

References
↑1 Yes, his real name and yes I know.
↑2 Some of you reading can probably speak first-hand. *ahem* anyway…
↑3 and they do!

Folsom

Well, another Folsom St Fair has come and gone. It was said to be a good one that was well attended. I didn’t have company this year so didn’t have a whole lot planned. My buddy William was kind enough to get me a free ticket to the Magnitude dance party on Saturday. I also attended the fair on Sunday for a couple hours. I didn’t stay long as often it’s so busy as to be annoying after awhile. lol

Anyway, I remembered hearing more than one conversation about guys planning a move to SF. This by itself is not newsworthy as it happens all the time. SF is a wonderful city and I fell in love after only 1 visit. When guys come here for fairs, vacation, or for whatever, it is easy to see only upsides.

One particular conversation struck me because the guy had absolutely no game plan. He had decided to move and was already in the action stage w/o so much as an idea where he would work or how he would live. I’ve said it here before but it bears repeating. You don’t move to a city as expensive as SF w/o some sort of plan. I absolutely love living here but it can chew you up and spit you out if you don’t have stable footing.

I spoke up to the guy who was a friend of friends. He sort of shrugged off my recommendations with a wave of his hand. I wasn’t offended as it wasn’t really my business but I exchanged a look with our mutual friends. After he walked away we all lamented how often the same story plays out again and again.

Anyway, the weekend was pleasant. I had Monday off and spent most of it doing chores I neglected over the weekend.

Wine & Cheese

I lost my temper with an acquaintance the other day. Actually, it wasn’t so much losing my temper as just tired of his perpetual whining. He is a friend of a friend who came out about 10 years ago in his late 30’s. And apparently, because life wasn’t rosy and perfect afterwards, he is resentful. He blames being gay for all the woes in his life. Every time he ends up hanging out with my friend and I he is constantly whining.

After hearing him bash the gays yet again for the ump-teenth time, I’d finally had enough. I asked him point blank, “would you like some cheese with that wine?” Our mutual friend was like, “Moby, just let it go.” But I wasn’t about to let it go..not again. This guy has a good life and yet finds no joy in it. He’s better off than plenty of others and yet can only see what he doesn’t have. In no uncertain terms I gave him the hard truth. He’s overweight because he eats fast food every day and only hits the gym about once or twice a week, if then. He laments how superficial the gays are while being fixated on the very thing he complains to hate. He’s single and constantly complaining about how there are ‘no good men‘ left in the world. Maybe if you tried being a better man that might change? He complains about not meeting anyone yet spends most of his time at home. And when he does go out, it’s usually to a bar where he spends more time complaining. I asked him, “would you date you?” You have a good job, friends/family who care about you, a roof over your head, and yet you still find no happiness in life. All you see is what you don’t have. When was the last time you did anything outside your comfort zone? When was the last time you volunteered? played a sport? or anything else you find joy in? (He didn’t have an answer) Our mutual friend at this point has sort of just turned to look at him with a look of ‘well?‘ I finished with, ‘Instead of spending all your time on grindr and scruff wining because the guys you chase aren’t interested, get out and do something with your life.‘ [1]He spends hours and hours online cruising

I’m sure he’ll just add me to the list of ‘people who just don’t understand‘ and that is perfectly fine. I told him we wouldn’t be hanging out again because I didn’t care for his shitty attitude anyway. I probably shouldn’t have been so rough on him but I was just so tired of hearing it. So your life ain’t perfect? Welcome to the club. So life can be shallow and puerile at times, welcome to reality. It is one thing to complain at times, we all do it, but to only focus on what you don’t have and the shortcomings of the world is a sure path to misery. The world is what you make it, not what you wish it to be. Don’t complain and then do nothing about it. If you aren’t willing to do anything to change, then it obviously isn’t that important to you in the first place. I’ve most certainly been there so I can speak with some experience.

/rant

References

References
↑1 He spends hours and hours online cruising

Advice

I have a friend who has been in military service for over two decades. He and I met when I was still in my early 20’s and ended up becoming friends. While we don’t talk often, we do catch up from time to time. John (not his real name, duh) has always depended on me to give him honest advice, even if it wasn’t what he wanted to hear. It is and has been a strong tenant of our enduring friendship. He knows he can’t bullshit me but he also knows he can be perfectly frank w/o fear of judgment. He often confides in me with details he doesn’t really feel he can share with anyone else.

Being in the military creates a set of challenges for keeping ones work and sexuality somewhat separate. Even now that DADT has been repealed it is not as rosy as some would have us believe. So the other day, I’m busily calling him out on some of his more bizarre, and often conflicting, standards for meeting, hooking up, and/or dating guys when he tells me I should start a sex-advice blog. I laughed so hard I almost fell off the sofa. And he was serious! While I certainly flirted with the idea of giving advice to others via my WWMD [1]What Would Moby Do? posts, I have no plans to start such a blog. I was very tickled by his enthusiasm though and told him I’d also mention it here for all of you.

I think he is just a tad bit naive and gives me more credit than I’m due. Being cooped up the in military his whole life, his views are definitely skewed. lol Lord knows if I was so good I wouldn’t be piecing my own life back together after yet another failed LTR. But of course, it is often easier to be more objective about other people’s problems than our own. I’m certainly no stranger to giving others my opinion and/or advice. Why I could write a whole book on all the advice I’ve given brettcajun over the years. [2]Advice that he routinely ignores mind you.

I do try to follow a solid rule when it comes to giving (or accepting) advice. That is I am hearing said person’s version of events. Their version may not always be the whole truth or even the truth at all. So giving/accepting advice should always be under the proviso that it is based only on the situation as presented. If you are accepting advice based on a limited version of the whole picture, you are asking for more drama IMHO.

The flip side is realizing when we are close to a problem. We all have a tendency to justify our behaviors or actions. We seek advice that coincides with our own desires or wishes. The trick is knowing how to be objective while still maintaining a fair overall view of events. Or at the very least, acknowledge our own short-comings and accept that the advice presented may not be what we hoped. Not always an easy task.

So no, I won’t be starting a sex or even relationship advice blog. I’ll certainly keep blathering away here with my .02 and life experiences so feel free to tag along and glean whatever you can from my mistakes.

🙂

References

References
↑1 What Would Moby Do?
↑2 Advice that he routinely ignores mind you.

Ragged

Why is it that guys wear torn, ratty clothing to the gym? Do they think it gives them more “street cred” as a meathead or something? Granted I don’t wear new clothes to the gym but I don’t go looking like a street person. I’m not judging, I’m just curious what the point is. And I’m not talking about shirts or shorts cut for more room or flexibility.

I often see one guy who’s clothing is so torn it is falling off of him. Don’t get me started on his other gym habits. While he does have some bulk, it’s a bit disconcerting. I guess I should be pleased he isn’t like the other ancient guy who’s shorts are so short his balls are usually hanging out.

What do you wear to your local sweat box?

Attract

I normally don’t post hottie pics here but I figured once in awhile wouldn’t hurt. lol I stumbled over this pic somewhere recently and it sort of grabbed me. In a word, the guy is hot.  I have no idea who he is or where he is from but he certainly got my blood pumping. The photo is obviously some sort of production shot which is often a minus in my book but moving on. 

I think I’ve mentioned here on occasion I don’t have a set type. I like guys that are lean all the way up to muscle bears. Blond, brunette, hairy, smooth tall, short, it all depends on the total package to me. Some qualities on one guy that get me hot & bothered do nothing for me on another guy. I like this guy’s overall appeal. The smile/snarl grabbed me right away and pulled me in. lol  His sexy stare and overt sex appeal is obvious and I find that alluring. The slightly erotic rub of the nipple coupled with the stare and snarl just polished the pic off in my opinion. The body is great if a tad too perfect but still very inline with the obvious intent and look of this guy. [1]A topic of another time I’m usually not a fan of Mohawks but even that works for him in this pic.  Oh and the other shot of his backside I didn’t post certainly did wonders for my afore mentioned blood flow. hehehe

I’m not sure why I felt the need to stop and post this. I just liked his look and decided to give it a go. I’m actually envisioning what he looks like not all done up. What I imagine him to look like in real life is actually more appealing to me.  I bet his less than perfect polish in real life gives him the final humph that would make me wanna grab him and throw his ankles over my shoulders.

Happy weekend guys! 

References

References
↑1 A topic of another time