Category: gay

One

Well, I guess it was inevitable. I’ve gotten several questions on whether The Pup and I were planning to be in a monogamous LTR. I’m not sure why exactly it was a reoccurring question but whatevs. lol  One person’s implication was that if I really wanted it to work then I should be willing to give up being open. I guess all my gushing here and elsewhere has led some to think I’ve abandoned my previous rants in favor of this new relationship. If you read with any regularity you should know the answer to that question is no. If anything, my breaking my own rules has been the bane of my previous LTRs. lol  A huge part of why The Pup and I are getting along so well is because I haven’t abandoned what I want. To be perfectly frank, this was just as easy for us to assimilate as everything else has been between us. [1]ok, I’m bragging a little here. I just can’t get over how much he and I seem to agree on things so easily.

I support anyone’s right to be in a MLTR (Monogamous LTR)) but it is not for me and it is not something I want. I’d rather stay single than lock myself into something I don’t want. Yes, it is flexible and not an all or nothing agreement. Yes, it is important enough to me that I wouldn’t enter into an LTR with a restriction I didn’t want. If we weren’t on the same page then we wouldn’t be truly compatible.

Lawd knows, I’ve ranted here a plethora of times regarding my thoughts on the issue. We as gay men and women have the unique opportunity to set our own rules and standards. We are not bound by institutionalized traditions based on gender-discordant [2]my new term for straight couples relationships. While we can follow in their footsteps, we aren’t bound to. A subtle but important distinction. And the point of my rant today is The Pup and I are of one mind on the subject. It works for us. But because it works for us doesn’t mean that I insist that it works for everyone.That would be as equally foolish as those who insist monogamy is for everyone.

Many seem to think I’m against monogamy when I’m not. Just don’t expect me not to point out flaws in the rather common yet failed logic often used to justify the monogamous-only approach. I support it when it is based on a fundamental desire vs insecurities and a form of control.

Hopefully that should clear up any confusion on the subject. Smile

References

References
↑1 ok, I’m bragging a little here. I just can’t get over how much he and I seem to agree on things so easily.
↑2 my new term for straight couples

Role

I think I’ve commented on the confidence I’ve found in myself in recent years. I bring it up now in a different but related perspective. I’ve had more than one rant about the lack of role-models in our culture/community. The last being one about my disillusion with a role model I’d found here in SF. I’ve also mentioned in various posts about my frustration with being able to find guys that have reached a level of personal growth that I feel I need to have a functional and successful relationship. All of these things tie into a rather recent epiphany I’ve had.

I’ve realized that I can be a role model to others. And that is not from the perspective of me trying to elevate myself above others, but one of me sharing what I’ve learned and hopefully influencing other gay men into getting onto their own path of growth and contentment. Looking back over my life, I have survived a shit-storm of drama and managed to find the person I want to be within myself. It was no easy task and I can understand why so many fail at it. And lord knows, I am not thinking I am perfect or above reproach. None of that applies to being a role model IMO. Humans are imperfect and flawed. To be a role model doesn’t require perfection.

My new pup (the two legged one) along with a couple of other guys I’ve interacted with lately has taught me that I can be a role model and I can share a wealth of knowledge and wisdom. To see someone embrace an ideal or philosophy and literally blossom under it is something I never expected to witness, especially one of my own doing. And having seen something like that has really made me see that I have gone from being that lost wayward gay boy who needed a mentor or role-model to being one. And maybe mentor is a better term. Role-model seems a bit confining and limiting so maybe I’m becoming a mentor to others.

Sitting in a friends car having a heart-felt conversation about his struggles and absolute eagerness for direction was very touching. To see said person start tearing up when offering him that mentorship almost broke my heart. I’ve become so wrapped up in my own growth over the years, I’ve completely missed the idea of being able to help others grow and evolve. It was like an electric shock to my brain to realize I’ve been inadvertently denying that to others thru my own selfish focus. And I don’t mean selfish as mean but simply being self-focused.

The confidence I’ve found as man is truthfully something I thought I’d never have. If you’d ask me 10 years ago I would have laughed at you. Not because of the intent but because I was so crippled emotionally back then it was a completely foreign idea. And that is not to say I no longer have insecurities. Of course I still have them. But they drive me less and less and that is the key. And the confidence I thought I’d never find has found me. And just as I am drawn to it in others, I think others are drawn to it in me. Honestly, I think this is where a lot of my new found attention comes from. Oh, yeah the new muscles help but they aren’t that big of a draw. lol

My last post with the pic was significant as it lead me to this post. The physical changes you see in the pic are the tiniest fraction of the changes I’ve undergone since then. I’m a completely different man now. Actually, what used to be a lost boy has turned into a found man. I’ve let go of this idea that I have to act in any way to be accepted. I am just me and most importantly, I accept myself. This was the key to my confidence I believe. It jump started the whole process by simply learning to love myself.

It brought me no small amount of joy to realize I am in a position to offer others what I so desperately needed as a young man. There was no one for me to turn at the time so I can’t be too angry. But I am present and accounted for. And it is time that I start helping out. And it can be argued I’ve been doing it a lot thru my blog and it’s probably true to a degree. But the in-person interaction and mentorship cannot be replaced by print. Be it as a sir, a daddy, a big bro, or just a friend, it is time for me to teach while I continue my own path of learning. I don’t have any preset rules. I just plan to share what I’ve learned and how it has helped me.

Wish me luck.

Punch

I had a few bizarre episodes lately where people thought it was ok to inappropriately touch me or expose themselves in public. *Coworkers – uh um….TMI for you, read at your peril.*

One was back over before Pride. I’d gone to a friend/coworkers pool party. Being in Martinez and there was most definitely drinking involved, I opted to take BART vs riding my motorcycle. And naturally plenty of ‘drunks’ occured. On the way home I apparently forgot about the “last car” rule on BART. [1]Shortly afer moving to SF, I discovered the last car on BART is often open to ‘shinanigans.’  Being in my somewhat inebrieated state, I’m relaxing in my exuberence when I notice the guy in the seat directly across from me touching himself. And not just a little, he was going at it.

At this point, two things are working in his favor. One, I’m obviously drunk and two, I’m obviously drunk. And I know what you’re thinking, but no, nothing untoward happened on my part. lol I did however watch in a rather unfocused fascination as he finished his manual labors, which did not take long. I promptly giggled and then rolled back over and rejoined my previous half-sleep delirum. Later I almost thought I dreamed it till I ran into him and he made some overt attempts to engage me. This episode didn’t end poorly as it was more of just an experience. Sadly, the next two did.

About a month ago. I was walking thru the hood mid day doing errands. This youngish kid comes stumbling out of Sadlands with an older girl in tow. He was sort of on my awareness but didn’t give it much thought. That is until he promptly reaches up and grabs my nipple. Then he had my complete attention as I whirled around and confronted him. The ONLY reason he didn’t get punched was because I immediately noticed his age and drunkiness. Had he been neither I think I would have actually decked him right in the nose. I was furious. That restraint; however, did not stop me from cussing his ass out and telling his rather snotty friend to shut her pie hole before I did. The part that infuriated me the most was when I realized what he was doing, I shrugged him off and he tried again! Keep in mind, this is mid day and I’m not leaving the bar with him. I’m not standing around outside cruising. I’m some random guy walking down the street with my dog doing my thing. I’ll be the first to admit I can be incredibly incorrigible and not the least bit shy. But I also know that unwanted touching is considered an assualt in all 50 states. Had I given this guy any eye contact or the remotest idea I was into him this story would have gone much differently. Having only registered him on my radar in passing and then have him brazenly try to grab me twice was not acceptable. Was I worried he’d harm me? No, of course not. I was twice his size. It was the blatant disrespect and lack of contriteness that set me off. So anyway, I think he will think twice next time before attempting to fondle a random stranger. On a funny side note, I have never seen Cooper be aggressive. And while not aggressive this day he clearly knew something was up. All the jovial antics to get attention went out of him. He made no moves or growls but his body went into a locked rigid position and he was ‘eagerly’ focused on the guy. For a dog this is a clear sign of agitation. It is very unwise to try and touch a unknown dog when it is giving off such body language. Anyway, I’m curious if he would have done anything had the situation escalated. Since he did not growl or move he didn’t get scolded but it did make me aware my lovable pup can be defensive. Something to this point, I thought impossible. Even when other dogs are aggressive, Cooper usually just shrugs it off.

The last episode was a couple weeks ago. Apparently, a local guy who’d seen my ‘social’ profiles decided it was ok to walk up and start touching me. Literally, he walks up to the side and just behind me and starts playing with my butt. And not in a ‘hey how are you‘ sort of touch either. lol And again, in the right situation and the right cues, I’d could just as easily do the same thing. But this was none of that. I’ve never seen this guy in my life. We’ve never interacted directly. Once again I confronted said person with a few choice words peppereed with a few colorful words. And his response was the real surprise. He said he thought it was ok because he’d seen me on a couple of ‘sites.’ And of course my response was, “and how the hell does that in anyway translate into you sexually assualting me in public?’ Now that I had his undivided attention he begun to realize his behavior was over the line. Short of my profile having some sort of declaration that said behavior was expected or encouraged, it is not ok and I said as much. Just because you saw me online doesn’t equate to you assaulting me in public. He was miffed and more than a little embarrassed because I was not quite in my admonishments but I think he got the picture. He also ruined the chance to make a friend because of his behavior, which from the gist of his statements indicated that was his intent.

It wasn’t that I personally felt violated or in danger from either of these guys [2]even though others might have, it was the absolute lack of respect and assuption of familiarity that upset me. I’m not a stand-offish person either. I like physical contact. But that contact needs to be appropriate and/or warranted. Any behavior that encourages it like flirting, eye contact, conversation; anything that would have shown a two way interaction and acceptance of physical contact is perfectly fine. But to assume you can touch or grab someone in a non-sexual situation is liable to get you one punched or two arrested.

The moral of the story boys and girls? Look, don’t touch until the offer to touch has been expressed. Otherwise, the outcome might not be pleasant.

References

References
↑1 Shortly afer moving to SF, I discovered the last car on BART is often open to ‘shinanigans.’
↑2 even though others might have

A-Crowd

Someone asked me in earnest the other day what it was like to be part of the “A-Crowd.” I was sort of tickled but had to let them down that one, no such thing exists and two, people who think they are in the A-crowd have bigger issues than I care to list. And it isn’t the first time I’ve encountered such a question. I had planned to do a long-winded rant months ago but ended up not getting to it. One has to only look at the horribly done reality show literally called A-Crowd to see an example of overgeneralized over-exaggerated ideology gone wrong. I would never in my life to aspire to such. [1]yes bitches I realize it was sensationalized for TV but the point still stands.

I am soooo far removed from any sort of A-crowd, even if it did exist. lol My life isn’t that glamorous. I work, sleep, love on my dog, hit the gym, get into trouble as often as I can, and then repeat. That is my exciting life in an nut-shell. I prefer to spend most of my free time with myself and/or Cooper. I engage with my friends of course, but I am not out every weekend or even every other weekend. I don’t do much (human) charity work these days so I don’t even have that exposure. lol I do think there are incorrigible parts of my personality that give rise to certain situations but that hardly makes me anything ‘upper.’

I’m surprised anyone would think I’m anything A-crowd but considering my inability to recognize I can also be intimidating, I guess shouldn’t be. [2]I’m still struggling with the latter.  The perception of A-crowd boils down to the have and have nots. You have what I want or like therefore you must be “A-crowd” or “in” and I’m not. Not a healthy association and one I, thankfully, rooted out of my id years ago. Seriously, don’t think like that, it isn’t healthy. At the end of the day, the opinion that matters most is your own. Focus more on being the person you really want to be and loving yourself and less on the perception that someone might be on a different level than you. And therein may lie the rub for some. They envy or want things that others have but aren’t willing to invest the time or energy into it. In the end, we are all humans. We all bleed. We all die. All of that other nonsense means nothing.

Even my blog doesn’t come close to being prime material. That comment whore brettcajun probably gets more traffic than I do. While I do have a dedicated, and much appreciated, following of readers please don’t ever think for one moment I consider myself better than anyone else. I am not perfect, I struggle and sometimes I fall. That just makes me human, just like you.

And as someone who discovered it the hard long drawn out way, the confidence within that comes from being contented with yourself, can be very alluring to others.

References

References
↑1 yes bitches I realize it was sensationalized for TV but the point still stands.
↑2 I’m still struggling with the latter.

Dong

Ding dong Prop 8 and DOMA (parts at least) are dead! lol It is high time too. Courtesy of the rulings, ss-couples can now not only be recognized at the state level but also the federal level. This is truly historic times for us.

To wake up and feel like an equal citizen for the first time [1]Ok. 2nd time. The first time was when California ruled we could get married before Prop 8 is amazing. And unlike before Prop 8, there is a sense of finality to the issue. There will be no more Prop 8s. We’ve gained recognition at a whole new level and I couldn’t be happier. To feel recognized and accepted under the law is just unbelievable. In a way, it is almost anti-climactic.

Of course, the fight is not over. We still have equal rights for our Trans brethren and we still have a slew of states that don’t yet recognize gay marriage and/or bar it completely. The latter is only a matter of time. If you read the DOMA ruling, the justices pretty much set it up. The bias and basis for these laws is based only on discrimination and ignorant religious dogma. As new cases wind their way thru the courts back to the supreme court, the issue of ss-marriage will be decided once and for all. All the states with these horrible restrictions and bans on ss-marriage will have to suck it up, just like they did for women voting, the end of segregation, and interracial marriages. All of which, they also tried to use religious dogma to enforce.

The tide has shifted to our side. Thanks to the multitudes of us living openly/honestly, the world is beginning to see we really aren’t that different. We want the same things in life. We aren’t out to destroy civilization. Hardly. lol With 7 billion people clogging up this poor planet, there is zero danger there. I look forward to the future w/new dreams that I never thought possible.

References

References
↑1 Ok. 2nd time. The first time was when California ruled we could get married before Prop 8

Equal

One of the biggest complaints I heard from locals during and after pride was about all the straights. All I can say is ‘careful what you wish for!‘  We asked for equality and we’re getting it. That doesn’t mean everything becomes hunky dory nor does it mean we can remain separate. And it certainly does not it mean our fight is over.

On one hand, it is a good sign that more and more straights feel comfortable celebrating a gay event. It is yet another indication that we have become accepted by society. But sadly, our straight brethren aren’t always looking to see things our way. They’re indifference hasn’t changed. To them, it is yet another party to be celebrated, the reasons are irrelevant. [1]One could argue the latter for gays in many ways too Yes, I’m overgeneralizing to make a point here.

And we have our own realizations to adapt to as well. This idea of separate but equal is dead. Cast it aside and move beyond it. Did we think we’d get equality and still be separate? Did we think everyone would accept us and still leave us alone? Sorry, that is not how it works. You can’t get equality and then ask to be treated special. And it seems that is the confusing part for many of us. We haven’t fully realized what equality means and are still holding onto our old ideals. In essence, we’re still stuck on being separate from the whole. We’re beyond that now and we need to catch up.

Some might see our new reality as a down side. I don’t. But I guess I’ve always realized what the true equality would mean. I knew this was coming and I’ve hoped for it all my life. You can’t have special and equal rights. As previously mentioned, there will be some homogenization of our culture. Will it disappear? Of course not. But this is why some within our own community have fought against the march to equality.  Like all things, our culture will adapt. But we must realize the days of “our” events are over. It is no longer our event. It is simply an event that happens to deal with us. Like it or hate it, it simply is.

I’d rather that than the worry and fear of never having the rights I need/want/deserve under the law. I’d rather know if my partner is injured or dies, I wouldn’t be locked out of his last moments or his family couldn’t take away everything we built together in life. I don’t want to pay extra taxes because the feds don’t recognize my marriage. I don’t want my foreign born partner deported. I don’t want my children in legal limbo. The list goes on and on.

Now we begin to see the true face of equality. And having seen it, would you deny that to the thousands of families across this nation? Even if, for you, it’s not all that it is cracked up to be, would you turn back the clock to full separation?

References

References
↑1 One could argue the latter for gays in many ways too

GHHD 2013

Well, GHHD #1 has come and gone this year. [1]Gay High Holy Day  This year was especially significant due the recent rulings of Prop 8 and DOMA, both of which got the axe! (More on those later)

My personal pride was somewhat subdued. I think I was so emotionally worn out from the day of the ruling, I just couldn’t muster super excitement. That is not to say I wasn’t happy. Anyway, I noticed a large number of straight people at the events this year. The number of straights in attendance has been increasing dramatically in recent years but this year seemed even more so. (More on that in another post)

I always go early to the events because I don’t like the drunkenness that ensues later on. Plus it isn’t yet unbearably busy. For a social person, I get really frustrated in cramped crowd environments. Anyway, the party was busy very early and since I had Cooper I had to take him home and come back. The most striking thing about the Pink party was the couples. I don’t think I’ve ever noticed so many couples before. Maybe it was the significance of the weekend but it really seemed like a lot more couples were in attendance. A good thing of course. I mention it only because I was struck by it.

I admit I had a moment of sadness for being single. I was a single guy surrounded by couples and I do like being coupled. But, then I remembered I am single not because I have to be but because I choose to be. When a guy comes along that compliments me in the way I need/want, then I’ll couple up again. I have no desire to be in a LTR just to avoid being lonely. It is a recipe for disaster and never ends well. So I pushed my momentary sadness away and embraced the freedom that I had and so rightly deserved.

Of course, Pride is barely over and many are whining about “do we need pride anymore?”  Yes we do. Just because it is no longer a benefit to you, doesn’t mean we do away with it. But more on that later too.

There was some bad news this year as well. Two shootings happened right outside the fair. It appears they weren’t straight on gay crime but details are still emerging. Two people were shot and so far both are expected to recover. This saddens me. While we welcome straights, often times as their numbers increase, so does the crime. And I’m not saying gays are less prone to crime than straights. But there is a fundamental difference between a drunk straight and gay guy. Gay guys usually just want to get laid, not start fights. They might read you to filth for some unknown slight vs trying to beat you up or shoot you. I’m not sure what the answer is here but I worry the outcome will be much like our old Halloween parties…shut it down. I hope not.

Now that it is over, I have plenty on my mind and even more to rant about. It certainly gave me blog fodder for a couple weeks. lol

I hope you all had a safe and loving pride, even if you didn’t celebrate or care.

References

References
↑1 Gay High Holy Day

Pride-less

I don’t know if it is a trend or if maybe I’m just noticing it more but I have noticed a rather vocal mix of gays who are distancing themselves from this years Pride celebration. I say ‘distancing’ to basically cover the fact we are becoming just like those who hate us more and more every day. I guess we really are moving into mainstream because we’re certainly becoming less and less tolerant every day. How very normal of us. Well, if that is what it takes to be considered normal, you can keep it.

Of course you hear the usual arguments, “Those people are so over the top” or “I just don’t feel like they represent me.” Let me spell out what should be completely obvious. If I wanna wrap myself in tin foil and where a pink tutu swinging from the highest float in the parade that doesn’t negate or reduce my right to equality. You don’t have to be my best friend, be my friend, or even like me but that doesn’t mean I am any more/less deserving than you. No one’s right to equality should depend on anyone else’s personal disapproval. Conformity is not a prerequisite to equality.

From my perspective, when I hear “I just don’t identify with Pride celebrations anymore. They don’t represent who I am”, to me that is just code for saying, “Now that I have a decent amount of rights, I’m indifferent and can’t be bothered anymore.” How many straight allies would we have if they were all so indifferent? Like it or not, many of those people helped jump start our movement. It might be an inconvenient truth but it is still the truth.

The irony here is I’ve always said that the more vocal and visible don’t always represent the bulk of our community. I still say that. Let me step beyond my irritation for a moment and get to the point of my little ramble today. The gist I get from many of these rants is that they see only the people IN the parade. What about the thousands or hundreds of thousands in the audience? THEY are the true representation of our very diverse community. The parade is just the reason to sell tickets and get you out the door. [1]And yes it needs a sensational component to sell those tickets.  I would argue when you look down your nose and avoid it, you are the one doing the harm. You are denying those coming up behind us from seeing their life’s struggles reflected in your eyes. You are the one keeping the focus on the more sensational and/or seedy parts of our community. We have more rights now than we’ve ever had in this country. And we are on the cusp of truly breaking down the inequalities inflicted upon us in law. But true representation requires attendance from the varied paths within to exist. When you do not participate you remove part of that representation from the equation. And frankly, when you walk away or don’t participate you give up the right to bitch about it.

I still remember the overwhelming connection I felt at my first few Prides. It wasn’t because I identified with everyone in the parades, it was because I saw masses of people who were like me. I didn’t feel alone anymore. Those singular moments were very empowering. I would never willingly deny that to anyone coming up behind me.

Whether you celebrate Pride or not, don’t tear down those who do attend simply because you disagree with their choices or particular flair expressing themselves. While they may not be a true representation of our community, at least they show up.

References

References
↑1 And yes it needs a sensational component to sell those tickets.

Hangups

We all have them, myself included. That said, I get really tickled at some of my friends hangups at times. My group of friends tends to be very diverse. So it shouldn’t really surprise me their hangups are just as diverse.

I have one friend, who after spending most of his life in service to the military, will be getting out soon. He has developed a laundry lists of do’s and don’ts on the type of guys he can date. If he has sex on the first date, that automatically means he can’t date them. If he meets a guy on a hookup site, he won’t date them. His rule structures are often complex and contradictory. He loves me because I constantly bust his chops over it.

I have another friend who won’t date someone unless they’ve had sex. He insists on it before he’ll even consider dating a guy. He wants to know all your fetishes, desires, etc.

Yet another friend won’t even consider sex w/a guy till the 4th or 5th date.

Another who is in an open LTR but they never discuss it. It is very much like ‘he-who-must-not-be-named’ sort of scenario. lol

These are just a few examples of many I could give. Honestly, to me it seems exhausting trying to sort thru people’s ‘rules’  and ‘requirements.’ This is very true of the online sites as well. Profiles have become a laundry list of must haves, must not haves, must be, must not be, blah blah blah. I care less where or how we met and more about who you are as a person.

I guess I’m odd because I try not to place a bunch of restrictions on guys. [1]But I will admit the few restrictions I do have can be very limiting. My whole no-drugs policy sadly kills a huge percentage of eligible guys for me. I don’t provide a laundry list of requirements. I don’t expect you to know what I want or even to know what my expectations are. I will however, tell you what I want, expect, like, etc.

Sex always seems to be a big issue for gay guys. Be it the one extreme of ‘no sex till we’re in love‘ or the other, ‘sex, sex, sex, and more sex, please.‘ I like to think I’m somewhere in the middle. I’m not prudish but I’m not a sex fiend [2]well at least I think I’m not either. I do like sex and it’s important but I don’t start insisting you see things my way about it. I’ve dated guys who wanted monogamy, I’ve dated guys who avoid monogamy. Again, I like to think I’m in the middle I don’t want total monogamy but I also don’t want a free for all. To me, it is a very playful act and I often approach it from that perspective. As a partner, I’d like to know we can be honest with each other about our wants/desires and share our experiences with each other. We share everything else, why not share sexual adventures?

One of my hangups is I think I’m too honest. You don’t have to ask anyone about my dirt. I will straight up tell you. There is no shame in my game and I have no problem admitting things. I also am inclined to trust what people tell me too much. I don’t try to examine it from every possible angle to see if there are any hidden meanings. If you tell me a thing, I’ll believe it until proven otherwise. Sexually, I’ve become much less “flexible” in my positions. I doubt this creates any limitations but I can see it as a hangup.

I approach every meeting with as few expectations as possible beyond you being honest in the representation of yourself. (And you’d be surprised how many fail at just that!) Otherwise, it’s a clean slate. I don’t bend my ideals, philosophies, choices, etc to match yours. I like being me and all that comes with that. If we are truly a good fit, our similarities will merge well and/or our differences will compliment each other. I like to think this gives me an edge. Considering I’m single, one might argue against that. lol But that is ok. My being is a choice not a requirement. And if we do click, I’ll expose my cock and my soul to you, but not necessarily in that order.

References

References
↑1 But I will admit the few restrictions I do have can be very limiting. My whole no-drugs policy sadly kills a huge percentage of eligible guys for me.
↑2 well at least I think I’m not

Consequence

When is the truth no longer the truth? When does manipulation of truth to fit an agenda become deceit? That’s where we seem to be today, here in SF at least. Watching the fallout over many of the recent scandals has been painful at best for me. I’ll admit the resulting vitriol being leveled at each other has really hurt my faith in the community. The fallout has shaken my normally optimistic view of us in general.

From a purely personal POV, it’s been very painful to witness disingenuous tactics and behavior from peers I look up to. It’s a hard pill to swallow. Having never lost a hero or role model, I am still struggling with it. I am saddened to see us so divided and treating each other so horribly. Be it adult actor suicides, the nudity ban, the march to equality, or the Bradley Manning caper, the hate, vitriol, anger, and condescension have all shown a fundamental shift in our ability to express ourselves as well as a renewed since of victimization. We are turning to rule based consequentialism as a moral code; the idea that ethics of the moral right/wrong are based solely on the consequences. (I know, my big word of the day. See, I really do educate myself!)  Said code is often contradictory and ultimately confusing and leads to cognitive dissonance. (I think my little brain has seen this coming because many of my previous posts have delved into different pieces of the overall issue.)

Looking at it from a purely analytical point of view, the behaviors represent a breakdown in our reasoning thru logical consequence. [1]One of the basic tenants of logic Without reason thru logic, there can be no truth. Like religious fundies, we cannot survive a moral code that is dependent on the outcome vs the cause. And to abandon truth and integrity in favor of bias and personal agendas is a recipe for disaster. That is not to say it was unexpected. After being excluded from society, many of us developed our own system of moral codes. It was simply out of a need to cope with being labeled degenerates and abominations and often being outcasts. The problem with moral codes in general is they are often conflictive between individual communities and society as a whole. It’s even more confusing because we’ve developed moral conflicts even when our own community. As previously alluded to in assimilation, there is a part of our community that has embraced their freedoms from the trappings of the mainstream way of life. They’ve adopted a moral code that is much less restrictive than society at large. And there is nothing inherently wrong with that. But now that the LGBTI community as a whole is being slowly accepted into society, those moral conflicts are creating dissention and fear.

Sadly, many on both sides are abandoning truth in favor of rigidly conservative and intolerant thinking. They bristle at the very idea of compromising. Anyone who disagrees is immediately labeled the enemy, and ironically conservative, as well as having only one goal, the sanitization of gay culture. It is dangerous ground though. To continually conflate every varied issue into one overarching idea of oppression only serves to keep us locked in a pattern of self-inflicted victimization. [2]I say our because differences aside, we are still a community IMO  I am somewhat ashamed to see many of said folks have begun to manipulate facts and ‘truth’ based on bias and personal agendas, again much like those who hate us. And the most insidious behavior recently is selling an agenda based on lies laced with a kernel of truth or half truths. A fallacies with enough truth to not only convince you but also invoke an emotional reaction to overwhelm reason thru logical consequence. To me it represents a truly dangerous path that leads to only misery, isolation, and eventually despair for those who take it.

It is my hope that those who fight against the inevitable change, can see that we can coexist. We can move into an era of acceptance and still maintain many of the freedoms we’ve come to love. As previously mentioned, we might lose some of it for a generation, but it will spring back. And lastly, I beg of you, please your case, cause, agenda, desire, etc w/integrity of purpose thru reason of logic and truth. Do not succumb to irrational fears based on selfishness.

As always, hope springs eternal. . .

References

References
↑1 One of the basic tenants of logic
↑2 I say our because differences aside, we are still a community IMO