Category: gay

Read

I posted a while back about my attempt to find some good gay themed scifi/Horror/fantasy novels. As previously mentioned, my biggest complaint is that most of the gay themed books are erotic-based or total crap. OK, that might be a bit harsh. There are plenty that are self-discovery and chronicles of coming out. I am not bashing any of those. I am however, referring to the plethora of fiction novels. Sorting thru the turds to find the gems is a royal pain.

Anyway, every once and a while I find a good one. I stumbled over a series of books by Poppy Dennison. They are the standard vampire, werewolf, mage sort of books but with gay characters. And while not overly complex, they are well written and blend together quite well. The Triad series starts each book from a different characters view on the  progressing larger story. While often short, the books were well-written and the overall story blends quite well. I came away truly impressed with the author. The author could have merged all of the books into one big one but breaking them out piecemeal isn’t bad.

if you’re in the market for said type of books, I definitely recommend them. I wouldn’t call them powerful awe-inspiring but they are certainly a good and entertaining read.

Passport

My biggest yet completely arbitrary complaint on the cruise is I couldn’t get my passport stamped in either city. They simply just don’t do it. I asked several times to no avail. I so wanted a stamp on my passport to show I was now officially a world traveler and it was ruined by the tourist industry being so reliable! lol Damn hippies. Heehee Seriously though, I was rather disappointed.

The cruise went to Mexico via Cabo and Puerta Vallarta. One day in Cabo and two days in PV. The boat itself was kind of an odd configuration of gaudy and tacky all in one. It made for fun conversation and fodder for several of the on-board comedians though. Speaking of, I got to see the ghayto-fabulous Kathy Griffin. She was funnier than ever with a routine totally geared toward ripping gays and their sexual proclivities. I think I busted a seam I was laughing so hard. Of course, the boat had a dance party planned every day. Some were Tea dances and others were just dances. Some were costume style, others were just based on the style of music. Beyond the parties, there were a variety of comedy shows. Dixie Longate and Miss Richland 1981 were both in attendance. The trifecta would have been complete if Miss Coco Peru had been on board. Lest I forget, Deborah Cox was on board as well. Kathy was the highlight for me, but all of the shows were very good.

Cabo was somewhat depressing. I didn’t see the whole city obviously, but what I did see made me sad and angry. Unless you go for the fishing or ocean expeditions, you probably won’t enjoy it.  Well, unless you stay on the boardwalk which is lined with restaurants, shops, and high-end brand name stores. The rest of the city appears to live in abject poverty. The moment we stepped off the boat we were bombarded with ‘vendors’ practically begging for sales of tiny and or useless trinkets. I admit it was a big shock. Children coming up and asking to sell chic-let gum was saddening. The vendors weren’t shy about telling you they needed the money either. We aren’t talking 3rd-world conditions but the level of poverty was a total surprise. Overall, I came away feeling the city had a veneer of commercialism spread thinly over a population in poverty.

Puerta Vallarta was a thriving city. It is obvious a huge component of their economy is tourism but it didn’t have the depressing feel of Cabo. It wasn’t just an attempt at a city wrapped around a port of call. The landscape and scenery were very appealing. The city had a tropical feel that was very relaxing. The gay section was remarkably large and seemed pretty well accepted. We saw local couples walking the streets and holding hands. No one batted an eye. The streets were all cobblestone which made for some interesting taxi rides. Over all, it was beautiful, friendly and inviting. And while it had an element of poverty, it was much more in line with what I would consider normal for any city. It was funny seeing so many guys of the boat going into the local “pharmacy” for medications you can get w/o a prescription there. heehee.  We only had time to visit a couple of the local bars. The Lanoche had a simple yet beautiful roof top deck. The bartenders were ‘very’ friendly. If you happen to go that way anytime soon, say hi to Louis and tell him Moby sent you.

Overall, it was a great experience. For PV, I think I’d just fly in next time and stay for an extended weekend or even a week. I didn’t get to see near as much as I wanted. As mentioned, I got totally homesick on the way back but I am glad I went.

Grey

Someone asked me via social media if I was planning to dye the grey out of my beard since it is getting more noticeable. The answer was no.

I admit, the first few stragglers were nipped out but after a bit it just seemed pointless as there were plenty coming in. I don’t mind it at all. I started greying around my ears about 10 yeas ago. That region is full on grey now. haha My beard has only gone greyish in the last year or so. It doesn’t bother me one bit.

Age comes to us all and being someone who never expected to see my 40’s, I’m perfectly fine with how I am. Seeing grey hair on other guys never bothered me when I was younger, I guess it should be no surprise it doesn’t bother me now. I’ve seen plenty of men where it even  enhances their look. I won’t go so far as to say that for myself, I just don’t mind it.

Oh sure, the vanity in me wishes I was less wrinkly, more buff, blah blah blah. Some vanity is natural but when it overtakes reason, you often see some bizarre results. Anyway, I have no plans to dye my beard, my mustache, or my remaining head hair.

So far, there hasn’t been an invasion down there. And even there I don’t think I’d mind. I’m more focused on the functional parts vs the colors, if you catch my drift. And so far (knock on wood) that function functions just fine. hehehe [1]Just ask my Pup

I know many men get all stressed over it as it shows age and is often inappropriately associated with old age. Meh, I can’t be bothered. I’m still in the best shape of my life and I’m much more focused on that. Anyone who would deign me out of reach is not my concern. It just seems so silly. I still don’t understand guys who comb their hair in odd ways to cover up their baldness. In most instances, it only makes it more noticeable. Of course, if recent research pans out, balding may become of thing of the past.

On the flip side, I don’t think less of anyone who does.  If it is that important to you then who am I to say you shouldn’t. If you don’t end up looking like a Warner brothers cartoon character and it makes you happy, I say go for it. It just isn’t for me. And what works for me doesn’t work for all. I know several guys who wash the grey out and it looks fine because they don’t go overboard with unnatural shades of color. I would argue if your attempts to combat baldness or greying make you look worse, you should just give up the fight and accept it.

Grey or no grey, I’m still just me. I can accept the signs of age even though I don’t always want them.

References

References
↑1 Just ask my Pup

Sport

I was reading a friend of a friend’s story about sports and growing up as a gay man and it got my wheels a spinning. His story was very different than mine and somewhat surprised me. He explained he often felt disconnected from the community because he could find so few gay men into sports. Apparently, it caused some struggles and heartache over the years for him. Growing up loving sports and being gay, naturally he wanted to find others to connect with and share in the experience. You’d think that would be a no-brainer for me. hahaha

I’ll admit, I’d never thought of it that way. I never once connected that someone might feel alienated by the lack of gay men who play sports. Growing up the way I did, it just never occurred to me. All these years I’ve lamented over having sports ruined for me by my father. I never once took into consideration others might have gone a different path. The realization certainly made me appreciate his story more. I’m a little embarrassed to say I never made the connection until now.

I grew up hating sports. My father [1]I think deep down he knew I was gonna be gay made every effort to make a ‘man out of me‘ by forcing me into sports. Everything in my existence as a boy and potential man became tied to sports. So naturally, I grew up hating sports, especially football. You’d think being such a homo-erotic sport, I’d love it! Nope. To this day, I get annoyed and bored the moment someone flips on the TV and a football game is on. I can’t help it. No matter how hard I try, I cannot find an ounce of enjoyment out of watching football on TV. I’d sooner go dig in the dirt.

On a related tangent, it should come as no surprise that some gay men grow up thinking that being into sports makes them more manly or makes them less stereotypical gay. *yawn* Nothing could be further from the truth. But, if you wanna see a textbook example of how we develop coping-mechanisms to combat insecurities, it’s perfect!  (And hysterical to watch) But again, a tangent and one we should save for another day.

I did eventually find a sport that I enjoy, hockey. One of a few sports my father never hit on so I’m not surprised. I used to go to hockey games a lot back home when it was way more convenient. When I was in Boulder, I also got to indulge in the Denver team. Here, the getting to/from is a struggle as the closest big team is in San Jose. And with my work schedule, it is pretty much impossible. That being said, I still follow the sport and teams. Not avidly but I keep up. The neanderthal in me loves how brutal hockey can be. You have pads but it is a rough ass game. The nerd in me loves how simple it is to play.

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On a side rant, The Pup is big into softball. He plays in gay leagues in Phoenix pretty often and clearly wants to join the league here. My roomie is also a big softball player. Naturally, The Pup wants me to play.  Truth be told, I find that I actually want to join. Not because of an overriding love of the game but simply because it is a new form of interaction. I think it will be fun to see gay guys playing. My only fear is that they will be overly competitive. If the leagues here focus only on winning, I can assure you I will lose interest and quit. Winning is fun and gives you an incentive to get better, duh. No one wants to lose all the time, but winning shouldn’t be the end-all purpose of the game, at least not to me.

I’m not ashamed to say I have probably zero skill. I haven’t played since high school and even then it was sporadic. They have teams that start out with mostly players at that level so I’m not worried. I doubt I’ll ever be a ‘heavy hitter’ and that is ok. I have size and some agility so I think I’ll be a decent player. I would like to develop the skill, improve, and be able to hold my own while playing with a team. But beyond that, I’m really just in it for the fun.

References

References
↑1 I think deep down he knew I was gonna be gay

Young

It is no secret I’ve never really been into young guys. And by young, I mean guys in their 20’s (or younger). I seem to be noticing a trend of very young guys being all up in my grill as of late. While I have no problem with being a Daddy, if I’m literally old enough to be your father, I am soooo not interested. lol

Maybe I am old-fashioned but even in the gay world, I think there should be some limitations. I’m all for not getting hung up on someone’s age but being more than half my age younger is just too much. [1]The fact my Pup is 10 years my junior should demonstrate my flexibility.  I won’t say it’s wrong as to what two consenting adults do, but when you are in your 20’s you rarely have an objective view of being in a relationship, much less with someone twice your age.

A very young man happened to see me at the Casto St Fair. I never saw him but apparently he saw me. He hit me up online later and was very insistent we ‘hang out.’  I’m sure you can gather what that meant. lol He was literally 2 days past his 20th birthday and looked very boyish. Both of which do nothing for me. I politely declined, several times. He was indignant at this point and jumped from calling me an ageist (he got points for at least knowing the term) to a racist. Don’t ask me how I was racist considering he looked white. lol He then tried the arrogant route as if his age was somehow a blessing to me and I should be grateful he even offered. Nope, still not interested.

After I had stopped responding, I guess he figured he’d try again. This time he asked why I wasn’t interested. Instead of feeding into that, I explained to him that the why wasn’t important and he shouldn’t ask that. He clearly had no idea how to handle rejection [2]lord knows we all go thru it so I took it upon myself to explain it to him. No matter what a person says regarding the ‘why’, it’s going to offend you. You’re going to be defensive no matter what so it is an exercise in futility. Instead of wondering why, move on. No one is everyone’s type and attraction has to be both ways for it to work. That’s all you really need to know. If someone takes the time to politely decline instead of ignoring you, be grateful they showed manners at all.

The kid seemed to really get it. He even apologized for being so rude. He kept hitting on me the whole time but he knew it wasn’t happening. I hope he learns from it and behaves better the next time.

References

References
↑1 The fact my Pup is 10 years my junior should demonstrate my flexibility.
↑2 lord knows we all go thru it

Gene

I’m on a bit of a ramble today so try to keep up with my logic jumps as I muddle thru this.

I’ve been reading all the fall out on Dirk Cable and Jesse Jackman having a picture of them kissing flagged on FB.  Then Jesse getting banned for 12 hours. The  outrage over it went a bit viral and then finally the HuffPo picked up the story.

While reading thru many of the comments (it’s always fun to read the hate, bigotry, and flat out ignorance), a general pattern of stupidity emerges based on religion. Of course, if you take religion out for the equation all of those against it lose their arguments, save one and that being propagation of the species. For some reason every time this comes up my brain bounces back to the Hubbard guy who viewed gays [1]And pretty much any deviation from sex for procreation as an aberration that must be rooted out. In case you are unfamiliar, he was the founder of the Science cult church, whom I won’t even do the honor of a full reference here for search engines.

Anyway, I’ve always found his wording intriguing. Not so much his hatred for gays (he had a gay son apparently) but his thought lines. He specifically and more than a few times referred to it as an aberration. Well for anyone who knows anything about evolution and biological progression, aberrations are not always bad. Whether an aberration survives in a species is often determined on any positive benefit it gives the species. That’s how evolution works. We also see in some species if the population breeds too quickly or over breeds, a switch happens and suddenly only one sex ends up being born in much larger numbers for awhile. This obviously leads to population control. What if humans, as a species, have a similar mechanism in our genome? In essence, the gay gene (or genes now based on more recent studies) would serve as a form of population control.

Are you still with me? lol  There are now over 7 billion people on this planet and the number is growing exponentially. Frankly, we are killing this planet. There are just too many of us for our natural resources to last. Not only are we over-breeding but because of modern medicine many more are living much longer lives. In my mind, it makes perfect sense that our genome is now producing abundantly more gay people. It serves as a mechanism to keep the species in check. Being a bit of a science geek, the idea hit me at a very early age. And it has never quite gone away. Obviously, I have no proof.  It is just an observation that rings true ‘to me.’  I’m not a scientist or even educated enough in genetic research to know but it certainly would explain a lot.

So even though he was a bit crazy and homophobic, he may have hit the nail on the head, just not in the way he expected. Now wouldn’t that be a kick in the rubber pants?

References

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↑1 And pretty much any deviation from sex for procreation

Out

It appears that today is National Coming Out day. So in case you didn’t know it, I’m a big ole homo. Died in the wool , card carrying, and totally 100% unequivocally gay. I wasn’t molested. I wasn’t brain-washed. No one made me this way. I came this way. And for some that is a hard truth to swallow [1]Pun intended but belief is not a prerequisite of truth.

I always enjoy seeing who will come out on days like this. Even though incredibly painful [2]both mentally and physically, I’ve never regretted my coming out 28 years ago. I came out very young and the repercussions definitely changed my life and not always for the better. The events leading up to the fatal day I almost took my own life changed me forever. I left behind the fear, the worry, and the shame. Never again would I allow anyone to make me feel anything but proud of what I am.

While we have gained some major ground as of late, the fight is not over. LGBT folk all over this country and the world are still be targeted for harassment, physical violence, imprisonment, and even death just for being born different. We must continue to fight for those who don’t enjoy our freedoms. We must attempt to educate those who fear and hate us because we are different. The simplest and most effective way IMO is for them to see we aren’t that much different. The number one thing that changes a person’s mind or heart is first hand experience. Given the chance to get know an openly gay person, many people see past the stereotypes. They see past the rhetoric, the lies, the hate, and the fear. The learn we are human beings just like them who just want to get ahead in life. The fact we happen to have same-sex attractions doesn’t make us evil or perverted just different. Our ‘agenda’ is the same as theirs. [3]Even though some of the crazy stuff they say we are pushing for is hysterical!  And when people see that they begin to change their minds. They learn, they grow, they evolve.

I encourage anyone out there pondering the idea of coming out to do so. The simple act of being open and honest will change hearts and minds. Sometimes it only takes a small spark to lite a roaring fire. Be that spark.

References

References
↑1 Pun intended
↑2 both mentally and physically
↑3 Even though some of the crazy stuff they say we are pushing for is hysterical!

Split

I’ve been intrigued by some of the fallout over gay divorces lately. I surmised as we reached for equality many would brush aside or not even realize what that equal footing really meant. Now we see the down side of it, in other words divorce.

Many rushed forward to say those wonderful two words w/o truly considering what it meant. Sadly, some are discovering the unpleasant down side now. Gone are the days of DPs that can be dissolved with a simple signature on the dotted line. Welcome to the bitter brawls over assets and custody of children and pets. You no longer have the luxury of just splitting up and going opposite directions anymore. And I won’t even comment on the indignant outrage many have expressed over it. Welcome to true equality. It’s called community property because that’s how the divorce court sees it. okuuur?

And don’t get me wrong, I support our right to get married 100%. That will never change. Being equal under the law is a fundamental right. The fact we are still fighting for it in many states is an embarrassment to humanity. But now that we are finally obtaining that goal, we must take stock in what that truly means. We cannot be special but equal, only equal.

I’ve always been a big believer in levels of commitment in the legal form. And I think this is true of straight couples as well. Start out with a DP which bestows next of kin rights to your partner w/o necessarily committing to communal assets/debt. This gives you both time to test the waters to see if this is for the long haul. Then when you really think it will survive, go for the full enchilada of Marriage. To me, that would make total sense but I am not sure that will happen.

I think what will happen is you will see many cities and states do away completely with DP registries. We, like straights, will have two options, single or married. California so far hasn’t done anything. Living in SF, I currently have three options. City DP, State DP, or Marriage. The city DP gives you insurance and next of kin rights but requires no communal property. The State DP gives you pretty much the rights of marriage including communal property. The State DP also gave you joint filing on your State income taxes. Now that Marriage is legal once again in Cali, there may be no real need for the State DP anymore. The only difference I could see is if you didn’t want federal recognition, then it would be of benefit.

There has been some talk at the City level of doing away with the local DP registry. It hasn’t come to fruition yet but it would not surprise me. I hope that they don’t though. I hope they keep them separate to continue to give people a choice. Like many things in life, it doesn’t have to be all or nothing.

Regardless of whatever your options are in your city, town, or state, take the time to really think things thru. Do a little googling and educate yourself. Gay or straight, asking for a pre-nup doesn’t mean your love or commitment is any less real. It does mean that you are taking a precaution in case things don’t end with a happy ever after. Fairy tales were meant to inspire not to delude. Being in love is a wonderful feeling [1]don’t I know it!, but don’t let it overwhelm your decision making skills. And for the record, you can dissolve a pre-nup at anytime you wish. You can even build a time-limit clause into it.

And to answer your burning question, no the Pup and I are not at that stage yet. I certainly hope the day will come but we aren’t there yet. He pretty much owns me anyway but that’s a whole other type of contract. hehehe

References

References
↑1 don’t I know it!

Burn

People always seem surprised that I don’t go to Burning Man. I’m not sure exactly why that would come as a surprise but ok.

Having read their official site, FAQ, and supporting links, I just don’t see the point. I’m not bashing it, I just don’t get it. Not getting it doesn’t make me against it in any way either. [1]I’ve gotten hate mail in the past for daring to discuss a different POV. lol  My only real disagreement is their assertion of “radical self-reliance.” I don’t call packing everything you need to survive for 8 days radical. I call it being prepared. Living in a desert open space isn’t conducive to self-reliance on the environment. Maybe it’s a minor point but it feels slightly disingenuous to me. I wonder if growing up actually relying on the environment to provide for me has jaded me a bit. My idea of radical self reliance involves living off the environment with little to no assistance from the outside world. Pumping in electricity, water, food, sanitation facilities, and Internet is not self-reliance IMO. lol

Anyway, I appreciate a lot of the artistic effort that goes into the event. Some of the displays and constructs are truly a site to behold. Many of the costumes and over the top displays can be equally artistic and beautiful. Is it enough to interest me in camping out? Not really. The reason I mention it is because I’ve begun to hear grumblings from many about how the event is changing. Like anything new and exciting, it is bound to grow and evolve over time. The question is can it survive the increase in size and still maintain the integrity of its roots? Ironically, said issue is discussed on its official site.

Much of the feedback I’ve heard this year has been very 50/50. Some swear it is a life-changing event and revel in the freedom of it. Others complain of feeling ostracized and the very clique-ish feel that is developing. I can’t speak for either side, but have noticed a very distinct shift in the feedback. Time will tell if it will become a victim of its own success.

As for me, I’m not for or against, it just doesn’t appeal to me. From the positive side, I hear a lot about the spiritual connection it invokes. Having found my spiritual center, I struggle to see a need here. My meditation and readings feed my spirituality and I don’t feel it’s lacking. So this aspect doesn’t appeal to me.

Then there is the living off the grid and/or self reliance. Well, I practically lived off the grid most of my childhood. Beyond having electricity, we had no phone or cable. The internet didn’t exist yet. Our water was from a well we drilled. We hunted, fished, and/or grew 90% of our food. Several of my younger years included living with an out – house vs indoor plumbing. My closest neighbor was 3 miles in either direction. The closest emergency room was 50 miles away. I guess this might have spoiled this aspect of the event for me. lol

The artistic expression is probably the single thing that interests me. Being the only interest, it is not compelling enough to make me endure the hardships and fork over $400 for said experience. The latter only meant as a declaration, not a negative vote.

So there you have it. If you’re an attendee, first-timer or OG, feel free to share your experiences.

References

References
↑1 I’ve gotten hate mail in the past for daring to discuss a different POV. lol

Russia

I rarely discuss current events here as one, not really what my blog is about and two, successful discourse these days seems to be all but impossible. Having had several discussions with friends and even a few blog readers asking my thoughts on it, I thought I’d weigh in.

First, there is no clean answer. It is a sticky convoluted problem. Every answer put forward so far hurts someone. So if you look at the least amount of harm caused vs potential success then you can sort of see a way forward.

The boycott of companies. I don’t support a boycott. Primarily, because it won’t do any good. Put – head doesn’t care about the fallout or damage he causes, he only cares about furthering an agenda. He doesn’t care if we boycott one company or all of them, he will continue his agenda unabated. This is Russia we’re talking about. It’s history speaks for itself. Frankly, I don’t see that we do all that much business with Russian companies to begin with. I’m sure we have some but as a consumer I just don’t see it. I also don’t believe that they have any influence at all over their government. They don’t have the lobbyists like we do here. They don’t have the buying power like greedy corps here. The vodka company has been a decent supporter of gay rights before and after this incident. Why is it fair to punish them when they have zero influence over their government? Plus, boycotts are becoming so common as to be pointless and ineffective IMO. Even if they make further strides to support us, I still don’t support our methodology. The end does not justify the means if we give up the ethical/moral high ground. I don’t see the extra media attention as justification either. Said attention could have been garnered in other ways.

Boycotting the Olympics. Why, so the Russian athletes can take home all the medals? No thanks. Many of these athletes work their whole lives for this. To deny them that would be just a wrong as what is being done to us. How does wronging others do us any benefit? If anything, I think it would create more animosity towards the LGBT community.

Moving the Olympics. I would support a measure if there were time. From a very pragmatic approach, there isn’t and they wouldn’t even consider it. It takes years to plan and prepare for said event. As much as I’d love it if they were willing to move it, it’s not gonna happen. Too many ripple effects for a cause that is not near and dear to their hearts. If it were an option, this would be the one to go with. It would embarrass Russia and Put – head in a major way. Sadly, I just don’t see it as a real option.

Banning Russia from the Olympics. While still causing harm to their athletes, it would send a very powerful message to the government. While I still don’t like the idea of denying athletes, many of whom are probably gay, it is the least damaging of the previous options. Sadly, I’m not even sure that would work. Put – head has some pretty hard line policies and I can’t honestly believe he’d change his mind.

Pressuring sponsors. This is probably the least likely to cause harm but also least effective. I’d support the effort but I’m having a hard time finding a positive net result.

I would push other countries into a united front against Russia. Then if they didn’t budge the IOC could resort to banning Russia from attending. To me this seems to be the most effective way to make a positive change before the Olympics. Granted, any athletes that get arrested for ‘propaganda’ would set off world wide repercussions. While I’d never wish that on anyone, I’d support any athlete who did it! And sadly, I am worried it is the only really effective way to make a difference over there. *sigh*