After my last rant, I had a long term reader, as he claimed, state he would no longer read my content because I was now part of “the [in]tolerant left.” He then demanded that if I posted his long-winded nonsensical rant he’d consider staying.
Bless your heart.
No. We are not going to play linguistic gymnastics to sell a narrative that is blatantly false. Trying to say I’m intolerant of people who are intolerant is pure nonsense. It’s a pathetic attempt to justify the actions of “your side” by trying to argue everyone does the same thing.
No. I don’t owe you any screen time here. This is my space. What I share (or not) is purely up to me. Had you made any cogent responses instead of regurgitating propaganda, I might have posted or shared it. Name calling, victim blaming, and racism is not something “we can agree to disagree on”, sweetie.
The liberals, as you put it, don’t always get points for doing the right thing. We can agree on that, but to infer they are the same as the so-called right is disingenuous at best. I’m curious if you have the same opinion now that it has been revealed the shooter was another radical extremist from the right? Hmmm?
Saying I’m part of the elite gays was pretty funny though. I did get a good chuckle out of that. I’m not exactly sure how or where you pulled that out of your ass, but points for humor. I won’t dignify the rest of your hateful comments with a response.
As for you leaving, bye Felisha. Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
I’m sure you’ve heard about the death of CK. [1]I won’t give any ad clicks by saying his full name here. I got a surprising number of emails asking my opinion on his death. My opinion doesn’t really matter, but I clearly have some thoughts.
CK built a career of hatred in the name of christian (white) nationalism. He was openly and proudly racist, homophobic, xenophobic, and misogynist. He said black people were subhuman and steal everything they get from whites. He proclaimed gays were worthy of death and actively supported allowing men to openly attack trans women. He laughed at the idea of immigrants being eaten by alligators.
To say he was not a good human being is putting it mildly. He was a human devoid of any humanity.
It’s ironic his very last words were shrugging off mass shootings as gang violence. [2]More code switching for race baiting He had previously proudly proclaimed, after yet another school shooting where innocent children died, that “some deaths were necessary to support our 2nd amendment rights.” One could say he died for that belief.
And yet, I’m expected to have empathy? The same empathy he denounced as not real and weak. No, I won’t mourn for a man who profited off spreading hatred. I won’t waste a 2nd thought on a “christian” that shrugged off the murder of children.
It’s a shame I don’t believe in Hell. If I did, I might find some comfort in knowing he would at least pay for all the harm he caused in life. No, he’s just dead and we’re left with the aftermath.
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Let me be clear, calling out the cruelty of his life is not the same as celebrating his death. Murder is not ok. I don’t support murder. If they find his killer, he should face the judiciary process. But don’t ask me to mourn the loss of such a person. You are entitled to feel however you wish. Your feelings over my lack of empathy is just that…yours.
If you haven’t seen the video, it was brutal. He died just the way he lived, horribly.
Today is the 20th anniversary of the death of my coworker / classmate / friend Francine Wriley. Sadly, she committed suicide.
Francine took her own life after leaving SF Dispatch. She moved with a close friend to Austin, but struggled with life in Texas. She was a fellow Alphabet Mafia member and spent most of her life in the Bay area.
We were friends, but not overly close. She had a rough life but had a heart of gold under her rough exterior. We were just starting to get closer when she decided to leave SF. Why will always be a mystery to me. I have my opinions but it’s not really relevant.
She had planned to come back to SF. She could have even come back to work without losing any seniority. However, in a moment of isolation she ended her life. There was nothing I could have done because I didn’t even know at the time she was struggling.
I try to remember her every year. I always wonder what dispatch would be like if she had come back. I wish she had. I miss her.
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Take a moment to check on those you care for from time to time. Life is precious.
We’re home from the honeymoon and sadly back to reality. I didn’t think much of all the negative drama in our country while away, but it all came crashing back today while catching up on the news. (I’m feeling chatty today)
Shawn & Myself
Anyway, Puerto Vallarta (PV) was both fun and relaxing. We had a bit of a learning curve as we weren’t overly familiar with where to go or what to do. We landed with plenty of recommendations, so it was mostly deciding which to do and when. Apparently, we went the weekend after a big bear event (no, not that one) and the weekend before spring break hit. Not to say it wasn’t busy, just our timing was off. 😂
The last two times I’ve been were both via boat, which were fun but a lot less planning and logistics are involved. We had a great time with beaches, boats, pool parties, food, boys, etc and not always in that order. We’ve already decided to go back for the infamous Beef Dip next year. [1]Shawn’s been bugging me to go for a couple years now, but I had the destinations confused and thought it was in Sitges. Next time we’ll have better first hand knowledge for smoother scheduling. Nothing bad happened at all, we just inadvertently missed some things we would have done because we went on the wrong days/nights. Overall, it was a great trip. We both felt we stayed just long enough. And we were both eager to be home with our beloved Daisy. She was in good hands but would not leave our side at all last night. She clearly missed us as much as we missed her. How precious is that face, I ask you? 🤣
Daisy Mae
Our friends kept texting how wonderfully behaved she was the whole time. We were beginning to think they had the wrong dog. J/k For all our bluster, she is pretty well behaved. If it is possible, she cuddled even harder than usual last night.
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I didn’t think I’d feel different after we got married, but I do. [2]See what I did there?… It doesn’t necessarily feel more real, but I feel closer to him now. It could be the indirect psychological conditioning of the idea of “marriage” in Western culture, but I’m running with it. It still feels a bit surreal though. I never dreamed of actually getting married. I grew up knowing I was considered a second class citizen so getting to say those words carried more emotions than I thought.
At the end of the day, I still only want for his happiness. I couldn’t imagine my life without him now to be honest, but being happy should be first in anyone’s life. Forgetting for a moment he’s been with me for 12 years, I just enjoy being with him. Even when we argue, which is rare, I do so knowing I still love him. I’m fond of saying, “he puts up with me”and he says, “I put up with his nagging”. I just see two people walking thru life together; who are both imperfect but willing to be so with each other.
For you few long time readers here, you’ll remember I don’t cater to fairytale ideas of love. Frankly, I’d never want to force that role on anyone. If Shawn and I spend the rest of our lives together, I will be grateful that we were compatible and loving each other. But if we ever do separate for whatever reason, I’d still only want for his happiness. That to me is the idea of true love.
So here I sit with most of my life’s goals accomplished. I can and do ask more of my life, but to say I am grateful would be an understatement. Looking back over the pain, the anguish, the struggles, and the sheer tenacity of my life, I am truly humbled to be this happy. I wish nothing but the same for anyone reading this.
So, this was set up in front of the old steam room door at the Fitness SF gym in the Castro yesterday. 😂
Memorial to the steam room
The gym announced a couple weeks ago that today would begin the remodel of the showers, including removal of the old steam room. The little memorial drew tons of giggles and laughs, myself included.
To say the old steam room (and showers) had a torrid past would be an understatement. It definitely had a “history.” And in honor of an era ending, here’s a little extra history because I know you’re dying to know. 😉
When I first moved to SF, prior to the “apps”, the steam room was practically a required destination. Couples were routinely made and/or broken in there on a regular basis. The later arrival of “apps” only made it more popular. People from all over the world are familiar with that little room.
While going thru a couple different names, the gym has been owned by the same owners since it opened. Said owners knew the steam room was cruisy and knowing it brought them business, they pretty much ignored all but the most egregious shenanigans. However, when they left Gold’s in favor of becoming their own brand, they suddenly “cared” and started cracking down. I say cracking down but basically they’d throw a tantrum if someone got caught. Guys learned to be more discreet. And considering employees were sometimes partaking while off duty, the cries of misuse rang somewhat hollow. [1]Allegedly! As Katy Griffin would say …
Fast forward to 2013, they shut down the steam room permanently. The official excuse was too many shenanigans, but multiple employees told an entirely different story. They also tried claiming the health dept threatened to shut them down…a lie easily debunked. It was just greed. Many of their existing gyms at the time had much older equipment and they didn’t want to invest in repairing/replacing them. The shenanigans made a convenient culprit. [2]When they took over the Fillmore location, they kept that steam room until COVID.
After COVID, there was a revival of sorts but the action moved to the showers. Not as ballsy, but still on the daily. And then late last year, they took to door off the showers to discourage any unapproved activity. (Not that it really stopped anyone.)
Basically, as the owners’ ‘brand’ grew and became more widely known, they wanted to discourage any idea they cater to adults engaging in anonymous sex. I mean how terrible, right?! Forgetting that all the other gyms have their own stories, they wanted to shut down the appearance of any support.
In the end, I don’t blame them. I do wish they’d been more honest about it. The Castro was basically their bread and butter in those early years and the community kept them in business thru various struggles, including COVID. Seeing them cast us aside so easily now is insulting IMO.
Being the only really gym in the area, they have a captive audience though. Convenience wins out.
All things eventually end. The gay community’s torrid love affair with the steam room was always doomed, but boy what a run!
I heard these two queens talking about an older guy in the gym the other day. They seemed specifically miffed that a guy in his 60’s was still hitting the gym. Is that a thing now? We are age shaming gay guys trying to stay in shape?
I probably would have said something in the past, but I’m in my congenial era at the moment. I just laughed it off and started up a conversation with the guy by congratulating him on his muscle growth. What these two didn’t know was he’d lost about 50-60 lbs in the last 6 months after surviving a major heart attack. We had chatted very briefly in the past as he asked for a spot on a bench he was struggling with. He had offered he was lucky to be alive and really excited to be back in the gym.
I made sure to look at both of the snotty dudes while talking with him, as our voices could be clearly heard across the room. To add a bit of salt in the wound, one of the guys these two usually fawn over came over and congratulated the man too. I did get to see them slink away afterwards.
This is my retired coworker and dear friend Bob pictured with Shawn and myself. We worked together for many years before his retirement and we’ve become closer friends since then. He is 83! (I should hope to live so long and still be mobile under my own steam!) He lives in Castro Valley which is about 30 mins out of SF. I get up once a month or so or he gets down here to hang out in the ‘hood.
Due to his age, I’ve also stepped into a role as his extended caregiver. I’m happy to be there to help him out when and where I can. I’ve talked my whole life about the lack of role models for gen X’ers like myself growing up gay. Well, here I am grown up and I can be that role model…I hope. At least I try to be.
Not being close to most of my family, the elders of which are deceased anyway, I’ve never had this sort of care role. I’m honored he trusts me enough to lean on for support. He sometimes worries he is a burden and that couldn’t be further from the truth.
Well, as I sit here typing this I am remembering maybe this isn’t my first care role. 😂 When my younger brother was coming up, I ended up caring for him a lot due to his mom’s pill addiction. Later, after getting kicked out of home for being a big homo, I spent roughly 2 years caring for my elderly grandmother. So maybe I should rephrase to say, “this is my first care role as an adult!”
Regardless, I’m happy to do it. He is my friend and having outlived most of his own family I know he needs my help. At the end of the day, that’s all that really matters.
Oddly, the war cry against the non-existent war on Christmas has been pretty light this year. I’ve barely seen or heard anyone whining about it. No Starbucks boycotts, no yelling at strangers. Maybe considering the state of political affairs they think the war is over. Whatevs …
If you’re into the holiday I’m wishing you the best. Get stuffed and be merry. Be safe and enjoy it.
If you’re not, don’t sweat it. It’s technically just another day. It’s not even the real birthday of the alleged baby jeebus. (That always gets the “xtians” hopping mad. 😂) It’s just another day, and it will be over soon. As soon as it’s over we can drop the pretense that we as a society care about our fellow man.
Find something fun to do for yourself.
I’ll be working but they pay me well enough for it so I can’t be too mad. It’s one of the few good ones I have left at work. The weather locally is a mess so be careful out there.
It’s been a minute since I’ve been here. I thought I’d follow up.
I got more than a few emails about my last political post. Ya’ll could have made those as comments btw. Some agreed with me, some were a bit indifferent, some completely disagreed, and some missed the point completely. Ironically, more than 1 email started out, ‘don’t be mad at me‘, which I’ll come back to in a minute.
First, I’m happy to end up being (partly) wrong about my feelings on Ms. Harris as the new nominee. And for clarity, I wasn’t against her. I was and am frustrated that we needed her to replace Biden for people to suddenly feel like we had a chance at winning. The latter is still very upsetting.
I had my misgivings on whether Ms. Harris would be a better pick and am happy to be wrong in that regard. I was pleasantly surprised by the immediate outpouring of support for her and the overall shift in the Dems. Part of me was equally sad that we’ve fallen so far that even our politics has to be exciting now for us to care as a whole. Ms. Harris is tearing up the airwaves and raking in the dough. I’m very pleased to see and hear all of that. And her VIP pick was stellar! While I am continuously amazed by Pete Buttigieg and would have loved him as a VP, I doubted she would pick him for obvious reasons. [1]If you haven’t seen him speak, you should google his Fox News clips. He eats their lunch and serves their ignorance back to them. Meanwhile, Mr. Walz is adding a level of fire that is a joy to behold. If Pres Biden had his speaking talent, we definitely would not be having this conversation.
I still strongly stand by my comment Pres Biden should not have had to step down. Period, full stop. I respect him even more now though. To willingly step aside for party and country is a level of character not seen in a very long time. Meanwhile, you have the other guy trying to get back in power to become a dictator (and stay out of prison). Pres Biden’s 2nd term should have been an easy win. You cannot deny the work he and his team has put in to help us all. My original point stands, but kudos to you Pres Biden. You serve your country well.
Second, I guess maybe I’m too aggressive at encouraging folks to be civil here. lol I’ve always cared more about civility than fame, but I’m wondering if maybe I’ve overdone it. Lol More than half the emails i got started out w/some sort of disclaimer to not be mad. For the record, you can comment here even if we disagree. You can comment even if we disagree vehemently. What is not allowed is trolling, personal attacks, name calling, belittling others, etc. Beyond that comment away, when you feel motivated.
I like to think I’m holding up well for my age. I still care enough to make an effort at staying in shape. Age comes to us all, after all. I’m trying to maintain a level of health without going bonkers trying to remain young. [1]Don’t even get me started on some of the things gay men go thru to remain youthful or attractive. I mention it because I still routinely run into guys from back in the day who used to act superior to the rest of us because they had good genetics. Some had looks, some had muscle, some had both, others still had it all. I still see some of them and I can tell you some are definitely not holding up well at all.
Now before you chastise me and say, “I should know better“, let me finish. I’m not trying to gloat. I’m actually trying not to gloat, which is why I’m airing my dirty laundry here. I try not to gloat partly because back in those days, I was a lot more insecure about myself. I could just as easily have been projecting my own issues onto some of them. How would I know? And partly because I don’t really know what their struggle has been or what led them to their current state. Lawd knows I’ve had my share of medical issues these last few years. A lot of factors could have come into play. I won’t lie though, for some that used to be particularly nasty, I do get a tickle. And while they might deserve it if I returned the favor now, my behavior would only reflect poorly on me.
Now in my early 50’s, I’ve kind of maintained myself, if that makes sense. I’m not any more muscular than before. I’m certainly not any more attractive. But I have held my own. I can be proud of that without gloating over others. I certainly know the sting of age in the gay community. And I can only imagine what some of these guys are going thru now that they aren’t center stage anymore. Some do seem to be a bit humbler than before. Others seem to be in denial. And some just seem to have given up all together.
So while I may feel validated on the inside, I have also learned (painfully at times) what othes think of me is really none of my business, good or bad.
