Category: friends

Ooops VI

Every not do something wondering why you don’t and then discover later it was a good thing you didn’t? I’ve been so focused on work and getting my EMT hours in, I totally spaced I was on vacation this week! I’d originally planned to go to Fort Lauderdale however, I kept putting off booking the trip until it was too late. Turns out, it was a very good thing I didn’t book it. Can you say K-a-r-m-a? My entrance exam for the Fire Dept is tomorrow. I would have totally had to cancel the trip or worse, miss the exam date. Needless to say, I’m studying my butt off today.1 Wish me luck Luck LUCK!?

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My friend Trevan was in town this past weekend. He came up last week for a work conference but stayed over to hang out w/me. I hadn’t seen him in almost a year so it was very nice to see him. We didn’t do a whole lot though. Shopping one day, bar hopping the next, and a little naughtiness the last night.2 We seemed to run into the same group of friends of a friend sorta scenario. (I think they were secretly stalking us!)

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I met another local blogger at the gym the other day. He was kinda coy but I’m hoping he sends me his blog link so I can check it out. He is a total hottie too. Grrrr!

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I keep having dreams about M and I. No, not those kind. Believe it or not, I’ve been dreaming about us being old together. And no, I haven’t changed my mind about the “wait and see” approach. I also have no idea what the dreams mean. I’ve never dreamed about being old before. We texted a few times yesterday. End of update…

1 I still had my session w/the trainer.
2 No, not together. Ewww, gross!

New Moby

Thank you to everyone for the kind words of sympathy. Having the weekend off helped get my mind off of it. Well, that and Rich was in town from Dallas. We hung out over the weekend and he was just what I needed to get out of my funk. Sweet and funny man. He made me laugh so much; just what the doctor ordered.

I have fun pics to post too. I’m on my way out to get some chores done but stay tuned for some good pics of us acting up over the weekend.

Drama 103

Like a fool, I let a friend who I know is high-drama drag it into my home this past weekend. I thought I was doing him a favor in letting him hang out with me. Maybe give him a chance to bond and vent a little. Oh, it started out good. He comes over and we stay up laughing and playing Xbox till the wee hours of the morning. I thought it a good way to get his mind off the situation. However, it went downhill from there. Without all the gory details, in the space of 12 hours he managed to not only disrespect me but my roommate, my neighbors, and my landlord.

I like to think I am pretty easy going. That said, I’ve learned sometimes people can use your good will against you. I knew he was a drama addict. Why? Because I’ve been there; a life full of drama but lacking in responsibilty. I admit, it is a bit odd seeing a straight counterpart in the same place I was 10-15 years ago. Oh, the faces and names are different but the scenarios are the same. I was lucky enough to find my way and grow out of it. I’m beginning to wonder if my friend ever will. He goes from one self-induced dramatic episode to the next.

I’m not the only one who is growing tired of his BS either. Several of my co-workers are a bit fed up as well. He has systematically used up most of the good will afforded him. If he isn’t careful he may not have any friends left soon. For my part, I’ve ended more meaningful friendships for similar problems so I’m not about to change now. And while this current episode doesn’t reach that level just yet, I’ll think twice before I invite him over again.

Tra la la la

So it’s my Friday. And it’s the last day of work before the vacation officially begins. Wahoo! I had a mini vacation last month but I still had tons of responsibilities tagging me so it wasn’t very relaxing. However, I am off to Fort Lauderdale this coming week and I can’t wait. Oh sure, for the money spent, I could have booked a cruise or gone somewhere uber gay. Well, I live in an “uber gay” city so I’m a little over the whole gayer than gay thing at present. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not kicking anyone here. I’m just content being Moby vs gay Moby at the moment.

Switching gears slightly, I offered the “olive branch” of friendship to someone recently who rejected it. Not mean or rudely however, I was surprised as said person went out of their way to be my friend. Odd? yes. Unexexplainable? No. I sorta think I’ve puzzled it out. (paging Dr Freud.) He developed an image of who I was based on where I work, the charities I work for etc. He also reads my blog off and on so has an idea of my persona. However, as people tend to do, I guess he built up an image of what he thought I was and when I didn’t live up to that image, he decided I was no longer friendship material.

Having met me, several bloggers out there can attest to my directness. I make no pretentions about my life. Not biggie there. I think the part that shocks people is that I don’t sugar coat the parts of my life that may or may not be widely accepted. I can speak as openly about religion as I can my last carnal encounter w/o batting an eyelash. The way I see it, there is no shame in my actions so I see no reason to sugar coat it to make you feel comfortable w/your own issues.

Having said all that, I think this person built up an image of me based on the refined parts of my id. He neglected to notice the other parts and now can’t seem to reconcile the two. Sad but not my problem.

Deja Vu

Tonight I found myself sitting in the exact same spot where, 16 years ago, I almost took my life. I know you’re probably asking yourself, “WTF is he talking about?”. Well, I’m getting to it. And while it is a bit heavy, it’s on a good bent.

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To start, let me back up a bit. I detoured thru Galveston today to pick up a friend who wanted to tag along w/me to see the clan. I’ve known Curtis going on 14 years now. I don’t often get to see him while I’m here so I figured I could kill two birds w/one stone. The bad news is he could only get one day off from work so I had to bring him back to Galveston. I originally planned to drive back into Houston and crash w/Trev however, the idea struck me to just get a cheapy hotel room and stay here. Galveston is actually 45 minutes closer to our place in the sticks. And yeah, I could have stayed w/Curtis but I was in a weird mood to be alone. Now I know why.

Isn’t it funny sometimes how life sorta plops you down somewhere w/o rhyme or reason. You are just toodling along and BAM! It hits you. It happened like that for me tonight. I didn’t spend much effort looking for a hotel. I grabbed the first one that looked good and showed “free wifi” on the marquee. As luck would have it, The Commoder Hotel fit the bill nicely. I park, drop the gear off, and then hit the beach. I’m walking out onto the dike to get a good blast of the water and salt air. At this point, I wasn’t really sure why my mood had turned so somber. I had a good day hanging out w/Curtis and the brother. Yet, I felt oddly familiar emotions boiling just beneath the surface of my id. I eventually chalked it up to old memories and kept walking. It wasn’t until I reached the end of the dike that it hit me.

This was the dike. The dike where 16 years ago I found myself seriously contemplating walking out into the ocean and just letting go of all the pain. I couldn’t believe it. How could I have forgotten? Better yet, what guided me to this very spot tonight? I stood there in complete disbelief at first. So many emotions fighting for dominance. I’m not really sure how long I stood there. After the shock wore off, I realized not only was I soaking wet (I’d been standing at the very end and the waves were splashing all over me), I was also crying. And as I stood there licking the salt water from my face, I realized I was crying not from sadness but happiness. Happy for so many reasons but the most obvious was that I had survived. Happy that I kept on going and made something of myself. Maybe not something great but something nonetheless. I sat down (after backing up a bit) and just let all the emotions wash over me. Towards the end, I began to feel a bit empty. I reached for my little piece of joy and there it was. Tucked away but still there as always just waiting for me to need it.

Ya know folks, I really have led a blessed life. Oh! And I think I realize now why I’m so drawn to the beach. It’s not just the waves and sun. It’s the connection that it reminds me of. The point in my life when I first found myself. How could I have missed that all these years.

No matter what happens tomorrow, this has been the best vacation I’ve ever taken.

Forward

Thank you to everyone for kind words and support. I’m constantly overwhelmed by the amount of love received from complete strangers. (Even though, a huge chunk of you are no longer strangers.) I cannot express in words my gratitude. A special thank you to al from Bent Collective for his very insightful post. A post I will refer back to in a bit.

First, I’d like to answer a few questions about my friend.

No, I will not share his name out of respect for his ex’s wishes.
No, he was not my boyfriend, now or in the past. We were just good friends.
He will be cremated this week after the autopsy.
Yes, the family will claim the body. And I could care less what they do with it now. It’s an empty shell.
His brother has been kind enough to offer me part of his ashes (via his ex). I am hoping this comes to fruition as I would very much like that.

I am at peace knowing my friend knew the people who cared for him most were there when he needed us. My sorrow is still fresh but tempered by my love and belief he is still around. I meet the day w/a smile on my face remembering my friend in love.

Nice Moby

This past weekend everyone kept saying how nice I was like it was a surprise. I must admit I was a little taken aback by that. Of course, I’m a nice guy! *g* But, I guess I sorta take that for granted. It’s pretty easy to miss if you aren’t looking for it in my writings.

Work has been a terror this week. WAY too much going on. Our contract negotiations are in full swing and the city is playing hard ball. The union is using my dept as the focus of it’s campaign. Mainly, as we are the extreme compared to other depts. in the city. No word yet on what affect our efforts have had on the process. Only time will tell at this point. We have one more big rally coming up next week. If the turnout is good, it will definitely help.

My friend in the hospital is still not doing well. On top of that, the family has shown up and causing more harm than good. Thankfully, he is still intubated so he is unaware of all this. I’m beginning to lose hope he will recover. Every step forward is met w/two steps back. It has been weighing on my mind a lot this week.

I finally got back into the gym today. I’ve only been once in the last two weeks and it’s been driving me nuts. It felt good but I only got half a work out in. Back and biceps. Tomorrow is quads and calves. I’m still working on the work out tips post and am hoping to have it up over the weekend.

I’ve been so distracted this week, I totally forgot last night was the final contest for the BCC contest. Ooops! I don’t even know who the winners are. How sad is that? Ugh. I’m glad the hard part is over. Now my work drops off quite a bit till June. Hey, I’ll take my breaks anywhere I can get’em.

Duty calls…happy weekend all.

Oooops!

Everyone was taking so many pics over the past weekend, I forgot that I actually snapped off a few. I guess I’m the only one who got the group shot. I remembered after hearing brettcajuns podcast this morning.

Left to right brettcajun, Kel, Dan turning 40, woof brandon, Tony, homer, Steve, Jeff, Sean, & Glenn

Not to be left out, I had to get one w/me in it. hehehe
Moby, Chad Fox, brettcajun, Woof Brandon, Tony, & homer.

Blog Me Baby II!

Well, it looks like I got my wish to meet a lot of my blogroll bud’s. The blogger meeting tomorrow is growing! I ran into Chad Fox today in the Castro before work and he signed on. He is gonna drag Kel and Daigle with him. Sexy Vic from v-hold has shown some interest. Even woof brandon might show up! And this is all before the graduation party for roblog tomorrow night.

homer and brettcajun are just as much fun in person as they are in the blogosphere. They joined me for my stint at the BCC contest last night. I lucked out and got to leave early so the rest of the time we spent watching tivo and chatting. Today, homer is off to Berkeley to explore some archeological stuff and Brett is slumming the day away w/lurker Tony. I’m working of course. (Pat me on the back for being such a dedicated civil servant!)

My only wish is that Steve from Bent Collective could have been in attendance. I can report he is mending quite nicely. I only wish I had better news about my local friend’s condition. He is still very sick and I’m worried about him.

Duty calls, so more later….Lots of pics coming!

Ups & Downs III

An update on the sick friends I mentioned.

One has taken a turn for the better and almost out of the woods in scope of worry. While recovery will not be quick, it seems he will make a complete recovery. Saying I’m grateful is an understatement.

My other friend, who is local, has taken a turn for the worse. He was moved back into ICU in the wee hours of the morning due to complications w/maintaining his airway. Admittedly, my EMT experience is still limited however, I’m a bit perplexed on his condition. Everything shows he should be recovering yet isn’t. This has me very concerned my initial suspicions were true. Not good news. However, I am comforted knowing another friend of his has flown up and is taking good care of him. Only time will tell.

What a rollercoaster of a week this has been. I’m happy and sad at the same time. Plus, I’ve had all these topics to rant about and to busy to focus.

Of course, there is always next week to look forward to as well. The big blogger pow wow w/Jeff, Kel, brettcajun, homer, roblog, etc. I think there are more that I’ve left out but my mind is scattered at the moment.

The rain has finally let up. We have one more light storm coming thru late weekend and supposedly clear skies after that.

I’m hoping I’ll have better news about my friend next post.