Category: friends

Drama – 2o1

I was all set to blog about the last few days but like an unwanted sore, drama has reared it’s ugly head once again. I’m amazed at how quickly a good mood can be ruined. So ruined that I had to cancel a class I was instructing today. I was simply too angry to teach.

I’ve disabled the comments for this post.
I don’t want advice on what to do, I know what must be done.
I don’t want empathy, it will only make the pain I feel worse.
I don’t want inquiring questions, the dirty details don’t add to the point.

What I will say is a close friend violated our friendship today. In such a way, I’ve lost all respect for him. And I’m asking myself, what is the point of a friendship w/o respect? He will no doubt read this post as he reads my blog religiously. It will be met w/denial, regret and then hostility when nothing else works. I can’t say as I care anymore. I’ve reached the end of my tether.

I was put in a very awkward situation today of having to lie. It wasn’t a big lie nor was it to save a life or keep someone out of jail. No, I lied to avoid becoming involved in a problem that I should never have been privy to. As soon as it was over, I was ashamed of myself for the lie and angry at how it was so connivingly foisted upon me. It has been quite some time since I’ve known shame. And five years ago, I probably wouldn’t have batted an eyelash over it. But I am not the same person I was five years ago.

It really comes down to this, I can no longer shoulder the responsibility of a friendship w/someone who lives his life like a carefree teenager still living at home. One who takes no personal responsibilty for his actions and routinely absolves himself of any guilt. I’ll be 35 years old next month. I have grown beyond the need for friends who still act like adolescents. My mentoring, advice, and constructive criticism are all ignored. Or more correctly, often acknowledged and then promptly forgotten. So I’m left asking myself what is the point?

If you know me, you know my anger is usually swift, to the point and once I’ve said my peace, I’m over it. I don’t ‘stew in it’. I’m also very forgiving when someone shows honest remorse. But, there comes a point when you have to say enough is enough. And when is it enough? After the 2nd time? How about the 5th or 6th time? No, this time, I want to continue being angry. I want my anger to stay w/me lest I forget and forgive once again. And I know once I do forgive, given some time, I’ll be right back where I started all over again. Frankly, I’m tired of going thru this. I’m tired of having the same conversations over and over and over again.

Just Where Have You Been Mister!?

Busy Busy Week! Things are finally slowing down. (That and I’ve already beaten the new Ratchet & Clank game once) I had my ride along this past Monday and it was great! An incredible learning experience. I am so hooked! The only downer, we had a paramedic intern as well so I didn’t get to do as much hands-on as I had hoped. Even still, it was great. The medic and EMT I rode with were both really cool and made sure I understood everything. I can’t give specifics obviously but, we had two cardiac patients, two falls, a couple of “man down” calls (usually homeless people sleeping on the street), and a MVA (motor vehicle accident). Sadly, nothing serious. No blood and guts the whole day. It did wear on me though. Twelve hours in the back of the ambulance took its toll. I was pooped by the end of the watch.

Speaking of medics, I’m sitting at the Cove in the Castro and an engine and medic just drove up for a “man down” call. Two of the guys I know. Of which, one is very attractive but very straight. I’m digressing…Having a large homeless population we get lots of calls of this type. Usually no merit due to guys sleeping or drunks wanting a ride to the hospital. Today turned out to be the latter.

Tuesday was class, lecture and practicals as usual. Finals are fast approaching. I’m so excited I can’t wait. I just hope I can find a part time gig as a EMT. (I can’t live on what an EMT makes so has to be part time while I continue to my regular job.) I’ll be super busy but that’s ok because I’ll use it as an excuse to pay off a chunk of my remaining debt. I might be able to flex my schedule at work too. I haven’t asked yet.

Monday, the day of my ride-along, was also Bobbeisha’s birf day. I decided to take him out for some belated shopping and a nice b’day dinner at 2223 Market. I had planned to take pics but I forgot the camera.

Trip: Pics

Ok so finally got the pics all edited. Some are pre-trip. And w/o further ado…..

Bobbiesha (aka Bobby) and I, prior to heading out to see “The Thing” on the big screen in the Castro. Yeah, I told you he was a scifi geek. More than me even!
Possessed!

Here we are scared shitless in the theatre just before the movie.
Scared - NOT

So while waiting to board at the airport, I was a little disturbed by this picture. Exactly WHAT did he hit that put the big dents on the top of the windshield? And was this midflight or during landing? *g*
What I hit?

I hate to say most of Texas is poor but when stores advertise they accept WIC on their street signs you kinda get an impression of their customer base.
I'd like my cheese please.

Here is moi getting ready for the Halloween. It’s a cheesy costume but it was put together in less than 20 minutes cut me some slack. I was supposed to be Zorro but I saw several better Zorro outfits so I reduced it to The Gay Blade.
The Gay Blade

The full costume.

Trip : Turbulence

Taking a break from the festivities to catch up. I’ve been going thru computer withdrawal. hehehe. I seem to be in a bit of a funk. I can’t seem to shake the feeling of disappointment from not being able to go to Ft Lauderdale. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve enjoyed myself and I’ve certainly been popular w/the boys (they like the new pics too). And, I got to see some friends I haven’t seen in ages. I shouldn’t complain, I know. I think next time I have to cancel a trip, I’m just gonna cancel, not go somewhere else. Last time I was here I had the best time. I guess I keep comparing my experiences here to what I was hoping to do in FtL. Anway, that’s enough about that.

I went down to Galveston for a day and hung out on the beach and saw my friend Curtis. I haven’t seen him since I moved away. For a tidbit of info, I’ve known curtis since I was about 20 years old. I always sorta suspected he was gay however, he wasn’t out about it and I never felt the need to question him. He was and still is a good friend. So back to the point, he came out to me the weekend before I moved to SF. And while he did come out to me, he isn’t overly open about it to anyone else. It’s been really hard on him I think. He is in his late 40’s. And while that is not so terrible in itself. Galveston is a very small community. Curtis grew up there and he knows absolutely everyone. Add to that, he was heavily involved w/choir and singing for quite some time. I think he feels trapped by his life. I’ve tried to encourage him to get out of there but as long as his elderly (and frail) mother is alive I think he will stay close to her. I could tell he was hoping I could spend more time w/him. I feel a little guilty for not doing so but a day in Galveston is more than enough for me.

Saturday, was group day. We did lunch w/the gang. Afterwards, I got in some shopping, (what? you think I’m not shopping?), did some errands and some sight-seeing. One of the things I had planned to do while in FTL was pick up some new blades. I figured might as well do it here since they are cheaper here anyway. Very happy I did too. I picked up a nice pair of K2’s for dirt cheap. Couldn’t believe how much they’ve come down in price. I was so tickled I spent the rest of the afternoon skating thru my old stomping grounds. LOTS of flat smooth streets here to skate on. While my skills weren’t lacking, my muscles were. My poor legs and butt are sore today. I haven’t been skating in quite some time. If you are a skater, you know what I’m feelin’.

Saturday night was the big party night. More on that later. My food is here and I am hungry!

Trip : Revisited

After some grumbling and quick call to my friend Trevan, I’ve decided to go home to Houston instead for the vacation. I spent over an hour on the phone w/Southworst only to discover they only sent me half of the reservation. Another 40 minute call and I got it all sorted out.

Ft Lauderdale it ain’t but I figure I can try for FTL again in March. Still very warm w/o being in the heat of summer. The beaches in Galveston definitely don’t compare but at least I’ll have access to a beach w/warm water.

I’ll be talking the camera and the laptop of course. Lots of pics to come!

..And We DON’T Accept No Food Stamps!

After work last night, Bobby dragged me kicking & screaming to the midnight showing of Friday the 13th III in 3D! Captured here is the sheer terror on my face at the discovery.

Moby Insane!

I quickly recovered from my 80’s flashback shock syndrome and decided it would be kinda fun. After all, I’d never seen the 3D version on the big screen. Of course, Bobby was thinking we needed to show up hours early, I quickly squashed that delusion. While it did have a good turnout, it wasn’t like the release of Star Wars or Star Trek. I’d say probably couple hundred people all total.

After a late night snack at Orphan Andy’s, we waddled over to the theatre. Here we are getting “in the mood” so to speak.

Choke that Hoe!

EEEEEEK!

We stood in line very close to the front for about 35 minutes. It was a bit nippy out and I had already commandeered Bobby’s fleece warm up so he froze while we were waiting. We had the pleasure of standing behind this gaggle of drunk twinkies in cheap knock-off hockey masks. They kept bouncing between the line to get in and Daddy’s (bar). You can picture the scene I’m sure.

So we finally got in out of the chill, got our beverages and quickly took our seats. Here we are in anticipation of the movie. I might add the glasses we are wearing are from the original release in 1982. Bobby is a fanatic when it comes to the Friday the 13th/Halloween franchises. You don’t even know to what degree.

Go!

Bobby didn’t believe me when I told him there would be lots of yelling. Sure enough we were surrounded by a cacophony of cat calls, screams, yells, and chants. We gave as good as we got though. There is one scene toward the end I couldn’t resist. The main female character is the only one left alive at this point. She just spent the night asleep in a canoe out in the middle of the water. She hears a sudden sound and is frightened by this mallard duck suddenly landing in the water. Right as the scene quited down I yelled “AFLAC!” Bobby laughed so hard I thought he might fall out of his seat.

So all in all, we had a good time. I didn’t get to bed till late and I’m paying for it today but it was worth it.

Folsom Weekend 2005 I

Folsom weekend started out w/the Bigmuscle party at the Mezzanine on Saturday. Talk about yummy beefy men. It was like the festival of lights but w/flesh instead! The bigger space this year made for a much more enjoyable experience overall. The ex and I went together. Our first event besides dinner since the break up. We got along fine actually.

I kept forgetting to take pictures but I did get a few.

Here is the ex and I.
Moby & D

We ran into our buddy Thor and snapped off a quick shot.

I got a nice surprise running in B & D from Denver. I knew D from my days living in Boulder. His new boyfriend (on the left) was very sweet.

Two of my favorite calendar boys Valtar & Allen. They make a great couple. Nice and handsome.

I had a great time at the party. I did get one small disappointment though. They did some sort of porn star premier for up and coming film. There was one guy who I knew did photos but never knew he was into porn. Anyway, I’ve always thought this guy was incredibly hot. However, seeing at the party tweaked out of his gourd ruined any delusions of naughtiness. The only downer for the whole evening.

Chef Moby

I played hookie from work today. Just didn’t have it in me to go. My friend D is coming up from Houston for Folsom St Fair. As I spent most of yesterday helping a friend from work setup and design his entire site from scratch, I didn’t get shit done. I did get out and do it today albeit a tad late. Only part I didn’t do was my DMV registration. I forgot to schedule an appointment in advance and I did not want to spend 2 & 3 hours in line waiting.

So while I’m out and about shopping for misc. housewares, Bobby tracks me down at Ross (theres a surprise right?). Anyway, he had a hankering for some good ole southern fried okra so I ended up cooking dinner for a change. I have to admit, once I started cooking I really got into it. It’s been awhile since I had some good southern food and it was delicious. It’s amazing how certain foods can bring back memories.

Fried Okra

Dinner consisted of fish filets, some long grain rice, fried okra, and a tall glass of ice tea. HMM-mmmm!

Dinner as Prepared by Chef Moby!

See there blog readers, not only am I good in bed but I can cook too!

Unbelievable

I write this today w/a great sadness in my heart.

I just found out one of my classmates from work committed suicide earlier this month. She recently moved away, to Texas of all places. Beyond being a classmate, she was my friend and a sister in arms (meaning she was a lesbian). kristaki (another classmate) called me to give me the sad news. I am so shocked I just can’t put it into words. This comes as a complete surprise to everyone. Life seemed to be really going her way as of late.

I guess I should try to put things in perspective here. I’ve been at my current job w/emergency communications for almost 5 years now. My class carries some distinction in that not only do we have the highest retention rate in the last 10 years, we were and still are very close as a group. We spent a lot of time supporting each other and working together to get thru the training program. We became incredibly close. We got to know a lot about each other and felt stronger for it. And we were as diverse a class as they come. Old, young, men, women, gay, straight, black, white, asian, latin, you name it we had it. Out of 18, 11 of us made it thru and 9 of us were still together up until very recently. We often brag about how good we were to all the newer classes. It has sort of been a badge of honor I guess.

How would I describe F? She was what you would call a strong-willed lesbian. Very opinionated and vocal (how could I not love her!). She liked to put on this butch bad lesbian appearance but underneath the thick skin, she was a kind considerate woman just trying to make her way in the world. She’d give you the shirt off her back if you really needed it. She often championed the underdogs of society and pleaded their case w/a fierce single-mindedness that would not be ignored. We sometimes butted heads as strong wills tend to do but we were always friends beyond it.

F recently bought a new house in Texas and up and moved w/her girlfriend. We were all sorry to see her go but she seemed happy and life was looking up. Obviously, there was some trouble in her life that none of us knew about. A trouble so deep that even her closest friends didn’t know it. I can’t even guess what it could have been. All I know is the shining light that was my friend F is no more.

F, wherever you are, your friends miss and love you still. Whatever tragedy befell you in this life we hope you’ve escaped in the next. You may be gone but you are not forgotten.