Category: TFA

Fine

I’ve been so serious here as of late so I thought I’d share something funny that happened to me this past week.

An attorney calls up one day a couple weeks ago about a records request we had produced for him. One of the discs had some erroneous data on it. No biggie, while rare it does happen, we made a mistake. We promptly sent him a new copy.

Fast forward to this past week. The guy calls back and this time one of the discs is blank, or so he says. I’m a bit less cordial (without being rude) this time as I begin to suspect he is playing us. It isn’t unheard of for an attorney to try and get one over on our office for a variety of reasons. Being devious, I offer him the option to swing by and drop off the disc so I can give him the new one vs making him wait while we mail him yet another disc. Now our lobby is currently closed to the public due the pandemic, but with the lower cases lately we have some discretion. And in my head I’m thinking I’m going to catch him in a big lie. Well, the joke ended up being on me.

He swings by and I get a call from the Sheriff desk he is here. I put on my best bitchy “I caught you in a lie” face and head down. And then it all just falls apart. I first had to pick my jaw up off the floor as the MF’r was FINE as hell!  I mean, “drop an egg and it roll down my pants” fine! I mean slap yo momma fine! He was stunning! Imagine Tom Ellis from the show Lucifer, but a bit shorter, dark blond hair, piercing green eyes, a slightly stronger jaw line covered in stubble and slightly more bulging muscles. He is wearing a well fitted shirt/tie with slacks. I actually caught my breath because I was so utterly shocked. If I had pearls I definitely would have clutched them in that moment. hehehe It was made worse by his completely calm and friendly demeanor, no gaydar pings unfortunately. He was nice and had these big paw like hands on him as he reached to shake my hand. (We aren’t supposed to shake hands but lawd baby jeebus I’ve had my shots and I couldn’t help myself.) I tend to have a firm handshake and guys will often comment on it. He did comment and I melted like butter inside. You could have scraped me off the floor.

And sure enough the disc was blank. So then I felt about two feet tall for thinking the worst and was falling all over myself to apologize, all the while taking in the breath-taking display that is this M-A-N! It is made worse because I think I actually felt myself blushing, which is just not something I do. As I repeatedly try to untie my tongue, I hand off the disc and he has an ever so slight humorous smirk on his face. Of course, I turn away quickly so he cannot see my full on blushing! I pretend I’m coughing so I can recover myself. Once I feel I’m at least not bright red, I turn to thank him one last time as he saunters away with his damn near perfect butt bouncing in those slacks.

I go back upstairs to collect myself and I’m quite sure the cleaning crew had to be called to clean up the slime trail I’m sure I had left in my wake. lolol I don’t know if it was the isolation, the testosterone boost from being back in the gym, my naturel gregarious nature, or all of the above, but I was flustered for a good 15 minutes after it was over. I’m sure he delights in knowing he has that affect on women and men as his smirk looked positive and had that knowing realization with it. Hell, it’s been days since it happened and I think I still might need a moist towelette after I finish this post. [1]TFA if you are reading this post, remember the first time we met? Yeah, I would have begged him too!

Of course, I had to call my husband and laugh with him and then blow up my coworkers texts on her day off to thank her for the blank disc she sent him. I was so tickled and it was a definite mood booster for the rest of the day.

Even an old dog like me can get flustered at times. Now you know…

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↑1 TFA if you are reading this post, remember the first time we met? Yeah, I would have begged him too!

United We Stand

So I’ve gotten more than a few questions about my opinion on the whole United debacle. I relented and commented on a few FB friend’s posts regarding it. I say relented because I pretty much avoid FB for anything other than fun chat and dog videos. It has become too toxic and successful discourse is rarely possible anymore. 

Anyway, how do you think I feel? I’m appalled. The idea that a passenger who paid full fare for a ticket can be physically yanked off a plane for overbooking is reprehensible. I don’t care if it was United Express (contracted by United). I don’t care that it was a security official not an actual United employee who did the beating/dragging. I don’t care that it’s in the fine print a paying customer can be booted off a flight for virtually any reason. Greed should not be more important that humans. [1]Notice I said ‘should not be’ vs ‘isn’t. This clearly demonstrates it’s past tense now.  I don’t care about all the reasons why he could have complied. This person paid full-fare to board a plane and fly home. It is not his fault the flight was overbooked out of the misplaced idea that profit is more important than good service. None of that matters. We should all be appalled at the very idea this can be allowed.  And lastly, I don’t care another flight might have been delayed or *gasp* other people might have been inconvenienced. You know what?  Sometimes we get inconvenienced. The world does not revolved around our personal bubble of existence. There were plenty of better ways to handle this. 

Don’t get it bent, I’m not dragging out the lynch mob torch for United just yet. Frankly, I think people are missing the forest for the trees here. This could just as easily have happened on any airline. United just ended up being the unlucky beneficiary. I know many United employees (from the both the old Continental and United) who are very dedicated to their jobs and I’m sure many of them are struggling to fend off drama from both sides right now. And being a long time Southwest customer, I can tell you first hand they routinely kick people off flights. All major airlines have the same or similar policy. The big picture here is how many people feel it was perfectly justified. It was NOT ok. And the fallout witch hunt to demean and degrade the victim aftewards was just as disgusting. When your moral code justifies physically dragging a paying customer of a plane to avoid inconveniencing someone else, perhaps you should re-examine your sense of morality. That is the real tragedy IMO. 

Our society is crumbling around us bit by bit. Greed, anti-intellectualism, and personal indifference are destroying our sense of right and wrong. I’ve said it before and I’ll keep saying it as long as I have breath to say it. The one good thing out of this debacle is the outrage was so bad I’m pretty sure no airline will ever try this again. Maybe we’ll see some good reforms put in place to ensure something we used to take for granted would never happen will actually never happen again. Either way, I’m sure everyone will have forgotten all about it next week when the next faux scandal comes along.  

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↑1 Notice I said ‘should not be’ vs ‘isn’t. This clearly demonstrates it’s past tense now.

TFA Onward

I  haven’t talked much about TFA lately.  That has been partly on purpose.  I needed some time to work thru some things percolating in ma head.  I will reveal he has been dating someone new and seems absolutely smitten.  Of which, I’m very happy about.  I know I know, you are shaking head going “huh”?  (I’ll get to that, keep reading)  lol  The new guy seems to be much more what TFA needs as well as wants in a partner.  I’ve always felt TFA and I met for a reason.  Whether it was he to learn from me or vice-versa is still up for grabs.  I do think at the time we met, TFA needed me but I wasn’t what he wanted.  I know for some that won’t make sense but for me it totally does. 

I’m sure by now you are gathering from my comments I have indeed let go of the angst I felt regarding TFA.  Actually, it was some time ago.  It had more to do with my own insecurities really.  Seeing that and dealing with it was an important step for me.  I still care for him very much but that concern has evolved into an enduring friendship. [1]well, a friendship with ‘benefits’. heh heh heh

Having let go of my internal issues, I find I am extremely happy with our relationship at present.  His new boyfriend knows about me and is completely ok with the connection and friendship we share.  After a long talk last night, I think TFA has clearly conveyed to him I am not a threat to their budding romance.  Considering he will be here for a long layover the weekend after my upcoming birthday, I felt it was important to make sure our connection would not hinder or interfere with his new love interest. 

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On a side rant, seeing TFA struggle to overcome his demons these last couple years has served to remind me of my past struggles and has kept me focused on my own life’s path.  He often tells me he sees our friendship lasting well into old age.  I’m very flattered and heartened by that. 

One of my life’s goals has been to know when I die, I’ll do so knowing I leave behind people who will remember and miss me. [2]For you tiny few LONG time readers, this will make total sense to you.  The rest of ya…get busy!  TFA definitely brings me one step closer to that goal.

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↑1 well, a friendship with ‘benefits’. heh heh heh
↑2 For you tiny few LONG time readers, this will make total sense to you.  The rest of ya…get busy!

TFA Onward

I  haven’t talked much about TFA lately.  That has been partly on purpose.  I needed some time to work thru some things percolating in ma head.  I will reveal he has been dating someone new and seems absolutely smitten.  Of which, I’m very happy about.  I know I know, you are shaking head going “huh”?  (I’ll get to that, keep reading)  lol  The new guy seems to be much more what TFA needs as well as wants in a partner.  I’ve always felt TFA and I met for a reason.  Whether it was he to learn from me or vice-versa is still up for grabs.  I do think at the time we met, TFA needed me but I wasn’t what he wanted.  I know for some that won’t make sense but for me it totally does. 

I’m sure by now you are gathering from my comments I have indeed let go of the angst I felt regarding TFA.  Actually, it was some time ago.  It had more to do with my own insecurities really.  Seeing that and dealing with it was an important step for me.  I still care for him very much but that concern has evolved into an enduring friendship.1

Having let go of my internal issues, I find I am extremely happy with our relationship at present.  His new boyfriend knows about me and is completely ok with the connection and friendship we share.  After a long talk last night, I think TFA has clearly conveyed to him I am not a threat to their budding romance.  Considering he will be here for a long layover the weekend after my upcoming birthday, I felt it was important to make sure our connection would not hinder or interfere with his new love interest. 

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On a side rant, seeing TFA struggle to overcome his demons these last couple years has served to remind me of my past struggles and has kept me focused on my own life’s path.  He often tells me he sees our friendship lasting well into old age.  I’m very flattered and heartened by that. 

One of my life’s goals has been to know when I die, I’ll do so knowing I leave behind people who will remember and miss me.2  TFA definitely brings me one step closer to that goal.

  1. well, a friendship with ‘benefits’. heh heh heh
  2. For you tiny few LONG time readers, this will make total sense to you.  The rest of ya…get busy!

Weekend “Stuff”

This past weekend was rather fun.  I went for a 150 mile ride two days in a row.  The first day I went solo and the 2nd day I rode with a friend from the sports bike group.  The 2nd day was the most fun as we drove down to Big Basin park.  The views were awesome and the windy roads even better!  There was a moment when we were taking a break where this very friendly guy came over to chat with us.  I first pegged him as gay…well until his wife sauntered over.  He was very friendly.  One might say too friendly for your average straight guy.  My friend and I both thought there might have been a ‘story’ there. lol  Anyway, the rides were awesome.  I’m loving the new bike more and more every day. I am kicking myself for waiting so long to upgrade.  As for the shoulder, it is healed up nicely.  I still have some numbness around the wound from nerve damage but it is better every week. 

Friday night I also had dinner with Adam & Brad.  I hadn’t seen them in ages and it was nice to catch up.  They seem very acclimated to life in the big city now. heehee  Brad is looking rather hot as he has been hitting the gym pretty hard.

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I finished Gears of War on the first 2 difficulty settings. The hardcore mode is proving rather difficult.  I can only imagine what “insane” mode is going to be like. lol  The online mode for this one is way ahead of the previous version.  I have to admit the game has consumed a lot of my free time as of late. 

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TFA was in town this past week as well.  We had an awesome time, as usual.  He gave me the nicest compliment w/o even realizing it.  While I was undressing (get your mind out of my gutter), he casually mentioned, “someone’s been working out“.  It was so unrehearsed and off-the-cuff I knew he meant it vs just trying to flatter me. hehehe  So…he got it extra hard just for that, twice! 

Still Kicking

Had a bit of a busy weekend. My friend Trev was in town from Houston. We don’t get to see each other as much as we used to so it was good to see him. He is going on a cruise tomorrow and promptly dragged me all over the city shopping for last minute “items”. [1]And ya know I was just kicking and screaming. lol Unfortunately, this led to some muscle spasms in my back and neck. Fast forward to my Chiro visit and I discovered I have whiplash from the accident. Not severe but still enough to cause problems when I stand or walk a lot. It is truly amazing how good you can feel from a good chiro adjustment. OY!

We also went to see “Burn After Reading”. It’s a dark comedy with Brad Pitt & George Clooney. There were some definite funny scenes and Brad Pitt’s character was hysterical. However, overall this is more of a DVD movie, IMHO. The build up was great and the acting was decent however, the ending was too quick and too convenient. It sort of spoils the mood the plot spends a lot of time building.

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TFA is in town for a layover tonight so I get to see him too! I haven’t seen him since the accident so naturally I’m very “excited” about that. hehehe

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The gym has been good. Ironically, the whiplash hasn’t affected me there at all. I think mostly because I haven’t incorporated any heavy back workouts into my routine yet. Today was supposed to be my back however, I switched to arms. I have no desire to re-injure myself in any capacity. That said, I am so happy to be working out again. The arm workout was great and the endorphins were even better. I also ran into “pubis boy” while I was there. It was all I could do not to pounce on him. lol

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Overall, it seems I am, in fact, my old self again. The violent mood swings and paranoia have definitely subsided. I’m still scheduled to see my doc tomorrow. I had my blood work done last week so he should have some answers for me one way or another.

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↑1 And ya know I was just kicking and screaming. lol

Get Over It Already

I know you are probably sick of hearing about my drama w/TFA but I’m still struggling w/my feelings so you get to suffer w/me.

We aren’t together anymore in the sense of dating however, we still see each other about as much if not more than we did before.  He and I both realize it just isn’t meant to be right now. 

That said, every time we talk and share intimacy I find it hard to get my head into the proper perspective again.  I want more damn it.  I know I can’t have it and it is driving me fraking nuts.  I also can’t help wondering if that is what’s making me want him more.  I don’t like being denied.  At ALL!  I know, color your surprised right?  It is a character flaw I’ve been aware of for years. [1]Remind me to tell you that story one day.  Juicy but so not my best moment  So I find myself mulling over my feelings trying to decide is it true desire or just being denied that keeps throwing my id into chaos.

I don’t have an answer yet.  Like I said, I’m just kicking it around in my head trying to figure it out.

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↑1 Remind me to tell you that story one day.  Juicy but so not my best moment

Confounded & More

Ok, I guess my last post wasn’t very clear.  The general assumption seems to be that I’m referring to potential partners.  I wasn’t.  Or more to the point, potential partners fall under the intended gist but was by no means the focus.  I used TFA as an example only because many here have followed my ups/downs with him. [1]I was happy to be there for TFA when he needed me.  We are still close and talk almost daily.

I was referring to reciprocity in people that come into my life and stay in my life in much more general way.  That applies to friends, family, and lovers equally.  Never fear, I have no plans to stop being who I am.  I just need to re-examine my priorities a bit. Being kind, compassionate, or sympathetic is a tiny fraction of a continuing long term emotional investment in others.  What I am discovering is I need to differentiate and prioritize between random kindness and investing myself in someone who gives nothing in return.  I don’t mean tit for tat, I mean someone who cares and invests themselves in me as well.  That applies to everyone not just potential partners.   

One commenter wrote that "some people are givers and others are takers."  Sorry, but that is a cop out in my opinion.  Continuously being on one side of the spectrum is not healthy.  And it is something I’ve realized for myself that is holding me back.  Ironically, I’m on the giving side.  How’s that for a kick in the pants? lol 

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↑1 I was happy to be there for TFA when he needed me.  We are still close and talk almost daily.

Reciprocity

n. :the quality or state of being reciprocal : mutual dependence, action, or influence.

The word isn’t exactly what I’m referring to but it is the closest I can articulate.  Go with it. 

Several events as of late have given me pause to think about the current path I’m on in my life.  The on again off again scenario with TFA is a big one.  Several other past and present events have come into play as well.  I’m humbled that at my age I can still learn things about myself. [1]One of my biggest fears is becoming jaded and bitter.

I tend to be someone who would give you the shirt off his back if you needed it.  I invest a great deal of myself in people I care about.  Oddly, I’m discovering I’m not always getting the same investment in return.  The latter I’m sure has a lot to do with a low self-worth as a child.  Anyway, it wasn’t until I was knee deep in a philosophical conversation with a newish friend recently that it hit me.  I have a horrible habit of investing myself in someone, friend or otherwise, without expecting or even demanding the same in return.  I’m referring to the like energies of time, compassion, concern, advice, and the level of involvement. 

I’ve always felt it is important to be compassionate, kind, genuine, etc.  I’m discovering it is also just as important to require the type of investment from others I invest in them.  I’ll admit this will be hard for me.  It is my nature to give of myself. 

 

Continue reading Reciprocity

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↑1 One of my biggest fears is becoming jaded and bitter.

Weekend In Review IV

What did I do this weekend? [1]besides being a pig.   I ended up playing Uno w/Brettcajun on the Xbox.  I can advise Brett is just as competitive at playing Uno as is at tennis. lol  He was determined to play till he got a couple wins under his belt.  He did finally.  I introduced him to a couple of my XBL [2]Xbox Live buddies.  One, from the UK and one from Boston.  It was fun.  I love Uno and playing with friends is even better.  Most of all, I loved watching Brett squirm.  I also knocked off a few games w/my buddy kristaki.  He got served on Call of Duty 4.  heehee

I also caught up on a lot of Tivo. [3]Oh yes, I was very productive  New stuff, I had 5 Battlestar Galactica, 3 Dr Who, and 5 South Park episodes.  Reruns, I had 5 ST: Voyager and 4 Stargate: Atlantis episodes.  BG is good but a bit extreme if you ask me.  They are really trying to go out with a bang.  Dr Who is constantly evolving.  I don’t like the new sidekick as much but she is growing on me.  I hope they bring Rose back.  South Park was, well South Park. lol

I was a dirty pig more than a few times to say the least.  Details forthcoming.

TFA isn’t feeling so well this week.  He had a crown replaced and had some severe pain afterwards.  Of course, the dentist office was closed over the weekend.  I felt so bad for him having to fly all over creation with a sore tooth.  Seems he is a bit better today if not a little worn out.  He always teases me because I always say my weekends are "uneventful".  lol 

Oh, I also moved all my pics over from picasa to flickr.  flickr has become just so damn handy, I couldn’t resist.  I inadvertently left some safety settings open though and got an stern scolding email.  Ooops.  All the tweaking, sorting, and labeling was a bit tedious but would been regardless of what I was using.  I didn’t realize how many damn pics I had to sort thru.  I’ve only uploaded a fraction so far.  Overall, I’m happy w/flickr but I still don’t like the idea of someone else controlling my data.  I can always delete’em if I don’t like it. 

Tomorrow, I have to be up at daylight thirty as I’m teaching again this week.  Thankfully, I had a hard ass workout today and feeling a bit sleepy.  I’m still gonna be dead on my feet come 1700 hours.  Oy!

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↑1 besides being a pig.
↑2 Xbox Live
↑3 Oh yes, I was very productive