Category: dating

Solo

The weekend is fast coming to a close. It was pretty good. My bike shop was having a bbq on Saturday and I stopped by for some free food while they put a new front tire on the bike. The roomie went with me. Beforehand, we stopped by Mr. S Leather to get his jacket worked on. My friend Christopher met us at SF Moto and afterwards we took a short ride down to Alice’s. He has a new back tire as well and they needed some wearing in.

I was supposed to do chores today but I got a wild hair and took the bike out instead. [1]well, I did get a few errands dones.  What was supposed to be a short ride, turned into a trip half way to Santa Cruz along the coast. It was such a beautiful day out. As expected, Alice’s was super busy. The pic is only a tiny fraction of the bikes. There is a convenience store across the street and their lot was full to the brim as well.

I could have easily planned a group ride but I wanted to go solo today. I prefer the group rides but sometimes I need to go by myself. I can set my own pace, I don’t have to worry about anyone else, and I can stop (or not) whenever I choose.

I’d only planned to go to down to Pacifica and back but before I knew it I was passing Half Moon bay. hehehe I didn’t have any plans today (other than chores) so I said the hell with it and enjoyed the ride. It got a bit chilly on the way back as the fog had started rolling in. [2]Course, Apple guy got 2+ inches of snow last night in Dallas so I’m not complaining.  Between yesterday and today, the new front tire is definitely worn in now. hehehe Sadly, the weekend is over though. Tomorrow, its back to the pump and grind of work. Its gonna be a stressful/busy week too. Ugh. I’m not complaining as at least I have a job. I know many who don’t right now.

On a side note, God of War 3 shipped this week. Expect me to be MIA online for awhile once it does! lol If the full version is as good as the demo I’m sure I’ll be enthralled until I finish it.

On another side note, Apple guy is back soon and for good this time. I’ve been obsessing a bit this past week and driving him a little nuts I think. The great thing is he and I can talk about such things openly. I like that very much as I never had that with the ex.

Ok, enough for now. Hope everyone has a good week.

References

References
↑1 well, I did get a few errands dones.
↑2 Course, Apple guy got 2+ inches of snow last night in Dallas so I’m not complaining.

Wish List

Le old blog has always been about me learning and discovering myself. True to form, this post follows in that vein. Its also a bit mushy. (You have been warned. lol,)

I was yacking it up with my buddy Christopher the other night and had a bit of an epiphany. It just sort of hit me while I was ranting away on the phone. [1]I love talking with him because he lets me ramble on ad-nauseum. lol  Actually, we have a lot in common and I trust his advice.  Many of you know things have been going pretty well between Apple guy and myself. So I’m talking with Christopher about that very thing; basically ticking off all the things that I like about him. I’m literally bouncing thru a list in my head when it suddenly dawned on me. For the first time in my entire life, I’ve met someone who has every quality [2]Emotional and physical. Oh yes! I lust after him! that I’ve always wished for in what I’d consider my ideal mate!  *goose bumps from hell!*

I’m fond of saying, ‘I try to be the type of man I’d like to date.’ It doesn’t mean I’m searching for perfection just someone perfect for me. And I’ll be the first to admit, its taken me many years and many failed attempts to discover what exactly that is to me. I had to discover not only what it is I want/don’t want but also what it is I have to offer in return. And lawd knows, many of you have followed my dating ups and downs over the years. A small few of you have even been their since the beginning of my blog and the very raw and painful break-up with the ex.

Thru it all, I’ve met guys who had some or most of what I wanted but never the whole enchilada. I guess you could call it a wish list. And to be frank, I’ve never actually expected to find someone who had it all. I’ve always hoped I’d find a guy who I had enough in common with to build a strong foundation for a lasting relationship. A relationship that was honest, open, and free to evolve as we did. [3]No tall order at all, right? lol  After TFA, I’d pretty much given up on that. It became something I still wanted but never expected to really find. To my credit, even after TFA, I continued to dabble and explore parts of my id. And I’m somewhat proud to stay, even thru my resignation, I still managed to continue learning about myself.

So imagine my total surprise to suddenly realize I could very well be getting my wish! I found someone who represents everything I’ve always wanted in a partner. I guess it shouldn’t come as a big surprise to me (even though it is) my connection and approach to building a relationship with this person has and is completely different. Instead of discovering a few things that appeal to me and then attempting to build a relationship on those things, I find myself just building on one entirely all-inclusive package. (This is one of those times where I know my grasp of the English language fails me. Try as I might, I can’t seem to truly express the full breath of what I’m feeling right now.)

How do I make this make sense? Let me try this. With my previous dating attempts, no matter how good or bad, I’ve always felt like I was either giving up part of myself or part of what I truly wanted in an effort make the relationship work. I have yet to feel any of that with Apple guy. If anything, I’m getting more than I ever hoped.  Being very territorial about my private space, I’ve yet to feel trapped, cooped up, or even bothered by any of the time he has spent with me. Our time together just seems so easy, with little or no effort on either of our part. Considering we spent over 2 months of the last 5 1/2 months together, that is a big statement. I’ve had contentment before but never in the sense I feel it now. My biggest fear after Drew was being abandoned again. After he moved here, it seemed all of his priorities and goals changed. Sadly, those changes didn’t include me. It hurt me very deeply when he so abruptly abandoned me. It also made me greatly fear the same thing in all of my following dating attempts. And to be fair, I am still scared now, however it isn’t as overpowering like times past. Its more of a nagging annoyance that rears its head in my moments of doubt. If anything, I’m finding a strength I’ve never know before. I don’t worry about Apple guy finding the BBD. [4]bigger better deal  I am self-assured in the knowledge that he is with me for many of the same reasons I am with him. And while we relate very differently in these areas, I am discovering how to read and understand him. That understanding has only served to re-enforce my new found strength. I think there are definitely times when I fail to express (to him) the true depth of my emotion. That said, I am confident he sees the truth behind my eyes. Does that make any sense at all?  Ugh. I’m still struggling to express myself here.

I guess in the simplest terms I know, in almost 6 short months, I’ve fallen deeply and madly in love. I feel like Apple guy is the one. Not the fairytale happy-ever-after crap, but the one person who is willing to take the time to understand me, accepts me (flaws and all), and is willing to stand by me thru the good and the bad. I am not so foolish to think we won’t have problems or fight, but I find myself daring to believe he is perfect for me. He allows the “me” to exist equally along side the “we”. 

While the future is unwritten, I am increasingly optimistic about our life together. The idea of a future with him warms my soul and I eagerly await it. The idea of him not being in my life is painful to even mention.

Fate forbid, even if we don’t make it, I realize now I love him like I have loved no other. He has shown me that what I truly want is not only possible but attainable. And no matter how things progress, I will always love and be grateful to him for that.

Stay tuned and wish m luck!

References

References
↑1 I love talking with him because he lets me ramble on ad-nauseum. lol  Actually, we have a lot in common and I trust his advice.
↑2 Emotional and physical. Oh yes! I lust after him!
↑3 No tall order at all, right? lol
↑4 bigger better deal

VD

I’m referring to Valentine’s day of course. Usually, I play for the opposing team, but this year having Apple guy in my life, I had to switch teams, so to speak. :p  He came up for VD and is spending the week with me. I don’t even need to tell ya how happy that made me. He had only been gone a little over two weeks and I was beside myself missing him. Speaking of, I know I haven’t been talking about him in much detail here since we met. That has been on purpose. One, I didn’t wanna jinx it and two, I’m a little gun-shy after my last two botched dating attempts. [1]Actually, I was kind of avoiding dating all together when he and I met.  I figure rather than over thinking it here, I’d just let things develop at their own pace and see how it goes. To my delight, its been going very well. I find that our comfort level together is such, I’m quickly moving away from my fears and lack of trust. Even after realizing how deep my ex’s betrayal hurt me, I hadn’t let it go. It jaded me and I’ve been going into potential relationships sort of expecting them to fail. I guess it was a twisted self-defense mechanism to protect myself from getting hurt. Whatevs…

Anyway, enough about that. The above pic is the very nice bouquet he got me for VD. I really like it a lot. I took the more traditional approach for him (see below).

We both got mixed up and thought Valentine’s day was yesterday. lol  Money is tight because of his upcoming move so we didn’t do anything too extravagant. We ended up going to see Valentine’s Day, the movie. It was just ok. Cute to watch on the holiday as it had some tender/sweet scenes sprinkled in. Overall, it was entirely too long and several scenes seemed to almost never end. I was kind of disappointed. It had such an all-star cast, I expected a lot more. If you didn’t get your dates confused like we did and you aren’t planning to see it today, I’d recommend waiting until DVD.

After the movie, we hung out at the Metreon playing video games and air-hockey for awhile. Of which, he soundly beat me. He has a a bit of a competitive streak and hates losing. lol [2]He and Brett would either either instantly love or hate each other.  The upside is he won me a life-size tickle-me-Elmo (I have a thing for Elmo) from one of those stuffed animal machines. 

Even better, when we got home he made us some gourmet grilled cheese “sammiches”. OMG, they were so good! I can already tell I’m definitely gonna have to up my cardio once he moves here full-time. lol 

Overall, we had a nice relaxing enjoyable day together. Some of you have noticed, I changed my Facebook status to “in a relationship”. I never realized anyone paid that much attention to such things but apparently you do. I was tickled from all the responses I got the day I changed it. hehehe  Yeah, we’ve decided to make it official. And so far, he manages to put up with me pretty well. :p

Actually, the comfort level is really good between us. I usually feel completely at ease around him. He has commented he feels the same way. This month is our 6 month marker, can you believe it? I can’t wait for him to make the move to SF. If everything goes well, he could be back permanently within 2 weeks. If not, probably 3-4. Either way, things are finally wrapping up and I’m glad he’ll be here soon.

References

References
↑1 Actually, I was kind of avoiding dating all together when he and I met.
↑2 He and Brett would either either instantly love or hate each other.

Birf’ed

Its that time again. Yours truly is a year older today. I was completely blown away by all the well wishes I got via Facebook, twitter, text, and voicemail today. The irony is I don’t feel 39. Oh sure, my body is finally beginning to show the signs of my age, [1]I found my first grey chest hair just this week but my mind still feels many years younger.

I’ve often wondered if it is because I spent most of my 20’s focused on survival or I’m just young at heart. Either way, I’m glad. While wisdom and experience has certainly mellowed me a bit, I’m still very rambunctious and free-spirited. Both qualities I love in myself and others. Unlike many (especially in the gay world), I do not fear or resent getting older. I can see the allure of youth and being young, but I think its way overrated.

Apple guy stayed thru my birthday, which I was very grateful. He got some bad news this week so has been stressed. The rain kept us indoors for most of the day. We finally mad it out for some lite shopping and sushi for dinner. I’m sad he is leaving back to Dallas tomorrow. Its been so nice having him curled up next to me every night for the past month. The upside is he is coming back soon. Even better, the next time is when he moves here. So there is a little silver lining to be found.

References

References
↑1 I found my first grey chest hair just this week

Take A Moment…

…to do something nice for a complete stranger. There are many this holiday season who don’t have it so well. Many more who are flat out hurting. It doesn’t have to be money or big, just make an effort. You’d be surprised what a little kindness can do for someone.

It isn’t the gifts but the idea that people are often a little bit nicer to each other. Call it mushy, sappy, or whatever but it catches on and spreads from person to person during the holiday season. I haven’t been able to really catch the spirit this season until now. Funny how that works ain’t it? lol

My little brother had me in tears last night. It took him being upset to reminded me of the thing I love about the holidays. He was sad because he still misses our dad and his mom. Even though he has two kids of his own now, he struggles on the holidays. They both passed while he was still living at home and I think he often feels lost and alone. He never developed the independence the rest of us had. 

While we were talking, I broke down and told him something I’d never mentioned before. He never knew as a kid that he was one of the only things that kept me sane. He knows full well there was never any love-loss between myself and his mom. But, I always wanted a little brother growing up. And as much as she hated me and I her, she did give me one. Granted, it had nothing to do with me but it didn’t matter. Having a little brother made me stronger and gave me something to focus on besides my own misery. I honestly don’t think I would have made it thru it w/o him. He was really touched by that and we both ended up bawling like school-girls.

Today I find that I’m all giddy and excited about the holiday again. I guess I finally caught the spirit. After I talk last night and today, I’m feeling it. Of course, apple guy arrives tonight so that might have something to do with it too. LOL  Ok, it has a lot to do with it but whatever.

Happy Hanna-Kwan-a-Xmas guys!

Snooze

Nothing to see here. Just random shite to give everyone an update. I’m waiting for the ambien to kick in so by the end things start sounding weird [1]well, weirder than normal. you’ll know why.

First, my ongoing battle against that dastardly foe insomnia continues. I was up until 3:30am last night and promptly woke up at 8 freaking AM this morning. The night before I got about 6 hours so I’d call that a draw. I called off sick to work today. I felt too on edge and irritable and answering life/death calls in that mindset just wasn’t overly appealing. The social network crowd has been following my random spur of the moments much more closely [2]oh I’m sure they are just hanging on my every word…don’t judge me. so many of them will understand this. For you not so hip readers, I went to the doc last week and he wasn’t much help. The issue relates to a little genetic disorder that affects my hypothalamus. I’ve had it since birth. I don’t talk about it much as its more of an annoyance. This year it has become a challenge. I’m apparently not producing several key chains of enzymes that deal with the body shutting down to sleep. Ambien is very hit and miss but more often than not it will do the trick. The bad is while it is not physically addicting, it increases the difficulty of sleeping after you go off of it. Brilliant right? My other option is narcotic based drugs but that is an absolute bust for me. No matter how much I take, any amount that will put me to sleep will also leave me in a funk for hours after I wake up the next day. This not overly conducive if you ride a motorcycle. Well, if you want to stay up-right on the motorcycle that is. I know, I know, shut a nit-picker. Whatever…

*

Everyone is chomping at the bit for more news about the Apple guy. Well, I don’t have much to add. We still talk, we still like each other, and we still live 2000 miles apart. lol Things are pretty much in a holding pattern until he moves here in late January. He has been super duper preoccupied lately but still finds time to talk to me, which I like. The one thing I will say is we both seem to be approaching this from the same mind-set. And by that I just mean, neither he or I is looking to get into a LTR just so we can be in an LTR.  Ugh, that is so 90’s. Anyway, it just is. We aren’t pressuring it or trying to make it anything other than it is. It might sound weird but that’s oddly comforting to me. He is coming up for Christmas so I got it off so we could have a long weekend together. I’m looking forward to it.

*

The bike shop where I take my beast called me out of the blue today and they got the remaining parts for my bike in. Even better, they surprised me. I scratched up the crank cover pretty severe the last time I low-sided the bike. The shop ordered me a new more stylish one with a slider built over it to prevent future gashes in the event I slide the bike again. Well, they didn’t tell me the slide plate was solid blue like my bike. Of course I was ecstatic! They know blue is my signature color and know me well enough to know I would have totally jumped on it had I known. Yeah, it was 50 bucks extra but so what. I “gottsta” look good damn it! LOL  Anyhoo, they popped all the new parts on today and the bike is good as new.

*

Its effin’ cold here right now. And I do mean cold. It got down to 34 last night and tonight its a balmy 41 degrees out. That’s pretty cold for SF. It almost never gets below the high 40’s/low 50’s. Of course, being a windy ocean-side city makes it even worse. We actually got tiny hail for 5 whole minutes earlier this week. Seriously, it hailed/snowed for like 5 minutes in SF. [3]Global warming is a total myth right? lol 

*

Work is work. I did rotate back to PD side about a month ago.  I’ve been on fire side for a 18 months and I decided it was time to rotate back. I gotta admit, while it is way busier, I missed it. We started our shift sign-up last week. There is a very real chance I’ll get bumped back onto a 4-10 shift. I’m hoping not but it is beyond my control so I’ll deal with it. I’m pretty sure of getting some sort of weekend slot regardless but I’d love to stay on 5′-8s. I’ll know in about a week. I’ve reached a point where my seniority isn’t changing much. For years, I jumped 10-15 slots every sign-up. I’ve been in the mid 50’s for about 3 years now. I’m not complaining as I can pull the shift I want and can usually pull the days off I want. Truth be told, I’m just grateful to have a job. Things are still very rough on the City’s budget crisis. They are still threatening to layoff staff (that we don’t have) and/or just reduce our ability to backfill overtime. That means if someone goes on vacation or calls in sick, they department can’t call people in on overtime to meet minimum numbers. That means when you call 911 you sit in queue longer. I’m disgusted at the possibilities but its out of my hands so I’m hoping for reason.

*

I think the ambien is actually taking hold so time to shut my pie-hole. That or I have gas, either way its time to go.

References

References
↑1 well, weirder than normal.
↑2 oh I’m sure they are just hanging on my every word…don’t judge me.
↑3 Global warming is a total myth right? lol

Blues

Summer is over and the cool weather is definitely setting in here in SF. While it rarely gets cold cold here, I did have to turn on the heater for the first time this past weekend. brrr! This coming weekend looks to be chilly as well.

Sadly, that also means less moto rides. I did get a ride in this past weekend even though it was chilly. I don’t like riding in the cold, but since I haven’t had much time lately I wanted to get a ride in. It was fun, as always. I’m sure we will get a few warm weekends sprinkled throughout the winter season. That said, I’m already missing the weekly rides.

In less depressing news, Apple guy got his bike this week. He made out like a bandit and scored a really nice bike off ebay for a steal! As luck would have it, its a GSXR like mine (but a 600 mind you :p). Its a sweet looking bike and he is already planning a slew of tweaks and customizations for it. I thought I was bad, he has me beat hands down. Lol. Of course, I have picked up some nice ideas from him. I think his creative streak is much larger than mine. [1]That or I’m just lazy. Anyway, he picks it up this week. I think I’m more excited than he is.  lol

References

References
↑1 That or I’m just lazy.

Shock & Awe

I guess customer service isn’t dead. Its no secret I tend to whine a lot about lip service most big corps give about customer service.

I sent the Apple guy flowers yesterday. Besides the obvious, he got some very sad news and I wanted to put a smile on his face. It might be old-fashioned but I think sending flowers is a very sweet and meaningful gesture. [1]As my luck would have it, so did he. Anyway, I had never used 1800flowers.com before, they were top of the search list for online ordering so I decided to give’em a whirl.

My choice was a small medley of simple but pretty flowers along with a small teddy bear and chocolates; totally the right choice in my mind. They arrived no problem and he seemed to enjoy them.

However, he happened to post a pic online and I was irritated to all hell. Not only was it NOT what I sent, the flowers were already wilting and droopy. No no no, no ma’am, no siree bob, uh-uh, no-no . . .  I fired off a short but direct and honest email to the company. [2]I honestly didn’t expect them to do anything but I wanted them to know how displeased I was. Being in a customer service oriented industry, I did try to balance my disappointment with constructive feedback. Just being nasty and making threats rarely works. I don’t think it is unreasonable to have an expectation of services promised and feel it is important for consumers to hold companies accountable for shitty service.

To my surprise, they sent him a 2nd round of flowers totally free of charge before they responded to my complaint. I actually had no idea until he texted me at work about the 2nd delivery. I logged into my email [3]I don’t load my junk email account on my PDA and sure enough there was an email apology, the notice of the 2nd delivery, and a $20 gift certificate!  Sure enough, the 2nd pic posted was much more in line with what I had originally ordered. Not only that, they were fresh!

You could have sold me for a quarter and got change back I was so surprised! A corporate entity actually went out of its way to make their customer happy! What a ducky idea! lol Seriously though, I was very pleased, as was the Apple guy to get 2 deliveries of flowers! And yes, I will give them another try in the future.

References

References
↑1 As my luck would have it, so did he.
↑2 I honestly didn’t expect them to do anything but I wanted them to know how displeased I was.
↑3 I don’t load my junk email account on my PDA

Light Speed

So the rims for the bike finally came! I’ve been moaning for weeks now. [1]Actually, they arrived 2 weeks ago, but “I has been buseee!”  And let me tell you they were worth every damn penny!

Today was the first day I’ve had a chance to go out on a ride. (My new romantic interest has been keeping me nicely preoccupied!) I’d originally planned to go on a solo ride to give myself a chance to adjust to the new feel and demands of the bike. That is until I woke up to a text from two of my riding buddies inquiring if I wanted to ride today. I never turn down a good opportunity to ride so I jumped on it.

The new guy (hereafter referred to as The Apple Guy) had to go do some of his own stuff anyway so I had some free time on my hands. I’ve been doing my best to monopolize his free time so I figured he needed a break. What? Don’t look at me like that. I can be intense at times and I don’t wanna scare him away. :p

Anyway, I digress. I met up with the guys and we took off on our ride. We didn’t go very far but picked a nice windy road. [2]Lucas Valley Rd – it was just repaved last week!  The new rims are so light the entire feel of the bike has changed. If you’ve ever ridden any sort of two-wheeled contraption, you know body-weight and balance play a large role in controlling said device. The same is true of motorcycles. I guess I never really thought about how much weight rims can add to a bike. I know better now! My bike feels completely different even on straight-aways. Leans and swerves take a fraction of the body shift and I don’t mind telling you I love it!

I took it easy on the curves at first as I was somewhat afraid of over-leaning and low-siding the bike (again). On the way home after lunch, I gradually eased back into my normal style of taking curves. The boys let me lead as I also have a new front tire. New tires can be a bit slippery for the first 100 miles or so until they wear in. Anyway, I deliberately went wide in some of the curves to test how well the bike responded. Needless to say, I’m loving how the bike handles now. You might say, I’m happier than a pig in slop! lol

Sadly, summer is coming to a close here and there aren’t many good riding days left. We tend to get most of our rain in the colder months. I’m sure there will be some good days as winters here are never severe but I hate riding in cold and/or rainy weather. I’m hoping to get a few more good rides in beforehand though.

References

References
↑1 Actually, they arrived 2 weeks ago, but “I has been buseee!”
↑2 Lucas Valley Rd – it was just repaved last week!

Post Holiday

Another year of Folsom has come and gone. There was some good and bad.

My friend Trevan came up for an extended weekend. We hadn’t seen each other in over a year but as always, it was if we had just seen each other yesterday. We fall into old habits and patterns w/o any effort. It was good to see him.

Saturday night we went to Blowoff instead of the more widely known Magnitude party. Frankly, I find the latter a bit boring. In a city were sexual contact can be moments away, it has really never held that much appeal for me. Blowoff on the other hand was quite fun. Its house style music but with an 80’s/90’s twist. In other words, a really good beat with the tracks to older songs blended into the background. The crowds tend to be guys in their 30-40’s and hairy. heh heh. Trev and I danced from 10:30 until 1:30 before deciding to call it a night. It has been ages since I’ve danced the night away in a bar. Granted, it shouldn’t be a habit but I had forgotten how much I love to dance.

Sunday was the fair. I felt like a bit of a party-pooper because I was over it within the first hour. It was just too damn busy. We stayed all of 2 hours before calling it quits. It took that long just to worm our way from one end to the other. We ended up in the ‘hood hanging out at Moby’s (the bar).

Sunday night we did the Real Bad party. They scaled back on ticket sales this year so it was much more tolerable and easy to move around. Basically, it was crowded w/o being a total mess. Trev and I hung out for a bit socializing before worming our way onto a speaker. [1]Not for the reason you think. Being on the speaker gave us room to dance w/o being crowded or constantly bumped in to. heh heh We spent the next 3 hours dancing our ass off.

The bad news is my roomie’s ex-partner was in a really bad accident on Friday. He suffered several broken bones. The roomie got to spend his weekend at the hospital. I felt bad for him. I know he didn’t mind giving up his weekend but I still felt so sorry for him.

In other news, I…um…uh…um…well, I sorta met someone. heh heh I’m keeping a lid on things for now as every time I blab it all here, I seem to jinx it. lol.  I will say he is an apple fan [2]let the war begin and a gamer. We are off to a good start. :p

References

References
↑1 Not for the reason you think. Being on the speaker gave us room to dance w/o being crowded or constantly bumped in to. heh heh
↑2 let the war begin