Category: dating

Feeling OK?

Apparently, I don’t date much. I mentioned to a couple of buds from work I had a date, you’d have thought I got drafted in the armed services. People were all up in my grill asking “what gives”? I guess it has been a while since I’ve gone on a real date. One bud was feeling my forehead all day asking if I was feeling ok. This from a man who owns 5 t-shirts. I’ll take his advice once he realizes getting dressed has more to do than getting out of the shower. hehehe

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In other news, the blogger shindig is this Friday. Appears to be a good turn out so far. I’m interested to see how some of the personalities “blend” together. Half the group I already know and the other half I’m looking forward to adding to my list of knowns. Sadly, several hopefuls will not be attending. *sniffle* You know who you are and you will be missed.

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I’m flying home right after the festivities to see the clan. One brother had to cancel due to some medical problems w/one of his chirruns. I’m bummed but still planning to make the best of it. I’m also looking forward to seeing my friend Trevan. I always crash w/him while in town and I’m sure we’ll paint the town red at least one night. I’m also hoping to meet one of my xbox gamer buddies from there but he might end up being out of town for work. *sigh*

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Ok, eyelids are heavy, sleep now.

What?

Thanks for all the well wishes. You’d think by now some of you would have figured out I don’t do the lesbain courting rituals. You know what I’m talking about. Meet, fall in love, move-in by the 2nd date. Uh, no thanks. While I’m certainly open to possibilities, I am not on a mission to find a husband.

I can report Mr. New Guy came by after work last night for a movie. He ended up staying the night. What? Don’t raise your eyebrows at me like that. It was perfectly harmless. Yeah, harmless . . . I can also report he is a great cuddler and only mildly snores. hehehe The rest, well you can use your imagination to fill in the blanks. He got me up way earlier this morning than I’d normally care for though. We did breakfast and then I dropped him off at home. He and I are all booked up for the coming weekend so probably won’t see him again for at least a week. I figure by then he’ll be ready for another dose of yours truly.

In the meantime, I need a nap.

Uh Oh!

Here I go again. I met a guy online who just moved to SF recently. We seem to have a good connection so far and have decided to schedule a date soon. hehehe Nothing replaces an in-person connection of course but I’m looking forward to it.

I’ve been a little skiddish since the thing with M but am not letting that scare me off. Time will tell and I’ll keep ya up-to-date.

**Update** We met over lunch today. DAMN, he is just as sexy in person. He seems to feel the same way about me. (I should get it in writing before he wises up. hehehe.) So, the chemistry is definitely there. We didn’t have much time as I had to head off to work but I LIKES.

Hot to Trot

First, thanks for all the encouragement and support regarding the M thing. Yes, I am moving on. Putting it in a different frame of reference helped me see the overall picture better. I believe he doesn’t really know what he wants right now. There is no shame in that only in his inability to communicate it to me. Regardless, it is a bit of a load off my mind/chest.

In an abrupt change of topic, the weather has been exceedingly warm the last two days. I can tell I have made the transition to being a San Franciscan because the heat nearly did me in last night. Overly warm weather is not very common here nor is AC units. Naturally, the fan in storage decided not to function upon being called into active duty again. I tossed and turned the whole night away. Tonight, I’ll be stopping by the all-night Walgreens for a new one. Not getting any sleep, I struggled thru my work out today. Even the trainer said he was sluggish. I know I know, all you Southern folks are laughing however, you do have AC.

Speaking of the trainer, I’ve decided this is our last month together. I’d originally planned to go thru June however, I’ve gained all my lost muscle back (ahead of schedule) and consistently hitting the gym again. Both of which were my prime reasons for having a trainer. Sure, I’m not as buffed up as my buddy Woofbrandon but the demands on my schedule preclude me from hitting the gym as often as I’d like. My motivation is also back on par so I’m not worried about slacking off.

Continuing in the fatwa against the axis of evil, I’m declaring May as cardio month. I’ve put off my cardio in favor of the workouts. I’d like to shed 10 lbs of body fat. Not a lot in the scope of things however, that last 10-15 lbs is always the hardest to loose. My eating is under control so now time to amp up the cardio.

Tomorrow morning, I’m having birthday breakfast with the ex (he is turning 40) and some of his “new friends”. It aught to be interesting to say the least. hehehe.

Glad To Be Sad

*Put your boots on, it’s gonna get deep today*

Well, it looks like the saga between M and I is coming to a close. We were supposed to hang out yesterday and he stood me up. He did text me afterwards to cancel. Something about he felt tired from his trip. That might have been ok had I not run into him just a couple hours later looking guiltier than a whore in church when he saw me. I figure either he doesn’t know what he wants or doesn’t want me and just can’t come out and say it. Either way, it was a defining moment for me. I’m done with trying to figure out his mixed signals and on again/off again interest.

I was annoyed and hurt all at the same time. Annoyed, because he was the one that suggested we hang out. I wasn’t me being pushy.1 We’ve talked a few times over the last few weeks but I’ve kept my distance. I was hurt because I’d been looking forward to seeing him all week. Maybe that is my fault but it’s moot now. For the record, the worst thing you can do to me is ignore me or push me away.2 I’m not into keeping stuff bottled up. And frankly, I don’t want anyone who is. In a way, I’m kind of glad it happened though. The situation has been weighing on my mind a lot lately. At least now, I can let it go and move on.

So once again, I’m left to examine my past and future and wonder is it worth it to try again? After the nasty fallout with my ex and the mind games of Bent Collective, is it really worth it?3 Each time I’m tempted to say no. It would be easier, I admit it. It would be easier to play the victim and wonder “why me?” or “what did I do wrong?” But life isn’t about the easy parts. It’s about the hard parts and how we survive them. And to say no now would be giving up on all the things I’ve tried to become in a man.

Well, I’m not ready to throw in the towel just yet.

1 Nothing like a little guilt to make a situation worse.
2 Mental note to any future ex husbands out there. *g*
3 Even though, my ex and I are good friends now.

And?

I haven’t gotten back to everyone lately so I’ll attempt to answer many of your questions here.

Yes, the nipple is fine. It’s still a little tender but well on its way to normal again. I’m flattered everyone is so fascinated by my nipples. hehehe. Actually, it is very flattering and I’m appreciative of the attention.

No, there haven’t been any private posts lately. I’ve been a good boy. Well, other than a few fumblings at the gym but nothing noteworthy. I may go to “church” and worship tonight though. It’s been a couple weeks. Oh! And speaking of the private posts, I found a new plug-in that may fix the comment problem. I’m loading it today. If you are logged in and the hidden posts are gone, don’t fret I’m in the middle of converting from one format to another. Your registered user info will stay the same.

I’ve been chatting/flirting with this very handsome Swedish guy. Without spilling his koolaid all over my blog, he is down in LA dealing w/some problems from the move to the States. He was in SF briefly and this is where he wants to move. However, he is stuck in LA for the time being. We’ve been chatting off/on for the last 3 weeks. Why is it all the guys I fancy are always so fraking far away? Ugh! Apparently, we chatted briefly on gaydar last summer but he says I was very aloof at the time. Not surprising, I don’t invest myself into long distance strangers. Now that he is a little closer, he has managed to worm his way past my first set of shields. We’ve gotten to know each other a bit. If and when he makes it back up here, we’ll see where it leads. I’m in no rush but the attention is very nice.

Speaking of, the M thing is still in limbo. Some days, I wonder if I’m wasting my time and others I feel like I’m just being impatient. I remember how long it took me to finally come to term w/things from my last breakup so I think most of the time its the latter. Either way, I’ve backed off and only time will tell.

**As I was writing this, he came into Starbucks, gave me a hug and said hi. Irony?**

Confused (again)

Lord, talk about a fire storm. Who knew? hehehe. I got a slew of emails (22 to be exact) offering everything from advice to nonsense. I guess I wasn’t very clear in my last post. I was mostly sounding off on the irony of the situation.

Yes, I had a nice date w/the Sacramento Guy.
Yes, I think it has potential.
Yes, I will see him again.
Yes, He knows I like him.
Yes, He feels the way I do.

No, I am not willing to rush into a relationship w/the Sacramento guy just because.
No, it will not get serious anytime soon. Even if M wasn’t the picture, our schedules and lack of free time make that all but impossible.
No, I am not interested in pursuing a long distance relationship. After my ex, I am sort of burned out on that scenario.
No, I am not capable of dating two men at once. If he were just a booty-call it would be easy because my feelings would not come into conflict. The problem is I do like him hence, the possible conflict later.

What does all that mean? Life rarely gives us exactly what we ask for. Sure, I want M in my life and that is a definite possibility but that is all at this point. However, I’m not rushing into something new w/this other guy until I’ve had a chance to see where things w/M go. I’ve done that before and it has burned me every single time. I’m in no rush to find a boyfriend so I don’t see the need to push it. (OMG, Am I actually willing to be patient? Will wonders never cease?!)

Confused

I had a really good date last night with the guy from Sacramento. He made me smile, laugh, and blush. All things that make a successful date in my mind. He is/was very sweet and strikes me as a very sincere and genuine man. He also has a fondness for Ab-Fab which got him instant brownie points. If he lived here, I could easily see myself going out w/him on a regular basis to see where it would go. We both know that isn’t a good idea considering neither one of us has much free time. He is also in school. He is studying to be a Nurse. His schedule is just as crazy as mine right now.

So, I’m all happy about my successful date and guess who I run into? M. All my good feelings vanish and I feel guilty now. I know that’s irrational as I haven’t done anything wrong. I also was up front with the Sac. guy about my dilemma with M. Of course, knowing something doesn’t always make it so. Seems like M and I bump into each other more and more these days. Fate? Fuck, I don’t know but it’s driving me crazy. I know one thing, I can’t keep doing this. I can’t split myself between two people. As much as I enjoyed hanging out with the guy from Sacramento, it wouldn’t be fair to him or me to try and pursue something right now. Not until this situation w/M has resolved itself. That won’t happen for at least a few more months so I have my work cut out for me. I have the hardest time saying no to someone when I know they are into me. I admit it, I enjoy the attention. That said, I am a grown man and if I’m gonna learn from my previous mistakes it is time to step up.

The Saga Continues…

…but in a good way.

A big thank you to all the kind words and encouragement I got from everyone. Some of the private emails and stories you shared made me tear up a little. Say what you will about blogging but I have found a true network of real, everyday guys who constantly suprise me w/their understanding, insight, and compassion.

I got an email from M today. It was just a quick hello and an apology for not getting back to me before he left. Knowing him somewhat, I’m also reading between the lines here. M is very much like me in that he doesn’t waste time or energy on unnecessary pleasantries. The email tells me one thing, I am on his mind.1 He also made a round-a-bout attempt to let me know he heard what I said and took it seriously. So basically, he has picked the ball up. What he does with it from here is still up in the air but I am a little bit gleeful today.

In other randomness, the trainer is still kicking my ass. I’ve lost about 10lbs of fat overall so far and can see a much nicer leanness in my frame. Since we just started the heavier weights this past week, I can’t report any significant muscle gains however, my muscles feel nice and tight now. Speaking of the gym, I had an encounter today that left me a little confused. I’ll tell ya more later.

On the training front, I’ve been bumped from my ride-alongs for a few weeks. My crew has paramedic intern riding w/them so I have to wait it out. No worries, I have all my required hours in already. I’m just keeping my skills up now. I must admit it is nice to actually have two whole days off though. I also found out the City is definitely on track for hiring EMT’s come June. I’m anxiously awaiting my notification by mail so I can get my name on the list.

What else? Work is work, same shit different day basically. I’ve pulled way back on a lot of the Union stuff in order to keep my sanity about me.

Ble-al, ble-al, ble-all, that’s all folks!

1 Which of course brought a smile to my face.

PMS …

…equals Pansy Man Syndrome.

Oy! The whine is all empty and the cheese is gone. I sounded like such a crybaby last night. I think I was PMS’ing. Throw in a full moon and no wonder I was pining like a little school girl. Well boys, I can report the madness has left me! lol *polgtergeits lady* “This HOUSE is clean!”

Don’t get me wrong my feelings haven’t changed, I just can’t believe I was succombing to my base emotions. What a pussy. In a nutshell, I already told M how I felt and the ball is in his court. If he picks it up and runs with it great. If not, well I’m a big boy and its time to put up or shut up.

In happy tech news, I had to buy a new laptop. The current one has been running strong for 2 1/2 years, and bless its heart, it is on its last leg. One of the hinges is busted and the other is fast coming loose from the base. I was hoping to hold out a little longer for more compatibility w/Vista but if I don’t do something soon, I’ll w/o a laptop. And that would be a crime! hehehe

Oh, there is a private post coming up today too.