Category: dating

The Morning After

So last night with TFA was very nice. It was good to see him again. After almost 3 weeks, I was jones’en to see his handsome face. [1]Yeah, I was excited to see other parts but I won’t be going there He tends to be a very private person so I think knowing that I blog scares him a little. hehehe. I’ve assured him it is all very general and often has more to do with me. Wouldn’t you agree?

I will say it is very nice to find someone who’s energy matches my own! OY! Such a strong connection. I’m liking where this is headed so far.

References

References
↑1 Yeah, I was excited to see other parts but I won’t be going there

Fly By

So the flight attendant [1]Here on out referred to as TFA has a layover tonight in SF! I’m so excited I’m falling all over myself today. LOL It has been 3 weeks since I’ve seen him. I’m definitely looking forward to it.

You can figure out the rest on your own.

References

References
↑1 Here on out referred to as TFA

Confession

After the private post update, I felt it was time to add another little bit. I told a few people already but I figured I’d come clean. I saw the flight attendant this weekend. I guess he really was serious about what he said. He broke it off with the guy he was seeing. No, not for me. Lord, what a load of drama that would be. He was already unhappy but he gave it his best. I’m not spilling all his business here but I’m grateful I was able to stay out of it. It was obvious he cared for the guy. Sometimes that is not enough.

Of course, from my point of view I’m a little conflicted. I was genuinely sad for him but at the same time I was a little bit glad. I know that is a normal human emotion but it bothered me. I talked it over w/a few people and ultimately, I feel like I did right by not pushing him into this decision. Now, if things between us don’t develop into anything serious, he will have no regrets. He will have made his choices for the right reasons.

Anyway, he called and said he had a layover in SF and I jumped at the chance to see him. We spent about 16 hours together. It was nice. Yes, the sex was awesome. I know that is what you are wondering. The physical connection is very strong between us. Hell, I redlined it all the way there on my bike. hehehe. I didn’t even have my gloves off before we were going at it. Clothes flew everywhere. The rest you’ll just have to fill in on your own.

I did get a little more time to hang out with him outside the bed this time. I admire him a lot for some of the things he is struggling to overcome. The simple honesty in his statements struck very close to home for me. And while we do have similarities, we are also quite different in many ways. We have very different backgrounds but struggle to overcome some of the same demons. He is very close to his family which is almost foreign to me. I’m happy for him of course. I just can’t relate never having had that.

All in all, it was a good date. We spent the night together before he had to fly out again this morning. I probably won’t see him again for about a month. Good for a variety of reason I think. He still has a lot on his plate right now. Better he have time to deal with that w/o me distracting him.

Today was pretty lazy. I got a few chores down and now just sitting at home being lazy after a very delicious homemade dinner. How was your holiday weekend?

Do Tell!

I’m still catching up from the weekend trip however, I just had to share this. I’m probably inviting drama however, I was so tickled by the sheer ‘ignunce‘ of this email, I had to share it. It came from an anonymous source.1 The bold text is my ‘two cents’ being thrown in.

Fagget Moby – not your real name: Duh! That was a no-brainer

You are biggest fake on web. Your blog is full of lies and you nothing but a dirty lying fagget. You desgust me and I am going to tell everyone about you.

Uh, Ok. You clearly reveal you don’t know me. As for me, I am a faggot so if you were hoping to hurt my feelings, you failed miserably.

I know you grew up and your family. I know the lies you keep from them and I am going to tell them what dirty fagget you are.

Again, you reveal you truly don’t know me or my family.2

So in fairness, I’ll ask a few questions. Do you blog? Where is it? How do you plan to “expose” me for the ‘lying fagget’ I am? I tell you what, I’ll go one further and allow your IP open access to post. That is, if you can provide a real one. In other words, bring it bitch!

No, me thinks you might be related to a certain other “blogger” that commented on homer‘s blog a few days ago. Would that be a fair assumption?


Disclaimer: No, I don’t think this is the same person everyone else seems hell-bent on crucifying lately.

1 Skipping the obvious syntax and spelling errors, the IP in the header was bogus so I’m not so sure where it came from.
2 There is very little of my immediate family left anyway and they all know about me. Hello? Did you actually read the fucking blog?

Confounded

Ok, after the comments and personal emails yesterday, I guess I didn’t come across very well. Many of you were quite vocal in your desire to protect me. I’m honored and flattered. Truly, you make me smile.

My intention was not to force the flight attendant to choose between me or the other guy. It is his flip-flopping back and forth that had me riled up. He had indicated from the beginning his feelings for the other guy were luke-warm at best. So why the flip-flop then?

After going back to read the previous posts I’d written about him, I began to see why many thought the way they did. There are quite a few things I didn’t share here out of respect for him. Very private personal things that he is struggling with. It is some of these struggles that gives me the impression he is staying with the other guy for the wrong reasons vs the right ones. Of course, it is his struggle to do the right thing that makes me admire him even more. I harbor no resentment toward him. In the process, a couple of my own demons surfaced and needed to be properly exorcised as well (more on those later).

So my previous solution was not to give him an ultimatum but to hopefully, give him the impetus to make a decision. Any decision as long as he made it. If he chooses to stay with the other guy the reasons are irrelevant from my perspective. I just needed to make it clear I’m not content to be his go-to guy for the parts he wasn’t getting at home.

So, to finish the story (so to speak),he did not call last night. He has made his decision. I fully expected him not too. We spoke today and he knows I’d like to be his friend but at a distance for now (can you say sexual tension?). He knows where I am if and when things change with the other guy.

Yeah, I’m disappointed but I still feel like the good part of me won out over the insecure parts. As much as I wanted to push him into choosing me, I didn’t. I left it up to him to choose the best path for him right now. And if he does come back to me later, then it would be for the right reasons and the right time. So closes another short but dramatic chapter on my love life. hehehe

(you should be logged in to read the part where I worked out my aggressions)

Pick, Bitch

Its 4 fucking am in the morning and I can’t sleep. I just got off the phone with the flight attendant. (At least he is on East coast time currently). The title indicates basically what I told him to do.

After my last rant I had pretty much decided to go see him tomorrow tonight. I get home, go to bed and end up tossing and turning thinking about it. One, that tells me I like this guy more than I’m admitting, and two, something is bothering me. So what the fuck is it? As much as I wanna see him, it just didn’t feel right. It wasn’t that I felt guilty. I couldn’t really place what I was feeling. Finally, in an act of defiance, I decided to call him. As expected, he was having mixed feelings about us meeting again as well. He’d also apparently had a miserable night tossing and turning. (I wonder if that’s where the phrase misery loves company comes from?) Anyway, we talked and I told him how I felt and my honest opinion of what was going on. I asked him point blank if he loved the other guy. There was that distinct pause before, the “well, I care deeply about him yadda yadda yadda“. Translation, no he doesn’t love him. They’ve been going out since March. He told me the first night we met there was a distinct lack of a spark in his current thing. However, I’m not Dr Phil looking for a case to solve. Instead, I offered the best solution I could think of to the problem. I figure whatever he chooses is the best answer for both of us.

What did I ask him? I asked him to imagine a lifetime with what he feels for the other guy and then imagine a lifetime of what he felt with me. I told him not to answer but to think about it. I figure he has 12+ hours of active duty to work and mull it over in the back of his mind. If he calls me tonight, it would mean he chose me, if he doesn’t I still have my answer.

I only have our one chance meeting (and a night of very intense hot sex) and several text and phone calls back and forth to go by so I’m not really sure what I’m expecting. To be honest, I’m not sure I’d choose me if the shoe was on the other foot however, it isn’t. It boils down to this. He and I felt a very real connection the night we were together. He felt it and I felt it. If he was in love with the other guy I doubt that would have been possible. Then it finally hit me! I’m not upset because I’m feeling guilty, I’m upset because I’m not content to share. My ass was chapped knowing this other guy is out there diverting his affection from me! Talk about possessive, jeez. But there it is. That is exactly what I’m feeling.

I’m the type of person I go for what I want. A point demonstrated by how we met in the first place. I clearly want him whether I’m willing to admit it to myself or not obviously. If he does call, I plan on making sure he knows I don’t plan on sharing him with the other guy. (I think he knows it but it needs to be said) And if he doesn’t, well I always have reruns of Dr Phil.

Help!

Ok, so the flight attendant texted me today. He arrives at SFO tomorrow night for a layover.

I know after my big speech on integrity I probably shouldn’t. I want to go see him so bad. Partly, because I am so damn attracted to him and partly I don’t think he is in love with the other guy. All of our conversations of have led me to believe his dating this other guy is more about convenience than anything else. Yeah, I could be biased but I don’t think so. I’m so fraking confused right now.

What would you do? Go or not go?

Integri-damn

If I wasn’t so pumped up on endorphins from my workout today, I think I might be depressed. I was all ready to post about my dance card being full lately when things took an abrupt change.

Let’s see, my play buddy scheduled for today canceled this morning. Talk about leave me high and dry. We play often so no worries, he is good for another round. I’m just so uh, “frisky” right now. hehehe

As if that wasn’t bad enough, the flight attendant called to say he was feeling a bit guilty about our growing connection. Yeah, I’m disappointed but I don’t really see it as a bad thing. I could hear the guilt in his voice. Guilt means he has feelings for the other guy. My integrity as well as my karma was tested and I did the right thing. I think I could have easily pushed him to keep seeing me. But, is that how I want to start dating someone? In a word, no. I did tell him to call if he needed to talk or if and when he decides things aren’t working out with th other guy. Sure, some might see it as giving up but I don’t. I’d never be ok w/knowing I ruined someone else budding relationship for my own.

But wait, there is more! I had the oddest date w/a guy I met on manhunt. He came on pretty strong online and wanted to meet. He is a big burley biker dude. Two full sleeve arm tattoos as well as a big chunk of his torso. Anyway, we agreed to meet yesterday and I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone more intense than myself. He was nice an all but damn was he a rollercoaster of emotions. He went on and on about his past and his ex. I got a secret chuckle out of that as I’ve been known to do the exact same thing. I think he really just wants a husband he can relate too however, I got so many conflicting signals from him I gave up trying to figure him out. He had to suddenly leave early because of a friend who “broke down” on his motorcycle. Whether that really happened or he just wanted out of the date is irrelevant. I was a little disappointed I didn’t get to roll around naked w/him though. He was a genuine hyper-masculine dude and it is rare to find one of those. He was supposed to call today. He hasn’t so I guess I have my answer. Really, I’m more perplexed than anything else. It ranks up there as the oddest date on record for me.

Ok, enough of that. I’m off to see the new Simpson’s movie. Doh!

Blabber Mouth

Ok, so many things to go on and on about today. You might wanna grab a sandwich this is gonna be a long entry.

The Flight Attendant:
First things first, the flight attendant called me this morning. Talk about put a smile on my face. hehehe I’m not really sure where this is headed. I’ve already mentioned, I’d be up for dating him. I guess I’d forgotten he was already dating someone1 however, from the conversation today, I’m wondering if now maybe something better is on the horizon. (meaning me, of course.) He has been very honest up front about that. I admire him for it too. That said, they haven’t reached a point of being exclusive yet so I don’t feel the least bit guilty. So without spilling all his beans, he seems willing to explore meeting again and maybe seeing what develops. Is that ambiguous enough for ya? lol Ok, I know that is a bit of a tease however, I don’t want to over think it and make it more than it is. If something develops, I find myself very keen on the idea. If not, the memories were hot! And boy were they. Ok, I’m dangling again, sorry. Moving on…

Visiting Tuscon:
With the extra cash coming in from all the fraking overtime I had to work this past week, I decided to make an impromptu trip to Tuscon next month. I’ve been bugging people to come up and see me for so long I figured it was time to return the favor. Not one but two of my blog buddies, homer and Urswine Addiction, live there and what better way to spend an extended weekend.2 I didn’t realize how well they knew each other and was a tad worried at first. Both have offered a place for me to crash on many occasion, so who to choose? Being completely selfish, I picked Urswine simply because they have AC. (Don’t hate me Homie. *g*) While I might have grown up in the South, I’ve gotten very used to the cool nights here in SF. If I had to sleep in the heat, I think I’d promptly shrivel up and die! I was a tad worried about slighted feelings but after a quick call to homer, turns out they are good friends, drama averted. I’m totally excited now. I’ve never actually been to Tuscon so it promises to be a fun trip. I would say think “Bears Gone Wild” but I still haven’t quite reconciled myself into that category. I’m just me. Pig is more like it.
Continue reading Blabber Mouth

Bold Move

I originally typed this from the airplane. I’m just getting around to posting it.

I just gave one of the flight attendants on the plane my card. God, I’m such a brazen hussy. If you’ve been reading my trip dialogue it is needless to say, I got on the plane very grumpy. As I’m entering the cabin door, I look up to see him standing there greeting everyone. I can report his charming smile made me forget my grumpiness. Big strapping beefy hairy fucker.

It was at that moment, I prayed to the dating god that he was NOT working first class. My prayer was answered as he was working coach. Every time he passed my seat our eyes would catch and we’d exchange looks. I finally got up the nerve to smile and wink. He gave me a bigger smile back so I figured that was a good sign. I spent the next 2 1/2 hours working up the courage to stop him and give him my card. I can’t tell if he made excuses to come down the aisle or not but I’d like to think so.

Finally, I made my move. He was walking thru checking for trash and I motioned for him to stop. He leaned over and I whispered, "Would it be wrong of me to ask you to call me?". His response, "No, not at all." HOT DAMN! Of course, that made me smile bigger. I wanted to chat but knew that was all but impossible considering the circumstances. Imagine my surprise when he stopped to make a little small talk w/me later. He lives in San Diego but gets to SF often. I expressed my desire for him to call and he seemed genuinely interested. Only time will tell but here’s hoping he does.

So now as the plane approaches SF, I am in much better spirits even if I’m 2 hours behind schedule.

*Update*

We were texting each other after I got off the plane. Turns out he was laying over in SF. I invited him to come into the city with but he had an early flight. To my surprise once again, he invited me to stay over with him. Of course, I accepted. You think I’m daft? lol I can report he was just as charming out of uniform as he was in. We had a great connection and I’m hoping to see him next time he comes to town. I’m currently riding Bart home. I have the rest of the day off. It is good to be home.

Oh, and I teased him this morning that he made me a life time customer w/Continental. hehehe