Category: adult

Yes Sir, May I Have Another…

After my last post, I got a slew of emails asking about my S&M habits. I’m flattered but it was a joke. My S&M scenes border on slim to none. I like role play as good as the next guy but I’ve never been into the whole mental dom/sub routine. Besides, I’m aggressive in any position so I don’t think I’d go over very well w/that particular cult. That’s not to say I have a problem with it. If that floats your boat more power to ya. It just doesn’t do it for me. No, I like to consider myself “intense vanilla”. I used to think I was a bit piggish in certain areas. However, living in SF has taught me I don’t even come close to meeting said definition.

Sadly, I must add an admonishment here. I haven’t censured anyone here in quite some time. “Sir Anon” left me a comment that was absolutely vile. So much so, I refuse to even post it. His purpose, I’m sure, was to intimidate as a form of arousal. I detest such insidious behavior and find it at the very least offensive. Said thugs get their kicks by preying on troubled or weak minded guys. I know your type and fella you are barking up the wrong tree. Don’t do that again. If you do, you’ll find yourself on the wrong side of my job. And since I have an IP tracker installed on my server, you are not as “anon” as you think fucker!

Mirror Mirror

I couldn’t think of of a catchier title, cut me some slack. And I’m feeling a bit long-winded so grab a cup a joe.

Events as of late seem to be conspiring to make me take an outside view of myself. Let me preface with this statement. I’ve been kinda popular in the past two weeks. Guys have been crawling out of the woodwork. Oh don’t get me wrong, I’m liking it. The point is these events have forced me to re-examine my self-image.

Encounter 1 involved a guy I’ve seen around town for years. Continue reading Mirror Mirror

Porn: To Do or Not To Do

I discovered my porn star name is Scotty Rose. (courtesy of homer, you come up w/this by taking the name of your first pet as the first name and the name of the street you lived on as a kid as your last name.)

I often refer to my playtime w/o really going into details. I do so because that’s never been the purpose of the blog. However, sometimes things happen that I just feel the need to share. Remember my last rant about discovering I’d slept w/Chris Steele? Well, it happened again. I’ve been seeing this guy at the gym lately. It always seems to be in passing; I’m coming, he’s going sort of thing. I thought he was hot, raw sex appeal, very sexy lips, yadda yadda yadda. He turned out to be French so he had a nice accent to tie it all together. The other day, I see his profile online, its nicely written w/o all the red flags I’m used to. I figure what the hell, go for it. So I send him a message and he messages me back immediately. Slightly taken back by his overt interest, I try to stay aloof, just waiting for the bomb to drop.
Continue reading Porn: To Do or Not To Do

The Light Goes On

It is times like this I wish I had a better grasp on the finer points of the English language. With my last rant on sexual addiction, I inadvertently implied that my buddy Steve’s post (Bent collective) was about me. That wasn’t it at all

Steve’s post clearly goes into the use of the term “sexual addiction” as a sort of cop-out of personal responsibility or as an excuse for bad judgement/behavior. My rant, on the otherhand, was a whole different discussion on sexual addiction in itself. My reference to him was only meant too show how I got on the topic in the first place. It wasn’t meant to imply I was offended by his post. Nor was it meant to imply that I am guilty of the behavior he describes.

Steve – my friend, rest easy. I am guilty of “foot in mouth” not you. My respect (and lust) for you remain strong as ever.

If you are confused as hell. Start from the beginning.
Steve’s original post here.
My rant here
His response to my screw up here

You Wanna Put That Where?..

I’m home from a long day of work. I’m cranky and my larynx is sore from instructing along w/my normal work schedule. I’m all itchy for a fight when I discover Bent Collective’s rant on “sexual addiction”. He has become one of my favorite reads and I hope he doesn’t think less of me after my rant tonight. That said, I made a promise to myself to be honest on my blog. Course, nothing like sex talk to shake me out of a mood. Rather than tie up his blog w/my madness, I opted to post it here. It would probably help if you jump over and read his post first for a frame of reference.

[insert jeopardy music here]

Back already? Ok.

I’ve often wondered if I am a sex addict. I don’t fit most of the definitions of what it is to be a “sexual addict”. But that only serves to complicate the issue (for me).

For a long time, I applied monogamy for all the wrong reasons. Quite simply, I wanted control. My self worth was lacking and I was hounded by the irrational fear of being abandoned for the bbd (bigger better deal.) I think a large percentage of gay men have this same issue. As I’ve matured, I shed my morals on monogamy along w/my insecurities. I still believe it is possible for two men to be monogamous, just not probable. Is it possible for me to have a monogamous relationship? I can’t really answer that. The truth is I don’t know. These boundries are not etched in stone w/me so I think it’s flexible.

In several of my monogamous relationships, it was very hard not to cheat. Especially with partners who had much lower sex drives than myself. However, I did it. In one particular relationship, it was very hard as my partner travelled a lot. I was often home alone and always horny. I didn’t cheat only to discover later he did and often. Obviously, I have the will power to say no. (Why am I flashing anti-drug campaigns w/all sorts of funny twists right now?)

In my last relationship, we were open and it worked great for me. I found my partners playtime w/o me erotic and greatly stimulating. It often made for some really great sex between us. However, he seemed to have trouble dealing w/it and often hid things from me. The deceit did bother me and when I tried to work thru it, he would twist the argument into me being jealous. I still really don’t understand that one. And he often had trouble w/my playtime away even though he’d never admit it.

So now I’m left examining my carnal side. I find no shame in sex. I crave it almost constantly. The more I get the more I want. I openly find outlets for my desires on a weekly basis. I often visit blowbuddies (look it up if you don’t know) here in the city along w/the occasional online hookup. (when I have the patience) Add to that, living in SF you practically have to be dead not to get laid. Being reasonably attractive and hung doesn’t hurt either. (Ok, I’m bragging.) There is no shame in it for me. I don’t cloak it terms of “dating” either. A habit that so many fags tend to do. Fucking someone and dating are two entirely separate beasts. Having a powerfully strong oral fetish, I feel almost driven at times to find “it”. I’ve had more sex in 10 years than most people have in a life time. (Not bragging here just making a point.) That said, it doesn’t interfere w/my work or social life. And, I don’t avoid other aspects of my life just to get sex. Yet, it does play a large part in my life. As I age, it doesn’t seem to change one way or the other.

I’m quite sure part my drive stems from abandonment issues carried over from childhood. No doubt about it. (Remember way back when I said we would save this conversation and crack it open later? Well, consider it cracked!) I was neglected and almost never touched as a child after the age of 5. And when I was touched, it was usually at the end of a belt, board, or any object my stepmother had handy. Am I substituting love for sex? It’s possible. But is that the only reason? I don’t think so but I’m not entirely sure.

After it’s all said and done, I’m still left asking myself. . . Am I a sex addict?

Dunno.

Blah Blah Blog

I discovered that one of my old co-workers (from back in TX) reads my blog. Nothing scandalous about that as she is a friend and I miss her. I just forget sometimes how much exposure my blog gets or can get.

I always think of my life as pretty mundane and boring. And it probably is in the scope of things. However, I’ve realized that I live a certain way or have done things that others only dream of. I still have a hard time wrapping my head around that one.

I’m definitely an “out there” person. Meaning when you meet me in any sort of extended setting, you usually come away remembering the experience. (good or bad) I don’t think I’ve ever been shy. I’m told I have an infectious energy that people attrack too. Maybe?
I think it has more to do with my being so open. I’m down right friendly unless given a reason not to be. And having survived some very ugly and painful life lessons, I have a different perspective on life. I guess I don’t have the normal shields that you encounter in most people. That’s what I think attracks most people to me. (or repels sometimes. I’m not so egotistical to think everyone likes me.)

So, of course, my blog becomes a natural extension of that. I’m glad folks like it. If you come away laughing or learning, then it was worth the read.

Boyfriend Material

**This is sort of an adult rant today**

A friend ask me today “so when are you going to start dating again?” I never know how to answer such a question. I don’t really look or not look for a boyfriend. I’m of the belief that if you are looking then you are putting to much emphasis on the act and it becomes fatally flawed. I like to look at it as “being available” should a potential boyfriend strike my fancy. Simply put, I’m open to dating I just don’t put an emphasis on it and I don’t feel the need to date just to be in a relationship. On the same token, I also don’t feel the need to cloak my playtime as dating. If I’m out for some nookie well that’s what is nookie. Why lie?

I always find it funny when one of my friends says,

oh I met this great guy and we really clicked but I met him in a __________, I could never have a relationship w/him.

You can fill in the blank. Another notion I don’t understand. If you’re meeting someone in a place you both chose to go, then obviously you have it in common. Does that somehow preclude you from being anything but fuck buddies? You can’t use morality here w/o sounding like a hypocrite. And I think that’s what it really boils down too. It’s ok if I do it but it’s not ok if he does it. Flawed reasoning at it’s best in my opinion.

Well, gee Moby, that’s something to think about, let’s ponder it. But wait! There’s MORE! What I really don’t understand is guys who go to sexclubs or online hookup sites looking specifically for a boyfriend and then they get upset when people contact them for sex. Ex-squeeze me?

As I’ve said before, I try to be the type of person I’d want to date. Does that work for everyone? Of course not. Does it work for me? Most definitely.