Where does one draw the line between ignorance and arrogance? An issue has sort of been simmering in the back of my mind lately. I rarely blog about the ex anymore. Mainly, because I see no reason to go on and on about him when our lives are going separate directions. That said, this blog entry is more for me than anyone else.
The ex and I separated back in November 04. He had a house in another city which he decided to sell. The house sold a month ago. To date, he hasn’t offered me a single dime. He made over a 100k in profit. Do I think I deserve something? You betcha!
Flashback to a few years prior. The ex and I live apart for almost 2 years. During that 2 years, I helped him repair, repaint (inside and out), and redo basically every aspect of the house. Granted he did more than I but it is his house and he was living there. I was still living here. I commuted twice a month there and he here. We spent most of my time there working on the house. June of 03 we decided to move in together. He moved here and we got a place together. I agreed to pickup the rent and most of the expenses while he looked for work. He then became abruptly sick from a digestive problem. I won’t go into details but he was very sick for 6 months. Obviously, I took care of him and was glad to do it. He recovered. At this point, he made no efforts to find work. I continued to pay 90% of the expenses. A year later, things get ugly and we go our separate ways. I supported us for a year and half paying 90% of the communal bills, rent, etc and I get a couch, two end tables and a bed frame. Not really a balanced match if you ask me.
In our conversations, he knew I expected some sort of compensation for all my losses in the deal. Granted, I didn’t do it because I expected something in return. I was happy to do it out of love for him. I guess my error in judgement is that I assumed he would have enough decency and respect for me to make amends for the financial/mental abuse he put me thru. I’m learning this is just not the case. Even now, he is still bound to me on several levels that benefit him. So, I am beginning to ask myself, where does ignorance end and arrogance begin?
I have done right by him thru the whole ordeal. Granted I had some harsh things to say in the beginning. I’ll admit, it does gives me a small amount of joy that it annoys him when I post stuff about him here. I think because he is ashamed and doesn’t want others to know. But even when I do post about him, my comments are about my issues. My pain, anguish, disappointment, etc. I never attack him. The same cannot be said of him. The sad truth is even after everything, I still love him. I can’t turn those feelings off. I’ve moved on but my heart hasn’t forgotten.
Now I’m faced w/a choice of what to do. Do I continue being his friend even though he continues to disrespect me? Do I make a verbal attack on him and try to make him feel as bad as I do? Or do I just end the friendship and move on w/my life?
