Author: Moby

Straight-Acting?

I’m going on a rant today.

Does anyone get annoyed when you see those “straight-acting” logo’s that are numbered to represent how “straight-acting” you are? I absolutely detest those things. When I encounter them online, my respect for said person drops significantly. Probably not fair on my part but I can’t help it.

I’m loathe to admit it but when the site (no, I won’t link to it) first came out years (and I do mean years) ago, I took the test. I have an excuse as I was barely out of my teens and still ignorant. Even then, I was immediately disappointed w/the questions. Questions that are completely biased. Not to mention, it perpetuates the negative backward view our society has developed of what it means to be a “masculine” man. For example, if you enjoy gardening, that drops your point scale significantly. I know some pretty hot fucking landscapers who sweat more masculinity than some of these queens who wear their logo’s like a badge of honor.

I’m not bitter, nope, uh-huh, not me. (I just think we have enough battles to fight w/o fostering internalized homophobia amongst ourselves.)

Now Here’s Using Your Head

I don’t buy music cd’s anymore. Primarily due to the greed of the industry and their strong arm approach to file sharing. I’d be a liar if I said I never ripped music. What is the difference from copying it off the radio or copying a file? Same quality, same music? Never understood that one. I also see the need for the artists’ to make a buck. What I don’t get is the flat grab for cash that the RIAA has made to prevent online sharing. Their tactics are shameful at best. Beating up your consumer base does nothing to encourage them to buy your product. Duh! To date, illegal file sharing has only made the smallest dent in the music industry’s sales. All their fake studies have fallen by the wayside.

Being a huge movie fan, I’ve been fearful the movie industry would go the same route. This article from Wired mag gives me hope that maybe, just maybe the movie industry isn’t as anxious to squash their only source of income.

“We’re going to bypass what the music industry had to come up with, and that’s to get ahead of the whole piracy thing,” Freeman told reporters at Sun Valley. (full story)

Apparently, Morgan Freeman has joined forces w/some big logos in attempt to make online movie sharing easy. Time will tell I guess but w/more forward thinking and less backward thinking, I think we’ll find a middle ground that is acceptable to all involved.

Schedule Change

My schedule signup at work is underway. (We sign up for our schedule every 6 months based on seniority.) The good news is after 4 1/2 years, I’m at the halfway mark seniority wise. The bad news is I won’t be getting sat/sun’s off this next rotation. Due to the severe staffing shortages, not as many weekend slots are alotted for the shifts I want. I’ll still end up w/at least one weekend day off but not both. I’m ok w/that as I like having one weekday to get errands done. Besides, I knew getting a full weekend slot last signup was a fluke anyway.

The part that has me annoyed is the signup was delayed due to last minute changes by management. I’m gonna be cutting it close w/my school registration. (I’m planning to start paramedic training in August.) I originally thought they weren’t offering it this semester but they reorganized the listings for paramedics and I missed it. If the signup continues to move as quickly as it started I’ll be ok. If not, I’ll probably miss the deadline for City College. I’m gonna bummed if I have to wait to spring again.

Cross your fingers for me?!

Murder Death Kill

I got mandatoried today at work. I’m doing a 12er from 11 to 11. We had a double homicide today already. Apparently, a domestic violence case gone horribly awry. The guy shoots his ex girlfriend/wife, whatever. Then later kills himself. The only good thing is that the infant wasn’t harmed. Very sad.

Maybe in his next life he’ll come back as a petite female who gets beat up constantly by her boyfriend. I wonder if Karma has a sense of humor?

Whats In Your MP3 Player?

I often see people post their playlists from their mp3 players so I thought I’d give it a whirl. First, I don’t have ipod. I have a thing for simplicity and even a little synchronicity thrown in for good measure. I use my Ipaq 6315 phone/pda as my mp3 player. It serves as an all-in-one device for me which is perfect!

So anyway, this weeks list:

1. Madonna – Die Another Die
2. Tom Jones – Sex Bomb (remix)
3. Amber – We need to be Naked (remix)
4. Sophie – Murder On The Dance Floor
5. Moony – Dove (original mix)
6. Sugar Babes – Round & Round (extended mix)
7. Elvis vs JXL – A Little Less Conversation.
8. The Tamperer – Can You Feel It.
9. Dina Carroll – Without Love
10. ? – The Ketchup song
11. M People – One Night In Heaven (Oakenfeld remix)
12. Alice Deejay – Celebrate Our Love.
13. Cher – The Music’s No Good W/O You. (my fave)
14. Lio – Rapture
15. Kylie Minogue – Better The Devil You Know
16. 3SL – Take It Easy
17. Jean Jacques Smoothie – 2 People
18. Atomic Kitten – It’s Ok
19. Madonna – Impressive Instant
20. M People – Search For The Hero Inside Yourself (Vasquez remix)
21. H & Claire – DJ
22. Sophie Ellis Baxter – Take Me Home
23. Louise – 2 faced
24. The Faces – I Wish I Knew What You Know (remix)
25. Nora Jones – Don’t Know Why (remix)

Good Workout

One of the things I’ve been annoyed w/myself about lately is my gym schedule. I’ve steadily been getting worse and worse. Everything from missing days to only half ass working out while I’m there.

Today, I really pushed myself to get their on time (for me) and to do a complete workout. I had to drop weight on several exercises toward the end but it felt so good to do a complete workout. I left in a great mood for my first day back to work after my short vacation.

New Microphone

I went out and got a new microphone today. I hated the cheesey generic one that I was using before. I don’t sound quite as gay when you hear me now at least. (I always think I sound like such a fag but hey, I am)

What say you? Better or worse?

Ups & Downs II

*Todays post is a bit personal and meant more for me than you, my readers.*

I swear I need prosaic or something. Yesterday, everything was right as rain w/the world and today I’m in a funk. It could be I have been keeping myself distracted lately. Today, with nothing planned and nothing occupying my time, I’ve run out of distractions. I’m not depressed but something is nagging at me. This week has been relaxing to say the least so that can’t be it. Or maybe it is. Mabye not being rushed to get shit done or work, issues that have been pushed aside are beginning to surface. Yeah, I think that’s it. Someone call Dr. Phil and tell’em he is out of a job! Work has been blessfully busy. (I can’t believe I just said that!) And being busy keeps me preoccupied.

And the bitchin part is that I don’t think it’s just one thing. I mean if it were, I’d be able to pin it down. I am a little annoyed w/myself. Here it is July (mid year) and I’ve only accomplished one of my resolutions for the year so far. (I was supposed to have 3 or 4 done by now.) I often bitch to people that you have to lead your life and not let it lead you. And what am I doing. . . letting my life lead me. Add to that lately, I’ve had a strong desire to start dating again. Something is majorly up w/my id. (I say this because I only get this way when I’m obsessing or insecure about something.)

Other than work, there are not many big problems w/life at the moment. Of course, a drama free life doesn’t automatically equate happiness I suppose. So here I sit asking myself ‘whats up?’ Is it lonliness, bitterness, resentment, vulnerability? I don’t really feel any one thing profoundly. Maybe it is a combination of all of the above. Not enough to keep me down. But maybe it is all colliding together and building up. Am I lonely? sometimes. Am I alone? Certainly not. Bitterness? I honestly don’t know. Resentment? Yes, a little. As hard as I try the old feelings of uselessness still surface sometimes. The feeling 0f being cast aside like yesterdays garbage. Vulnerable? I think insecure better sums it up.

Now that I think about it, I think meeting Bud sort of set me off. Bud is the guy I met from Tribe this past week. I found myself very attracted to him and I think he felt the same way. I ran into Tim one day while he was here and he said I was ‘glowing’. And it’s true. I do ‘glow’ a bit when I’m excited about someone. I’m digressing a bit here, back to the story. Of course, knowing anything beyond casual friendship was out of the question, I think I felt rejected (again). And the silly part is I KNOW it wasn’t that at all. I was never his enough to be rejected. It was a chance encounter that turned out great is all. But my head and heart aren’t always on the same page it seems. So I guess, maybe meeting Bud pushed everything else into motion. (And on a side note, I admitted a crush to a guy I like from the gym. No clue yet where that might lead if anywhere.)

I think another issue might be I’m tired. Tired of always trying to validate people around me w/o getting any myself. Is that selfish? I don’t know. By validate I mean uplift, support, help, etc. I just know I always seem to be the one foregoing any sort of validation for myself for the sake of others. I don’t resent it usually as it comes naturally to me. I enjoy helping others. But lately, I think I’m feeling left out. (Again, w/the abandonment issues. Lord! Someone call Oprah.)

So now I have to ask myself, what do I do to fix it? I’m never one to bitch w/o a solution usually. Where do I go from here? For once, I’m not sure what to say. I don’t know what to do next. I need to do something as I’m sure these feelings will fester otherwise. *sigh* Maybe I need therapy. I think my insurance will cover it. Blogging normally helps me see things more clearly. Seeing it clearly isn’t always enough I guess. I say that now but maybe I’ll get an epiphany again!

*So afterwards, I reread this and it sounds so depressing. I’m not really depressed. I don’t think it’s gotten that far. Maybe a better description would be – I’m dissatisfied w/my life at the moment. I think that better reflects the way I’m feeling. Now I just need to figure out what the fuck to do!*

So Now What?



I’ve got the podcast setup so now what do I do? I haven’t really decided yet how I plan to go about it. Should I only podcast conversations I think relevant or should I podcast my regular blog entries for that extra ummph that is Moby? Shit, I dunno.

For now, I think I’ll randomly do audio for posts from home. But don’t hold me to it.