Author: Moby

Not So Blech

In other news, due to the lovely rain yesterday, I didn’t get jack done. So today, I’m running around like crazy getting stuff done before the date tonight. I got over to the doc’s office to drop off my DMV forms only to discover they closed early today. The nerve!

I had planned to get some shopping in but that didn’t happen either. I need some necessity items for the apartment. Oh well, what’s another week w/o tiolet paper? (j/k)

I’m excited about the date tonight. I’m so giddy, I feel like a school boy who just got his first pair of long pants. You’d think by now, I’d be over such things. Apparently not. *g*

Burned – Almost

Ever do something colossally stupid by not paying attention? Without going into the details of it, I made an error in judgement this week. Something that could have burned me and I’m a bit ashamed of myself. I can such an absent-minded Cletus at times and this time it could have really bitten me in the ass.

I know, your going “what the fuck are you talking about Moby”. Well, it’s something very private to me but rest assured I won’t make the same mistake twice. And amazingly, it turned out alright.

Better than alright actually.

Blech

I rained all freaking day, so much for my grand trek to get all my errands done. I did manage to drag my carcass into the gym so all is not lost. I’m hoping the weather relents enough tomorrow enough to get some things done.

The bright spot in my day was a nice long chat w/the sexy guy from yesterday. We are going out tomorrow on a date. Imagine it, me on a date. What’s it been? Eight months since the last one . . .that sound about right. I’m excited.

At this point, I’m starkly reminded of my last dating episode and how it fizzled. However, being freshly broken from my breakup, I think I’m on better footing this time. Let’s see how it goes.

Lazy

Yesterday was a very lazy day. I moped around most of the day in my robe. Didn’t go to the gym, the market, or anywhere else productive.

I loved it! I think I’m rebelling against the coming storm that will be my schedule for the next 6 months. Pretty soon, I’ll have very little free time at all. (again)

I did manage to get my lazy ass together enough to have dinner w/southern Tim. We haven’t seen each other in awhile and it was good to catch up. He has had some of his own drama lately and it seems like things are calming down a bit. He’s also up for a new job which he is very excited about. (I’m hoping he gets it for selfish reasons. I don’t want him to move away now that he has finished school.) Anyway, we had a nice dinner at Blue.

In a surprising development, I met someone last night who surprised me on several different levels. What was supposed to just be a booty call, turned into a very enjoyable evening. I must admit, I really enjoyed the attention. I’ve been so focused on other goals lately I’ve been feeling a bit lonely. He was just what the doctor ordered!

Today, on the otherhand, I can’t afford to be so lazy. I need to hit the gym (hard), drop my paperwork by the doc’s office so I can get certified physically fit to drive an ambulance, some necessity shopping, mail, moving supplies, and some laundry by days end. Blech! I hate chores, why can’t I be rich and have some sexy butler do it for me.

*Sigh*

Snapped off a couple of pics from work today, bad lighting and all.

Me looking mean. (yeah right) I hate the way the light shadows my face…I look like a hag.
Mean Moby

Work is slow thankfully. Not much going on today due to the muggy weather. The one good thing about icky weather, it keeps the drama down. 518’s are up (car accidents) but overall the day is slow. Bad weather or not, tomorrow night is gonna be fucked regardless. I’ll probably get mandatoried to stay over. And speaking of…

My date for New Years had to cancel. It’s ok though, he has a lot on his plate right now and won’t make it back to SF in time. I wouldn’t be a very nice person if I blamed him. However, his allowances are running out! hehehe.

Me looking a little happier, ( I think). (Another w/bad lighting…what was I thinking? silly faggot)
Mean Moby

In blog news, I’ve given up on converting my blog to the other template. Every time I get it tweaked, I discover another flaw that causes a cascading effect. The template creator got table happy and there are so many tables, I keep getting lost. Frankly, I’m just tired of dickin w/it. Instead, I plan to design one from scratch. I really like the tab look on Andrew’s Moblog. I think I might go w/something similar. I also like large T’s photo links to his favorite blogs. No changes anytime soon though. More blogroll links coming as well. My blogrolling is way up lately. Another task to add to the list. Course, I can’t let such pesky tasks interfer w/my quality goofing-off time.

Lunch is over. Ciao

Brokeback

I’m just back from seeing Brokeback Mountain.

*spoiler alert – if you haven’t seen the movie skip this post*

Brokeback Mountain

First off, it is a fan-fucking-tastic movie! The movie cuts to the heart of the gay movement w/it’s simplistic focus on two men deeply in love w/each other. Two men trapped by expectations of society that they lead a totally different, albeit miserable, life. All the gay stereotypes are completely stripped away. On a side note, I was overwhelmed by several aspects that reminded me of my own childhood environment. If you grew up in any sort of country environment you’ll know what I mean after you see it. The movie starts out a bit slow while plot builds. While a bit borish, I much prefer a slow build to rushing thru it.

Second, the hype surrounding it as an artistic masterpiece is well deserved. That said, from all the rants just flooding the blogosphere, I expected way more sex and nudity. There is only one male/male sex scene where you actually see them in the act so to speak. A bit rushed but Jake takes it like a man! (He is my favorite of the two and I got a chub seeing him take it. hehehe) The only cock scene is a very brief one when they go skinny-dipping together. Several nice butt shots though. There are also several kiss scenes but again only one scene with all out passionate man to man kissing.

Artistically, the movie is great. I only say great because the scenery is complete in it’s believability but it rarely becomes the focus. I think this was deliberate to keep your interest completely on the actors and the story. Coming the heart of the sticks in East TX, it brought back so many memories. The director did a very good job of making you believe they really were a couple roughneck cowboys. From the way he put his boot heel in the fire (a common attempt to keep your feet warm in very cold weather), all the way down to the way Jake checks his 30-30. (rifle) Jake (aka Jack) and Keith (aka Innis) deserve some major credit too. Keith Ledger has never really been on my list of favorite actors. IMO, this was the best performance of his career. As for Jake, I haven’t seen him in many movies but he also played a very believable character. When he dies in the end I started crying. You see a brief flash on how he really dies even though his wife lies about it to Keith.

The end made me very sad. Sad that we still live in a culture where not all human beings can express themselves freely w/o oppression. Even sadder, that gays still face the threat of physical harm in many places in this country just for being born gay.

While I was leaving the theatre, I overheard a gay guy and his female friend in front of me discussing the movie. She was blathering on about how she didn’t see why people said it was so sad. His response, “Bitch! were you watching the same movie I was? Maybe you need to go back and watch it again.” After which, he promptly stormed a little of a head of her.

If you haven’t seen it, sorry for spoiling it but I left out plenty of juicy info. Gay or straight, I highly recommend you see it.

My next big flick to see is Underwold:Evolution. Which just happens to be coming out on my birthday!

Beard

I almost forgot. I promised to post some pics of the new look.

First

2nd Attempt
Second

3rd Attempt
Third

Notice all the pics are of my right profile. I got a a nice red pimple just on the other side of the nose. (you were just dying to know that right?)

So my blog friends, what say you? Beard or no beard?

I’ll give my feelings afterwards. *eg*

Last Word

*I’m a bit long winded today so you might want to skip down for the more random stuff.*

I got a delivery from my friend ex-friend last night. I had bought him a nice coat for his birthday before our last falling out. I guess he thought returning it would hurt my feelings. I gave the jacket to the first homeless guy I saw on the street. He also left a note w/it. I didn’t bother to read it. It went into the shredder unopened. Why, you ask? Because, I know him much better than he knows himself. Or more astutely, I see him objectively. I can almost recite what was in it. (ticking off the fingers)

  • Some reference to a recent wrong I inflicted on him in compensation for the reason I was angry w/him.
  • Complete denial that he is in anyway wrong.
  • Along w/that would come some analogy of how horrible a person I am.
  • What a horrible friend I’ve been. Yeah, that sounds about right. (I keep asking if I am such a horrible friend why does he keep trying? I never got an answer. Is it because I’m the only friend he has? Yeah, the truth can be painful.)
  • And littered thru the accusations would be hateful mean comments only meant to hurt my feelings. Comments about things only friends know.

That about sums it up. The last two times we had this sort of falling out (oh yeah, there have been many over the years) it was the same. Whether thru emails, hand-written notes, phone messages, etc. Of course, every time I forgave him he’d end up admitting I was right. Until the next time, then we start all over again.

Knowing him the way I do, it takes the sting out of the words. It’s just an attempt to hurt me the way he thinks I hurt him. And rather than engage in the back and worth battle of hurtful speech, I often choose to avoid all contact. Call it a survival mechanism if you will. I just don’t wanna do it anymore.

But therein lies the heart of my rant today. I can’t help but see a distinct pattern between my break-up w/the ex and my fight w/my friend. In both instances, I believe I contributed to the problem by enabling them to continue their destructive behaviors. Seeing the reason behind the actions, I try to be understanding and accepting. Am I being too forgiving? I mean where should I draw the line?

Physical violence? Had that w/both of them.
Lack of concern or indifference to my needs? Check.
Hateful mean comments? Had that too.

Now, I’m left asking myself why this keeps happening to me. When do you stop forgiving someone? How many times must you go thru the same thing before enough is enough? Should I be more selfish? Should I just be a hateful evil bitch like so many others around me? Should I just scrape off any concern for anyone beyond myself? Should I just avoid my problems and immerse myself in a world of drugs and tricks?

Or should I look at this as a final chapter in the beginnings of my life? The last tie to a persona almost dead and gone. I’ll be 35 years old in just 24 short days. I’ve grown a lot in those 35 years. I still have a lot to go though. I can still be incredibly insecure at times. That insecurity tells me I’m not done maturing. I have to move beyond it if I’m to realize my potential.

Getting back to my ex friend, I know this isn’t over for him. He’ll stew in his juices for awhile. When I don’t respond, he’ll find some other way to make contact. I asked him not to read my blog anymore but I know he probably does. But here’s where I get selfish. No more. The struggle has to end sometime and it’s now.