I had the most bizarre encounter the other day. It was truly a noggin-scratcher. This is a bit of an adult rant so be warned. Keep in mind, I’m skipping some detail and including others that are trivial but help to paint the overall picture.
There is this guy that moved to SF a couple years back. I’d seen him around and thought he was very handsome. Actually, I thought he was HOT! lol Turns out he started doing porn and dancing (in bars) not long after he arrived. [1]No, I’m giving out his name. He lives here and I have no desire to be mean. It didn’t bother me as I see nothing wrong w/porn. It did raise a little bit of a red flag but honestly, most of my interest was of the carnal nature anyway. I’m not looking for anything serious right now. So we had dinner one night and I was pleasantly surprised at how disarmingly charming he was. While not overly intellectual, he seemed very genuine, which is a quality I like very much.
Skipping the irrelevant details, he asks to come over one night after he got off a dancing gig. I said yes, he shows up and is obviously a bit intoxicated. Thinking he just needs to crash, I offered him my couch. He asked if he could sleep in my bed w/me. Knowing he was in no shape for nookie, I figured we’d cuddle and pick up in the morning.
Two or three hours into sleep, he wakes me up for some fun. Still knowing he wasn’t prepared for certain things, I settled for giving him some licky-licky, no sticky-sticky. And after seeing him dance, I wasn’t sure he’d be that great at it anyway. You get my drift. lol We finish, everyone seems happy, and I begin to drift off to sleep again. Maybe 20 mins later he goes to the bathroom.
And here is where the bizarre comes in. He is gone for like 10-15mins. He finally comes back and I asked if he is ok. He says no and that he is gonna leave. I’m like ok. I get up to turn the light on and help him out. He is sort of mumbling under his breath and it becomes apparent he is upset. I asked if something was wrong. He starts making a lot of what would be inflammatory statements if they were at all relatable to me. He leaves and spends the next 20-30 minutes texting me a lot of gibberish and insults. I wasn’t upset as much as confused. We’d had a great time and now suddenly he is upset and absolutely refused to tell me why. After asking repeatedly why he was upset, I finally gave up. I even asked if he was upset that we had messed around. [2]Even though he instigated it. He gave the impression that wasn’t it so I have no idea what set him off. I wished him a good life and left it that.
All of my friends think he must have been doing drugs in the bathroom, being gone so long. There was no mess to clean up and he didn’t get in the shower so I doubt he was ‘cleaning.‘ I don’t know what he did or why he suddenly got upset. In a word, it was bizarre. A couple friends asked, ‘what did I expect considering he was in porn?‘ I don’t like that. While it certainly does raise concerns, doing porn doesn’t make someone less of a person. Regardless, it’s over now. I harbor no ill-will toward him. If it was drug-related I hope he eventually gets the help he needs.
That does seem odd. so many questions come to mind.
OK this got my motor running and juices flowing…
Hating on, or thinking any less of someone because they do porn is like hating on someone or judging them because they eat peanut butter and you are allergic; well fuck me 4 ways from Sunday that is just wrong and ridiculous.
This is usually where I say; Get off the fucking cross, someone needs the wood.
I like how that sounds better than; Those that live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.
I digress..
Who knows what set him off; I know that I had a few things run through my mind.
He didn't take the opporunity you offered him to explain what was going on.
While we have lost touch, I do know you have not lost your integrity and you speak what you feel, feel what you speak and act upon it.
It is disappointing what happened, awkward for sure.
Does it really matter what set him off; would it not be more the issue that he didn't take the opportunity to accept and embrace your invitation to discuss it and work it out?
In my mind, that would be the true issue here.
Who knows though, your paths may cross again, and I trust you will give him the opportunity to reintroduce himself and live in the moment.
All the best,
turnipHed
I don't doubt it was drug related. And while porn has nothing to do with his behavior that evening, I have yet to meet anyone who does porn who didn't end up having a medium-to-substantial drug issue. With him, the two might go hand in hand, but the reality was, he was unstable. Good riddance.
Wow. Weird.
I hate it when you are left with no explanation as to why a guy totally flakes out or goes off on you. Grrrr.
Sounds like guilt, i.e., I need to get drunk to have the kind of physical encounter I crave; but afterwards, I have major "icks". (See: The Boys In The Band)
I'll email you my thoughts on the matter.
**Update** So I talked to a couple people who know him, including his ex. They seem to think it was all mental issues. I tend to agree. While it is possible he could have done drugs, he didn't seem high. It's a shame because before he freaked I was leaning toward trying to be a mentor to him.
I would have totally been ok with not having sex. But when you wake me up in the middle of the night for nookie, I'm not gonna turn it down. 🙂
@turniphed @blobby ~ I never assume the negative about someone because they do porn. Living in SF, I know plenty of guys in the industry. Hell even one of my closest friends (and former roommate) did it for years. I find it ironic how popular porn is yet people degrade the actors. You don't mind it while you're getting your jollies but any other time they are to be shunned? I don't think so. Seems like a bleed over of our screwed up puritanical values, guilt, and envy IMO.
Either way, I don't wish him ill-will. I'm not upset as much as disappointed. I hope he finds help for his problem(s) before they destroy him.
That said, the industry as a whole can be very destructive and non-supportive of their employees. The ego trip, the desire to fit in, and the fame can lead one down dark paths. Just because some fall prey to base emotions and bad habits doesn't make them any less deserving of help.
By your description, he sounds bi-polar to me.