Cheesy

I got several emails after my last rant. Every one from lurkers ^[1]guys who read my blog but never post publicly. An affectionate term btw basically stating they were like the guy I referred to.

For the record, I wasn’t saying his problems were trivial or not valid. I was commenting on his forever whining while doing nothing about it. That was my point. We all go thru rough times but perpetually whining while doing nothing accomplishes just that, nothing. And while I did get frustrated, I do understand his dilemma. But whining solves nothing IMO.

Here are just a few of the excuses I got in the reply emails:

I’d go to the gym more but I’m so intimidated by the guys (and or equipment).
You’ll never get over the intimidation factor if you never go. And you’ll never get used to the weights/machines functions/names unless you go. This seems like easy logic but our fear gets in the way. So what is the answer here? GO TO THE GYM. Step outside the comfort bubble and do it. What is the worst that can happen? As for the equipment, we live in an age of technology. Write down or even snap a pic of the machines you don’t know about and google them later. You can also ask for a free personal training session. Most gyms offer it when you join. If nothing else, just tinker with the machine till you get hang of it. No one will think less of you. And honestly, it happens every day in every gym. The only other advice I can give you here is worry less about what everyone else is thinking and focus more on your workout. Slow and steady is the key. Of course, If you don’t like gyms and you’re worried about fitness, find a sport or activity that gets you moving and gets you active. The list is long and varied, pick one. Besides the shallow benefit of looking better, exercise is a proven way to improve your health and mood. You’ll live better for it. Every month I’m reading new studies on the benefits of exercise.

I’m just not as attractive as a lot of the gay guys. I don’t fit in.
I hate to say it, “get in line!” Seriously, so you’re not the hottie on the block. Welcome to the majority. Frankly, this is a bigger issue than I’m willing to delve into here I will say this though, having been this way for many years it really boils down to overcoming a personal insecurity. And I can promise you the grass ain’t always greener on the other side of the fence. I pinky swear! lol Focus on you and making improvements you care about for yourself. Forget the idea of what you think you should live up to. On a side note, you’d be surprised how many guys care more about your confidence than your looks. And being attractive on the outside means nothing if you’re ugly on the inside.

I’m not into the gay scene.
This one tends to infuriate me a bit and I see it as a cop out. First of all, the term is very subjective. Ask 10 people and you’ll get 10 different answers as to what the scene is. Again, quit spending time worrying about how you don’t fit in and just be yourself. I don’t see myself as belonging to one sub-group or definition. I can accept labels w/o letting them define me. And on a side note, living openly does not equate living a stereotype. Nor does living in a gay area equate being consumed by being gay, unless you want it to. Try to find a healthy balance. I can guarantee you there are tons of guys just like you that aren’t into the scene, whatever your version of that is.

There are no gay guys where I live.
This can be a tough one. The simplest answer is move. Granted, not always an easy or available option but if you aren’t really tied down, go somewhere better. I bounced around a lot when I was younger looking for a good fit. It was easy because I didn’t have much in the way of roots. That is not always the case for a lot of guys. The point is if you aren’t happy where you are, maybe a move is in your future? If a move is out of the question, you could travel. Again, I realize not always easy but if you can, do it. Go places where you know there is a large gay community. At the very least, travel to the closet big city? ^[2]If you grew up in the sticks like I did. Network online, find guys into things you’re into. There are a plethora of clubs, clans, groups, etc out there. You’re bound to find one or more that you’re into. It may not be an every weekend occurrence but if your options are limited, you work with what ya got.

I hear the above ones time and time again. Regardless of what you do, nothing will come of just whining, except more pain, regret, misery, and despair. For you few long term readers, you know my childhood and early life was far from rosy. I chose to try and better myself. Sometimes that meant putting myself out there with a potential to get hurt. And sometimes I did get hurt. But, the hurt only makes the good that much better when you do find it. And as I said before, nothing in life worth having or doing is easy.

I wish you the very best. 🙂