The doc and I went over my blood panel from last week and the good news is I’m not crazy. The bad news, my testosterone level was twice the normal range. Didn’t have a clue as to why until we thought to check my prescription. Turns out the pharmacy sent me the wrong dosage of delatestryl. [1]synthetic testosterone The milligram to milliliter was double what it was supposed to be. Can you say, “oops”?
The doc said he was surprised I could even work w/all that juice running thru my veins. Of course, not being able to workout at the time only added to the affect. Luckily, the changes aren’t permanent and I’ve suffered no long term damage. It will take almost a full month for my system to return to normal though.
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Of course, the other good thing is everyone got to hear me admit I get lonely. hehehe. Yes, even I get lonely at times. And having somewhat of thick skin, I guess it is easy for me to hide. Frankly, I’ve always seen loneliness as a useless emotion. I often go out of my way to shun it within myself. But, I’m realizing now it may serve a purpose. It is ok to be lonely sometimes. It is not ok to succumb to it and let it take over your life.
It’s funny because before all this happened I had a rather profound conversation with a friend one day. He knows I’m fond of saying, “I try to be the type of man I’d like to date“. His question was, “Say you do all this work to yourself. You spend years even decades molding yourself into the type of person you wish to be. And then you still don’t find anyone, was it worth it?” And given my own recent Ricky Lake episode and some time to reflect on it, I think my answer is yes. There are no guarantees in life. And being a bit of a control freak you can imagine this next statement is like biting nails to me. lol The only thing I truly have any control over is myself.
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So, even though my big meltdown was chemically induced, it showed me I have some work to do. In a way, it is kind of liberating. I feel the “ugly monster” is out in the open now and I can deal with it instead of trying to banish it to dark corners of my id. Will I succeed? Hell, I don’t know but, therein lies the struggle we all face, right?
References
| ↑1 | synthetic testosterone |
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I was going to ask if it made you twice as horny! ::ewg::
Um…I hope you don’t mind me asking but why are you on delatestryl?
Anyway, glad to know that there’s no permanent foul-ups and that you know what was making you feel wonky.
And I think we all feel lonely at times so you ain’t alone.
*Hugs* You might want to consider Transcendental Meditation. http://www.tm.org/ I’ve been doing it for about 35 years and can recommend it.
Listen big boy, just because the meds got screwed up, doesn’t automatically remove you, nor any of us, from the CRAZY category! And as for lonely … oh yeah, we all have our little “things” that we deal with. I’ve found it best to EMBRACE them, call them by name, face them, and put them right out there. For you and everyone else to see.
I get lonely too. We should have a lonely convention in either Tucson or SF.
It’s ok to feel lonely, but at least you aren’t alone! You have been able to surround yourself with many great people who love, and care about you. We all want that “one”, but even then, we can still feel lonely. Just don’t beat yourself up too much about all this tomfoolery! *hugs-n-tugs*!
p.s. The person telling everyone they are NOT crazy, is usually the crazy one! You should know this from your work! Just sayin! LOL
When I feel lonely or depressed, I listen to Country Music, after awhile of listen to that depressing shit, I say enough of this! Let’s go dancing!
The Sundance Stompede is Nov 7 to the 10th at the Holiday Inn Golden Gateway
If we are going to be honest with ourselves, we all have to see ourselves as a “work in progress.” But in what areas?
Every human being has areas of weakness that he or she is especially prone to fall into!
From a historic Christian perspective, the holiest of people still have a “traitor within” with which they battle, sometimes (too often!!!!) losing.
Like you, I do feel lonely sometimes; it is then that I write, read a Psalm, pray, reflect.
in short, meditate, but not by emptying the mind. Scripture does it quite well! CB
What exactly does a testosterone OD do for you (or to you)? It sounds like it’d be right up my alley, however I’m sure it’s not “all that” in reality.
I’ve found that sometimes being lonely is the greatest gift we can recieve, however succumbing to it, well thats never so nice. Obviously you know the difference and in my professional opinon you’ll do just fine!