Ok, it’s a cheesy title. I couldn’t think of anything else. Annnnyway, after my little spat yesterday, I had a complete and utter emotional meltdown. Oh, it was not pretty.
The short version: Said (ex) friend got caught in a lie, I gave him a chance to come clean, he didn’t and I called him on it. The lie itself was tiny but he intent behind it was quite painful. He then proceeds to say some of the cruelest meanest things to me in an attempt to cover his shame and embarrassment. I knew what he was doing but it still got to me and things spiraled afterwards from there.
Honestly, I wasn’t exactly sure why I was such a wreck. I’ve lost friends over much uglier things so why was this one so tough? As my buddy Frank put it, “it was probably the preverbal straw that broke the camel’s back.” [1]He sooooo deserves a medal for putting up with me. He was right I think. Things have been building in my id and having no direct way out, they finally just busted through.
Fast forward 24 hours and what have I learned?
- I still have insecurities to work through. Acceptance is half the battle. Yes, yes, they are better but I’ve allowed them to fester, apparently.
- Some of my self-perceptions are at odds with reality.
- I am tired of always putting on the brave face.
- I still have unresolved angst over my evolving relationship with TFA.
- And probably the most painful to recognize, I am little lonely. [2]I’m still wrapping my head around THAT one. Me, lonely? Whodda thunk it?
Things are a clearer to me after my big broo-haha this weekend. In a way, said (ex) friend did me a favor. Make no mistake our friendship is over but his drama has forced me take a closer look at myself. Unfortunately for you my dear readers, you get to once again suffer through me blathering on about my demons and attempts to exorcise them. God love ya for doing it too. lol
First on my agenda, come clean to myself about what areas need work and develop a mantra (a sort of codex if you will).
That’s a ticket. Don’t fight it, learn from it. In my experience, the longer I fight against the lessons in a situation, the harder I make it for myself and everyone around me.
Good luck Moby.
You are one of the most level headed guys I know…yeah can you believe it. It’s easy to be lonely, even with people, who love you, all around you… I know.
oh come now. what’s a blog w/out a little drama, blathering and demons? 🙂
man that bites… I hate drama. Don’t let it get ya down.
Hey Moby.
That’s what blogs are for. Vent away, mi amigo. Your readers have your back.
^— here’s hoping your mantra includes a visual aide… that’s right… a Jiggy Dance on YouTube – let it set you free. 🙂
The “Moby Jiggy”?! I dunno…maybe if he does one while on his bike (safely doing one…we don’t want more MobyDamage!)
Were you smokin’ out on Angel Island again?
Hey big guy, that “friend” was put into your life for a reason and now you have found out why.
#1 You are human and just like 99% of us!
#2 Reality, like witchcraft, is best to be left as a hobby!
#3 *hugs-n-tugs* It’s ok to let your guard down and just clear the emotional cobwebs that gather!
#4 You are smart, and you are allowing it to evolve in a healthy manner!
#5 I know “friends” only fill part of the void, but more *BIG HUGS*! I know there is a lot of love out there towards you and you are a great guy! Just continue to be yourself, and someone will come along, or maybe a current situation will evolve. I have hope for you!
Licks 😉
Goose
Sorry about what you just went through. But to think on the positive side, it is better know the true face of that ex-friend and get rid of him earlier. And there will be “the one” for you out there. It is just matter of time for you to find him. 🙂
I think it says good things about you that you get upset and emotional in these situations. It shows you take friendship and honesty seriously. I am sorry that you still smarting over it though…..E-hugs a plenty guy!
Damn, I don’t read your blog for a few days and THIS all happens. Sorry you lost a “friend”. It always sucks, no matter the circumstances. Hope you come out ok.