I thought I’d take a break from the random hate mail I get and post a nice one. I’ve taken the author’s info out for privacy.
Periodically I peruse through BIGMUSCLE (I’m not on there anymore) to see if I can find out a little more about the guys here in SF. I’m from NY and here via Southern California. I still live and work between here and San Diego. Since moving to California I have always felt out of my element. I often question myself and wonder if I am becoming jaded or if I’m just completely out of touch.Deep down I know that although many of my thoughts about the gay "community" are not the popular consensus…I’m really right on the mark.
This morning I read "Points to Ponder" on your profile page and your three statements put to words much of what I think in my head and cannot summarize so eloquently. I smiled and was validated. Thank you for that. Everything you say in your profile is a perfect example of what being a "man" is all about.Its quite contrary to what so many gay men think a man is-The muscles,the hair,the clothes…the "group" that they belong to.Its seems as though you have taken responsibility for yourself and have taken the steps to be aware.If more men here had your attitude I would probably be more tempted to stay.Just wanted to thank you for making my day a little more interesting. I wish you all the best….I suspect you deserve only that.
I’ve already replied to the author w/my thanks. The irony was his email was exactly what I needed as well. You see, I sometimes wonder if it is just easier to be dysfunctional. That way I wouldn’t feel so isolated at times. I often refer to my belief that a lot of gay men [1]or folks in general fall into destructive habits out of an acute need to belong. We all have an innate need to feel connected or to belong. Whether we consciously recognize the desire isn’t so important for the topic of this post. I think it is stronger or more pronounced for gay men because of the stigma of growing up gay and 2nd class citizens. I know in my own case it has been a crippling force in my life that I still battle with. Anyway, I needed a little confirmation that I wasn’t alone in my desire to rise above. Just a simple little email is all it took.
References
| ↑1 | or folks in general |
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This made me think about how gay men, and the LGBT community is so different from place to place. Orange County men are different from LA men are different from San Francisco men…some have lots of bars and groups, some have none. They are also very different in how open they are about HIV.
Here in Albany NY, the community is practically non-existent; everything thinks they’re hot, 99% of them are not; and “no one” seems to have HIV.
Moby, please don’t every doubt yourself. I look forward to your posts and the few times that we have exchanged emails, they have been exactly what I needed. You are the voice that I need, in a sea of noise. And besides all that mush(which I really mean) you’re a cutie too.
I thought we fought the Clone Wars back in the 70’s. http://snurl.com/2hu36 Everyone is some degree of cliquey and it can be especially hard breaking into a new town.
If you haven’t read the book “Velvet Rage” it has a lot of good information and
and insights on this (the need to belong) as well as some other topics.
Thats a really lovely email you received.