Insight

Wow! So many kind words. Thank you to everyone. I hope it did provide some insight. Many of the emails expressed shock that I would share such deeply personal feelings. I offer them freely w/o reservation in the hope that someone can learn from my growing pains and mistakes. The last entry was a collage of rather chaotic thoughts from a time in my life when I didn’t have any focus. I knew my life was out of control and was struggling to make sense of it. I hadn’t yet found the impetus to push me in the right direction. This only seemed to make my situation worse.

Al’s comment was particularly touching. The simple truth in his words really affected me. I forget to look at myself from the outside at times. I really am becoming the person that I’d like to date. Someone that can offer qualities that I seek in others. I guess I needed someone to point that out to me.

I often talk about my goals and where I hope to eventually be in my life but I don’t really see myself there yet. Or I guess I don’t ‘feel it’ yet. Don’t ge me wrong, I know w/o a doubt that I am kind and compassionate person. These traits are deeply embedded in my id. I also am discovering I have an innate sense of fairness. I like to see a problem from both sides. Lacking is the assurance of self that only comes from within. An assurance normally imparted as a child. However, in my case, something I’m learning as an adult. A hard task indeed. With that is the realization of character. And I am realizing that about myself. Slowly but surely, it’s sinking past the conscious to the subconscious. Hopefully, one day it will take root and become permanent. As I’m fond of saying, hope springs eternal…